Secret Stalking System-Revealed

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Kirina POV

"Are you ready for this?"
"I was born ready." I stared Kira down. There was no way I'd lose this time.
"Ready, set, go!"
"ITACHI-KUN IS MINE!"
"NO! WEASEL-KUN IS MINE!"
"DIDN'T I TELL YOU THAT WEASELS ARE MY FAVORITE ANIMAL?"
"I DON'T CARE! BECAUSE ITACHI-WEASEL-KUN IS KAWAII!"
"KAWAII AND MINE! SO BACK OFF!"
"WHO YA TELLING TO BACK OFF? KIRA, YOU MIGHT BE MY FRIEND, BUT YOU'RE ALSO MY RIVAL, SO YOU BACK OFF!"
"PSCH, LIKE I CARE! IF YOU DON'T LET ME HAVE HIM, THEN I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOUR DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET!"
"YOU WOULDN'T!"
"TRY ME!" I stared. She stared.
"I WILL NEVER LET YOU HAVE HIM!"
"HEY EVERYONE, KIRINA LIKES TO-" at that moment, the door opened, revealing a weasel, with bags under his eyes, Sharingan activated, with really messed up hair.
"Heh heh, good morning Itachi-kun." I said with a little wave.
"Explain." He growled.
"We were just trying to settle something with each other." I 'explained'.
"Outside of my room?" I don't think my explanation worked...
"No! This is a declaration of love for you!" Good going Kira.
"What?" He was confused.
"The enemy is stunned! Let's go, Kira!" We ran away before he could Sharingan us to death or something within those lines.
"We will continue this contest later."
"You bet, and I won't lose!"

"Kira, I know that you're not really good at finding hiding places and all, but please tell me why we are in your nii-san's room!"
"You'll see, you'll see."
"This better be good." Soon, Pein came in...with Konan. I think I see what she's talking about.
"Are you sure this is okay?" I whispered.
"Yeah, just keep quiet. We can spy on them and hide. How nice is that?"
"What if they start doing something inappropriate?"

"..."

"We're only seventeen you know."
"Well, what do you want me to do now? Run out and attack them?"
"If that's the only option left, then yes."
"Let me think about it."
"Don't take too long."

Akira POV

Hmmmmmmm... I think I have to take care of my friend-rival not to be scared for life... I was used to this kinda information, cause I'm a professional stalker, duh! But... nii-san please be decent!
"Konan... I want to tell you... I love you... more than anything in this life... words are not enough to tell you how much I love you..." Nagato said, losing himself in her eyes... bleeaaaaaah! Such a cliche!
"Then show me..."
Pein snickered, then bent down to kiss her gently. Rina was watching everything with big eyes, while my eyes were rolling... which was a funny effect with the Rin'negan being concentric and all...
But his hands already moved too low for a minor like Rina to watch... so I elbowed her and motioned to watch me. With a sigh of regret, I opened a trapdoor in the floor and descended down. She followed me with a face like 'wtf?'.
"Welcome to the great tunnels of Akira. Which room would you like to see?"
"What. The. F-k. Is. This. Place?"
"A series of tunels I created in order to stalk everyone. Including you, yes, that's why I know you like to..." I started, but Rina put her hand on my big mouth and sent a punch in my arm.
"Okay. Well... I wish to go to my room, if you don't mind..."
"No visit in your nii-san's room? Or Itachi's room? Or... Zetsu's room?"
"No, no, don't do this... stalking is a sin..."
"We can pull pranks... I know you want..." I murmured.
"No... I'm trying to quit this..."
"Tried an anti-pranks plaster?"
"What?"
"Wake up, dear, it's your natural talent! You can't say no to it! Just like it's my goal in life to make my brother's hair go white from the stress!"
"I dunno... I shouldn't..."
"Saaaaay it..."
"Okay, we'll pull pranks on everyone! Happy?"
"Very! Okay, let's get it started!"

Kirina POV

"Do you have a fake $100 bill and some string?" I asked.
"Uhh, no?"
"Okay, do you know where we can find some? You are the master in this base."
"Flattering will get you nowhere."
"Just sayin."
"Kisame's room, you can find some string and Hidan always has fake money."
"Okay! Let's go to Kisame-nii's first!" Kira led me into a series of twists and turns, until we appeared under a blue door. She slowly opened it and peeked.
"I'm blue (da ba dee...)
I'm blue (da ba dee...)

I have a blue house with a blue window
Blue is the color of all that I wear
Blue are the streets and all the trees are too
I have a girlfriend and she is so blue
Blue are the people here that walk around
Blue like my Corvette it's standing outside
Blue are the words I say and what I think
Blue are the feeling that live inside me

I'm blue (da ba dee...)
I'm blue (da ba dee...)

" There was Kisame, in Nemo boxers, singing.
"Did you bring a camera?" I asked Kira. She held one out.
"I never come unprepared." I grinned and aimed the camera at Kisame's dancing figure. Flash! Oh s***! The camera made a sound...
"Hm?" Fishy stopped singing. "Did I just hear something?" Kira pushed me down and closed the lid.
"That was close." She sighed.
"And you call yourself a master at stalking. You don't even have a silent camera." She stuck her tongue out.
"Hey, at least we didn't die!" She opened the door again. Kisame continued singing as if nothing had happened.
"Under the sea, under the sea."
"Kisame should enter a singing contest." I nodded in agreement.
"Akira, how will we be able to get the string without him noticing?"
"Can you do a henge?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, see that fishing rod over there?" She pointed to one in the far corner. "Transform into a fish, I'll throw you up and you get the string."
"Okay." I did the handsigns and turned into a fish. Kira threw me into the room and I flopped towards my target.
Suddenly, Kisame stopped singing.
"Hey there, buddy. Did you jump out of your tank? You poor thing." He threw me into his giant aquarium. "There you go." I'm gonna suffocate! I will drown! Get me out!
Kisame threw on his cloak, took Samehada and went outside. Once I knew that he was out, I turned into human again and swam out of there. I jumped out, drenched in water with seaweed hanging from my head. I think some of the fish were surprised at my sudden change, at least half of them either passed out or died. Sorry Kisame...
I quickly grabbed the pole and got the hell out. I'm about to catch a cold.
"Achoo!"
"If you're sick then get away from me."
"You heartless...monster! I'm in a half dying state and all you do is stand and laugh!"
"Okay, okay. You go change and warm yourself up while I get the money from Hidan, then I'll meet you in your room."
"Fine, which way's my room."
"Over there." She gave me the directions to my room and we parted. This is one of the deadliest pranks I've ever done…

Akira POV

Okay... left left right and straight ahead. I know those tunnels as well as my brother's repertoire of songs. Okay, a wooden trapdoor with blood on the sides. Greaaaaat... that was the one that led to Hidan's room.
I peeked inside- he was praying with that sharp thingie in his chest. Bleah, more blood... doesn't he ever get tired of it? I swear his heart will once have a... heart attack because of the stress...
I looked to see if he had his eyes closed, and yeah, gods are on my side! Without making any sound, I sneaked out. I just hoped my cloak would be tight enough not to make ruffling sounds... Like everything I want happens. From the first two steps a 'fush, fush' sound echoed in the whole room. Don't turn around, don't turn around...!
"Oi, b***h, what are you f***ing doing here?"
"Ummmmm... trying to get some fake money from you so Rina and I can pull a prank on Kakuzu?" I tried, hoping the truth would make me forgivable, along with my puppy-eyes-of-doom.
"If that's the case... take whatever s**t you want and get the f**k out! I'm f***ing trying to pray here, for Jashin-sama's sake!"
With a happy sigh, I grabbed some fake dollars. Hidan returned to his ritual and I went out like a normal person through the door to Rina's room, still not beliving it was that easy...
"Rinaaaaaaaaaa! Open up!" I yelled, knocking at the door.
"What do you want? Are you ready so soon?"
"Duh! I told you I'm a master of deciving and very subtle stuff. I needed all my talent of lying and it was so hard to get those money... what you did was not risky! What I did was live-endangering more than whatever you'd ever dream of doing!" I lied my ss off, and Rina seemed to bite it.
"Oh, really...? Then... are you alright?"
"Except for my ego, yes!" I said, pretending to be morally hurt.
"Sorry, sorry, okay?"
"Okay, okay. Are you ready?"
"I was born ready!"
"Then Kakuzu's room- here we come!"

Kirina POV

Hehehe, ol' Kakuzu, you'd better prepare for the heart attack of your life! We were in the underground tunnel again.
"Here it is." Kira pointed to a room with a dollar sign on it. Well that was easy...
"Okay, Kira, take these." I handed her the money with string attached and a fan.
"A fan!"
"It's just for show. I want you to go up in his room, put the fan on his desk and turn it on. Then open the windows. Finally, put the money somewhere randomly in his room and give the string back to me."
"Yes Madam!" She opened the door, looked around to make sure that no one was there and ninja jumped up. Kira did exactly what I told her, turn on fan, open windows and put down money. This is coming together perfectly.
"Here's the string."
"Thank you." I said as I took the string.
"What next?"
"We waited." And wait we did. We waited, then waited, and waited some more.
"WHAT'S TAKING THAT OLD FART SO LONG? I'M GROWING A F***ING BEARD HERE!"
"Patience, Kira. He'll be here soon. You'll get us exposed if you shout like that!"
"It's true! I am growing a beard!" She showed me her chin, I touched it.
"It's perfectly normal."
"No it's not! At this rate, I'll have to borrow some shaving cream from Itachi-kun!"
"Itachi shaves?" I just couldn't imagine him in front of a mirror, face full of shaving cream. That thought made me laugh.
"What chu laughing at?"
"Nothing, nothing." Soon, we heard Kakuzu's voice.
"Five dollars!"
"What? It's just five dollars, cheap a$$hole."
"Hidan, I can live a whole month with five cents and you spend FIVE DOLLARS on a pack of toothpaste!"
"How do you F***ING live? Five cents? Jashin-sama would kill me if I used five cents a month." Hidan follows such a weird religion.

Kakuzu came into his room...alone. Thank God, I do not need a certain religious silver-haired dude to mess up my plan.
"Money, money, money." He sang. Almost there. In three...two..one! Kakuzu jumped up at the sight of the green piece of paper.
"LUCKY!" He skipped over to his bed and held up a hot pink teddy bear.
"Guess what, Fluffentina? I just found one hundred dollars! This must be my lucky day! I'm gonna go pick it up now. Watch me, okay?" He put the bear upright, facing him. I readied myself. He bent down and...I yanked it far from his reach. Kira snickered.
"Good plan."
"Gah! Why did it move?" He looked around. "Must be the fan!" He turned it off and dived for the money. I made it fly over his head.
"Where are you going, my precious baby!" He whipped his head back and forth.
"Argh! Damn you, window!" He slammed all of his windows shut. "Now, my beautiful, you are mine!" He ran there this time.
"Sh**!" I muttered. Too fast. I reeled the money in.
"Huh? Where did you go?" He tapped on the door.
"Run." I told Kira.
"But what if he finds out about my secret stalking system?" I thought about that.
" We'll both go upstairs and distract him!"
"Okay, let's do this!"

Akira POV

I'm never going to get a friend again. Never. Not if my precious, treasured, loved, adored stalking tunnel system is put into danger. Never I say!
I halfwalked-halfran through the tunnels to the closest trapdoor, which led into a random hallway. Rina followed me as I knocked at Kakuzu's door.
"Hey, Kakuzu-san! Open up!" I yelled while knocking on the door.
"What do you want? I have just lost some money in the ground and I have no idea where they went!" he said, with a red face because of the anger.
"Hidan said you're an old fart." Rina said.
"Money is more important!"
"There's a teddy bears buy sale in Suna. Apparently the Kazekage is having a garage-sale. So lots of cheap teddies!" I tried.
"Money is MORE important, why can't you get this?"
"Ummmmm..." I looked at Rina, who didn't have any idea either.
"Now, did you bother me just for that?"
"Ummmmmmmmm... we were thinking about... learning about you!" Rina said, and I could visualize the smart-idea lightbulb above her head popping. I looked at her like WTF, but she shrugged. Well, best idea so far? Nah, the single stupid idea that worked.
"Learn about me?"
"Yeah. You're not very popular, you don't have many fangirls, you're not a cool-headed Uchiha, you don't have such a silky hair... but you must have something cool! And we wanna find out what! I mean... some girls say you're badass. We wanna see if it's true!" I completed. As usual, I could work out a story from the bare idea. Most of the time I didn't have the idea... but that's what Rina's for, right?
"Hmmmmm... girls say I'm badass?"
"Yeah, girls." I said, though in my mind I was completing with 'that have lost their minds'. But... less Itachi fangirls, less headaches for me, right?
"Then... come in." he said, getting from the doorway.
We both stepped in. I knew his room was completely covered in money, but for Rina it was a shock. I heard her let out a small 'wow', and I sighed. Now we were stuck with a old fart trying to find something cool in him. Great, great, thank you a lot, Kirina!
"Soooooo... I love money. I don't love Hidan." Kakuzu said, and I giggled. Okay, so KakuHida fics are kinda hot. And I'm nuts after hot yaoi. Yeah, sick mind, whatever.
"Then... who do you love?"
"I dunno... I have a fetish for women with money.

" Yeah, expected. Like the Kages."
Rina and I shared a look of shock. "Like... Tsunade? Or Mei Terumi?" she said.
"Yeah."
"But Konan is also almost the leader of Ame. So...?"
"Yeah. Too bad your brother has her."
"What? You like Konan?"
"I like her money..."
"But you also like the hokage and the mizukage?"
"Yeah. More like that mizukage lady."
"What the f**k, you sick perverted old fart! She is the leader of my village!" Rina burst out, then took my wrist and pulled me out of Kakuzu's room, who was looking weirdly at us.
As soon as we were out, we went into her room to gossip like old ladies.
"Kakuzu and Konan?"
"I know!"
"What a crack!"
"Horror!"
"What if your brother finds out?"
"Then Kakuzu will be shinra-ed obsesively compulsively. Why?"
"Poor Kakuzu..."
"Heh, poor rich women."
"Good thing I ain't rich."
"Well... I'm the sister of the Leader of Ame... do you think it's the case for me too?"
"Nah, you're too young for him..."
"So is Konan..."
"Sh*t, you're right! Oh, goddamn it! I hope it's not the case..."
"Hope all you want..."
"I should tell Nagato."
"Nah, it's funnier not to tell him..."
"You sick mind."
"Hey, I almost drowned because of you, so..."
"It was an accident..." I tried excusing myself, but it didn't work...
"Accident my ass! You want Weasel-kun just for yourself!"
"Sh*t yeah!"
"YOU WON'T HAVE HIM! HE'S MINE!"
"Don't start..."
"Kay...

Another long chapter…-_-