DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of its characters. I also do not make any money from this.
WARNINGS: Yaoi (male x male), Yuri (female x female) adult topics, swearing, sexual scenes and violence
PAIRINGS I know of so far: (pairings will be added as they are mentioned in chapters)
Ron x Hermoine, Blaise x Cho, Neville x Cho, Saito x Draco
This has not been Beta'd.
'text' is thought
"text" is talking
XxHushHushxX: Hahaha, I want Harry to work for it! Made this chapter at your request, friend heart to heart coming up! :p
Hidden Element
Chapter 33: Bickering over topics
Elementals:
Ice and Void – Draco Malfoy
Fire – Pansy Parkinson
Earth – Blaise Zabini
Nature – Cho Chang
Light – Cherrie Everdeen (OC)
The Forgotten:
Electricity – Saito Blackstar (OC)
Animal – Carsly Hendricks (OC)
Shadow – Alakai Petrovski (OC)
Water - Yasmin DiAngelo
Wind - Miya Hendricks (OC)
They had annoyingly positioned themselves on his bed, unwilling to budge no matter how long the silence had gone on, and furthermore unannounced.
It had been a normal day, well as ordinary as it possibly could be for one Harry Potter. He got out of bed, took a shower, humming as he went along, only to realise that the house was unnaturally silent. If his present self could tell his past self that one day Slytherins bickering and joking and fighting because of it would add to the cosy atmosphere, then he wouldn't have believed himself. He frowned at the thought, and obviously it had transferred into his attitude, or the current situation wouldn't be taking place.
Craning his head to peek down the stairs, he had been sure no one else was home, well, Neville, Ginny and Luna, he was certain of that fact. Luna and Ginny were of the active variety, and would never have left the house so quiet for more than five minutes, nor would the kitchen have still smelt so fresh after Luna had cooked breakfast.
It wasn't that her cooking smelt overly bad, just a bit on the burnt side. Smoke often wafted out of the small gap between carpet and door in the early hours of the day, the smell becoming an alarm clock of sorts. She loved to perform her ancient art of baking at the same time each day if she could since he'd known her. Something about knarly pugs.
The other occupants of the house had probably been shooed out of the house so that this 'talk' could take place.
He had been unceremoniously grabbed and shoved into his bedroom. He'd stumbled a bit, Ron had an iron grip, which sent you tripping when he let you go.
Hermoines legs were crossed, hands in her lap, perched neatly on the bed slightly back to back with her fiancé. Ron sat on the edge, legs sprawled out in front of him as if to gain the most sufficient amount of space. A tight lipped, expectant look lingered on his freckled face.
Harry had thought it best to pretend he did not know what this was about, but he had been surprised with their patience. This is what he'd been expecting the minute he'd set foot in the house.
'Interrogation time' he thought with a sigh. They could be so predictable when they wanted to be.
As if merely sitting there and staring would make him crack. It wasn't going to be that easy. He'd kept secrets before, been anti-social even at some points in his life due to situations as this, had been rebellious in terms of sharing information especially during the war. What made them think he would start now?
He supposed his thoughts were visible as dear Hermoine started into the topic rather bluntly.
"They've gone for the afternoon. All of them. If you want to talk, now is the time." She ended the sentence with a slight pursing of the lips she so often did when she was expecting an answer she already knew.
"I don't suppose you mean to have a normal chat about nothing and hobbies, do you?" Hermoine lifted an eyebrow with a delicate snort.
"Since when have our chats ever revolved around nothing, Harry? There were too many plots and scenarios running through our heads." Ron merely nodded, that same tight lipped expression on his face coupled with a determined stare.
"It will be difficult no matter how we try to start this conversation, so if it's alright with you, I'd like to skip the awkward silence and the tense developing of said conversation. So, what are your thoughts about Sirius?" This time, Ron glanced at her hesitantly, and placed a hand on top her bicep.
"What are your thoughts about Sirius? Really 'Moine?" He asked with a newly added amusement. "You couldn't phrase it any better?" She huffed and scooted an inch away from her fiancé as if to say she would rather not sit next to him after that comment but Harry came first.
"Well, I didn't see you try to say it any better in the last hour or so that we've merely been staring into space!"
"I was thinking about it!"
"Well thinking isn't going to get us any further in this conversation is it! You should have just come out and said the first thing that came into your mind! It's often the best sentence."
"My first thought had nothing to do with Sirius though!" Ron commented lightly. She frowned, and Ron grinned remembering the meeting they had last night going over the order certain events should be breached. As Sirius was the oldest but almost most important subject, it would be discussed first.
"Guys!" Harry laughed in delight at their bickering. It wasn't as if they were really arguing, and he doubted they got angry with one another unless it was of the utmost importance. It had just reminded him so much of Hermoine pestering Ron about his homework when all he wanted to do was drag Harry to the quiditch pitch.
"It's ok. I don't mind talking about Sirius, but I do remember telling you guys I'd accepted it the minute I walked into your house the first time." Hermoine blushed, but it was accompanied by a pursing of the lips.
"That says absolutely nothing Harry!" Harry leaned against the iron headboard.
"I will always feel bad about what happened to Sirius, and there will always be a part of me that will think it was my fault." He raised a hand to make a 'shush' sound when Hermoine attempted to talk again.
"He's dead, that can never change, even in a world of magic. I've come to terms with that. I will always miss him and think of what ifs, but that's natural isn't it? To miss someone who will never be there again. But I'm content to think of the wonderful moments we shared, and the lingering hope that I could have maybe gone to stay with him if things had turned out differently. It was extremely hard to get over, I admit, and I just didn't want to talk about it to anyone, and in a sense, no offense, I still don't want to."
Hermoine huffed indignantly.
"Harry, the point is to let it all out. You said you wanted things to improve. You've just admitted not really being able to talk about him, which means you're not over him at all!"
"And I never will be! He was the first hope of a better life concerning a family. I can talk about him 'Moine, that's not the problem. I can talk about how he ruffled my hair as he passed by, or how I used to play fetch with him on the Hogwarts grounds close to Hagrids hut. That congratulating look he discretely gave me when he knew I was about to go break the rules. The exact layout and every word he said when I was asked to live with him.
It's just that, out of all the times I can remember him; our meetings had always been of the private kind. No one had shared any of these moments with us, and that's something I would like to keep. Please 'Moine." She nodded slowly.
She was still doubtful about his confession. Out of all his problems, Sirius had happened so quickly and out of nowhere, not to mention the timing had been dramatically cruel. It was most likely going to be a persistent topic.
Harry winced inside. It had almost been the truth. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell his friends all about Sirius, and what he'd said about keeping those memories to himself were true. It was just that he'd shared them with one person whose memories proved just as secret and wonderful to him. Someone who understood death and Harry all at once.
"Dumbledore?"
"Hermoine!" Ron shouted in embarrassment. Even he had more tact than that! She turned to give him a lifted eyebrow.
"What? He needs to talk!"
"Yes, but...'Moine, you don't have to drop a bomb on him at the beginning of each topic!"
"Dear gods no!" Harry banged his head against the iron with a soft clang. "You've worked out topics about this conversation?" Ron shrugged and gave him a subtle glance to Hermoine to say it was all her fault.
"I figured as much." Harry mumbled under his breath. Hermoine continued on, ignoring their comments.
"It's just as important. He was there for you when you needed him."
"Yes. And I will miss him too, but in a different way to Sirius if you want exact terms." Hermoine sighed at his rebellious comment. She was used to those by now; it seems they had stayed with him through his soul-searching.
"You're right, he was there for me when I needed him, but at the same time, he wasn't. He did a lot of things for me, and at the same time he didn't. He was a confusing man, but I owe a great many things to him, and it did come as a great shock when he died. I was angry at him a lot of the time, and for some of those situations I regret acting the way I did, but I acted according to how a boy my age would have felt when realising the man he trusted had all the answers without giving them to him."
"You still angry at him?" Ron asked in what he hoped was a comforting voice.
"No, not after all that. I was angry for a long time that he knew he was going to die and let it happen, but he did it for a good cause I guess, and there were reasons that in the end helped both me and the war. He gave up his own life to keep Snape as a spy and to revert a death eater to be, how can I be angry at that? I thought for a long time that he just didn't trust me, that being why he never told me these things, but I thought about it. Dumbledore wanted me to have a normal life too.
He didn't tell me some of these things because he didn't want me to worry about them, didn't want my life to revolve around the war. It was just me being stubborn, going around trying to find these answers early that always led me to never having a normal school year."
"It does sound like you've given it much thought."
"You sound like a shrink 'Moine." They shared a smile at Rons curious look, which only morphed into an instant grumble of 'something muggle' when he noticed the secretive look. It was something Harry realised Hermoine had started doing to get him interested in muggle things. She would weave a word in that he didn't know, and merely smile without giving explanation. If he truly wanted to know, he would go research it. Harry had taken up the bad habit with her, and this just proved how much Ron had changed.
He knew a time where Ron would have sulked and gotten angry when left out like that, even if it revolved around something he wasn't so sure about.
"Anyway, we know you didn't really like the git, but he still counts as a topic. We want to know your feeling about the whole Snape thing."
"So much more eloquent Ron." Hermoine smirked.
"Hey! I was doing it this way since you seemed to be doing it!" She just carried on smiling but glanced at Harry for an answer none the less.
"He killed Dumbledore, hated me for something my father did, made my life hell, and the list goes on. I shouldn't feel sad about his death, but that would be unkind of me to feel that way about someone unless it was Voldemort. But at the same time, without having realised it, I owe him a lot, possibly more than Dumbledore.
The information he sought to help our cause, the Occlumency lessons, the help he gave us with the hocruxes without us knowing. Even that he had protected and been my mothers friend at some point in time. If I hadn't gone through his pensieve, I still wouldn't know any of this."
Hermoine shifted slightly and turned to Ron for help. She could broach things she knew were over with, had been thought about so consistently that they had been accepted and now easily talked about. But memories still fresh in the mind, she couldn't just state a name and hope he wasn't defensive about it. Ron nodded slightly and took over the questing reigns.
"We were wondering, erm...how you felt about Draco being here and all." Harrys mind went blank at that question. How did he feel? He thought he had worked it out, but having the blonde parade before him every day proved him otherwise.
"Confused as hell." He finally stated honestly.
"We understand if its difficult Harry, but you realise that he's going to be here for some time helping us with the Forgotten." Harry nodded with a lick to his chapped lips.
"It was strange, I thought I'd forget everything about him, but the minute he stepped into the room I remembered every habit, every reaction, every thought that spun through his head. It was so achingly familiar! Apart from the changes to his appearance and minor alterations to his demeanour, he was just as I remembered him."
"Do you still love him?" Hermoine blurted out, earning another glare from Ron, though to be honest, he wanted to know the answers too.
"I...I'm not sure."
"You do, mate." Ron grinned. "If you only had one second to answer, without having to think, what would the answer be?"
"Yes." He sighed suddenly uncomfortable. "It's torture."
"Are you planning to do something about it?" Hermoine asked softly.
"I don't know. I'm just so...even if I wanted to; do you think he'd accept me back with open arms?" Ron snorted.
"Not quite like that, mate. You hurt him, you realise that, right?" Harry gulped once more and gave Ron a pleading eyes look.
"He's right Harry. He was sworn under oath, he could never have told you even if he wanted to. You presumed, and that's why you are where you are. You made a mistake Harry, you need to acknowledge that first."
"I know, I know I did. Especially when he walks past me every day just within reach, and...I love him 'Moine, I'm just so..."
"Bad at this? If I remember correctly, it was Draco that approached you wasn't it?" Ron sniggered.
"Very bad at this Ron!" Harry blushed at his own admission.
"I repeat again," Hermoine interrupted. "Do you plan on doing anything about it?"
"I want to, so much, but he'll..."
"You're sorry won't make it better." Hermoine growled, suddenly very protective of Draco, after all, he had been, and hopefully still was, one of her best friends.
"He won't forgive you easily, he's just as stubborn as you are, but Draco has something you don't. He possesses the ability to look at a situation from all angles, after all, how else would he have ended on our side? The point, however, is that it won't be easy. Not by a long shot. But if you truly love him and regret what you did isn't it worth it to try, if only just to get an answer to the question 'but he'll...?"
Harry smiled at her through her speech. It was nice that she felt that way about the blonde.
He had suffered endlessly with the thought of what he'd done, and now that he knew all the facts, there was no way to possibly explain the agony he was in. He had needlessly and somewhat mercilessly, crushed the love of his life's heart. Something he had once promised himself he would never do. The road was going to be very rocky, but if he could ever have what he had so stupidly flung away, then he would do so with every fibre of his being.
The resolute look on Harrys face was all Ron and Hermoine needed to know that he'd made up his mind, and they were happy at which option he'd chosen.
"You have another problem though." Ron startled the happy and determined atmosphere. Both Harry and Hermoine looked up in confusion.
"Draco is by no means single, or have you forgotten about that?"
Harry felt a stab at his heart, but after what he'd done, had he really expected the blonde to wait for him? Wait for something he himself had said he hadn't wanted. It hurt to think that someone else was holding him, kissing him...he didn't even want to think of what else they'd done together. He had been Dracos first, as Harry had been his, the thought that he had possibly had sex with another man made him undeniably angry and jealous all at once. He frowned.
"I'll do the one thing I've always been good at. I'll fight."