4 - Train

The inside of the Justice Building is peeling; a broken chair alone in the corner of what must have once been a grand entrance hall. We are ushered into a side chamber, which muffles the sound of voices from outside. I think about how many people have been here before, seeing their families for the last time. Somehow, I find myself wishing that I did not have to see them again, wishing that my time with them could be confined to my life before I knew my fate. My knees hit the wooden floor, bruises blossoming beneath the skin, and I feel Gale's hands under my arms, lifting me back to my feet, closing tightly around me until I feel only him. I have never appreciated the breadth of him, felt his strong chest against my cheek, his rough hands holding me tighter than I can remember ever being held. The forest still lingers on his shirt. His breath is warm in my hair. I could count the number he has left. The number we both have left.

"Katniss," he says urgently, letting me go just a little so that I can see into his face. He opens his eyes and I realise that he had been closing them too, perhaps with the same childish hope that it would shut out everything else. Reflected there are the hours we spent in the forest, the only time I could ever feel like myself, the only time I remember smiling without forcing myself. We could take off, you know. Live in the woods.

The door opens, and Primrose's arms are around my waist, tears streaming down her face. "Prim," I say softly. "Listen to me." I crouch down at eye level, and Gale turns towards the wall, his fists clenched, biting down on his knuckle with his eyes tight shut again. I tuck a strand of hair behind Prim's ear, and brush a tear from her pale cheek with my thumb. "You have to speak to Greasy Sae. She'll give you food. I'm sure Hazelle will take care of you too. And you have your goat. Don't take out tesserae, it's not worth putting your name in more times."

She tries to speak, but I silence her. The peacekeepers already have a hand on her shoulder. I look at them, and they recoil instantly. "I love you," I whisper as I hold her to me. She begins to scream as they carry her away on the other side of the door, and I clamp my hands over my ears, feeling bile rising again in my throat. The floorboards sway beneath my blurred vision.

When I wake, I can feel the warmth of Prim's body beside me, and I hold onto her. The bed feels warmer than usual, comfortable. Light warms my eyelids. This time between sleeping and waking is my favourite time of day, the time when I realise that the nightmares were just dreams, just my fear taking over in unguarded sleep. My eyes open slowly, squinting against the light.

Deep in the meadow…under the willow…

It takes me a moment to realise that the form I am holding is not Prim. I am curled around Gale, who hums quietly. I bury my head into him, holding him tighter as I fight against the crushing weight of reality. He can feel my heart thudding and begins to whisper reassurances into my ear. His breath on my face soothes me as I slowly regain consciousness, looking up at his face. He does not try to smile. In his gaze is the unspoken confirmation of my horror. That there is no way we will ever return from this together. We can't come home together. If it came down to it…I try to push the thought out of my head, scanning his face. Could I ever do it? Tributes go mad in the games. Even the ones that would never kill at home break. Suddenly I know the answer, see it in his face. We can't come home together. We will die, but we can go down together. And we won't without a fight. Because we are hunters, and that is how we survive.

I realise how close I am to Gale. I have never, not even in the woods, been held by him as I am now. I'm sitting up, my head swimming. He must be able to see my faintness, because he sits up too to support me, but I shake him off.

"I'm fine," I tell him, my voice louder than I intended, cracking a little.

"I know," he tells me. We both are. He stands up to leave.

"Gale," murmur, and he turns around. I have never thanked him before. I struggle to form the words.

But he understands. He nods. He had my back. I would do the same for him. And we would until the end.

IIIIIIIIII

We are on a train. My compartment seems to be made almost entirely of velvet, the sheets silk. A crystal chandelier above my bed sways slightly with each turn, the only indication that we are moving at all. I look out of the window at the forested hills until Effie knocks.

"Katniss!" she trills. "Katniss, are you decent?" I do not answer. "Come on, dear, we've got a big, big, big day ahead of us!"

I have found the bathroom and turn on the shower with one of the buttons on the marble wall. The water masks the sound of her voice, and eventually, the sound of my thoughts.