An Evening At Sophistication Manor
Note: I am thanking the first two people who followed and faved me: Smallwhisker and Emberstorm of WindClan. Thank you! Second note: the second part to this will most likely be put on here in two days. I will not make a promise because there are times when I can't think of anything to write.
(No parody today. Just an original show. All characters will speak in a British Accent. Oh, and is it weird that I was listening to Ellie Goulding as I was writing some of this?)
Sunshine: (a white she-cat with black feet and hands. A literal flame surrounds each hand and foot as the white fur ends and the black fur begins. The flames on her hands are purple and the ones on her feet are yellow.) [She is also speaking in a British accent] Luxury. Elegance, sophistication. These three words are used to describe the wonders that lie inside of the homes behind this gate. Homes that belong to very wealthy individuals who have spent their entire life inquiring their large fortune. But then there are some who didn't have to do any work for their chance at the fancy life. From Inheritances to hard work and drive, anyone can have the chance at a life filled with never-ending riches and abundant amounts of sinfully delightful pleasures. Join us at An Evening At Sophistication Manor.
[The words "An Evening At Sophistication Manor" are written on a black piece of velvet that is embroidered with gold in golden letters. The I in "Evening" is dotted with a slowly rotating diamond.]
Sunshine: (walking slowly in front of large mansions with beautiful yards with topiary and multiple colors and varieties of flowers) Hello, there. I'm Sunshine and I am delighted to take you on an exclusive look into the lives of some of the most wealthy people in the world. Fortunately for us, the wealthy citizens seem to have decided on living in the same neighborhood beside on another. Let's take a look at our first resident.
Graystripe: (Sitting curled up on a dark red leather chair in a dark room) Good evening, Sunshine. I am delighted to have you here.
Sunshine: Well, I am delighted to be here. Good evening to you as well. Now, in my notes, it says that you do not wish to be called by your "Official" name. You wish to be called by your pseudonym, Mr. Star. Now, is that correct?
Graystripe: (A.K.A, Mr. Star) That is affirmative.
Sunshine: Now, Mr. Star, you have successfully created a revolutionary line of advanced technologies. A lot of people have been calling you insane for some of the devices you've upgraded. What do you have to say about such name-calling?
Graystripe: (frowns slightly, then returns to his normal face) Ah, well there will always be those who are jealous of other people's successes, their divine level of creativity, and their desire to help the changing world in any possible way. (DROPPING ACCENT) Because, you know, PEOPLE ARE HATERS WHO ARE GONNA TRY TO TEAR YOU DOWN AND DESTROY WHAT LITTLE SELF-CONFIDENCE YOU'VE BUILT UP OVER YEARS, AND YEARS, AND YEARS! NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU WORK AND HOW MUCH YOU TRY YOUR HARDEST TO CREATE SOMETHING ON THIS EARTH, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE JUDGED BY THOSE WHO DO NOTHING AND SIT ON THEIR AS**ES ALL D**M DAY LONG, AND THE FUNNY THING IS THAT THEY WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING GREAT IN LIFE AND WILL HAVE TO FACE THE D**M FACTS THAT MAKING FUN OF MY HOPES, DREAMS, AND CREATIONS WILL BE THE FURTHEST THAT THEY WILL EVER GET IN LIFE!
[Crossing legs quickly]
Graystripe: (with accent again, calm) So, in summary, I am just going to ignore them and continue doing what I love best. Come, let me show you some of my latest inventions.
Sunshine: (Stares at Graystripe with wide, scared eyes, glances over to camera, then back over to Graystipe) Quite.
[Sunshine and Graystipe are in a large basement with blue walls and white floors]
Sunshine: Now, what is this, Mr. Star? (pointing to object on the table)
Graystipe: Ah! One of my personal favorites. You know how all desktop computers are square and rectangle, laptops are rectangle and square and even tablets are rectangle and square. Hell, even phones are rectangle? Do you notice this strange pattern of all the devices that we use in our everyday life, sharing the same four-sided shape?!
Sunshine: Quite.
Graystipe: Well not anymore! Behold! The Triangular Laptop!
[A small laptop in the shape of a pyramid sits on the table in front of the two]
Sunshine: (pokes at it with a pen) Well I must say that this is rather…umm…innovative. How does this work; there is no keyboard…nor mouse.
Graystripe: (scoffs softly) [shouting in "regal" tone of voice) The Tri-Top requires no mouse! What are you, crazy?! Something of this high caliber will not use barbaric, simple, and common tools such as a…mouse! No! Sir! the Tri-Top uses only the finest of communication methods previously unheard of in this entire universe.
Sunshine: Well…not to be rude, but…what is it?
Graystripe: YOUR MIND, DEAR! YOUR FREAKIN' MIND! (Points to his head)
[Graystipe walks over to Tri-Top, then meows quietly as he stares at it intently. The Tri-Top begins glowing, illuminating a soft blue hue of light.]
Graystipe: Alright, you beautiful little monster! I demand to see pictures of an angel having lunch with her middle-aged demon friend in the park inside of an underground Empire State Building filled with a complete DVD collection of every single episode of every single show that's ever been on Nickelodeon.
[Tri-Top glows red, followed by loud buzzing)
Sunshine: Is it supposed to do that?
Graystripe: No, (backs away from Tri-Top) it's not supposed to do that at all. (Turns to Sunshine and claps hands together) So…I'm going to call 911…wait, I can't do that.
Sunshine: Why not?
Graystripe: They refuse to send ambulances to this neighborhood anymore because they were deeply offended by our arrogance and snobbishness. Which, by all means, I don't understand. I consider myself to be a very humble living being. Snobbish? Hell, yes. I am a snobbish cat and I am not afraid to admit it.
Sunshine: I believe enthusiastic would be a better word choice for you.
Graystripe: (now backing into the wall behind him as he stares at the Tri-Top, wide-eyed.) [Dropping accent] Alright, that's it. I'm getting the hell out of here. I DON'T WANNA DIE! (runs up stairs as Tri-Top begins smoking) I AM NOT DYING TODAY!
[Sunshine waves her tail slowly as she looks towards the camera]
Sunshine: Well, my time here has…um…expired. Next we will be traveling to Deadfoot and Ashfoot's Manor.
[Suddenly, long metal arms extend from Tri-Top. The Tri-Top then hops off of the table and follows Graystipe upstairs, where the sounds of screaming and glass breaking can be heard.]
Graystipe: HOLY MEGA SHI-
[The words "An Evening At Sophistication Manor" are written on a black piece of velvet that is embroidered with gold in golden letters. The I in "Evening" is dotted with a slowly rotating diamond.]
Commercial Break (from the insanity going on around you):
[Fireheart stands in a white room with his hands behind his back. "Ghost" by Chelsea Lankes plays in the background throughout)
Fireheart: Tyler Perry. Scary black man or nice black man. (black and white picture of Tyler Perry is shown) A hard choice? Perhaps. Is he scary for being able to look like an actual woman…or is he nice for having a beard?
(picture of Morgan Freeman is shown, also in black and white.)
Fireheart: How about this one? Scary black man or nice black man. Scary for betraying us all for doing actual acting where we can ACTUALLY see him…or nice for having a beard?
(picture of Rihanna is shown…black in white.)
Fireheart: Ah ha! Not so easy, now, is it? Scary black man or nice black man…(turns to left, apparently talking to someone off-screen) Yes, Sandstorm, I know she's not a man; but I have to say it. Why? Because I was promised a Sims 3 Pets game if I did this. I've been a good boy. Yes I have…YES I HAVE! I have been a good boy because I haven't typed in "Creepypasta" on YouTube anymore when you told me not to because you said that it would give me nightmares. (clears throat and turns back to camera)
Scary black man for…uh…having…hair. I don't know; she hasn't did anything wrong. Or nice black man for having "Disturbia", A.K.A, my song! Wait, I take the first statement I made back. She could be a scary black man because there's a freaking spider in that video.
(Picture of Squidward's grandmother flashes on screen)
Fireheart: Scary black man or- (turns to left again) Yes, I know, Sandstorm; she's not a man…nor black…well…I-I have to say it because of the Sims 3 Pet game- YES IT IS WORTH IT! I'VE SEEN THE VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE WITH PEOPLE PLAYING THE GAME! IT IS AWESOME AND I WANT IT BUT EVERY TIME I GO TO WALMART, THEY NEVER HAVE IT! THEN I WENT TO GAMESTOP AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE IT, EITHER! (Note: this is currently going on with me in real life) What do you mean "how was I supposed to pay for it"? I have money…yes I do…YES I DO! I've worked at the Golden Corral for…2 days now. (turns around to face camera once more)
Scary black man for…uh…having a nose…or nice black man for wearing the same outfit every time you are shown and managing to pull it off?
Narrator: Watch "Scary Black Man or Nice Black Man" every Sunday at 8/7c on Food Network.
(Note: What is wrong with me?)