Chapter 37

The Football Hater

(Same day)

"All aboard," called a distant voice, as I moved dreamlike through the aisles of the Hogwarts Express. Many eyes were on me as I walked, each gaze seemed to puncture me like an angry bee sting. I saw many familiar faces. All of them, however, seemed to stare with looks of mistrust and dislike, as if they knew about the hideous mark that lived under my left sleeve, as if they knew that I was no longer one of them.

Suddenly and by complete accident, I caught the eye of Neville Longbottom. Although, he did not look at me like the others did. His look was not of anger or suspicion, but he looked at me with his eyes full of compassion and friendliness, which was somehow more painful than the shameless glares I was getting from the other students. Neville reached for the compartment door as if to ask me to join him and his companion, but I walk past him quickly, not looking back.

"Alex," he called out of the compartment door. "Alex Snape."

But I could not answer him. I could not sit with him and his friends, so pure and honest, when I was tainted and deceitful, sent to spy on them all, sent to betray their secrets.

I found a compartment in the last car of the train. Inside sat three first year girls, already in their Hogwarts robes. They were talking happily to each other, so innocently and so unsuspecting. I hated to intrude upon there naïve bliss, but I had ran out of compartment options.

As I slid the door ajar they greeted me with shy smiles. I ignored them. I took a corner seat and closed my eyes, willing myself to become part of the compartment wall. I heard their nervous whispers, but I blocked them out like the rest of the world and became more and more inanimate as the train plunged on.

(Same day)

An old ford was rocking rather quickly in a deserted corner of the high schools parking lot.

"Ow, David stop it," said Nancy softly, "not so hard."

"I thought you liked it rough," David laughed harshly, but moving off her all the same. He leaned back into the seat of his car and zipped up his pants. Nancy neatly flipped down the front of her skirt; it was not like she was wearing underwear anyway.

"I didn't mean you had to stop, stop," pouted Nancy, "I just meant not so hard, you know."

"That's fine," David said dismissively as he climbed up into the driver's seat, "I was done anyway."

"Maybe I'm not ready to stop," said Nancy in her sweetest seduction voice.

"Well if you want to keep going on your own, be my guest, but you are going to have to find another place to do it because I have places to be," said David, starting the engine.

"David!" Nancy squealed.

"Want me to give you a lift to your car?" David ignored her.

Nancy shook her head. "I am really late for cheer practice." Nancy climbed into the front seat with David, flashing the world as she did so.

"Right," David said slowly.

"So could you just drive me to the front of the school?" Nancy asked sweetly.

"Yeah sure," said David distantly.

"David you are so different, than you were," Nancy said, reaching our and ruffling his sandy curls.

David ignored her, but shook her hand from his head.

Mere seconds later, David stopped his car in front of the school.

"Thank you," said Nancy slowly, her tone dripping with seduction.

"You're welcome," said David looking away from her. Then after a long awkward pause, David turned towards her again, realizing that she had made no effort to leave. "Didn't you say you were late for something?"

"Yeah, cheer practice," said Nancy.

"Well don't you need to get out of the car in order to go to practice?" said David his tone full of bitter sarcasm.

"I will," said Nancy in a hum as she leaned towards David to kiss his neck, "eventually."

Annoyance bubbled up inside David's chest; he quickly shoved the car into park and escaped out the door, leaving Nancy to fall face first onto his seat. He was beginning to think that maybe Nancy was far more trouble than she was worth.

David leaned cross armed against his car waiting for the girl to get out already. Finally she did and tripped over to where he was.

"Good bye," David said, reaching for the car door.

"David, I always get a kiss after a date," Nancy pouted.

"Yeah, except this was a fuck not a date," said David.

"David!" Nancy said scandalized.

"Do you know that people call you Nice' N' Easy Nancy?" David said carelessly.

Nancy let out a small giggle and started twirling her bleached hair between her fingers, "Well," she smirked as if David had just paid her a great compliment.

"Wow," said David laughing openly at her, "Wow."

"David, what is it? What's so funny?" Nancy cried.

"You just haven't got a clue, do you?" David laughed.

"That is not a very nice thing to say, David! What is wrong with you? You use to be so nice to me!"

A few passersby stared at the two of them as they walked towards the school.

David continued to laugh cruelly at the girl. "You're right, I did use to be nice to you, but that was before I figured out that you would put out regardless."

Nancy didn't say anything but looked up at him with her large, stupid, brown eyes. He stopped laughing because he could tell by the look on her face that he had really hurt her feelings.

"Look Nancy," he said firmly. "Right now it must be tough for you to be surrounded by so many jerks like me, who are just using you as a stress release or because they had nothing better to do. But just remember that you are really pretty and you don't have to worry about things like most average looking people do. Someday you will marry some rich old guy because obviously you have some serious daddy issues and this man can be smart for you and buy you pretty things. Right, you like pretty things don't you?" David addressed her like a small child. "I am sure you will be very happy. So don't even worry about us jerks now, especially me. I mean, it is not that I don't like you at all; you are a very generous person. It is just I don't like you enough to put up with you on a regular bases."

Nancy quietly stared at the ground for a while, trying to piece together everything that was just said to her. After a moment, she obviously decided that she found David's little speech quite offensive because with all the strength she could muster she slapped David across the face and stormed off to cheer practice.

David ran his hand over the warm strike mark on his face and began to laugh again, but before he could safely manage to sit in his car again he had another blow, this time to the back of this head. David turned around to see Jeremy Hamilton, Ralf Butler and Josh Russell, three ex friends of his from David's ex-football team. They were all wearing their football gear, but no helmets so their silhouettes against the sun light looked oddly disproportionate with their large bodies and small heads.

One of those douchebags had just thrown a fucking football at his head. David picked up the ball off the ground.

"What the hell?" David shouted at them.

"Oh," said Jeremy looking around melodramatically and then pointed to his chest. "You, talkin' to us. That would be a first."

"Jeremy, you mother fucker, why the hell did you throw this at me?" yelled David holding up the football.

"I think we made him kind of angry," said Josh mockingly.

"Davy," said Ralf, "Why the hell are you not on the team this year?"

"That is none of your fucking business," David yelled.

"Yep, definitely made him angry," said Josh laughing.

"Don't get defensive, you jackass," said Jeremy.

"Yeah, we are just trying to look out for you, man," said Ralf. "Coach said that he will still let you join the team."

"David, we need you to win; you were our best player and our captain," said Josh.

"David, look," said Jeremy as he and his companions dared to come closer to their friend. "We didn't want to piss you off."

"Well, way to go," said David sarcastically.

"What is your problem?" Jeremy asked.

"I don't have a problem," said David defensively. "I just don't particularly like balls being thrown at my head and I certainly don't like being interrogated."

"Who's interrogating?" asked Ralf.

"Harper," said Jeremy firmly, "Just hear us out. We are worried about you."

"Are you worried about me or the team?" David asked dryly.

"Both," said Josh.

"I am not joining," said David flatly.

"Why?" asked Ralf.

"Because I don't give a damn about football!" exclaimed David with exasperation.

"What is this shit?" asked Jeremy. "You were on the team the last three years. You are a fuckin' senior for god sake! This is your year!"

"You could get a football scholarship," said Josh.

"Look," said David with force calm. "I. Do. Not. Like. Football."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it last year when you played." Josh pointed out.

"Well I did," said David.

"You didn't seem to mind winning and screwing cheerleaders," said Jeremy. "By the way was that Nancy that just slapped you?" he asked as he craned his neck to look in the direction that the girl had exited as if he could still catch a glimpse of her.

David ignored the question. "Last year I realized that-" David began, but cut himself off. "You know what, never mind." He opened his car door.

"Wait a second," said Jeremy as a light turned on in his brain. "This has to do with her again, doesn't it?"

David stopped halfway in his car and then stood up straight again. "Who are you talking about?" he asked distantly, even though he already knew.

Jeremy considered David for a long moment; he considered how they had been best friends since eighth grade or rather used to be best friends. He thought that he knew everything there was to know about David Harper, but apparently not.

When she was living David hardly spoke of Alex Snape. Jeremy knew that she was David's neighbor, but besides that he knew nothing of her. It was not like David was friends with her or anything. David was the captain of the football team for fuck sake and she was, well not in their crowd. And then she went and died and all of a sudden David was fuckin' in love with her and now hates football! Of course when a kid from school dies everyone is all like 'oh that is really sad that they died,' but David, he changed.

He started talking about Alex Snape none stop as if he had like a secret life with her or something. He told Jeremy about all the times they had played together as children and of times she came over to help him with his Spanish homework. He cried a lot too and it was super awkward. Really, he was not friends with this girl. And one day, Jeremy had to put his foot down and tell him that enough was enough; it was time to move on with his life and for a while he did, well sort of. Jeremy got David to be on the football team last year and the wrestling team and he even got him to get back together with Polyline for a while, but David was never quite himself, he never seemed to be, well, happy. Then this summer David stopped hanging out with Jeremy and the rest of the guys and came back to school as a football hater.

"You know who I mean, David," said Jeremy, "Alex Snape."

"I don't want to talk about this," said David as he reached for the car door again, but Jeremy slammed it shut.

"She's dead, David," Jeremy said, not meaning to be unkind, just frank.

"STOP TALKING ABOUT HER!" David screamed.

Jeremy turned to his companions and they shared nervous glances.

David had nothing else to say. He opened the door to his car hard, hitting Jeremy in the shins and then dropkicked the football hard in the opposite direction of the field. Then he got into his car and drove away fast.

"Who the fucks do those guys think they are?" David yelled, hitting his palm against the steering wheel angrily, making his hand hurt. She's dead. She's dead. SHE'S DEAD! Why did everyone have to keep telling him that? God Dammit! He was not stupid.

David knew he had changed and he knew it was her fault. He loved her and she died. He loved her and he did not do anything about it. She was everything good in his world. When his mom was drunk and his dad wasn't home, she was always there just down the street. He use to make up excuses to have to go over to her house, to borrow a book, to get help with homework, you name it.

And she would listen to him, really listen to what he had to say and she would laugh at all his jokes and she liked him. She liked him for exactly who he was.

He told her things that he wouldn't have been able to say to anyone. He told her how he only played sports to make his father happy, and not that it ever really worked. He told her about his girlfriends, now he wished he wouldn't have. And he showed her his drawings and she really liked them. He told her that he wanted to be an artist and she said that he should go for it.

David parked the car, got out and locked the doors. He swiftly crossed the graveled parking lot, the late summer sun hot on his neck and then he reached the familiar iron gate of the cemetery and walked through as he had done many times before.

There was light chatter as I entered the great hall. It was not the usual bustle that emanated from the dining hall, but many timid whispers of students.

I looked up at the teachers and my eyes immediately fell upon Severus. He was sitting in the headmaster's chair in the middle of his coworkers. His eyes were fixed on the first year students that stood in the middle of the hall waiting to be sorted. He seemed transfixed as his he was trying to count every hair on each one of their heads. I stared up at him for many long second, but he was too deep within his own thoughts to notice.

The staff was deathly quiet. In the past, when I had looked up at the staff table the teachers would have been talking to each other animatedly, sometimes forming little clicks among themselves, moving along the table to jabber with their friends like students would, but not today. All there expressions were stony and they looked straight ahead, once in a while letting their eyes fall on a student, looking at them helplessly. All of them did this except for the two new teachers that sat on either side of Severus.

The witch had mousy brown hair and squinty blue eye and an inverted nose. The wizard, who greatly resembled the witch, had slightly darker hair, permanently surprised blue eyes and the same nose. They both had a rather flat face and if they had been standing from the table their squat, lumpy forms would have been made know. They both had extremely dumb, yet vicious looking expressions as the spoke and laughed, while everyone else looked miserable. The pair was named Amycus and Alecto Carrow, brother and sister deatheaters come to teach at Hogwarts.

My eyes caught those of Professor Slughorn's, but he quickly blinked and instantly broke away from me as if my gaze was toxic.

With my insides stinging I took a seat at the very end of the Gryffindor table, closest to the staff table. So that hopefully no one would talk to me. At first many people looked in my direction but soon I became invisible amongst the crowds of entering students.

I watched as the first years got sorted, each one looked younger and more fragile than the last. Many can to join the Gryffindor table happily, although they would have been safer in Slytherin.

Finally when Cecily Zelman was sorted into Ravenclaw Professor McGonagall removed the stool and hat from the center of the hall and Professor Snape stood from his seat.

"This year at Hogwarts there is going to be some changes," Severus started unceremoniously. With his words the hall erupted into the sound of low murmurs. "Silence," Severus hissed mutinously and the room immediately went quiet as if he had shouted. "As I was saying," he continued with a scowl, "For those of you who attended Hogwarts last year, you will find it to be very different." He paused to take a breath and looked towards the Carrows. "There will be some change in staffing this year." The Carrows stood. "This is Professor Alecto Carrow," he indicated the woman deatheater. "Professor Carrow will be teaching muggle studies." Severus didn't dare bringing up what happen to the last muggle studies teacher. "This," he indicated the male deatheater, "is Professor Amycus Carrow; he will be teaching you," Severus took a long pause, "the dark arts." Students throw nervous glances at each other, but none of them dared to speak.

"Besides the change in staff and curriculum this year," Severus went on, "there will also be a change in disciplinary tactics."

Once again the students looked at each other meaningfully and some came closer together as if they were under attack now.

"This year at Hogwarts," said Severus, "We will expect a greater level of obedience and loyalty, those who fail to meet the new standard shall be severely," he emphasized the word severely, "punished." Everyone listening took his words as a threat, but only I knew them to be a warning.

And with that Severus took his seat, leaving everyone in shock and fear except for the Carrows, who were grinning. Then unceremoniously the feast appeared on the table, no one was feeling very hungry anymore.

As I stared at my untouched meal in front of me, I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and I shuttered, but the hand was so warm, strong and comforting I didn't put away. I tilted my head back and saw Neville.

"Why did you walk away from me on the train?" Neville asked, with hurt confusion. He was so nice; I hated myself for being near him. "I called out your name," he told me.

I looked away from him. "I didn't notice," I lied.

At my words Neville leaned towards me and whispered quickly in my ear. "No one blames you. It is not your fault that you are related to that murderer," I felt myself twist at the word murderer. "We are going to resist," Neville said in a hush, but proudly.

I stared up at him again. "No," I said forgetting to whisper.

Neville shushed me and squeezed himself in between me and the second year next to me, so that I was halfway off the end of the bench. "I have it all figured out," Neville whispered to me. "I have been planning all summer."

"Don't tell me," I whispered nearly inaudibly. I did not want to know anything that could be used against him, I was supposed to spy, but I couldn't spy on Neville, I just couldn't.

Neville ignored my request. "This was before your time at Hogwarts, but we had this club, if you will, called the D.A. which is short for Dumbledore's Army."

"I don't want to know about this," I said in a dazed voice. What if Neville and his group got themselves killed? What if they successfully caused problems at the school and I failed to warn the Dark Lord about it, then what would He do to me? What would He do to Severus?

"We can meet in the room of requirement and-"

"Neville, shut up," I snapped.

Neville looked at me with alarm. We stared at each other for a painful moment.

"Alex?" Neville asked.

"I don't want to know about this. I don't want to help and I don't want to talk to you," I said emotionlessly.

"Alex?" Neville asked again.

"Go away, Neville," I said softly.

Neville stood.

"With or without your help, we are not going to let them take this school," said Neville sternly before walking away.

I sighed down at my food, feeling sick looking at it. I stood and left the great hall; I couldn't stay here a moment longer.

Dear Readers,

Sorry it has been so long since I put up a new chapter; it has been a crazy few months, but now I will try to update more often. Please review.

Thank You,

Thora Jane

P.S.

Sorry about all the swearing in this chapter.