Chapter 39

Fainted

(April 28, 1997)

I sat on the ground with my head in the toilet. After five solid vomit -free minutes I decided it was safe to stand up. I walked over to the sink and began rinsing my mouth out with warm water and then splashing cold water on my face.

I looked up into the mirror in front of me, something I had neglected to do for some time.

I could hardly recognize the person peering back at me from the other side of the glass. If I didn't know I was looking at my own reflection I wouldn't have guessed that I was gazing at myself.

I long black hair, which I used to be so proud of, now hung in greasy curtains around my face. My skin which was pale already took a new turn and became a sickly grey color. And because of my chronic lack of appetite, my body became bony and limp, and as a resent development, every time I tried to eat I could seldom keep my food in me. I figured that I must be sick with the flu or maybe after so much mental turmoil my body was just finally destroying itself. My nose and eyes became much too large from my emaciated face. My cheeks were hollow and my blue eyes were ringed with dark circles and empty. My relation to Severus had become very apparent over the last 8 months and there was no question that we were cousins.

I decide to dress and take a walk in the grounds. It was Saturday afternoon and I had nothing to do, yet I needed to be doing something; I needed to have my mind constantly focused upon some occupation, even something as simple as a long, long walk.

I went down to the common room. A few students were occupying it. They eyed me suspiciously as I passed, but I soon climbed out of the portrait hall into welcome solitude. I made my way down to the entrance hall without encountering a single person, but just as I reached the final stair of the marble staircase I caught the eye of Draco Malfoy.

We stared at each other for a brief moment and then I turned and began climbing up the same stairs that I had just descended.

"Alex," I heard him say.

I ignored him

"Alex, where do you think you are going?" he called.

I began to climb faster, but as I did so I began to feel more and more lightheaded.

"Alex, stop and come here and talk to me," Draco ordered.

Again I ignored him, but in my weak state my energy was decreasing and I heard his footsteps as he came after me.

"Stop ignoring me," he said as he caught my arm.

I fell back into him. He pulled me to him so that I was facing him and he held onto my shoulders so that I couldn't run away, but in truth, I had no will in me to do so.

I held onto the banister and between that and Draco's grasp I remained upright.

"I'm not in the mood," I said, but the look of disgust that was plastered Draco's face as he looked down at my wasted form suggested that sex was the last thing on his mind.

"I don't want to have sex with you," Draco exclaimed.

"What then?" I asked wearily; my eyelids felt heavy and my vision started to blur.

"I want to know what the hell your problem is," he said angrily.

"I don't have a problem. The Dark Lord is winning and I am overcome with happiness," I said not even bothering to hide my sarcasm. I let out a shaky laugh, I don't know what was so funny, but I had a mad desire to do so.

"What is wrong with you?" Draco said, looking behind him to make sure there was no one around to hear my last comment.

"Nothing is wrong with me," I said in a stupor.

"Do you think I was born yesterday?" said Draco. "Have you seen yourself? You look awful!"

I laughed again humorlessly.

"I mean," exclaimed Draco with disgust, "When is the last time you washed your hair and have you even been eating." He squeezed my bony shoulders. "You are the definition of someone with a problem."

The front doors opened and a gust of wind blew across where I stood and I was swept away.

Alex's arms and legs went limp and her head fell backwards. Fortunately Draco had a firm grasp on her and caught her before she fell onto the hard steps. She had fainted.

Draco quickly looked behind him to see who had opened the front doors; it was Professor Snape. Draco knew if anyone was going to help him with Alex, it would have to Snape; he couldn't bring her to the hospital wing in fear of Madam Pomfrey seeing her dark mark. Draco gently placed Alex on the steps below and began moving towards the headmaster.

Severus had been taking a long walk around the grounds, for no other reason than to keep his mind occupied. He spotted Draco as soon as he entered the school, but it was not until he came in closer to the marble staircase did he see Alex Snape's lifeless body sprawled across the steps.

He hastened forward as the front doors magically closed behind him.

"What happened?" Severus asked angrily as he met Draco at the bottom of the stairs.

"I think she fainted," said Draco as Professor Snape passed him going up the stairs. Draco Followed.

As they reached the girl, Severus looked behind him to see if anyone was around before kneeling next to Alex.

She looked horrible and Severus felt a prang of guilt for letting her get this bad. This was not the first time she had failed to care for herself, but it had never been as bad as this. He knew it had to do with the Dark Lord. Whatever He was doing to her in that room was torturing her, Alex became sicker and sicker after each private conference with the Dark Lord, but Severus chose to turn a blind eye to it because he knew that there was nothing he could do to help her. Although, the Dark Lord was pleased with Alex's work for him, Severus was convinced that the Dark Lord wanted to further punish Alex for her previous disobedience, to break her, to make her and her power truly His.

Severus lifted Alex's head from the steps and supported it in his arm. Then he pulled out his wand and pointed it in Alex's face.

"Renovate," Severus said. A small flash came from the tip of his wand and Alex's eyes flickered open.

"Severus," she said weakly.

"Be silent," Severus told her.

Alex closed her eyes again in response.

Severus reached under her and lifted her off the steps. She was frighteningly easy to carry.

Alex put her arms around Severus's neck and buried her face into his chest.

"Draco," Professor Snape said in a commanding whisper. "Go down to the kitchen and get her something to eat. Bring it to the headmaster's office.

Then Professor Snape held Alex closer to him and began climbing up the stairs to his office.

"Dumbledore," Severus hissed at the stone gargoyle guarding the entrance to his office. The statue stepped aside and a staircase began to rise from the floor and Severus stepped on it. "Stay open for Draco Malfoy," Severus called back to the gargoyle.

The stairs reached a door. Severus crossed the threshold, careful not to hit the girl against the doorframe.

The circular office was almost exactly the same as it had been when Professor Dumbledore had inhabited it; the only thing missing was the beautiful phoenix.

Severus pointed his wand at the desk and all the things on top of it gracefully danced to the floor.

Severus placed the girl on his desk.

"Alex," he whispered as he brushed her hair away from her face.

She began to cough violently and was forced into a sitting position by dry heaves as if she was going to be ill, but couldn't do to an empty stomach.

Severus helped her lay back onto the desk once her coughs subsided. Alex wrapped her arms around her torso and let out a gasp of pain.

Severus would have preferred to take Alex to the hospital wing but that was not an option. He knew enough about healing to help. Severus knew that the pain that Alex must have been feeling in her stomach was the cause of starvation, but the fact that she was getting ill, he felt that he must examine her.

He felt incredibly awkward and her eyes followed his hand as he carefully lifted her t-shirt up to her chest but she did not say anything.

As soon as Severus looked at her stomach he knew there was something wrong. Alex's abdominal was strangely blotted for her small form. Severus scowled; he highly suspected what the problem was, but he wasn't yet sure.

Severus gently ran his wand over her bare stomach and skin turned transparent where the wand fell. Severus then was assured that his suspicions were correct and at that very moment Draco entered the room carrying a plate of food. He looked at Alex on the desk and then at Severus. Draco backed up as he caught sight of the look on Severus's face.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked softly, looking from Severus to Draco.

Severus ignored her question and moved towards Draco, ripping the plate out of his hand. "Go," he hissed in a tone so menacing; Draco couldn't have obeyed faster.

Severus's eyes were glued on the door in which Draco just exited, but then he slowly turned towards me, with a look of hatred so severe I was sure I was burning alive in his gaze.

I tried to sit up.

"Lay down," Severus shouted at me.

I did.

Severus came over to me and yanked my shirt down for me and then turned the other way. I could see his hands clench into fist.

"Severus?" I asked hesitantly.

He turned towards me again, but this time his face was stretched into a false, mocking smirk.

"How incredibly rude of me," he leered, "for not congratulating Draco on his way out."

"What do you mean?" I asked with wide eyes.

"But you are here now, so I can have the pleasure congratulating you," said Severus with ironic sweetness.

"On what?" I asked nervously trying to sit up again.

"Don't get up!" he hissed at me, suddenly angry, his eyes burning like hot coals.

I sat up anyway, but my arms shook as they held up my weight.

He looked away from me and seconds later I fell back into the desk. Severus made a noise of frustration and came back to the desk peering down at me with great disgust.

"Pitiful," he said under his breath as he picked me up and placed me in the chair behind his desk. "Eat." He ordered me, putting the plate of food Draco had brought in front of me.

I looked at him with confusion.

"Go on," Severus said harshly.

I started picking at my plate with my fingers. Severus watched me until I had taken the first bit and then he began to pace the floor.

I finished eating and pushed the plate away. At the scraping sound of plate on wood, Severus turned to look at me.

"Better?" he asked me with raised eyebrows. He seemed to calm his temper in the time it had taken me to eat.

I nodded.

"Severus?" I murmured. "What's wrong?"

Anger seemed to be flooding back into him at my question. His eyes flashed red. "You're pregnant," he spat.

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