Longtail: (Voice Over) My name is Longtail. Since…what…like, yesterday, I've been dead from a food related accident. I have still not learned my lesson and I am now going to try more foods. However, I can't die because of them because, hey! Guess what?! I'm already dead.

[Zooming in on a large diabetic foot]

Longtail: (voice over, while showing the large diabetic foot) I'm going to travel all over the world to try foreign foods. Again, I have nothing to lose because I'm already dead.

[Longtail stands on top of a large purple mountain with his arms on his hips, staring at the horizon. He inhales deeply, then exhales, smiling happily. Unfortunately, it turns out that the mountain wasn't a mountain, but instead, a volcano. A large blast of lava shot up out of the top, burning Longtail to a crisp.]

Longtail: Oh…god, that hurt. (Coughs)

Yellowfang: (filming throughout) you're not gonna learn your lesson, aren't you?

Longtail: (happily) Nope! (Skips to a large mushroom covered in glitter) This is St. Patty's Mushroom. The creatures who live inside of this mushroom are allegedly magical, sadly, due to Brightheart's little incident, we are no longer allowed to do anything that involves anything with magic. (Sarcastically) Thanks. Anyway, because of that, it appears that we must go to the mushroom identical to St. Patty's Mushroom.

(Longtail and Yellowfang walk 10 steps over to the right and stand in front of a yellow mushroom with white spots on top.)

Longtail: Now this is called the St. Claw Mushroom. Why is it called this? I don't know. I'm just a cat who's started interacting with humans for the first time in his life. You will NOT judge me. (Kicks rock next to him)

Yellowfang: So, are we just going to stand here or-

Longtail: Oh, right. (Knocks on door with his tail)

(A trio of rabbits hop out of the mushroom)

Trio: (name of white rabbit with black spots over body with long black ears) Are you Sia? (Pointing to Longtail)

Longtail: No…

Trio: Aw. I wanna see Sia. (Turns to Yellowfang) Are you Sia?

Yellowfang: I don't even know who that is.

Trio: It's this awesome Australian woman who never shows her face who sung this with a little girl in it spinning around.

Longtail: I've never heard of her. Damn it, how do these other animals know more stuff than we do?

Yellowfang: Oh, you can curse, but I can't?

Longtail: That's because I have seniority over you.

Yellowfang: Aren't you supposed to be eating something?

Longtail: Oh, yeah.

Trio: We will give you food. But only if you insult someone we like.

Longtail: Well…that's nice of you…I guess.

Trio: You do not want this food.

Longtail: Why not?

Trio: Because demons from Hell will rise and attack your lower intestines. You will cough blood for all eternity as your eyes bulge out of your head. You will become possessed by the evil spirit of Zidona. She will ravage through your mind, altering your memories and turning them into ones darker than Satan's thoughts. Every nightmare you dream will become a reality. Soon you will fall into a state of paranoia so horrible that you'll go insane, questioning your very existence on this fragile planet. Suicide will seem like a wonderful paradise compared to being forced to endure this psychological pain for another second.

Longtail: Hmm…

Trio: But, then again…your call.

Longtail: Hmm…

Yellowfang: Why are you actually considering this?! Didn't you hear what he just said?!

Longtail: Yes, I did hear. But none of that can happen to be because I'm already dead! (turns towards Trio)

Trio: Actually-

Longtail: NO ONE CARES ABOUT SIA!

Trio: (exhales deeply with closed eyes) Alright. I can see that you just said that because you want to eat this food for some reason. Now, I am willing to give you another chance. You have been warned because I am doing this for your own good-

Longtail: AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT RIHANNA!

Trio: (exhales deeply with closed eyes) Okay. You're…you're really crossing the line here. I respect Rihanna, and Sia for that matter. Now, I have been patient with you and this is your final warning about this. I really, REALLY, do not want to make you eat this food. Please, stop now-

Longtail: AND NO ONES LIKES KATY PERRY, LADY GAGA, ELLIE GOULDING, NICKI MINAJ OR KESHA! OH, AND WHILE I'M AT IT, BRUNO MARS, CHRIS BROWN, USHER, FLO RIDA AND DAVID GUETTA SUCK!

Trio: (throws hands up in anger) you know what, that's it. THAT IS IT! YOU DO NOT MAKE FUN OF-OH, I WILL KILL YOU! DOUBLES, SINGLES, TIE HIM UP! (pointing to other rabbits as he hops towards the mushroom)

Doubles: (blonde rabbit with floppy ears) [in British accent] you shouldn't have done that. Trio adores Katy Perry. He was just singing "Wide Awake" this morning.

Singles: (white rabbit with gray stars over his back) [in Australian accent] you're about to go night-night now. (turns to Yellowfang) You are more than welcome to film his death, mate.

Yellowfang: At this point, I will, just so that I can view it later for my own pleasure. And so Bluestar knows that I wasn't the one who killed him.

[Doubles ties up Longtail's legs with rope while Singles tapes his mouth closed with gray tape. Trio returns out of the mushroom with a large baseball bat while playing "Dark Horse" on his iPod. He stands in front of Longtail, waving the bat back and forth, staring into his eyes. He swings and hits Longtail on the head on the very last line of the song, knocking him out unconscious]

To Be Continued…

(No, I don't have time for that. We're finishing this sh*I right here and now)

Yellowfang: What the hell is wrong with Bluestar?! Did we do something to her? Maybe so, BECAUSE I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

Trio: Hopefully your camera will be able to withstand temperatures of 3,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

Yellowfang: I mean, I guess- wait, I can't even withstand 3,000 degrees…what are you planning to do to him?

Trio: Well, first we must do the ceremonial Lava Dance of Sia's Chandelier.

[Chandelier begins to play. Smaller rabbits being dancing to the song as show in the video]

Doubles: (to Trio) I say, where are we getting the money for all of this?

Trio: Hmm…what is the "money" you speak of?

Doubles: (growling) don't play dumb with me. You've heard of money. Money: the stuff you somehow used to pay 30 tiny bunnies to dance to "Chandelier".

Tiny Bunnies: Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight. Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes…

[Longtail wakes up suspended over a large pit of lava. He is still tied around his legs, but now a rope tied to his tail attached to the ceiling slowly lowers him deeper into the lava.]

Longtail: HOLY SH*T! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Yellowfang: (laying on a hammock while taking a sip of lemonade) they're basically just f*****g around with you right now before they force-feed you some weird demonic food that's gonna end of killing you. Oh, I don't know why I'm telling you this because you should already know…SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE HIM DO IT!

Longtail: (closes eyes as he rubs his head in anger) how many times do I have to tell you: I CAN'T DIE AGAIN SINCE I'M ALREADY DEAD!

Yellowfang: You better be glad I have a little sympathy for you or I would have left you. (takes another sip of lemonade)

Tiny Bunnies: I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier!

Longtail: (gestures to Tiny Bunnies) and who are they?

Trio: Tiny bunnies who only dance to Chandelier. And "Disturbia".

Longtail: Hmm. Oh, well. I've been crazy for the past two hours, so why stop now? (to Trio) "Disturbia" was a horrible song!

Trio: (shrugs) It really doesn't matter anymore what you have to say. You're still gonna die a horrible death. Moron.

Tiny Bunnies: Cause I'm just holding on for tonight, cause I'm just holding on for tonight. Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight, on for tonight, on for tonight.

Trio: Now that the song is finished, you shall be dipped into the lava as I read from this scripture. (clears throat as she places one paw on the lever that controls Longtail)

"Airplanes in the night sky are NOT shooting stars. Furthermore, we are NOT who we are. On that matter, we know Who That Chick is. It's YOU, Rihanna. It's always been you. Ellie Goulding DOES in face have a problem with playing with fire. And who the HELL is Leonardo Da Vinci?"

[Trio dunks Longtail into the lava, muttering to himself in anger.]

Longtail: GOD THAT HURT!

Trio: (nodding) Yes, I know. That's why I did it. And that's why I'm going to do it again. MORE SCRIPTURE!

"Some people do NOT want to Die Young, Ke$ha. That's very depressing. Katy Perry should have hella diabetes, considering that she was in that world made of candy. And again I ask, WHO THE HELL IS LEONARDO DA VINCI?! I WANT SOME ANSWERS, DAMN IT AND I WANT THEM RIGHT DAMN NOW!"

[Trio dunks Longtail into the lava once more]

Longtail: (coughing) GOD, THE BURN!

Trio: (nodding) Yes. You will feel the burn. And once more for good measure. BRING ME THAT DAMN SCRIPTURE!

"Disney Channel is overrated and I am COMPLETELY bored of it. Some people just don't wanna dance, Lady Gaga. Is that alright with you? You don't have to be so aggressive about it. Adam Levine, you got your ass kicked in that "Misery" video. WHO THE F*****G F**K IS MOTHER F*****G LEONARDO DA MOTHERF*****G VINCI?!"

[Trio dunks Longtail into the lave for a third time]

Longtail: OH MY GOD, WHY?! (Side note: Longtail is now burned beyond recognition, but let's continue, shall we?)

Doubles: And now on with the food. Singles, where is the food getting fork?

Singles: (gestures around) Uh, everywhere mate.

Doubles: (staring at Singles with narrowed eyes) You've been in those bloody drugs again, haven't you?

Singles: That is for me to know and for you to find out after years upon years of psychological torture.

Trio: Oh, damn.

Singles: What?

Trio: I forgot to make a bloody Tyler Perry reference.

Doubles: It's alright; you made plenty of pop references. Some might say too many.

Trio: Oh, well. It doesn't matter now anyway. Let's get back to torturing this fool with food. (walks over to Longtail with a fork in his hand) You little moron. What I am about to feed you will be so horrible, so vile, so demonic, that you will be questioning every aspect of your short, pathetic life.

[Doubles pushes over a cart with a silver platter on top. The cart itself is covered with a white sheet.]

Longtail: (sniffs, then covers nose) WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Doubles: (laughing evilly) this is the food you're going to eat.

Trio: Yes. Enjoy the feast.

[Trio pulls lid off of platter, revealing one plate of Spam and one plate of Hash]

Longtail: (gagging) OH, GOD! IT SMELLS LIKE VOMIT!

Trio: YOU'RE GONNA EAT IT AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT! NO, wait, I take that back. There's no way in hell you're going to like this crap. NOW EAT IT ANYWAY! I WILL HOLD YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING TAIL DOWN!

[Doubles and Singles grab Longtail and strap him to a board, where they then grab the Hash and shove forkful after forkful into his mouth. Longtail begins sobbing loudly, flailing his arms and legs]

Longtail: I DON'T WANNA EAT IT! I DON'T WANNA EAT IT!

Trio: SHUT YOUR FACE!

Yellowfang: Next time I'm working with Fireheart. At least he's not annoying. (looking around) Alright, now who's gonna give me a ride?

[Elastic Heart begins playing]

Yellowfang: Seriously. I wanna go home.