Okay! So the original plan was to not update until next year. But the thing is; of course I kept on writing, but I was just focussing on a bunch of prompts and ideas that I've had written down for quite some time. And now I've ended up with an overloaded documents folder and also a bunch of personal messages and reviews asking for a speedy update, so here we go! I'm updating now, and will resume normal updating from the 01/02/2016. I hope you guys had an amazing Christmas, and have an incredible New Year! On with the story, and I apologize for any mistakes made;
The doctors were happy for Clary to go home, as long as she stayed off her feet for a couple of days, and someone kept an eye on her. They also offered counselling sessions, due to the miscarriage, but Clary hadn't know what to say to that. Jocelyn had saved her from the awkwardness by taking the business card for the on call psychologist and giving them a vague answer. Jocelyn had been prepared to take her back to Jace's, if that was what she had wanted, but she hadn't looked happy about it.
"I think I'll come back with you, if that's okay," Clary murmured, hoping that her mother wasn't going to ask too many questions. Relief flooded Jocelyn's face and she nodded.
"Absolutely," she said. "I know that your friends care about you, but I just want to know for myself that you're okay," she tried to explain her relief but Clary just shook her head.
"It's okay, I think that I need a bit of a break," she agreed. Simon left about half an hour ago, and told her that they could meet up later that night to watch a movie if she wanted too. Her phone was fully charged now, and there missed calls and texts from mainly Jace, but also from Isabelle and Magnus. She ignored all of them, and found Simon's name on the list, sending off a text to him and asking if he could grab some of her clothes from Jace's. There were still some of her clothes at her mothers, but most of the stuff that she liked to wear was at Jace's.
She was surprised by how good it felt to be back in her old apartment. It was exactly the way it was before, six months ago when she was still living there, and a rush of nostalgia and disbelief at the situation she had found herself in brought tears to her eyes.
"Oh, my baby," Jocelyn murmured as she came into the lounge and saw her daughters stricken expression. "It's okay," she whispered against her hair as she wrapped her in her arms. They stood there for a long time, until Jocelyn pulled away and wiped at her daughters eyes carefully. "Do you want to go and have a shower? I can get dinner all started while you're in there." Clary nodded, swiping at her wet cheeks with the back of her hand as she turned around and walked out of the lounge.
The shower was good, it seemed to be exactly what she needed. Rinsing her hair with her mums customary lavender shampoo and scrubbing her body down with the vanilla body wash made her feel like she had shed a dirty layer of skin. It was only when she got out of the shower and was drying her body off with a light yellow towel that she caught another glimpse of blood that her stomach clenched and she felt like she was going to empty her stomach into the toilet. The doctors had warned her about the blood, and said that she might spot for a few days after, but that it was normal.
Normal.
Clary snorted as she looked at her reflection in the steamy bathroom mirror.
None of this was fucking normal.
"Clary?" There was a knock at the door. "Are you almost done? Dinner's ready, and Simon's here with your things." Clary sighed and looked away from the mirror, pulling on her clothes and then walking out into the kitchen where Simon and Jocelyn were talking, rubbing at her wet hair with a towel. When she came in, Jocelyn muttered something under her breath about checking her phone and left the two of them alone.
"Uh," Clary slung the blue towel over the back of a kitchen chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Thanks."
"No, no, it's fine," Simon quickly said.
"No," Clary repeated, stepping towards him. "Seriously, Si. Thanks. I know that I can always count on you...And I'm so sorry—"
"Clary!" For once it was Simon interrupting her babbling. He put his hands down her shoulders and squeezed them lightly. "You're my best friend. And no matter what shit happens between us, that's never gonna change." Once again her hormones got the better of her, and her vision clouded again. Simon's eyes widened and he looked panicked. "Oh, no, no. I didn't mean upset you—"
"No, it's fine, Si," Clary gave him a smile. "Um, was Jace okay?" She visibly winced as she said his name.
"He's okay," Simon shrugged. "Although he wants to talk to you."
"Yeah, I've got heaps of missed calls from him," Clary murmured.
"Well, he is your boyfriend now, right? You're living with him," Simon shrugged. "He's got every right to be worried about you." Clary nodded and breathed in deeply through her nose, knowing that her best friend was right. "Maybe you should give him a call?"
"I will," Clary nodded again. "Not right now, but I will."
"Are you guys ready for dinner?" Jocelyn asked, coming back into the room and looking between the two of them. They both nodded and she began dishing up the stir fry that was on the stove top.
"I don't get it," Jace was pacing up and down, Isabelle and Alec watching him from the couch. "Did I do something to upset her? Is that why she isn't calling? Why did she send that kid over to get all of her stuff?!" He was running his hands erratically through his hair, and Isabelle was chewing down on her lower lip, wanting to calm down her friend but knowing that it would only freak him out further. Yeah, Jace, she's fine. She was in hospital overnight and probably needs to catch up on her sleep, and that's why she's not calling. Oh, why? Because she lost her baby, that neither of you knew about.
Isabelle visibly shook her head to quiet her thoughts.
"Doll, you're making me dizzy," Magnus told him as he came into the lounge from the kitchen. "You need to see your ass down and calm down." He sat down next to his boyfriend on the couch, sighing as Jace stopped pacing, but refused to sit down. He walked over to the window and looked out, resting his hand on the window sill and tapping his fingers quickly.
"Did you see her the other night, Iz? Before she left?" Jace looked over his shoulder to his friend who just shook her head, looking apologetic.
"No, sorry."
"I think I'm gonna try and call her again," he decided, walking toward the kitchen where his phone was charging.
"Yeah. Because this time is going to be different from the other thirty-eight times, and she's actually going to pick up," Alec muttered under his breath but Jace ignored him. He went to his recently dialled numbers and clicked down on her name, raising the phone to his ear.
Three days went by.
Jace didn't hear from Clary.
She didn't go to work either, because he went by each day and Aline told him that she had taken immediate annual leave. Apparently she had come in, and talked to the boss, and he had been happy to give it to her. So something more had clearly happened if he had been happy to give him time off.
He tried calling her, pretty much every hour through the day, and sending off texts at every moment he got spare, but he heard absolutely nothing back.
Finally, he bit the bullet and went around to Jocelyn's apartment. He rapped his knuckles twice against the door and then waited, his shoulders tensed. The door swung open and Jocelyn was standing there, her dark hair tumbling around her shoulders and wearing a blue maxi dress. When she saw it was him, the smile on her face faded and her eyes softened as she looked him up and down.
"You're not looking so great, Jace," she commented, taking in his oily looking hair and sunken eyes.
"Is Clary here?" He asked. Jocelyn didn't answer for a moment, before she looked over her shoulder back into the apartment and then back at him.
"She's safe, Jace," Jocelyn said softly. "But she just needs some space right now."
"I need to see her—I need to know that she's okay—"
"She's okay, Jace," Jocelyn murmured, reaching out to touch his shoulder and squeeze it lightly.
"Did I do something?"
"She just needs some space, sweetie. I'll let her know that you came by—"
"Hey," came a voice from behind Jocelyn and Jace's whole body felt more alive as Clary came into view. "It's okay, mum." Jocelyn looked back at Jace, pursing her lips before nodding, and walking away from the open door. Clary walked to the door and it took everything Jace had not to throw his arms around her. From the tentative way she was walking and the hesitant smile on her face, he gathered that it might be a little too much for her right now.
"Clary, what's going on?" Jace asked, trying to to sound as desperate as he felt.
"We should go to my room," she told him, shutting the door after he had entered the apartment. She lead the way down the short hallway, and motioned for him to close the door after he had followed her in. When she sat down on the bed, crossing her legs in front of her, Jace noticed that she was chewing away at her lower lip savagely, to the point where it looked like it might bleed. He took a seat opposite her on the bed, trying to reach out for her hands but she tugged them way uncomfortably.
"What's going on, Red?" Jace asked her, his eyes searching her face, trying to find something to give away what was going on.
"I think..." Clary took in a deep breath through her nose. "I think that maybe we moved a little too fast." Jace frowned, curling his fingers into his palm as he watched her. "You know, moving in together and just...Just everything.
"I thought you were happy, Red," Jace murmured.
"I was," she quickly tried to tell him. "I mean, I am, I'm just..."
"Clary," Jace reached for her hands again, and this time she didn't snatch them away. They were cold, and felt almost breakable in his, and he didn't like that. That wasn't Clary. He rubbed his thumb over the palm of her hand as he tried to warm her. "What did I do—"
"I was pregnant," Clary blurted out. Jace's thumb stopped rubbing circles on her skin and blinked at her. The silence that followed made tears spring to Clary's eyes. "I didn't know," she choked out, ducking her head to look at their twined fingers and to hide the tears that were now dripping down from her face. "I didn't know, but that was why I was feeling so off recently. But I think that maybe, if my head was level, and I wasn't caught up in, well, everything then I would have known. And we would have been more careful in the first place, I guess." She took in a deep shaky breath and pulled her hands away from his, wiping at her cheeks.
"Clary, I'm sorry," Jace finally managed to murmur. His brain didn't seem to be able to process what she had just said. He hadn't known what was wrong with her, but he had never gone to this conclusion. He had thought that they were being safe, but now that he was thinking back on the past few months, there were some times when they were drunk or high, and not really thinking...They hadn't always used protection then. "I didn't ever think..."
"I know," Clary swallowed hard. "I know, and I'm not...I'm not mad at you or angry or whatever. We're okay." Jace nodded, glad that she wasn't going to focus all of this on him. "But I just need some space. I need time to process all of this, and I just want to be alone."
"Clary..."
"It's not you, Jace," Clary told him, wrapping her arms around her chest as though trying to comfort herself. "It's just—It's like I said. I think that we rushed into all of this way to quickly, and I just need things to go back to normal for a while."
"Normal?" Jace frowned.
"Yeah, normal," Clary repeated. "I never...I never drunk every week! Or smoked! Or got high! Or...Or even had a regular boyfriend. I just need to settle back down, and let myself recover. And then once that's all over..." she looked back at him, her green eyes still a little teary but determined. "Once that's all over we can see where we are then."
"Wait," Jace frowned slightly. "Are you saying you don't want to be with me?"
"No, not exactly. Just...Not right now. I can't be with anyone right now," Clary told him. "I know you might not be able to understand that, but I need you to respect it."
"Right," Jace pressed his lips together and nodded. "Right," he repeated curtly. "If that's what you need."
"Don't be angry with me, Jace," Clary said. "Just know that I don't regret anything that happened, but right now I need some space." Jace nodded.
He was angry and hurt and confused.
But he loved Clary, and he always had. And if she needed space right now, then that was what he would give her.
Jace stood up from the bed, running a hand through his golden hair.
"I get that," he murmured, reaching out to trace one finger over her forehead, down her cheek until it was under her chin, and tilting her face upward toward him. "I'll be waiting for you, okay?" He whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her cheek before turning and leaving.
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Until next time, my beauties :) x