Chapter 40

The potion

(Same day)

"Pregnant?" my lips formed the words, yet I did not understand them. "I'm Pregnant?" I asked softly. Then lightning hit me! "Oh God!" I cried clasping my hands over my mouth. "No, no, no, no, no!"

"It's your own fault," said Severus mercilessly.

I wrapped my arms around my waist and started pulling at the fabric of my t-shirt as if trying to remove the growth inside me. I let out a shriek of agony.

"Be quiet!" Severus said cruelly.

I let out another cry of pain, continuing to pluck at my shirt.

Severus advanced on me, leaning across the desk, putting his face very close to mine. He scowled at my sobbing form. "How dare you cry?" he hissed, his hot breath running down my neck. His eyes burned with fierce loathing "You took the risk. You are responsible for this! How dare you risk bringing a child into this life?" He looked as if he wanted to slap me across the face.

I began to cry harder; my hands pulled harder at my shirt, finding skin and making angry scratches on my stomach with my fingernails.

"You did this!" said Severus more furious than I had ever seen him. "This is your fault and this is Draco's fault."

"No!" I screamed, shaking my head violently.

"No?" asked Severus, chewing on the word before spitting it out with disgust.

"No," I cried again. "No!"

"What then?" Severus asked unpityingly. "Speak!"

"The baby," I cried at the word baby, "it's not Draco's."

Severus pulled back slightly and opened his mouth with revulsion as if he was about to call me a slut, but suddenly I could see realization flash behind his eyes and his anger immediately subsided; he looked at me with an expression I had never seen from him before, fear.

"I wish it was Draco's," I told him through a sob. "I wish it was anyone else's. Anyone would be better!" My fingernails continued to scrap at my skin. I could feel hot blood dripping from my stomach.

Severus came around the desk and kneeled beside the chair I was sitting in. He grabbed my wrists to keep me from scratching myself.

"Severus," I whispered fearfully. "I need to get this thing out of me." Then I began to cry so violently that my whole body shook.

Severus let go of my wrists and stood. He went over to one of the many bookcases and pulled a few dusty old tomes off the shelf. He flipped through them each in turn and when he realized they would not be of use to him he tossed them aside. After repeating this about five times he finally found what he was looking for. Severus swept his arm across the desk, knocking my empty plate down where it hit the ground with a clatter. Then he placed the book on the clear desk.

I glanced at the open page and fresh tears poured from my eyes.

Severus pulled out his wand and wordlessly began summoning items to him.

A black cauldron came flying out of the cabinet near the window and various jars began to land on the desk.

Severus lit a small fire under the cauldron and quickly began preparing a potion.

It would all be over soon, I thought as I watched him work in silence.

After about 30 minutes the potion was completed. Severus poured a thin black potion into a small glass and handed it to me.

The cup was hot in my hand; the potion looked like steaming black ink and it smelled putrid.

Severus frowned at the cup in my fist. "Drink it," Severus said in an empty tone. "Drink it and this will all be a thing of the past, I promise."

"A thing of the past," I repeated as I raised the glass to my lips. I filled my mouth with the potion; it burned me tongue, yet I did not swallow. Severus looked the other way. I closed my eyes and was about to take a gulp, but suddenly I realized something.

This was my baby too.

I spit the potion back into the glass.

Severus turned to stare at me expressionlessly, but did not utter a word.

I then produced a new cup by magic and filled it with water and rinsed my mouth out until every trace of that horrible potion was gone.

"I can't do it," I said my voice shaking. "I can't," I cried. "I can't hurt my baby! It can't help who its father is."

Severus looked at the ground. "It would be in your best interest for you to drink the potion," he said, his voice still emotionless.

"I know," I said in a barely audible whisper.

"Bad things could happen to you and the child if the truth of its parentage is known."

"Harm would come to it if I drank this potion," I said firmly.

"And what about yourself?" Severus asked.

"I am not so concerned about that." I answered distantly.

Severus didn't say a word but retracted deeper into thought.

"But," I said doubting myself. "What if it would be kinder to just end it now." Severus looked up at me. "What if someone finds out that the baby is His- but how could He not suspect! He will know!" I panicked. "How can I protect this baby from its father?

"It could not be Draco's?" Severus asked slowly.

It had been about 9 months since Draco and I had been together and if I was 9 months pregnant I am sure I would have noticed.

I shook my head.

"You could not tell Draco it was his?" Severus asked coolly as he cleared away the potion quickly as if he was also relieved that I did not drink it.

"No," I said, "That would be impossible." Then I thought of something. "Severus?"

"What?" he said with frustration as he sent the cauldron back to its cupboard.

"How long have I been- you know?" I asked.

"Pregnant," he finished for me in a bitter spat. "Approximately 2 months, maybe 3."

"That's not a very long time," I whispered my tone full of meaning.

We looked at each other and he knew exactly what I was thinking. It was low and horrible, but if it worked I could convince Draco that the baby was his. He wouldn't have to take care of it or be there for it, he would just have to believe that it was his and if he believed that to be true the Dark Lord could never accuse him of lying.

"That is not a flawless plan," Severus said quietly.

"I know," I said, suddenly with a surprising amount of determination in my voice.

"You could live to regret it," Severus said ignoring my gaze.

"I know," I said again, touching my stomach. I felt a rush of emotion, at first I could not identify it, but soon I realized it was hope. I felt hope! It was the baby; it was giving me a future, something to protect, something to love, hope! But mixed in with the rush of happy feelings I was so sick with worry and fear and hatred as well.

"Severus," I said as I stood shakily.

"Sit down," he commanded me.

I ignored him and walked over to where he stood. I stumbled a little, but he caught me before I tripped.

"I can make you a potion to help you regain your strength," he told me.

"Thank you," I said looking up at him and then I fell into his chest and sobbed with my arms wrapped around his waist.

Severus did not hug me back, but stood there with limp arms, I didn't care as long as he did not push me away.

He suddenly picked me up and placed me in the chair again, where I continued to cry.

He took out his cauldron again and began brewing me another potion, but this time of a different sort.

I watched Severus without really taking notice of him at all and my tears began to dry as I devised my plan to seduce Draco Malfoy.

Dear Readers,

Yesterday I noticed that in my last chapter I got the year wrong at the top...so if anyone was wondering it is 1998 not 1997. Thank You so much for reading this far. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please Review.

-Thora Jane.