Chapter 36

Another Birthday

(Same day)

Severus apparated into the Spinner's End house, "Alex," he called out.

There was no answer.

"Alex!" he called again with more desperation in his voice.

Only silence followed.

Then with utmost concern did he begin searching every room for her, loudly calling out her name, but still there was no answer. It was not until he opened the door to his childhood bedroom did he see her.

She was sitting in the corner of the room, her knees tightly pressed against her chest and fat tears streamed out of her wide, frightened eyes, yet she looked completely unscathed.

"Alex?"

She didn't answer.

Severus could not help but feel annoyance at the lack of response he was getting, but as he approached her his mind set changed; there was something lost in her eyes; she looked maddened.

Although he moved closer and closer to where see sat she seemed not to notice his presence, her gaze seemed to be focused on something he couldn't see. Severus's mind jumped to all the horrible magic the Dark Lord was capable of. He could make people relive their darkest hours, he could make them hallucinate their worst fears yet all that magic involves the brain and could not affect an antilegilimens, like Alex Snape.

Severus knelt beside her and now as close as he was he could see that Alex's whole body was trembling.

"Alex?" he said for the hundredth time in the last five minutes; his voice was barely a whisper.

She still did not acknowledge him at all, but stared teary eyed over his shoulder.

"Alex," he said loudly; he reached out and touched her shoulder.

"NO!" she screamed, "NO, NO, NO!" she held up her wand over her head and created a blue force field around herself, pushing Severus to the floor.

Severus stood and walked backwards, pressing himself against the opposite wall, realizing that she didn't want to be touched.

The magical shield around her faded as soon as he backed away. Alex was left out of breath from the quickness and force of her spell.

She now looked at him with sad, pleading eyes.

"What did he do to you?" Severus asked in a breathless whisper.

Alex shook her head frantically like a little toddler that had just learned the meaning of the word 'no'.

"I cannot help you if you do not tell me," he said, his voice suddenly drained of all emotion.

She shook her head again. "You can't help," she whispered hoarsely.

"Let me try," Severus said almost pleadingly.

"Please," she sobbed, "please, please, just leave me alone," her blue eyes were fixed upon him, watching him carefully as if she was frightened he would move close to her again. "I cannot talk about this, please, please don't ask me." Tears began streaming down her pale cheeks faster than before. "Just leave me alone," she pleaded with him desperately, "I just need to be alone."

"Alex," Severus protested.

"LEAVE!" she screamed.

Severus stared at her sobbing, shaking form on the floor for a long moment with a loss for what to do, but then he decided to oblige her.

He left the room a she asked, closed the door and sat with his back against the wall outside the room listening for any sounds of change, but for the hours that he sat there he heard nothing but continuous sobbing.

What could have happened to his cousin?

September 1, 1997

The tears finally stopped but were replaced with something much worst, the numbness. The numbness that I had experienced after my family's murder, the purge of all emotion, the endless chill of mind, body and soul, the numbness I had feared would someday return, but now that it had I could hardly care.

I was able to pick myself of the floor and almost dreamlike did I float over to the bed and climb under the covers; I was so cold.

I laid flat on my back, closed my eyes, and waited for sleep to take me, but as soon as my eyelids sealed off the little light that spilled in through the curtains from the flickering streetlights pain shot through my whole body as my numbness was momentarily shattered by searing horror. For as the moment I closed my eyes all I could see was the form of Lord Voldemort, his hideous red eyes, shrieking, cruel laugh and death bringing smile.

I took in a sharp breath of musty air and opened my eyes knowing that sleep was impossible and as I did this I fell back into the numbness.

I turned on my side and watched the clock on the wall. As I followed the second hand as it twitched across the clock's face, it occurred to me that it was one o'clock in the morning of September first, my birthday. I was 18 today. So I guess it was a lie when they say that someone can die of unhappiness or of a broken heart. It has been almost a year since I was truly happy and my heart was torn to shreds, but yet, I still managed to make it to another birthday.

My limbs felt useless and I continued to stare at the clock.

One o'clock turned into one-forty-five and one-forty-five quickly became three-forty-five and then four and the five and then at 54 minutes and 32 seconds after five o'clock did I hear the bedroom door open. The sound of footsteps followed the creaking sound of the door and then Severus was in my line of sight, his figure blocking the clock from view.

"Alex?" he said kneeling to meet my eyes but still staying out of reach.

I looked at him blankly.

"Say something so I know you are listening," Severus ordered me.

I didn't feel motivated to speak, but nodded shortly.

Severus stared at me for a long time until he seemed to decide to be satisfied with my response.

"I need to go to Hogwarts," he told me, his voice empty of emotion.

"Hogwarts?" I asked blankly.

"Teachers must arrive before the students," Severus explained.

I stared at him for a long time; my mind seemed to be moving in slow motion. "So you are leaving?" I asked when I had made sense of what he had said.

"Yes," said his voice still detached of emotion.

The pain came again, the searing pain, which burned through my icy numbness like hot iron. It was fear again; it was fear and electrocuting loneliness.

I sat up suddenly and my head began to spin. Severus stood.

"Can I come with you?" I cried.

Severus focused on a spot above me and shook his head.

"You must take the train with the rest of the students, it would look suspicious if I took you with me," he explained in a whisper.

I began to sob, pulling my knees to my chest, falling in and out of the numbness. Severus moved towards the bed and cautiously sat beside me; careful not to let his arm brush against mine, but on my own terms I fell into him and clung to him, hiding my face in his chest.

His hand fell upon my shoulder with a firm grip.

"Tell me what happened," he said in a monotone.

I shook my head into his robes.

Severus pulled me away from him and gently pushed me onto the pillow.

"This is you train ticket," he said standing up and placing it on the bedside table. "Make sure you are not late."

He began to walk away, but I grabbed his hand.

"Do you really have to leave?" my voice shook as I stared at him with wide, wet eyes.

"I do," he said in a distant whisper. Severus knelt by the bed again and detached himself from my grasp, placing my now limp arm down on the bed. "Sleep," he whispered in my ear. Then he placed something in my lifeless hand. "For your birthday," he said before walking away and closing the door behind him.

I looked down and I was holding Severus's copy of Romeo and Juliet and with the comforting weight of a familiar story in my palm, I finally fell asleep.