Chapter 33

Still

(Same Day)

It was dark as I stepped out of Knockturn Alley, my arms laid with new books and school supplies. It really did not make a difference, really, if you were in Diagon or Knockturn alley now. It seemed since the rise of the Dark Lord the corruption that use to stay in Knockturn alley began spilling into its neighbor's territory.

Diagon alley, which once thrived with its brightly decorated windows and crowd infested paths was now tainted with the influence of the dark arts.

Many shops were boarded up to serve as reminders of what they once were and now weren't.

The only store that was still going strong on the nearly dead street was a joke shop called 'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.' Its brightly lit and colorful window displays dazzled me. I was transfixed and longed to enter it.

I began to move towards it, pulling my cloak tighter around me as I did so, warding off the chilly nighttime breeze.

I thought the alley was complete deserted but then I heard anxious voices and I stopped in my tracks.

"What should we do with him now?" asked a sharp female voice.

"Dunno," said a deep male's voice. "Just leave him here, I suppose."

I strained my ears to hear where the voices were coming from.

"I don't think he is dead yet," said the woman, there was a note of disgust in her tone.

"Yeah but he will be soon enough, I suspect," said another male's voice.

I identified the voices to be coming from a back alley, between two boarded up shops.

"Let's leave now," said he man with the deep voice, "before anyone sees."

I hurriedly pressed myself against one of the shops, crouching low with in the overgrown flower patched once planted to beautify the store. I prayed that the night would keep me concealed.

"Perhaps this was a bad idea," said the women as I heard footsteps heading for the main street.

"Bad idea," said one of the men. "Come off it! You know he is better off dead after what he did."

"I guess you're right," said the women.

"Plus," added a man, "you wouldn't want that murder around the kids at Hogwarts would you?"

My heart began pounding hard in my chest. It couldn't be.

Several people walked out from the side street. I pressed myself closer against the building and held my breath.

I was unnoticed. Finally they had all disappeared into a small pub. I abandoning my purchases and I rushed down the side street to see who those people had left to die.

A bloody mass lay on the cold ground, unconscious, but breathing. The figure's breath was coming in sharp, raspy stabs. It was only when I had knelt on the ground, inches away from the figure's face, could I tell that the dying man was Severus.

My heart pumped faster and my breathing seemed to stop all together. I could hear my brain trying to form a plan.

I would have to move him, although I feared apparition would be too much for him.

I tried to think about where I should take him. I couldn't take him to a wizarding hospital, for when they saw his dark mark that would be as good as turning him in. I couldn't take him to a muggle hospital in fear the Dark Lord would learn of it, plus, I knew Severus needed magical attention.

And I was afraid to take him to Voldemort. What would Voldemort do to him? Would he kill Severus, as if he was an old horse that could not pull a cart anymore, just put him out of his misery.

I concluded that my only choice was to take him to Spinner's End and try to mend him myself, even though I knew nothing about healing.

I gently cradled Severus's head in my arm and squeezed his hand with mind, then I apparated pulling him alongside me.

We were in the sitting room of Severus's house. Blood from Severus's various cuts made small puddles on the wood floor.

He was still breathing but barely. I tried to think of what to do. I did not know any healing spells that would mead wounds like his.

I began panicking.

"Okay think," I said to myself. "Calm down and think!"

Severus's breathing began to slow.

"I am in an ex-potions master's house," I said. "He must have some potions around here."

I pulled out my wand.

"Accio essence of dittany," I said.

I stopped breathing; I was listening to hear any signs of movement, waiting to see a vial of potion floating towards me.

And sure enough there it was.

I almost began crying in relieve.

I still was supporting Severus in my arms. I gently placed him on the floor and uncorked the small bottle of potion with my teeth.

I quickly began dabbing the potion on the cuts on his face and hands. I watched as his skin slowly began knitting together again.

He also had many cuts on the skin under his clothing; I could see where his clothes were ripped.

I had to remove his black tunic to heal the cuts on his chest and back. I tried not to think how awkward it would be for him to wake up while I was unbuttoning his dressings, revealing his bare, white chest.

When I was finished with the dittany, every one of Severus's cuts looked like they were about a week old.

I was able to also summon a blood replenishing potion from Severus's private stores and a thick grey potion called Pogostermon paste that helped prevent scarring.

Severus was still unconscious, but once I had managed to slip the blood replenisher into his mouth his breathing became more consistent and less strained and I knew that he was out of danger.

Then I rubbed the Pogostermon paste (which smelled awful) on the healings cuts and wrapped the wounds on his torso, legs and arms in clean bandages.

I redressed him and put a small couch cushion under his head and I took off my cloak and covered him with it.

I let out a shaky laugh of relieve as I stared down at my cousin's sleeping form. I was actually quite proud of myself.

The half of my heart that loved Severus really rose to the occasion, silencing the other half completely.

"Oh Severus," it said lovingly.

I smiled down at him. He looked like a child when he slept, peaceful and innocent, nothing like he appeared when he was in his waking hours.

Blood and grime were caked in his previously greasy hair. Now he would have to wash it, I thought triumphantly.

"Severus," I whispered to make sure he was really asleep. When there was no answer I gently touched his hand with mine.

Then I went back to his care, producing a sponge and bowl of water with magic and carefully began washing the dirt and blood off his face.

Severus must have died. The burning pain he had experienced had subsided. He felt peaceful. He must be dead.

Severus could feel the soft touch of hands on his forehead, so gentle and warm.

Lily, he thought.

Severus began to stir. I took his hand once more.

"Severus," I said gently patting his hand to wake him. "Severus."

"Severus, Severus," said Lily's voice. "Severus."

A small smile spread across Severus's lips.

"Severus," Lily's voice said again. "Wake up, Severus."

Severus was afraid to open his eyes; he did not want the voice to go away.

"Severus."

"Severus," I said once again, trying to bring him to.

He was smiling, so sweetly, so innocently, so completely unlike himself, and I was concerned.

"Severus."

He stirred again. His eyelids twitched as if he was about to wake up. His lips parted as if to speak.

"Lily," he said softly.

I let go of his hand in alarm.

"No Severus," I said hesitantly, "I'm Alex."

Suddenly his eyes opened. The gentle smile he had worn was now nothing more than a memory. He grimaced up at me.

"How do you feel?" I asked timidly.

He said nothing but began to stand.

"Careful," I said hurriedly, holding out my arm to help him up. He ignored it and slowly struggled to his feet.

I watched him with wide eyes, terrified that he would just topple over.

Severus grabbed the back of his armchair for support, and then carefully fingered the outlines of the bandages under his tunic.

I tried really hard not to look embarrassed.

"I put dittany and Pogostermon paste on your cuts," I told him. "So there shouldn't be any scarring."

"Where is my wand?" Severus demanded.

"Oh," I said, quickly retrieving it from the floor. I handed it to him and he took it wordlessly.

There was a long moment where neither of us said anything.

Well, he could say thank you, I thought somewhat bitterly. I did just kind of just save his life, as small a thing as that is. I repressed an eye roll.

I looked over at Severus. He was clutching the back of the armchair with both hands; I know if I were to pull the chair away he would fall face first onto the floor and as funny as that sounded it probably was not the best idea. He stared down at the seat cushion, looking paler than usual.

"You should sit down." I told him, breaking the silence. He looked up at me darkly.

I felt a little annoyed that he was giving me the cold shoulder after all I had done for him.

"Seriously," I said sternly, "sit down."

After at a moment's hesitation he did as I said. I felt so powerful being able to boss him around.

"I gave you some blood replenishing potion," I said, "But I think you probably should take more."

I uncorked the small bottle of potion I had given him before. I held it out to him, but it took a few seconds before he actually took it. I think he was struggling with the strong desire to refuse my help and the realization that he needed it.

I watched as he finished off the rest of the potion.

"You should eat something," I said as I ran to the kitchen. "Don't go anywhere," I called back to him.

I opened his refrigerator. It was empty except for eggs. Eggs it is then, I thought as I reached for then.

I quickly prepared Severus a no-cheese omelet and rushed back to the sitting room with it steaming on a chipped plate.

Severus still sat in his armchair weakly. I handed him the plate and a fork and knelt beside his chair.

"You're Welcome," I said sarcastically.

Severus glared at me over the plate of eggs. "Thank You," he hissed.

He ate quickly and I sent his dishes back to the kitchen to wash themselves when he was finished.

"Those were a lot better than your eggs, weren't they?" I joked.

Severus ignored me.

I rested my chin on his armrest. "How are you feeling?" I asked again, gazing up at him.

"Magnificent," he spat.

"Severus," I said sadly.

"What?" he asked coldly.

"Why were you in Diagon Alley?" I asked, leaning back to get a better look at him.

"I do not really think that that is any of your business," he hissed.

I stood and turned away from him.

"Are you crying?" he asked indignantly.

"No," I lied wetly.

"Why are you crying?" he asked bitterly.

I turned around, sobbing fiercely and unattractively. "Because," I cried, "you are so mean!" I wiped my eyes on my sleeve.

"What is it that you want me to say?" Severus asked with frustration.

I began crying harder. "Nothing!" I covered my face with my hand. "Forget it! I am just being stupid and emotional!" I bawled.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Severus asked in a tone of disinterest.

I looked back up at him. "Well," I explained through sobs, "I already knew you were mean; I made peace with that a long time ago." Severus scowled. "Well you are mean," I justified. "You are a complete ass, really."

"And your point," prompted Severus impatiently.

"Well, I thought you were going to die!" I cried. "But you're alive!"

Severus gazed at me with surprise. "Well I am so sorry to disappoint you," he said sarcastically.

"No," I said quickly. "You misunderstood," I sniffed. "I was so worried about you! I am just so happy that you are still around to be mean to me!" With my last words I dissolved into a fit of tears and could no longer speak.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," said Severus after a moment.

"I know." I said when I could speak again. I gave a shaky little laugh. "But where would I be without your vulgarity and general pessimistic outlook on the world." I laughed again, but then stared with all seriousness at my cousin. "I don't know what I would do without you."

He did not meet my gaze, but started to the side.

"I was looking for you," Severus said finally. "That is why I was in Diagon Alley."

I smiled to myself tearfully.

"Alex?" Severus said.

It took me a moment to respond. It seemed strange to me to hear Severus use my name.

"Yes," I answered kindly.

"There is something else I need to tell you," Severus said, his eyes darkened as he still stared off to the side.

I knelt beside his armchair once more and gazed up at him. His eyes flicked towards me for a split second and then continued to look away.

"I did kill your sister," he said emotionlessly.

My gaze fell away from him and I stared at the floor boards.

"I know," I said weakly.

"You must understand," he said sinking deeper within himself, "once we believed you to be dead, our orders were to," he paused, "finish the job."

Tear from my eye fell onto my lap. "I understand."

"Bellatrix, killed your parents," said Severus deadly.

"I know," I said miserably as more tears fell.

"And she was going to kill Sidney as well," said Severus.

I miserably looked back into his face, but he still would not meet my eyes.

Severus scowled at the air. "Bellatrix was going to do it, but," he paused, thinking of how best to put this, "but Bellatrix likes to play with her food before she eats it. She was torturing Sidney and I," he stopped and finally looked me in the face, "and I put an end to it."

I buried my face in my hands. I could not describe my feelings or the thoughts that were running through my head, but I did know that the two halves of my heart slowly began to sew themselves back together and I was once again a whole.

"I know that does not justify-" Severus began.

"Actually," I cut him off, tearfully raising my face from my hands. "Actually it does justify." I stood and walked to the stairs. "I still love you, Severus," I said before carefully ascending the steps.

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