Fish Funeral

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!

Kirina POV

New Year's ended with a bang, as in quite literally a bang... Pein ordered Deidara to set off a few bombs because he was pissed at all the Konoha villagers who questioned his hair and Orochimaru was being a creeper again. So I spent the countdown with the entire Akatsuki...and a drunk Tobi. It was fun. The day after, nobody came out of their rooms, we were too partied out. Now, it's the day after after, and for some reason, the sky got really dark and it was raining like hell! I guess it's not that special since we are in Amegakure after all. But there was just SOMETHING off about today. Maybe it was because Tobi was all sparkly and hyper, or maybe it's the way Pein's sitting, something was definitely wrong.

"Hey, Kira? Doesn't it just feel weird today?" She shrugged.

"No. What's wrong with you?" She said, mouth full of toast. Then, a gloomy aura filled the room.

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" I asked again.

"Relax! It's just Kisame." Sure enough, the big shark entered with Tobi trailing after him with a bucket.

"Tobi, what the F*** is that?" Kira asked.

"It's Kisame-san's tear bucket."

"His what?"

"His tear bucket. Kisame-san is crying because of...so Tobi is being a good boy and catching all his tears!" In the middle, I think Tobi tried to mouth something to us but I couldn't see what he was saying. Kira, of course, was stupid enough to ask.

"His what? What's he crying over?" Tobi made a slash on his neck with his hands, then put them together and waved them around like fish.

"OH OOH! I KNOW! IS IT DEAD FISH!" Ah..this'll be fun to watch.

"FISH!"

"Wait Kisame-san, the bucket!" Tobi tried to run in front of Kisame and catch his tears, but dripped as water spilled everywhere.

"MY CARPET!" I think..Kakuzu just died. While this was all happening, Kisame cried a river-no, make that an ocean. The rest of us? We choked on toast at the hilarious scene in front of us.

Akira POV

What? I have the tact of an amoeba! "So how did they die?" I continued.

"Kira, stfu!" Rina whispered frantically to me.

"What? I want details!"

"Don't be a masochist idiot!"

"You mean I shouldn't be a Hidan?"

"Yeah!"

"Fine. Then... OHMIGAWD KISAME, THIS IS SO SAD I'M SO VERY SORRY!"

"Better." Rina sighed, and Kisame stopped crying.

"You- you are?" he asked shakily.

"Um... Yeah, sure."

"Didn't you poison them?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Cause you hate my fish obsession."

"I don't care about you." I said, then immediately I wanted to take my words back, cause the Niagara of tears started falling again. Only this time Tobi caught it! Yay! "I mean, I don't care about your fishes!" Rina facepalmed. "I mean... I have nothing against them!" Everyone sighed happily when Kisame stopped crying. Tobi rushed to empty the Tear Bucket on the window in a poor passer-by's head who started swearing his a** off, then came ready to get another wave.

"I'm Emo!" Kisame announced. Lol, so we have zombies, emos, a carrot, a weasel, Rina, a xerox girl, an aloe-vera, a rapunzel, a pinnochio, a good boy and me. Could this get worse?

"I think we should give Kisame's fishes a nice funeral!" Nii-san said, and everyone gave him looks of WTF? He shrugged and gestured slightly towards Kisame, who looked happier.

I'm so not going to the funeral of fish!

Kirina POV

A fish funeral, huh. All I see is: flush down the toilet. Does that mean that we're all gonna be crammed up inside a bathroom and watch Kisame sadly flush the toilet? I don't think that we're all gonna fit though. Where did Leader get this stupid idea anyways?

"Sniff, Leader-sama, thank you for volunteering to help with my fish's funeral. They would've been very grateful if they were alive." Pein's reaction to this was hilarious.

"Wha? Help...you? What?"

"Yes, of course you're helping me! It was your idea. You'll help, right?"

"What? I...fine." and Pein admits defeat. The two exit the room for a while. Probably discussing the plans, Tobi followed them out with the bucket. Such a loyal boy. Minutes later, Pein walks in and asks Kira and I too look at something. He held out a piece of paper that said 'You're invited to Kisame's fish's Funeral!' and a poorly drawn fish under.

"That fish looks dead." Kira said.

"Kira, it's supposed to be." I told her.

"Right, right."

"Where's this gonna take place?"

"...my bathroom." Oooh, this is interesting! I wanna see Pein's bathroom! I imagine it's big, grand, and orange!

"You mean that cramped sh*thole of yours? I can barely fit in there without knocking half of you 'hair products' down on the floor." Okay, never mind. Kira just ruined my dreams of the giant orange bathroom.

"Exactly why you aren't allowed in there anymore. It's not my fault that it's cramped! There was a construction malfunction and Kakuzu's too dead right now to fix it!"

"Not that he would anyway if he were alive." I pointed out.

"Right.."

Akira POV

"Well, actually, he would if I asked him to." I pointed out. "And plus, if I ain't allowed in your bathroom anymore, how am I supposed to take part at the funeral? I don't even want to."

"Dammit Kira, you have to! I can't stand having to buy so many black eyeliners and emo stuff when I go shopping with Konan!"

"You go shopping with Konan?" Rina asked stiffing a laughter.

"Yeah, and sometimes they drag me along too, trying to make me meet guys along the way. But I send Tobi instead of me to go with them. And still they don't give up..." I sighed. Some people just don't learn anything from their past mistakes.

"Whatever. So... what are we gonna do for the funeral?"

"Can't we just put him in a genjutsu?" rina suggested

"Suuuuuure, like Itachi's gonna help us." nii-san objected.

"We don't need him. I can cast genjutsu as well."

"Yeah, we've forgotten about that" we said at unison, then snickered. There were so few occasions when we seemed like siblings that it was funny when it happened.

"But this isn't normal to do. He had just suffered a loss. Those fish were important to him." Who the hell asked the other emo to join our conversation? Gosh... why am I still losing time with such an uninteresting person?

"Haaaaaaah. You want to attend to a fish funeral?"

"It's for a comrade."

"In a bathroom so small that I wonder how Konan fits in there?" Not to mention the company... yeah, I'm a stalker. But it's too damn funny to see nii-san's face getting red as a tomato everytime!

"For a comrade."

"YOu know what, Kira? We should take this more seriously."

"Damn no!" I said along with my nii-san.

"come on!"

"He got me to help him though I never wanted to!"

"And I don't give a f**k about his dead fishes, or him!"

"Guys. You gotta."

"Give me arguments to convince me." I said, and nii-san nodded approvingly. If they give us a good enough reason to go, we will. If not... not!

Kirina POV

Okay, reason. Um, how about: he's a giant fish man who can chop us into a million pieces? Most definitely yes, he could. But that's not the best reason there is.

"Well, he's a great person, er, fish...fish-person." Kira crossed her arms, unconvinced and leader nodded, jotting down..notes? "Hey, Kira, what's your Nii-san doing?" I whispered. She took one look at him and said: "Being a carrot." I think Kira needs to go to school again, because last time I checked, carrots did not write notes. Maybe I should look closer next time at the carrots I eat...

"So anyways, Kisame was nice to you! Remember the time when Tobi stubbed his toe and you couldn't shut him up? Kisame offered to take Tobi out on a trip!"

"He threw Tobi in a river." Good point...

"Well..." I racked my brain for all the good things that Kisame did. "He...baked...cookies for you once!"

"That was a prank that you and him made up! It tasted like paper!"

"That's because it was made out of paper." I stated. She looked...angry. Which is not the effect I need. I ran out of 'nice' stories. Tactic two: Make up a sob story.

"Ahem, Well Kisame was a great Fish-person. He was always apart of our conversations and aided us in fights. He was always there for us whenever we needed him...most the time. His fish was important to him, especially Bubbles. He and his fish were like two peas in a pod, they loved each other, so we have to attend it for Kisame!" Well my plan worked... sorta. Pein was crying buckets already and Kira...was totally unconvinced. "He will also hate you forever and chop you into a million pieces!"

"Psch, I'll just Shinra his ass off!"

"I'LL TELL EVERYONE WHO YOU LIKE!" That got her attention...and her brother's too.

"WHO IS IT!" Pein cared about this more than her.

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me."

"Fine..I'll go."

"WHO IS IT KIRINA?"

"It's..."

"Who?"

"RINA!"

"A cookie!" Yes, a cookie solves everything...

Akira POV

Damn that little b*tch! The official version was that I still liked Weasel! She wasn't supposed to use this as a blackmail! Dammit, now I'm stuck at a boring sh*t! Gosh, I. AM. SO. ANGRY. F- you, world, and f- you, Kisame's dead fishes! Ew, it's like I'm a necrophilic zoofilic creep. Not the case...

"Kira, tell me who's the idiot that sle- I mean, who you like!" Nii-san yelled. Wow, he actually thought I...well ... y'know... with that guy? I wish... but, as I said before, I'm only 17.^.^

"Nope. Now come on, we've got a funeral to attend to!"

"KIRA, IF YOU DON'T TELL ME THEN I'LL... I'LL..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll... tell everyone... Kirina, give me blackmail for her!"

"Nope. She's agreed to come. No need. Plus, I already know. I wasn't just bluffing."

"Damn yeah, cause I was stupid enough to tell you." I muttered.

"Exactly. Now come on!"

And there we were, the whole Akatsuki, in the box nii-san called bathroom, surrounded by carrot stickers and merchandise, plus Naruto (I got him lately, I thought he'd be in tone with the colors of the bathroom. I hung him above the toilet. When he gets ** he ** on my nii-san's head... also when we forget to feed him. And when we forget to place the anti-Zetsu alarm. Whatever.) So we were in water up to our knees, cause of the tears, Tobi got stuck somewhere between Kuzu-chan and Ko-chan with the buckets, Kuzu-chan said we can't open the door cause the water would ruin the floor... Yeah, we're so having fun...

"Anyone wants to say a few words before our dear friends leave this world?" Nii-san solemnly said, but of course I have to ruin that.

"They already left the world."

"Here we have a volunteer to make up a little speech!" Oh, that bastard!

"Yeah. Nemo and Ariel and Flipper and Jaws and whatever stupid mermaid name would be there were Kisame's close friends, and only friends, cause he's too ugly and antisocial. He fed them only sh*t, but they liked it... more or less. We can blame this on Tobi's horrible cooking skills." And here Tobi started crying, doubling the amount of water in the small, tiny, microscopic room. Water was already up to my waist, so we need to hurry. Zetsu is going to putrefy, as well as Pinocchio, Konan's makeup will run, Deidara's mouth-hands will drown, nii-san and hidan's hair will go wild cause of the humidity, and Kuzu-chan's money will get wet. Overall, only me and Rina were the only ones kinda okay and not in danger. "Concluding, they were cute little adorable fishes. To the toilet with them!"

Yeah, he did it. He threw them there, flushed and Naruto's pee crowned the whole procession.

"Okay, we're done. Let's go! I need to get this water off me!"

"The FLOOR!"

"F**k the floor!" everyone said, and the closest one to the door managed to open it. Good thing my room was... just next door. F**k.

So much fun...

Sniff, POOR FISHIES! T_T I remember I had a goldfish when I was a kid...I don't think I fed him enough...he kinda disappeared without me knowing it-_-"

ANYBODY WANT TO KNOW WHO KIRA LIKES? I WILL TELL YOU FOR FIVE DOLLARS AND A DOZEN DONUTS!