Mousefur: (facing the camera with a serious face)I don't consider myself to be a hoarder.
(camera pans down, showing 17 raw chickens on the ground, then pans back up to Mousefur)
Mousefur: What, that? Oh, that's nothing. I actually need that for…something.
(camera pans behind her, revealing junk piled up to the ceiling. The floor is not visible and is covered with empty boxes, candy wrappers, pencils, food items, 1985 VHS tapes, a hostage victim, shoes, and other various…items.)
Mousefur: (angry) Don't you look at me like that! What the hell else am I supposed to do?! I sit in a den with elders all day! The stories that they tell aren't accurate at all and then they get mad at me when I try to correct them! Yes, I know that I should know better than to get into an argument with old people, but…it's not right! None of them are right!
(camera pans down to ground, shaking back and forth, then pans back up to Mousefur's face)
Mousefur: Are we going to have a problem?
(Various pictures of junk is shown, fading to black after each one is shown. There is video footage of old women with red curly hair crying, footage of angry old men with no hair shouting at police officers, and footage of families hugging each other and walking into the sunset holding hands. "Demons" by Imagine Dragons play in the background, overlapping the voices. Finally the words "Hoarding: Buried Alive Special Edition- You Have Enough Junk Already; You Don't Need Any More; It's Time To Get Rid Of It; This Has Been Going On For Some Time Now And Everyone Is Sick of It" is shown in bold red letters, sitting next to a pile of rotting garbage)
Fireheart: (standing outside of house holding a camera) Why…why are we doing this again?
Graystripe: I don't know, but it's funny.
Fireheart: No it isn't. This is sad…in a not-really-sad way.
Graystipe: Why are we here again?
Fireheart: Wait, you don't know?
Graystripe: No…but once I get inside of that house I'm taking anything that isn't nailed down.
Mousefur: (opens door) Oh, what is this?!
Fireheart: Oh, yeah. Now I remember why we're here. (turns to Mousefur) We were sent here by Bluestar because of your "hoarding" issue.
Graystripe: She didn't say hoarding; she said that we need to make her get rid of this junk or else she was gonna throw us into the river. Then she'd throw us into that cave.
Fireheart: What cave?
Graystripe: I don't know. I started tuning her out.
Mousefur: I don't have a hoarding issue!
Fireheart: Oh, really? (glances past Mousefur) I…I can see…literally, I'm not joking…four mountains of junk. There is a computer from 1992 sitting proudly on top. Got Windows 2 Running on there and…we're on Windows 8…point 1.
Mousefur: I can still use it!
Fireheart: No you cannot!
[Scene changes, showing an outline of a family walking with hands on each other's back while "Demons" play in the background]
{Fireheart, Graystripe, and Mousefur are inside of the small house. They are standing next to a wall, since there is nowhere to sit down.}
Fireheart: This is ridiculous. (looks up) I can't even see the ceiling. Filth.
Graystripe: Now, Bluestar wants us to ask you a few questions about your strange junk problem. Now, I have a theory that you have all this junk because you're afraid of going into Walmart after dark because that's where all the bad men come out to play. So…with that being said…Question number one: Are you afraid of going into Walmart after dark because that's where all the bad men come out to play?
Mousefur: (Shaking head slowly) You're an idiot.
Graystripe: Well that's mean. At least I don't have 50 years of junk inside my house! (slams down clipboard in anger) Damn you!
{Scene change showing faded video footage of an old woman with curly red hair shouting with her eyes closed at a bold headed man. "Demons" plays in the background}
[Fireheart is sitting on a large trashcan from 1987 as Mousefur sits across from him on a overturned book self with a scowl on her face. Graystripe is busy pawing at one of the KFC buckets filled with rainwater, laughing loudly]
Fireheart: (trying to block out his friend's loud laughing) Question number two: how long have you been hoarding?
Mousefur: (folds arms) I am not a hoarder. (turns head away)
Fireheart: Yes you are. Question number three: Why are there so many KFC containers—Graystripe! When did you write this on here?
Graystripe: When I was counting the KFC buckets and I reached 10. (returns to paw at the container)
[Fireheart scratches the back of his head with the pencil that he's been writing with.]
Fireheart: Okay. Follow up question: Why on God's Green Earth do you have 10—
Graystripe: 50! I last counted 50!
Fireheart: 50 KFC memorabilia, including cups, boxes, buckets…and so on.
Mousefur: I like the color red, and I guess white is okay as well. I don't eat anything from that place…except the occasional lemonade and mashed potatoes. I just go into the dumpster and get as many as I can get. It's a fun little game that I like to play.
Fireheart: Wait a minute…so you're telling me that you…don't actually eat the food…but…instead go look for empty containers of it…in their dumpster?
Mousefur: That is correct.
Fireheart: Oh, what the hell?!
Mousefur: Eating fried foods can be extremely unhealthy and can possibly lead to death.
Fireheart: Oh! But hoarding rotten, filthy boxes and filthy contaminated water is perfectly healthy?! There is mold on the ground, mold on the ceiling, which I can't see by the way since there is so much junk covering it! If you stay in here any longer, you're gonna end up dead!
Mousefur: (dryly) We're all angels and demons now, remember? We can't get sick.
Fireheart: (stares at Mousefur in silence)
Graystripe: 51!
{Sounds of dishes breaking in the background}
[Scene changes showing police officers holding back a young woman with black hair who's trying to attack an older woman who's wig is currently on the ground. "Demons" play in the background]
Fireheart: Okay, Mousefur. Let's move on to the next stage of the…therapy…or whatever it is we're doing. Since we don't know what's causing your strange behaviors-
Graystripe: We do know! She's a freaking lunatic! Who in their right mind dumpster dives for garbage?! Who? WHO?!
Fireheart: (twitches ears) I hate to admit it, but he's right. You are a lunatic. Anyway, we will proceed with the next stage of trying to help you: throwing the trash away. (gestures to the garbage around them)
Mousefur: I don't know what you're talking about! This is not junk! This is beautiful treasure!
Fireheart: I swear to God that if you start crying I will kill—
Mousefur: SILENCE! I don't care what you say! I'm not throwing away any of my belongings!
Fireheart: There are bags of used napkins in the corner over there! There are 15 raw Cornish Game Hen's scattered all over the floor! There is a poster of Katy Perry over there…wait…I suppose that's…alright…I don't know…but you see my point!
Mousefur: You'll never take away any of my belongings! They're mine and I'm gonna keep them forever and ever! NOW GET OUT!
[Fireheart turns back to Mousefur and talked into a walkie-talkie]
Fireheart: Send backup.
We're going to take a quick commercial break, which will most likely be...something...stupid...no.