Chapter 29

Buttons

(Same day)

Rain fell rapidly outside Malfoy Manor. I just stood there getting soaked as I desperately tried to think of how to get inside undetected.

I considered using a broom and flying in through a window. Although, there were two problems with that plan: one, I was sure that any house containing the precious Dark Lord would be heavily protected, therefore climbing in through a window was just as effective as screaming my presence through a megaphone. I suspected that the only reason I was able to apparated onto the grounds of the manor at all was because I had a dark mark.

The second reason my plan would surely fail was because I could feel the numbness coming and I had no time to find a broom.

I figured that my best bet was to boldly enter through the front door.

I softly knocked on the great door in front of me, so softly in fact that only someone who was standing right beside it could hear.

As I expected Greyback opened the door. I could taste his bitter scent on the air. He grinned at me in the same greedy way that a normal person (and I use 'normal' here to mean non-cannibal) would look at a piece of chocolate cake. I suppose I should have felt frightened at the sight of him, knowing full well that we were alone and that his throat itched for my warm blood, but I was too desperate. I couldn't be lonely, I wouldn't let this happen again, and I could not.

Plus, the fact that I was alone with Greyback made this all the more easy.

With my desperation driving me, I pulled out my wand with skillful agility. "Obliviate," I whispered before Greyback could even look surprised.

His hungry eyes suddenly became vacant; he would never know I was here.

I looked around the dark entryway, my wand in hand just in case I had to modify anyone else's memories, but I was alone.

I found my way to a great staircase, realizing that the rest of my plan would have to run fully on luck. What if he was not there?

I reached the top of the stairs and saw an abnormally long hallway, lined with what seemed to be about a thousand doors, just looking at it made me feel like crying.

I held out my wand in front of me with both hands, closed my eyes and just thought, where's Draco? Where's Draco?

And with unpredictable strength my wand began to pull me through the long hall, leading me, driven by my will to find Draco Malfoy.

My arms fell as my wand released its pull. I was in front of a door like the others, but this one I knew or at least my wand did, was Draco's.

I held up my hand to knock, but stopped before my fist met the wood of the door.

I had just cursed Draco's aunt mercilessly and before that I had cursed Draco. I was a monster; my wand had performed such dark magic. No, I did. I was no longer good, no longer innocent. I suspected that my blameless, innocents was what made me attractive to Draco, a blank slate free for him to corrupt with his boyish tomfoolery and pleasures, but now that I was no longer good what else did I have to entice him. I knew it couldn't be my enormous silicone "Playboy bunny" boobs or my obvious womanly sexuality.

Pain shot through me at the thought of just leaving. I hugged myself around my waist as if that would make me feel better.

I thought of the numbness again fearing it above all things, above even Lord Voldemort himself. I felt as if I was trapped in a dense woods and a horrible beast was catching up to me, sometimes coming close enough to snap at my ankles. I mentally ran from my numbness. It chased me around the interior of my brain, like a beast would chase me around the forest, but instead of losing my life at the end of the chase, I would lose all feeling and who knows if I could ever get it back.

I climbed a tree to escape the beast; I knocked on Draco's door. The beast growled and scratched at the bottom of the trunk, but soon ceased and just began waiting. With one foul slip, I could be the monster's dinner.

The door opened a sliver and Draco peered out nervously. I had hoped that at the sight of me he would swing his door open in welcome, but no such thing happened. He just continued to peer at me with nervous eyes. Was he afraid of me?

I looked in to his gray eyes that were half concealed by the door. Sadness and maturity seemed to linger in them, telling me that he had witnessed much since we had left school and making me confident that I was more a deatheater than him.

I felt so unclean! It was as if a black spot appeared on my soul for every second Draco stared at me with such fear and contempt.

I began to cry. I could not help it. I felt ruined from the inside out, to my blackened soul to the horrible infection burned on my left arm. Nobody would ever want me. Tears were blinding me and I could not breathe for I was choking on sobs.

Suddenly, Draco opened his door to me. Had my sorrows saved me? Had I proven that I was still the innocent, emotional wreck that I was before? Maybe there could still be hope for me; maybe I wouldn't have to be devoid of emotions and maybe I wouldn't have to be lonely. Maybe I wouldn't end up like Severus.

Draco grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me inside his bedroom, he looked up and down the hallway to make sure no one saw and then he closed the door.

Once inside, it took me a few minutes to stop crying, but soon enough my sobs subsided and I began gaining control over myself again.

I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my robes and began to look around. Draco stood a few feet away, eyeing me apprehension. He seemed to be in an internal battle with himself, torn between comforting me and being attractively vain.

He had a very grand looking bedroom with a high ceiling, shiny wood floors and wide windows, everything that you would expect from a mansion like this one, but if I hadn't known better I would have just thought this room for guest from the lack of personalization put into it.

The large room had very little furniture, just a tall, thin wardrobe, a side table and a humongous bed that was so tall I was sure that I would have to jump to reach the top.

There were no posters or picture, the only proof there was that this was in fact Draco Malfoy's room was the small Slytherin banner on the wall by the window, like the one Severus had in his old bedroom.

"What are you doing here?" Draco asked.

"Do you hate me," I asked him, ignoring his question, "after all that I have done?"

He considered me for a moment and then shook his head slowly.

I walked over to him.

"Do you mean it?" I asked.

There was a long silence as his gray eyes poured into my blue ones. I could tell that he was nearly as lonely as I was.

"I mean it," he whispered and then put his hand on the small of my back and pulled me towards him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me ever closer. Then our lips met, as they had done on many other occasions. The movement of his mouth felt familiar to me, yet somehow my stomach still fluttered as if it was the first time we had ever kissed.

Wrapped in his embrace all fears of numbness vanished.

His hand began to move lower and lower down my back and with his other hand he ran his fingers through my hair, pulling at the knots hard and creating new ones.

Feverously we kissed. My hot blood seemed to sear my veins and a confusion of hormones bubbled inside me.

Nothing seemed to matter in that moment. I felt like every worry or fear I had ever had was being released as I kissed Draco. All my anger and grief I had because of Severus seemed to work in favor of the kiss, making me want Draco more, wanting to get closer.

Suddenly Draco ended the kiss. For a moment I was scared but then I realized that he just stopped to pull my robes over my head.

He smiled at me greedily and suddenly I felt the strong desire to say "wait just a moment and let me think." Doubt filled my mind, I was so unsure if I wanted this or not, but I did know that I wanted closeness, in any sense of the word, so I kept my mouth shut.

I still had a sweater and jeans on.

Draco pulled off my sweater.

I had a t-shirt under that.

Draco kissed my neck. "So many layers," he whispered, and then removed my t-shirt too so that my boring gray bra was visible.

Draco smiled, obviously pleased with himself for getting this far.

He picked me up and carried me over to his bed and practically threw me on top of it before jumping up himself.

I laid flat on the cold, silky covers of the bed. He advanced and knelt over me. He began kissing my collarbone, until it stung. He ran his warm hands along the outline of my body, until one of his hands found the button of my jeans. He slowly ran his finger around the perimeter of that button, stroking it as if it was something precious.

I sat up.

"Draco, wait," I said hurriedly.

"What?" he said with alarm, looking at my face for the very first time in a long time.

I took a deep breathe. "I'm a virgin," I said as if I had some horrible disease that he could catch.

He looked at me with amusement. I was afraid he would start laughing at me. "Is that it?" he asked.

I nodded.

He laughed once before going back to my button. He slowly unfastened it and pulled off my jeans.

I felt rather foolish being in just my underwear when Draco was still fully dressed. I supposed that I was supposed to be stripping him down too. I had heard that some girls could undo buttons with their teeth; if done correctly I am sure it could be very sexy, but Draco was wearing a long tunic with buttons all down the front, and I didn't think I was quite ready to take on that challenge.

So with shaking fingers I slowly began to remove his clothes. He remained completely still as I did so, closing his eyes at my touch.

As his tunic fell to the floor, his smooth, pale chest was revealed. I kissed it tenderly as if with gratitude for the warmth he was providing me with.

He smiled and then turned out the lights with his wand.