Good evening readers. Here is Chapter 4 of my adventure. Again, my thanks to my three Beta Babes from Old Haunt-Bree, Marjo, and Stella. Their input has made this a better story and hopefully me a better writer. Comments are welcome!
Kate slowly opened her eyes and brushed the hair off her face, trying to remember where she was. Looking around, she noticed rich cherry furnishings and subdued atmosphere, and smiled, realising that she was actually in Castle's bedroom and yet unable to recall exactly how she ended up in his bed.
They had returned to the loft at 2:00 am, both incredibly tired and dead on their feet.
Smiling softly, Kate remembered she had been the aggressor, pulling him into his bedroom and telling him she had no intention of sleeping alone. Did she really say she was never going to sleep alone again. Seriously? God, she had been so emotionally drained, and yes, that was how she felt, but it was so unlike her to put a voice to it. Once they were in his room, Kate had begun removing her clothes without modesty or concern for propriety, knowing she had every intention of making love with Castle. Try as she might, taking off her top was the last thing she remembered. and looking down at her body, noting she was wearing one of his t-shirts and nothing else wondering how that happened? She loved sleeping with her skin touching the sheets, though since the shooting her skin was sometimes too tender to rub directly on them. Stretching out, the sheets felt sensual… so, hey, where was Castle?
Kate slowly raised herself up on her elbow, noting how stiff she was, with her left side hurting, and trying to push the pain to the back of her mind. She stretched, curling her toes while looking around the room, trying to find a clock. Wondering what time it was, but more importantly, where was he? She was about to climb out of bed and search him out, when the door opened, and in strolled Castle, one cup of steaming coffee in each hand, wearing only flowered boxers. Seeing her awake, that trademark Castle smirk spread across his face. He sat on the edge of the bed next to Kate.
"Well, Detective, I was wondering when you would surface. I thought I was going to have to call the boys and report a dead body in my bed."
"Funny Castle!", she retorted and sticking out her leg she kicked his thigh. "Give me one", she ordered as she reached for a cup of coffee.
"You should be nicer to me, seeing as I hold all the coffee" he teased, pulling her cup just out of reach.
"Don't make me get my gun!" she threatened as she sat up and leaned across Castle, reaching for her cup. As her arm brushed against his bare chest, she felt a tingle run down her arm and she realised she had never seen Castle without a shirt, let alone in boxers. Kate's obvious and prolonged stare at his boxers prompted Castle to explain. "These are for lounging, not for public viewing."
She smirked and pulled on his arm, bringing the coffee within her grasp. She took a long drink of her morning nectar and licking her lips looked into her partner's eyes. "I need a little help with last night. I remember walking into the loft, you trying to push me around, I think I poked you and I announced something about not sleeping alone, I pulled you in here and started taking off my clothes. Then nothing, everything is a blank until this morning and", gesturing at the t-shirt, "How did this happen?" Her eyebrow raised, she tried to hide her uncertainty in her determination for answers.
Castle laughed and considered her demand by rubbing his chin, and pursing his lips. This could be fun.
"Well", he started, leering at her. "It was quite a night! Yes indeed Detective, quite a ..."
"Damn you, Castle, I'm serious," she kicked him again, her fury rising, "This isn't funny!
"Oh, you have no idea!" As soon as he uttered the words, he knew he had pushed too far Her face darkened and her eyes went cold as she attempted to get up.
He stopped her, "Nothing happened. You barely got your top over your head, when you tumbled on to the bed, out cold. Now, Castle's number 1 rule is no love making with women who have no chance of remembering how brilliant I am. I removed your clothes, yes all of them, and totally enjoying the experience while you never stirred. And can I say that it's not easy taking clothes off a beautiful, unconscious woman without groping."
Kate was speechless, and staring into her coffee she bit her lower lip before she stammered "I '-I'm so sorry, I had such great plans for us last night!"
"Kate, relax. After waiting 4 years, I think we can wait until you're not comatose." He stroked her cheek and brought his eyebrow up for effect.
She smiled back at him, What a wonderful man. As she looked around, she noticed the clock showing 9:30am. She started and shoved him, hard.
"Castle let me up! I've got to get to the precinct, come on move!"
"Ow! Calm down, I called the station and the boys told me that Gates gave everyone a four day weekend, as a reward for your good work." And with his news delivered, Castle climbed over her to his side of the bed and said "Come on back to bed."
All of a sudden, she was nervous, no make that terrified, and unsure how to proceed. Did they talk first, or... Her question was quickly answered as he rolled her over to face him, their faces so close she could smell the warmth of his coffee breath. The look on his face brought her heart to a momentary standstill and her breath caught in her throat, anticipating his next move. Kate reached out and ran her fingers down his nose, stopping on his lips. Her eyes followed the movement of her fingers, memorizing everything. His face was so strong, yet so gentle, his blue eyes pulling her in. Yes, she thought, he really was ruggedly handsome.
Castle grabbed her hands, stopping their downward progress towards his chest.
"Kate, are you sure you want this now? Don't you want to talk things out first? We need to think about what this means. You need to be sure, because once we start, I won't be able to stop, we won't stop."
"Rick, Nick's death gave me such clarity. Life is precious and fragile, sure we live with the reality of death daily, but this was too personal, too close to home. We can talk later, we'll have time. Right now, I'm ready, I'll never be any more ready." And with that she rolled onto him, straddling his chest.
She sat up and removed the T-shirt, leaving her chest exposed. Kate's voice was no more than a whisper as she said " you need to see my scars, touch them, they are part of me." Taking his hand in hers, she rubbed his fingers over the scar where the sniper's bullet had entered her chest, ripping through her pulmonary vein and ending up in her left ventricle. That she was not killed instantly was a miracle. Her friends had contained what little blood had remained in her circulatory system, and Lanie had pumped Kate's chest long enough for her to be brought to the level 1 trauma center, minutes away from the cemetery. Kate's eyes closed as these memories flooded her consciousness.
Taking a deep breath, she opened them again, staring into Castle's eyes and finding understanding written there. The pain of that day had long been burned into him, into both of them, the shot, his words, that horrible ride in the ambulance, him watching her die. She saw it all!
Kate moved his hand to the left side of her chest, tracing the lifesaving surgical scar, the lateral thoracotomy incision that coursed over her fourth rib space from the back of her chest to the front. His hand resting just under her left breast, he pressed into her side, trying to exorcise the demons that nearly cost them everything.
"Do they hurt? Can you tell me about it? Please, I want to know, to understand all of it." He asked reverently, again staring into her magnificent, wounded eyes.
She watched as he looked at her scars, caressing them, never repulsed by them. He deserved the truth, and she needed to tell her story, needed to describe what had happened so their souls could begin to heal and they could begin their life together.
Kate's voice was calm and quiet, her emotions held in tight control, as she started to explain.
"I don't remember immediately after surgery. When I opened my eyes, I was so full of tubes, strapped down, everything moving as a fast blur. Fading in and out, everything so loud, I had to escape and I did everything I could to flee, to fight the tubes and restraints, I couldn't get free. I fought harder and that only made my terror worse, the pain unbearable. I was trapped, defenceless. That's when I I saw a face leaning over me, so close and holding my face, with a soothing voice, telling me over and over again that it was going to be ok, but I had to quit fighting, and then the darkness." She stopped, and bit her lower lip, thinking she had seen Castle's expression change, just for an instant,.
She shook her head and relaxed, passing it off as her imagination, she continued. "Later, the nurses told me how my rescuer singlehandedly worked to get the tubes removed and restraints off as fast as possible, explaining that the longer they kept me secured the more I would fight, and how counterproductive that would be, because I would never stop resisting as long as I felt trapped and out of control."
A slow smile came onto her face as she vaguely remembered how this person's presence became her safe harbor during those first hours. "It was the one face, one voice that I could make sense of, could hang on to. I -I don't think I could of survived without that." The intensity of this confession took her breath away, and she paused for a moment.
"Once I was more awake, the breathing tube removed along with the restraints, reality set in. At first, the pain took my breath away, it was relentless. Every time I tried to breath, pain would attack until I thought I would pass out. The pain medication didn't help, it only caused me to have nightmares, and every time I went to sleep the memory of the night in the hanger returned. With each event, I would start shaking, sobbing and would end up soaking wet. I told them to turn off the pain medication machine and was advised that the stress of unrelieved pain on my compromised heart could kill me."
Remembering the distress, she placed a hand on her chest, over her scar and continued: "One night it was so bad, I tried to get up, ripping at the tubes, trying to escape the pain and the nightmares. The nurses were magnificent, each time easing me back to bed, holding my hands, stroking my face until the sedatives that they pumped into me took over, plunging me back into a peaceful darkness. Lanie and the medical team came up with a combination of medication that allowed me some rest, and helped me when I tried to move."
Kate looked at Rick and continued. "The first time they got me out of bed, my legs wouldn't hold me, and if the nurses hadn't had a good grip on me, I would have fallen, dizziness and pain made it impossible to concentrate. I made them get me out of bed as often as the doctors would allow. I knew I had to keep moving. I couldn't bear the fear of being so vulnerable, and I was afraid that I would reveal what a mess I was, how physically and emotionally broken I had become." A short bitter laugh escaped, "I always believed that I was so strong, able to withstand anything, hiding in my mother's death, in relationships with men I didn't love. I couldn't let you see the real me so I sent you away, the physical pain was easier to manage than seeing disappointment in your eyes, that would've destroyed me. I had broken up with Josh earlier, so I was alone but I needed to keep my cover intact."
She looked down, no longer to maintain eye contact. "Castle, I'm such a fraud. The physical pain has gotten better, but at times it returns with vengeance, I never know when, it just happens. The emotional pain is continuing. I-I'm still seeing my shrink, trying to heal. I want to get better." Her body and her mind totally spent, her story ended, Kate let the tears fall freely onto Castle's chest. During the whole recount of her experience, she had been afraid to let him see just how damaged she was.
As Kate brought her hands up to wipe her tears, Rick's hands covered hers, pulling her down to him, and laying her on his chest, his arms encircling her body. Kate's sobs began, and his tears joined hers. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, to remove those terrifying moments from her memory, both their memories. All they could do was work together, making it better in time. Someday, he would tell her that he was her rescuer, but not now, not until she was ready.
As her sobs receded, he turned her face into his. Gently his lips covered hers, both opening in unison, and what started as a slow kiss became an exploration into passion, their tongues searching each other's mouths, Kate nipping his bottom lip and hanging on momentarily. Somehow he managed to slip out of his boxers, the sheets tossed aside, and Castle now laying on top of Kate, as their hands began to caress each other. Kate shivered with anticipation of what was to come. Their bodies were so in tune, their movements slow and purposeful, both in awe of the intensity of their passion. Kate's body so long and lean, still thinner than she had once been. Rick's body big and strong, firmer than she had envisioned. Kate sighed, her body was comfortable in his embrace, she felt safe and had never imagined how gentle his touch could be. As their passion rose, they could no longer avoid the inevitable. Time stood still while Kate's world spun out of control.
Their bodies spent, they collapsed and melted into one, both unable to talk and their hearts pounding. Kate's hair softly tickled Rick's chin, and he kissed her head, drinking in her scent.
Kate was the first, to speak, "Wow…that, that was..I don't have the words," lifting her head to look at him, "You're the writer, say something." As she slapped the back of his head.
"My, my, so impatient…relax. Where's the afterglow, the...how can I say, the…" he teased.
"Cut it, Castle. Don't make me want to kill you right now, Ok? I'm not sure I have the strength.", grinning, she whispered in his ear, "Kitten."
"No, I am sure that will come later, wait… what did you say? I told you never to call me that, you will pay for that." He waved his finger in her face and wanted to start the dance again, but also knew there was more to follow.
Laughing, he jumped up and grabbed her hand, "Let's get cleaned up. I'm starving, you've slept half the day away! "
"Okay, Writer boy, let's go."