Sorry for the delay on the update. No excuses, but I hope you enjoy all the same ;) I'll try to be better on the next chapters. Probably about 3 more to go, and there will be an epilogue to flash them forward.
Chapter 11: Would you be my…?
Jane kept replaying last night's date in her head all the next day. The logical side of her was a little disappointed that she wouldn't get to be with Maura until Maura decided it was right, but she spent very little mental energy on that point. She kept remembering the way Maura felt against her, what it was like to be with her on the dock, and even their final good night kiss. She couldn't wait to see her again, and she really couldn't wait to get her alone again.
"So how was the big date, Rizzoli?" Bobbi asked on their way to breakfast. A goofy smile and slight blush crossed over Jane's cheeks as she shyly looked down.
"Uh..good," she said, clearing her throat. Bobbi burst out laughing.
"Good, huh? Wow, talk about more being said then your words!" Jane shoved her good-naturedly.
"What? What do you want? It went good," she smiled, her eyes twinkling with humor.
"Well, as your best friend, do I get any details?"
"Ah, as I recall, you had some pretty strict rules about what you did and didn't want to hear about."
Bobbi thoughtfully paused for a moment. "True. Does that mean there are some details that need editing out for my fragile ears?" Jane just grinned in return, raising her eyebrows indicating that there may be some things she might not want to hear. "Well, well. Nice job Rizzoli! Look at you, the player!"
At this, Jane's face faltered slightly. "You know it's not like that, right Bobbi?" she asked seriously.
Bobbi kept her tone light, looking in the distance at the mess hall they were closing in on. "Yeah, I do know that."
Jane switched tactics. "On the up side, I'll have you know that we abided by all of your 'car rules,'" she declared proudly, using air quotes for emphasis.
"Ah good. Then you've reserved the right to use my wheels again when you need them," she winked.
At breakfast they found Maura already seated with her fruit and toast in front of her. Without invitation, both girls joined her once they had their trays of food.
"Good morning Maura," Bobbi opened. Maura looked up, grinning widely at seeing Jane and Bobbi.
"Good morning," she replied politely, but looking only at Jane. Jane replied with a half grin, which quickly spread across all her facial features. Jane cleared her throat again.
"Did you sleep okay last night?" Jane asked, grasping for something polite to say. She was so giddy to see her again.
Unable to lie, Maura faltered momentarily. She actually had tossed and turned a lot reliving and replaying their date over and over again in her head. "Uh..I got to bed in a timely manner, thank you. What about you?"
Quickly grasping how Maura was able to skate around the truth, Jane chuckled lightly to herself. Maybe I'm not the only one thinking about last night. "I slept okay, yeah. So what's your day look like today? Since you're here, it means you must be on the 8:30 – 4:30 shift still, right?" Jane hoped this was right, because then she'd be able to see Maura more since their schedules were aligned. Maura nodded. "What are you doing after work?"
"I don't have any plans," the young medic replied.
"Do you want to hang out? We could go swimming or go hiking or something?" Jane asked hopefully.
"That sounds nice. Bobbi, will you be joining us?" Maura asked, politely including their other friend in the plans. At hearing her friend's name, Jane turned having forgotten about her buddy in the rush to want to spend more time, more alone time with her new paramour.
Jane shot her a look, trying to convey that Bobbi should be busy. Bobbi caught Jane's look and smirked a bit to herself, but looked back at Maura to reply to her. "Aw, thanks Maura, that's really sweet. But I promised some of the girls that I'd be their goalie this afternoon for a pick up game of soccer. I'm trying to cross-train a little since Jane and I spend all day on the diamond pitching ball after ball or teaching the girls how to swing. I need to get some more running in, too. But I hope you guys have fun." Jane unconsciously breathed a sigh of relief.
Maura simply nodded, before turning back to Jane. "Do you want to come by my cabin and we can decide from there what to do?" Jane nodded in reply. Glancing at her watch, Maura excused herself so that she could get to work on time. "I'll see you this afternoon then! Bye Bobbi, bye Jane!"
"Dude, I am such a good friend to you," Bobbi told Jane, nudging her gently. Jane laughed.
"Oh yeah, why's that?"
"You think I can't read your mind? After being your bud for over a decade?" Jane feigned a shocked expression. Imitating a southern belle's drawl, Jane replied, "Why Bobbi, are you saying that there's no soccer game this afternoon? Why, I declare!" Bobbi giggled, enjoying the goofy side her friend rarely brought out.
"Well, I'm sure I could drum one up, but no, at this time, there's no damn soccer game. But I was pretty sure that you'd want to be alone with your girl, and honestly I'm not sure I could take the saccharine levels between the two of you, and I was only exposed to it for about ten minutes!"
"Hey, we weren't like that!"
Bobbi rolled her eyes. "Oh really? I could have been blind and caught all of that googly-eyed stuff. You guys are cute together, but certainly not subtle." She smiled. "But have fun this afternoon. You might want to try a hike instead of swimming given your history," she teased. Jane shoved her.
"Shut up Bobbi," but she secretly thought that Bobbi may be right.
Finally the day was over, and Jane arrived on Maura's doorstep. She felt the familiar nervous energy build up in her stomach and she rocked between the heels and the balls of her feet as she waited. Maura appeared at the door a moment later. They both grinned stupidly at each other before realizing that they should be doing…something.
"Uh, so what would you like to do?" Jane asked, taking the lead. "Walk, swimming, go see Bobbi play soccer?"
"Let's go for a walk. It's really nice out today. Oh, and let's swing by the office. I think they've set up the schedule for the next over-night trips and who's staffing them."
"That sounds great! I didn't realize the schedule would be up already, but it makes sense. I can't believe how this summer has flown by."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," the honey-blond replied, a little morosely.
Upon arriving at the office, they saw that the schedule for the last round of trips was posted. Again there would be four groups going. Each group would sleep away for two nights. Jane wasn't sure what she was hoping the schedule would say since she hadn't really given it much thought. Maura got to the board first and read through it by the time Jane arrived a few steps later.
"Jane, we're schedule for the same trip!" Maura was clearly thrilled.
"Really! Wow, that will be so fun!" she joined in enthusiastically. She had a second thought and looked at the schedule closer. Between her bunk-mates and Maura's, everyone was scrambled around. The tall teen quickly realized that because of the schedule, neither her cabin nor Maura's would be empty at any one time as they had been before. It seemed that the Camp Director wanted to try and give everyone as much of an opportunity to work with new people as possible.
Maura saw Jane pause, examining the schedule more closely. "What is it?"
"Nothing, just thinking, that's all."
"Thinking about what?"
Jane sighed, but figured there was little use in pretending she wasn't thinking about what was bothering her. "Just that with this schedule, we won't have either of our cabins to ourselves, like we did before."
Maura looked at her and grinned.
"What? Stop looking at me like that," Jane whined as Maura continued to sort of smirk at her. "What, is it a crime to want to be alone with my…with you?" Jane caught herself in time before making a potential verbal misstep by calling the medic her girlfriend. They certainly hadn't had that conversation yet, but she hoped it wouldn't be too long before they did.
"No, certainly not a crime," Maura replied, happy to know why Jane was displeased with the schedule. Finally, she sighed too. "I would have liked to have had one of our cabins to ourselves during one of the sleep-aways too, but it seems that's not to be." She noticed that Jane seemed to be sulking more. "But just to clarify," she dropped her voice and moved closer to Jane, just in case anyone else was coming to look at the schedule, "I don't think I would have taken things to the next step."
Jane's head shot up, looking at her incredulously. "Really? Why not? It would be perfect." Maura simply smiled demurely.
"Maybe to you, but I've got other things planned for us." Noticing that Jane was returning back to her sulking self, Maura nudged her gently. "Come on, let's go on our walk. We'll find time to be alone. I promise."
Knowing that she was acting childishly, Jane decided to stop acting like the horny teen she was and behave better. "Okay, let's go. Where shall we go? Woods? There's a beautiful path that ends at a small lake fed by a river. I haven't been there, but I hear it is really pretty."
"Sounds perfect, lead the way."
Once they got to the edge of the woods, Jane took Maura's hand in hers. Her near slip-up earlier continued to nag at her.
"Maura…um,…I want to talk to you about something." Maura remained silent, but quietly squeezed Jane's hand, letting her know that she should continue.
"Um…what are we? To each other, I mean?"
Maura looked at her confused. "What do you mean?" This was always slippery territory for her. She could usually skate by on social graces for a of couple minutes, but if conversations went beyond weather and family, she knew she usually floundered and her conversational partners quickly disappeared, though she frequently didn't know why. Things had been different with Jane though. She felt at ease, not like an awkward adolescent (though she doubted that she'd ever outgrow her social awkwardness). She feared that the ease that she had with Jane was in jeopardy.
Jane sighed, struggling to find the right words. "Well, we're friends, right?" Relief swept through Maura's body. Oh good – I thought we were friends, but I haven't had many, so maybe I was wrong. But Jane knows more about this stuff, and she says we are, so my assumptions aren't unfounded.
"Yes, we are friends," the honey-blond confirmed happily. Jane stole a glance at her, noticing her happy demeanor, her worry increasing. Maybe Maura was satisfied with that title, maybe she was pushing her luck with this conversation at all, but she had to know. Not knowing was worse, she told herself.
"Okay, good. 'Friends' is good. But Maura, um…some of the things we've been doing, and the way I feel about you, and hell, even what we were just talking about back at the Camp, well…they aren't things that 'friends' typically do. Right?" She looked again at Maura to gauge her reaction.
"Oh. I hadn't thought about that. Did you want to stop?" Confusion clouded her fair features.
"What? No!" Jane nearly snorted at the absurdity of this. How did this conversation get off track? She thought grimly. Softening her tone, she tried to clarify. "No, I don't want to stop anything about us. I love spending time with you, any sort of time, no matter what we are doing." She smirked. "Though I must admit that I do love the…physical parts quite a lot." Maura giggled.
The trees parted and they could both see the small lake stretching out before them. Jane searched for where the little stream fed the lake. Finally seeing where it probably was, she tugged Maura's hand so that they'd go in that direction.
"What I mean is that I think we are more than just friends." Tired of trying to dance around the idea, she decided that it was best to just be direct. "I think of you more like my girlfriend then my friend. And I wondered if you felt the same way."
They had reached the bank where the quietly babbling stream fed into the lake. Maura sat down, scanning the landscape. It was beautiful here, and she was so glad that Jane had thought to bring her here.
Jane remained standing for a moment, watching Maura settle herself on the bank, before she flopped down beside her. Say something, please, she inwardly begged with her silent hiking companion.
The dark-haired woman almost didn't hear the words when Maura said them. They seemed like they were carried away by the breeze, like the world was trying to spirit away the sentiment before Jane realized what she had.
"I feel that way too," Maura replied.
The softball coach felt her chest release and the tension in her shoulders relax, and she could feel the goofy grin returning to her face.
"Well, that's a relief," Jane said, moving behind Maura so that she could wrap her arms around her waist. Maura leaned back against her. Jane felt so good. She never wanted this to end.
Though she was relaxed and relieved, being so close to Maura, she could tell that her friend wasn't relaxed by the way her muscles rippled in her back. Brushing her hair to one side, Jane whispered in her ear.
"What's wrong then?"
Maura couldn't help the anxiety that had swelled up within her. Since she couldn't lie, and she really didn't want to lie to Jane anyway, she decided to explain.
"I'm just not sure where that leaves us," she admitted, feeling the tears well up in her eyes.
"Well, here's what it means to me. It means that we are exclusive, that we have a relationship beyond simple friendship but more meaningful then a physical relationship."
"A physical relationship?" Maura asked.
"Yeah, uh..you know…like a one-night stand or friends with benefits or fuck-buddies." She felt bad about that last term knowing that it was crass, but trying to get her idea across was more important that being polite.
Maura was quiet for a moment. Still wrapped in Jane's arms, she finally spoke. "But wouldn't that be easier?"
"Wouldn't what be easier?"
"Being…friends with benefits? Or just wanting each other for… the physical parts of a relationship?"
Jane was shocked. No it wouldn't be easier! she screamed in her head. She didn't feel like holding Maura anymore, but she needed to see her eyes, to understand what she was asking. She moved around so she was facing her, legs crossed Indian-style in front of her.
She again spoke to Maura softly. "Maura, explain to me how it would be easier." Maura was looking down, playing with a blade of grass. "Please."
"It wouldn't be as complicated. It would…just be sex or making out or whatever. Or we would just be friends and we wouldn't do any of that stuff. But with everything...I'm just not sure its smart."
"Maura, we are already doing everything, we just haven't given it a title." The medic nodded, continuing to concentrate on the blade of grass, refusing to look up. "Hey, hey…look at me." The petite teen looked up, eyes shining. "I won't call you my girlfriend if it bothers you that much. It just seemed like that's what you were, at least to me."
The medic felt her heart tighten with the sincerity in Jane's eyes.
"I worry about getting hurt," Maura admitted, matching Jane's gaze before seeking out the blade of grass.
The dark haired teen felt her heart crumble, and she released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She reached for Maura's hands, making her drop the abused blade of grass.
"I know Sweetie. Me too. But we are already on this path, whatever it is. We could try going back to being friends, or we could try being friends with benefits, but I've got to be honest with you, I feel much more for you then simply a friendship with a little side action." Maura chuckled lightly at the term. "And I think you feel the same way. So we can call this what it is – a relationship – or we can continue to not call it what it is, but in the end, it will probably still hurt. But I'd rather have this with you, whatever it is or isn't, then to not have it and walk away with the hope that I won't be hurt as bad in the end." She paused for a moment, hoping that this was making sense to Maura. "But what do you want to do?"
"I don't want to stop," she admitted. "I…I've never met anyone like you, no one that I connect with like I do to you, and I…I know it may be smarter to quit while I'm ahead, but I just can't imagine losing what little time we have together. I want to be with you, in so many ways."
Jane smiled, again relieved that Maura was on the same page with her. She leaned forward, capturing Maura's lips and gently pushing her down onto her back. She broke the kiss, looking down on her. "Then I think you should be my girlfriend." Maura giggled again, nodding, and then pulled her in closer to continue the kiss that Jane had broken off a moment ago.
Next up: Sleep-away camp!