Chapter 42

To Go and Come Back

(Same day)

My cheek was pressed against the cold classroom floor. My dark mark burned darker and more painful, yet I could not bring myself to get up. My hands still groped at my stomach. I had failed. So I just laid there. Goosebumps erupted on my bare skin, making me shiver, but I did not move.

If Harry Potter was in fact in the castle tonight, it was all going to end. The Dark Lord will defeat him; he was winning; he had won! Perhaps I can try again with Draco. But even if I could convince Draco he was the child's father my baby would still grow up in this world of darkness. How could I have thought I could fix this? How could I possibly protect this child?

He will know! He always knows! I thought with terror. What if he murders the baby? Or worse what if the baby is like him. OH! He will see himself in the child I am sure! I let out a scream through clenched teeth. "Do I have a demon inside me?" I whispered.

I do not know how long I lay on that classroom floor, five minutes? An hour? A week? I was only roused from my trance of misery when an icy voice waved over me, making my blood curtail.

"I know you are preparing to fight," called the voice of Lord Voldemort. I sat up and looked around the room wildly as if to see him standing over me, but the only person in this room was me. Voldemort's voice seemed to be issuing for the walls themselves. "Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood. Give me Harry Potter and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded." It was silent once more. I stood and began throwing on my clothes. I needed to go to Severus.

I wanted to run through the halls crying out for him. I need him to tell me what to do, to say it would be alright. I needed to assure myself that he was safe. I thought about Diagon Ally and Severus bleeding on the ground inches from death. How many people would be fighting against him tonight and for all the wrong reasons? Would Severus wear his mask to the death under Dumbledore's orders? Would he allow himself to be killed by be a fellow believer in good? But then again, was he protected under the title of deatheater? Perhaps he was safer with Lord Voldemort, perhaps we all were.

I ran up the stairs, passing frantic teachers and students as I went; they had no concern for me and I had no concern for them. I was trapped in my own world, a world in which they did not live in.

When I reached the statue guarding the headmaster's office I uttered the password bent over in a wheezy out of breathe tone.

The statue slipped aside and let me pass as the rising staircase carried me to Severus's office.

"Severus?" I called as I opened the door, but the circular office was empty.

He had left to join Voldemort or maybe he was elsewhere in the castle. Draco and I had orders within Hogwarts so I was sure that we were to stay put. I sat in the chair behind the headmaster's desk.

I scanned the walls of the office; all of the frames that usually held portraits of past headmasters and mistresses of Hogwarts seemed to be empty, only dark backgrounds or vacant armchairs remained. All the usual inhabitance must be off patrolling the castle, moving along the frames to see what the disturbance was.

I let out a frustrated sigh. I didn't like those portraits much; they were always invading my privacy and they knew all my secrets, but the one time I wanted them around they were gone.

"Does anyone know where Professor Snape went?" I asked the room at large, hoping something would just come alive and start talking to me. I looked around anxiously for Dumbledore's frame, but it remained empty.

"And why exactly do you so want to know?" asked a bored voice.

I looked around to see a portrait of a wizard walking back into his frame. He was dressed in Slytherin colors, with a pointed beard and wearing a look of permanent disinterest.

"I just needed to speak with him," I said a little defensively, "Professor," I added quickly.

He let out a very fake yawn. "Well, My little popinjay," said the portrait in a drawl, "the headmaster has far more important business to attend to that does not involve yourself I am sure."

I looked up at him tearfully; trying to think of a good retort but instead completely broke down and buried my face in my arms on the desk.

I did not look up at his portrait for a long time, maybe hours, maybe minutes; time was moving like a rollercoaster tonight, but when I finally looked up to dry my eyes he was gone from his frame.

But then suddenly the window opposite me swung open and a dark, hooded figure hovered just outside.

I screamed and stood up, my wand raised.

"Oh put that away," said Severus's annoyed voice as the figure climbed through the window. Once inside, Severus pulled off his hood and the window shut of its own accord.

"Why are you coming through the window?" I asked as I store my wand back in my pocket.

His eyes darkened. "I have relinquished my position as headmaster," he said bitterly.

"Did," I started with confusion, "did the other teacher's chase you out? What about the Carrows are they gone?" My tone was hopeful.

"That is not of importance." he said sinisterly. "I have only come back briefly. Soon I must join the Dark Lord." I moved towards him so that we were face to face.

"Where is he?" I asked fearfully.

"The Shrieking Shack," Severus answered simply.

That was far too close for my liking. "Severus, is he truly going to attack the school?"

"If Potter does not come to him soon, yes, he will send his deatheaters in."

"You want Harry Potter to go to the Dark Lord?" I asked skeptically, looking into his eyes.

Severus did not answer, but broke my gaze.

"Are you going to fight?" I asked deciding to move on.

"I planned to," said Severus surprisingly regretfully.

"Planned?" I asked.

"The Dark Lord wants me to join him," he said. "If I just had more time I could find Potter…" he trailed off.

I felt horrified that Severus would even think of giving Harry to Voldemort.

"Severus," I exclaimed. "Why would you even dream of handing Harry Potter to Him?" I unknowingly clutched my stomach as if to protect. "It is true that the Dark Lord said he would spare the castle and its inhabitance if we gave him Harry, but that is not going to change anything, Severus." I started to cry. "He'll still kill!"

A shadow fell across Severus's face. He suddenly seemed to forget where he was; he seemed to be lost in his own memories.

"I do not want Potter dead," he said finally, his tone was not angry but somehow defeated.

"Severus," I cried reaching out to him. He grabbed my wrist before I was able to touch his hand consolingly. He closed his eyes tightly; he looked as if he were in physical pain. "Severus?" I asked tearfully.

"Harry needs to know something," Severus whispered more to himself than to me.

I wanted to know exactly what Harry needed to know, but I decided not to ask on grounds of knowing that the possibility of being answered was very slim.

"Something you must tell him?" I asked instead.

With his eyes still shut and his hand still tightly around my wrist, Severus nodded.

"For Dumbledore?" I asked a note of excitement in my voice.

"Yes," Severus breathed, his expression still pained.

A quick prang of hope shot through me. "Then let me help you," I whispered quickly. "Let me help you find Harry Potter."

Then abruptly Severus opened his eyes. "No you stay here," he ordered, tightening his grasp on me ever still as if I were going to try to run away from him.

"Why?" I asked scandalized. "I want to help! I want to fight!

"And what side would you plan on fighting for?" Severus asked with calm logic.

"I don't know," I yelled, suddenly angry. "I don't care anymore!" I ripped my arm away from him and began pacing. All the feelings I had towards my failure with Draco, this baby, my life all started to boil inside me. "I just want to blow something up!"

"You are ranting like a lunatic," Severus said as he ceased hold of both my wrists to keep me from pacing and face him.

"Maybe I am a lunatic!" I said stubbornly. "Maybe I have finally lost my marbles, gone mad!"

"I need to leave," Severus said precipitously. "Promise me that you will not leave this room." As he spoke he shook me slightly.

"I will leave!" I shouted.

"You will get yourself killed," he said in a sharp hiss.

"I don't care about that," I dismissed.

"Then what about the baby," Severus pointed out looking deeply into my eyes.

I let out a painful sob. "Severus!" I cried falling to my knees, dangling by my wrists that were still in Severus's grasp. "It is going to be like Him, Severus! I know it will be! But then again if by some small chance it is not, what kind of life will it have?"

"You could not even drink that potion," Severus almost pleaded, letting my arms fall from his grasp and letting them crumple to the floor with the rest of my wretched body.

"I couldn't live with myself knowing that I had killed my baby," I whimpered, "but if I die in battle…I won't have to."

Severus looked at me with alarm and he breathed deeply through his nostrils.

"Stand up," He hissed menacingly. I looked at him through the blur of my horrid tears, but did not move. "Stand up," he said again, but more forcefully this time. I would have rather he kicked me than make me move from the ground in which I belonged. "UP!" he shouted and by force of magic I was on my feet. I wobbled and he caught me by my shoulders. "Don't ever let me hear something like that cross your lips again!" he whispered with breathless fury.

"No one would care!" I cried. "No one would notice! I would just be gone." I looked up at him wildly. "And maybe I could see my mama and daddy and baby sister again! And I would take the baby with me and we would be safe!"

He returned my look of wild emotion, something I never would have expected to see on his face but as soon as it came it was gone and replaced with a look of pure disgust.

"You are damn well going to live!" he said angrily. "You are going to live for your parents and your sister. You are going to live for those who loved you and love you now!"

"But who would love me now," I cried.

"I would," Severus whispered, his face softening slightly, but still stern and angry.

"What?" I asked breathlessly.

"I love you," He looked as shocked as I was to hear those words spoken by his own lips. "I would care and I would notice; so you better damn well live!"

I looked at him with confusion, waiting for his words to settle in. When they did I began to cry harder and fell into him and held him tightly. He held me back.

"Live for your baby too," he told me. "You will teach it right from wrong."

"Okay," I cried into his chest.

"It may all end tonight," said Severus in a whisper. "It could all be over."

"If it ends, Severus," I began, "can we leave the country?"

"Yes," he hissed in my ear.

"And live in a house by an ocean or a lake or a puddle for all I care?" I sobbed.

"Yes," he muttered.

"Just you, me and the baby?" I asked.

"Yes," he said before pulling away. "I must go."

"Can't I go with you?" I said.

He shook his head once. "You wait here. I will go and come back."

"You will go and come back," I repeated.

He walked over to the window and opened it by hand. He was about to jump when I stopped him.

"Severus, wait," I said hurriedly.

He turned around, "What," he said impatiently.

"Nothing," I said, "just that I love you too."

The corners of his mouth twitched into the tiniest of smiles. He looked at me for a long moment before jumping out the window.

I ran to look outside and saw him take to the sky in full flight to go and come back.

Dear Readers,

Thank you for following my story this far. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review and tell me what you think.

-Thora Jane