Christmas, The Akatsuki Way

Hi everyone! This is a kind-of Christmas special. At first, I thought that we wouldn't make it since we started about a week before. But we did! A day early too! So hope you all like it, and it's pretty long too...

Disclaimer: I disclaim Naruto!

Kirina POV

Here are the events that followed the 'Date incident'. One, Kira found out about the fake necklace and chucked it out the window(hitting a random by passer who threatened to 'sue our ass off'). Two, me and Deidara kinda went on a date, before we got rudely interrupted(thank you, Kira and Tobi). Finally three, Kisame won the lottery...don't ask me how that happened(this resulted in Kakuzu having multiple heart attacks, one after another.). So overall, a normal week.

Sadly, I can't say the same for this week.

We all know that Konan is a relatively quiet person, right? No. Konan can be really evil sometimes. For example, bribing Tobi into waking everyone up at 6 A.M. Yes people, six in the FREAKIN MORNING! Just for a meeting. After everyone gathered, Konan began her speech, her voice sounded unusually (and suspiciously) peppy and enthusiastic.

"Okay everyone! Guess what we're doing this week!" Silence...well except for one guy.

"Oh! Oh! Tobi knows! Pick Tobi! Konan-san, pick Tobi!"

"Yes?"

"Christmas!"

"That's right, we're celebrating Christmas this week! Aren't you guys excited?" More silence...Never mind, Kira fell out of her chair.

"What the f*** is a Christmas?" Hidan asked groggily.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CHRISTMAS IS? Tobi, the presentation please." So, in front of a bunch of half awake criminals, Tobi wheeled in a projector and a computer. Konan clicked a few things and a Powerpoint came up. Tobi then proceeded to flick the lights off. As soon as the click was heard, all of us hung our heads and fell asleep.

"and so, that is what Christmas is all about." The lights flashed on again. All Konan saw was a bunch asleep idiots and a bouncing Tobi.

"WAKE UP OR I'LL GIVE YOU THE PAPER CUT OF HELL!" No answer...Hidan fell out of his chair.

Akira POV

"Okay, that was the last drop that filled the glass! Papercut-no-jutsu!" Konan yelled like a maniac girl she is, throwing paper planes around at us. Eff yea, sure, like I care.

After a while, she got tired of this, so she started walking around and poking us. After a string of swears, she got to me."Kira-chan, you must love Christmas! you get to spend more time with your family, meaning Pein!"

"F**k yea, I just adore spending time with Nii-san! Plus, Ko-chan, I'm a Buddhist. We don't celebrate this, or not in the way you do." I said, yawning and stretching like a cat.

"Really?" she looked definitely surprised. "For how long have you been a Buddhist?"

"Ummmm... ever since I mastered all types of chakra? And I realized that's my way of living?"

"O-kay... but you do give and receive presents, ne?"

"Yeah. Now can I go back to sleep?"

"NO! You'll help me with my Christmas!"

"Why would I?"

"Cause if not... ummmm... I'll help Rina get Itachi!"

"And you're gonna tell her to help you cause otherwise you'll help me get Itachi, ne?"

"..."

"This kinda cheesy s**t ain't gonna work on me! I used it on you and nii-san hundreds of times!"

"You start to sound like Hidan with that loudmouth of yours... ain't very Chrismassy..."

"Ain't giving a f**k!" I said, and an echo of this sounded from the other side of the room. I looked and saw one of Rina's boyfriends, the loud one giving me an approving grin. BS.

"Rina-chaaaannn~..." Ko-chan moved farther to Rina. Poor Rina didn't know how to get rid of her faster.

Moving on... I had to speak with a few people around. Especially... Tobi!

Mwahahahaha! Another plan of the great evil Akira is forming!

Kirina POV

"Rina-chaaaaaan~." I shuddered. No, not now. Please! I prepared to run, but Konan was faster.

"You celebrate Christmas, right?"

"Uhh..."

"I'll take that as a yes!"

"Well..."

"You should help me, since Kira-chan won't!" Konan pouted.

"I really.." She leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"If you don't, then I'll help Kira-chan get Itachi."

"You do realize that I'm not stupid, right?" I whispered back.

"You two are no fun!" She stomped away and I sank back into my chair with relief. The atmosphere of the room seemed to lift a bit once Konan left. Pein joined me at the table.

"Hey, Carrot Top Leader-sama, can't you get your girlfriend to stop?"

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"Denial~ If Konan heard that, she'll shave your head, then kick you alllll the way to Oro!" Pein grunted and got up.

"Bye, bye Carrot!"

"Wahhh! Akira-san! Tobi's arm! Tobi's arm is faling off!" Across the room, Kira tried to drag Tobi outside by pulling on the poor boy's arm.

"Shut the f*** up! I need to talk to you!" Hidan is influencing Kira too much...I threw a cookie at her.

"What the F*- Rina? What the hell are you doing!" She screeched like a madwoman. I pointed to the cookie then to Tobi. She nodded.

"Tobi-chan? You want cookie?" Tobi nodded.

"Yes! Yes! Tobi want cookie!"

"Then be a GOOD boy and follow Akira-san outside, okay?"

"Yes, Akira-san." Tobi was in the cookie trance. Tobi dizzily followed Akira outside. With nothing better to do, I trailed behind them to listen.

Akira POV

"Okay, now Tobi is a good boy, ne?"

"Yesyesyesyesyesyes!"

"Okay. And what will Tobi get Kira-san?"

"Tobi will get Kira-san... an Itachi-san wrapped like a christmas present!"

"... no comment. And what will Tobi get Rina-chan?"

"Another Itachi-san wrapped like a christmas present!"

"Where do you get two Itachis from?"

"Oooooh... Tobi didn't think about that... Then what does Kira-chan want?"

"Kira-chan ain't wanting a lot... I want Ko-chan to shut up!"

"Whaaaaat?"

"yeah, you heard me. I know it's impossible, but you can do anything, right? A few days ago you have created blue flames. Makin' Ko-chan shut the f-... I mean shut up is gonna be easy, ne?" Huh, good thing I stopped the swear word in time. Tobi starts to cry if he hears one of those.

"Weeeeellllll..."

"Rina-chan will help you! Right, Rina?" I said, dragging her out the bush she was hiding in trying to listen to our smart conversation.

"Why would I?"

"Okay people, we need to unite if we don't want Ko-chan to do like she did last time!" I said, and both Tobi and I shuddered.

"What did she do?" Oh, yeah, I forgot Rina is still the most n00b of us all...

"We didn't want to celebrate her s**t and- sorry, Tobi, stop crying, I'll be a good girl- and she did horrible things to us... She gave Tobi sugar, Hidan got alcohol, Kakuzu got his money stolen, Kisame's fish suddenly died, nii-san suddenly ran out of carrots, and I mean those on his head, Zetsu got poisoned with weed-repelent... and I... I... noooo, I can't tell you! It's too painful!"

"O-kay... then what's the plan?"

"We all join forces agains the crazy f-up woman!"

"Okay..."

"Tobi will do it!"

"Okay. Now scatter and make all the members adhere to this. Tell them it's my plan. I'll go to... nii-san. Wish me luck."

"Hai!"

Kirina POV

Psch, Kira. She made it sound as if convincing Pein was THAT hard. It's easy, you either threaten him, or blackmail him. I have some pretty nice pics too...She got the easy job, now it's up to me and Tobi to get the rest. WHY? I'm too lazy too.

"Rina-Chaaaaan, let's get sempai first!" Yes. Sempai. Yes, indeed. I walked towards Semapi's room.

"What's wrong Rina-chan? Why do you have a weird smile on your face?" I flung the door open.

"SEMPAI! I yelled. Oh. He's not here. FAILLLLL~

"Eh? Sempai? Where are you? Tobi is a good boy and Tobi will search for Sempai!"

"Good for you Tobi, good for you."

"IS SEMPAI UNDER THAT ROCK?"

"Sure, Tobi. Sure." I laid down on sempai's bed. Damn, now THIS is a rock!

"BAKA! That rock is my clay, un!" Tobi and I jumped. Well, he did. I fell off the bed...and landed right next to his feet. He glared down at me.

"Good...morning Sempai! How was..your morning?"

"Like shi*, un. Sasori no Danna and I had another fight, then Hidan comes over to ask for pickles. Can you imagine that, un? Pickles! Now, I have you idiots here too!" I patted his shoulder.

"I feel sorry for you. Really, I do."

"What are you two doing here, un?" I whispered Kira's plan to him, while Tobi blabbed on and on, making it hard for him to tea.

"SO KIRA-SAN PULLED TOBI OUTSIDE, THEN FOUND RINA-CHAN IN A BUSH. AND THEN KIRA-SAN TOLD ALLLL OF US GOOD GIRLS AND GOOD BOYS HER PLAN. WHILE SHE WAS TALKING, TOBI SAW A BUNNY RABBIT. THE RABBIT REMINDED TOBI OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND, SO TOBI THOUGHT ABOUT A TEA PARTY. THEN THE TEA PARTY MADE TOBI HUNGRY, SO NOW, TOBI WANT A COOKIE!"

"So what you're saying, is that you want me to join you idiots in your rebellion against Konan, un?" I nod.

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"No means no, un." I smiled evilly.

"Then I'll just use my secret weapon."

"What secret...weapon...no...not..that." I grinned.

"Tobi," I ordered. "Go do your job and I'll give you a cookie."

"HAI! RINA-CHAN!"

"Bye bye,blondie" I did a little wave and locked the door from the outside.

"NO! NO! KIRINA, NO! Help me, un! I take that back! I'll do it, un!" Tobi began.

"JINGLE BELLS, TOBI SMELLS! SEMPAI HAS A DOOOOG! ZETSU EAATS HUMAN MEAT AND I'M A GOOD BOY NOW!" He sang, totally off key.

"I take it back, un. Please." He sounded half dead...oh well.

"Too late now. Sucks for you." I childishly stuck my tongue out at the door. Hopefully Kira has better luck than me. Off to the next victim.

Akira POV

BS, BS, BS! Okay, Kira-sama, you're the most beautiful, intelligent, smart, expert stalker and fangirl in the whole world... you can do it...

As usual, I entered without knocking. "Heeeey, nii-sama, what's my favourite brother doing in this unusually merry morning?" I said in an overly perky voice.

"What did you do?"

"What tells you I did something? Just because I realized that I need to show you more respect?"

"Spit it all out."

"Weeeeeelllll... you know how Ko-chan goes crazy around the chrismas time, ne? I mean, more than she already is. About you."

"Huh?"

"Gah, most of the times she's crazy about you!"

"I know, right?"

"Yeah, whatever. And... last time when you refused to play Santa for Tobi she shaved your head off, right?"

"Yes."

"And when you tried to take your revenge she tied you of your bed and no one could break those ropes and I had to bring you food until The New Year?"

"Yes. What's your point?"

"This year we'll all unite against her. Tobi and Rina are already convincing others."

"Are you crazy?"

"Yeah, about Ita-kun."

"O-kay... but I love her!"

"BS! It's just for a little time, she'll forgive you..."

"okay..."

Huh, it was easy!

Kirina POV

I just succesfully convinced Kisame and Kakuzu to join our little group. Soon, Kira came with her good news too. We decided to get Itachi together.

"Kira, I really think we should knock first..."

"No way! You're too scared, Rina! Ita-kun won't mind!" While she was blabbering, Itachi slowly opened the door. He didn't look angry, or happy...not that he ever shows these emotions anyways.

I shook my head, trying to get Kira to shut up.

"What? Are you still scared? There's nothing to be afraid of, n00b." She turned and was face to chest with Itachi.

"I...ta...chi...! Kyaaa, Ita-kun!" She proceeded to glomping him, in which he dodged and she crashed onto the floor. I giggled. Itachi focused his eyes on me. Looking at his eyes, I felt...fear. Yeah, he kinda scares me. I'm suffocating now, somebody help me!

"Um..hi?"

"What are your intentions here?"

"We..uh...wanted you to-"

"We want you to join our group against Konan!" Kira interrupted.

"No." Yeah, just a straight out 'no'. Just what I expected from him.

"What do you mean no?" Kira asked. She seemed a little surprised, but at least she's not yelling it.

"No. I will not join your group." He said matter-of-factly.

"Okay, but why?" I asked.

"Have you asked yourself why you're doing this?" I cocked my head to the side, clearly confused.

"Of course we have! We want to stop Konan!"

"If that's what you think, then do it, but I will not join you. Now if you'll please get out of the way." I stepped away and Kira did the same.

"Kira-chan, are you sure that we should do this?"

"Duh! We have to stop Konan-" I quickly covered her mouth and she struggled.

"Shhh! Look!" I pointed to the room with a half opened. Konan was in there, decorating the tree. She was humming a Christmas song and hanging little ornaments. I studied her expression. She was smiling like never before. I've never seen her this happy, she moved with such grace, putting up the ornaments and she even got presents for all of us!

"Kira-chan...I don't think I want to do this anymore."

Akira POV

Damn. Damn. Damn. BS! Even I don't wanna do this anymore! Okay...but... nah...

Should I still?

Damn no!

Do I give up? It'd be the first time!

Hmmmmm... yeah. Damn it.

Maybe I didn't like Christmas, or celebrated it, but I believed in karma. Karma did something nice for me (my favourite soccer team won with 5-0! w00t) and I had to do something nice in return. So this is the first time I gave up on something, ne? Well, I guess everything has to have a start.

"Hey, Ko-chan."

"What do you want?"

"To help you."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. I changed my mind. I wanna help you."

"Really?"

"As impossible as it sounds, yeah."

"Ohmigoshthankyougirlsyou'rethebestinthewholeworld!" she yelped as she rushed and gave us a double hug. Rina went to tell the others the change in the plan and convince them to do exactly the opposite of what she convinced them to do earlier and I went to decorate the garden. There, Zetsu was happily singing a carol to his plants and was very happy when I brought him some decorations and didn't try for once to eat me and for once I didn't have to kick his plant butt to the North Pole and back.

Then, I decorated the kitchen (though Tobi will burn them with the first occasion), the living and the bathrooms (though I find it kinda awkward to pee while a happy Santa is staring at you...)

Well, i guessed that's all. Oh, yeah, sh*t, the presents. Should I shop normally -meaning also paying for what I took- or should i be good? Okay, Ko-chan from my mind, I'll be good...

...

...

God, I hate shopping. But I love to see happy faces of the people in my family... I couldn't wait for the Christmas night, as weird as it sounds...

Kirina POV

I smiled as I watched Kira help Konan. Now everyone's happy! Well, almost everyone...I feel like I'm forgetting something.

"Baka! What are you still doing here? Go get the guys!" Kira pushed me out. Oh right...them.

Getting most go them to help was pretty easy. I almost fainted while talking to Itachi though. Outside Deidara's door, I was debating whether or not I should let him out. Judging by the singing I hear, I think I should. Maybe I should kill him! You know, put him out of his misery.

"A B C D E F G, TOBI HAS LOTS OF COOKIES! ONE FOR SEMPAI, TWO FOR TOBI, THREE FOR KONAN AND A BUNNY!" I quickly unlocked the door before my ears start bleeding.

"Oh, hi Kirina-chaaaan! Tobi was a good boy!" I shuffled my feet uncomfortably.

"Uhhh...Tobi, we're helping Konan out now."

"Really? Yayy! Christmas!" Deidara stood there, dumbfounded.

"You mean, I was locked up for an hour with HIM for nothing, un?"

"Preeeeettty much...sorry?"

"I hate you, un." He threw a rock at me. YES, A ROCK! Can you believe that! The nerve of that boy...

I stepped out a bit to buy presents. It was pretty easy. Kira, an Itachi plushy. Kisame, a goldfish(I accidentally killed his last one). Sasori, a tree! Zetsu, some fertilizer. Hidan...a..butcher knife? Kakuzu, teddy bear, nuff said. Konan, I got her these really pretty origami paper...which then got burned...so I baked her a cookie. As for Itachi, I got him Sasuke. Yes, I really did get him Sasuke. The package in my hand shuffled.

"Stop moving, chicken boy!"

"What the hell do you want with me, woman?"

"Geez, shut up and I MIGHT feed you some tomatoes."

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Gosh, how does your brother deal with your shouting?"

"ITACHI! WHERE IS HE?"

"SHUT UP OR I'LL PELT YOU WITH MULTIPLE TOBI'S!"

"..."

"Yeah, I thought so." Anyways, continuing my list, Pein, I got him a carrot with stickers that spelt Pein. I got six, for all the Peins! I got Tobi a pretty princess dress and Deidara, a...PENCIL! Haha, that's for throwing a rock at me!

Time to PARTY! Hidan..sang carols. With Zetsu...I don't know what to say about that. We all had fun and Tobi burnt the cookies, typical Akatsuki Christmas, ne? Then, we exchanged presents.

"Rina! Open mine!" Kira shoved her present in my face, as in quite literally MY FACE! I opened it and...wow. Really. An Itachi plushy. What can I say? Great minds think alike.

"Thank you, Kira! I love this! Now open mine!" She did.

"OMIGOSH HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANTED THIS? I was debating whether I should give you that, or keep it for myself. Let's give Ita-kun our presents!" I nodded and grabbed my package, which was very heavy.

"Merry Christmas Ita-kun!" We both sang.

"Open my first!" Kira said.

"No, mine! It's about to die!" Both of them stared at me weirdly. Did that come out wrong? Sadly, Kira beat me to it. Itachi unwrapped it to reveal secret Sasuke pictures of Sasuke that she secretly took some time ago. Psch, I have a better present. He opened mine and...

"Itachi! I will kill-"

"Tobi." I reminded him.

"..." Itachi was holding the urge to grin and drag Sasuke off to his room.

"Thank you Rina-chan, Kira-chan." I smiled. Now, for the other presents...

Everyone else loved their present. Hidan yelped when he got his and ran of to chop his carol lyrics into a million pieces. WHen I gave Deidara his present he gave me mine. I unwrapped it and found a really cute clay pig.

"Aww, how cute."

"It represents hot fat you are, un." He said, smirking.

"Well why don't you unwrap yours!" He did.

"Oh! How did you know I wanted this, un?" Can I go cry in the corner now?

The night went by fast, we were plotting on how to attack Santa and steal all his presents before we all fell asleep. Merry Christmas, ne?

See? It was really long! I wonder if it beat my record...they were both over 3000. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this and Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah and Happy Kwanzas and HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL!