Chapter 6
-One Month Later-
"We have to stop this."
They sat on a bench facing the sea of New York in a small park near their apartments. Runners, bikers, hobos, and vendors sauntered by, unaware of the conversation the two were having.
"You always say that, Tris," Tobias said as he looked to the blue ocean.
"I know. It's because I'm not strong enough to stay away from you and actually go through with what I say."
Tobias didn't respond. He simply turned to her with a soft look, and she returned it.
They weren't touching; they never did in public. Only at home. A lot at home to make up for what they couldn't do normally.
"Your eyes," she said, "are the color of the ocean. I could stare into them and drown completely. Except I wouldn't mind it. Drowning. In fact, I'd probably love it, because being with you, I feel like I am. You know, drowning," she said again. "I feel as if I'm losing air every day I'm with you, because as the days go by, I realize a little bit more that maybe I don't want to catch my breath. I want to try to avoid those eyes, but I don't think I can."
"Tris," he said forlornly. "You deserve so much better than me and this stupid record company and this stupid city. You really do. You don't need a better nose, extensions, or photoshopped. A record company in LA could offer you so much better. So a week or two after your single is dropped, you'll likely sign with Sweets. But what my boss won't tell you is that you have a choice. You can stay with Sweets, or you can go to another company, probably in LA since there's only one other music producer in NYC. This is how my boss traps inexperienced singers. I beg of you, love, please go to LA."
Tris sat upright. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying," he said, "that if you love something, you need to let it go."
Tris was silent.
"And you're my something," he added.
"That is total bullshit. If you love something you should keep that thing in your life forever because you never know if you'll find a better love than that one. Never, ever, ever let that person go."
Tobias grabbed her hand. "We still have a month and a half. Let's make the most of it."
Tris shook her head. "I'm not letting you go. Not now, and not in a month and a half. You're all I have in America."
He smiled. "Let's stay up until midnight and play old records and bake brownies half-naked and make Oreo milkshakes and kiss until our lips burn."
Tris woke up at around 6 P.M., throwing on a giant shirt, and that's all, and she walked out into the kitchen.
"Good evening, sunshine."
"You're making brownies?" she asked with a tired smile.
He nodded, smirking.
"I love you."
He stopped stirring the batter, probably because all of his energy was put into his smile.
"I love you too."
Tris walked toward him to hug him from behind, so she slid her hands down his back, then ever so slowly to his waist.
"Sing me a song," he says softly.
"A song?"
He nodded. "Your voice is just like heaven."
"All along, it was a fever. A cold sweat, hot-headed believer. I threw my hands in the air and said, 'Show me somethin'.' He said, 'If you dare, come a little closer…' Round and around and around and around we go. Oh, now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know. Not really sure how to feel about it. Somethin' in the way you move makes me feel like I can't live without you. It takes me all the way. I want you to stay…"
"It's not much of a life you're livin'... it's not just something you take, it's given."
Tris was shocked at his voice. She'd never heard him sing before that moment, and it was beautifully stunning. She began to wonder why she'd never heard it before.
He continued, smirking. "Round and around and around and around we go. Oh, now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know. Not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way you move."
Tris kissed him, pressing him against the counter.
"Makes me feel like I can't live without you," Tobias whispered. He grabbed her hand, entwining them.
There was a small pause, but then Tris gave a small chuckle. "I don't know how you expect me to just drop everything and leave you, Tobias."
"I don't know how I expect myself to handle you dropping everything and leaving me, Tris."
Her fingers soothingly stroked his. "What if… I mean, maybe you could—Never mind. Never mind."
"What?"
She shrugged. "It was a stupid idea. Forget it."
"Tris."
She rolled her eyes. "I was just going to suggest you come with me, but—"
"That's not a stupid idea."
"It's a very stupid idea," she said. "I can't just expect you to drop everything for a girl."
He shrugged. "But I would do it. I would do anything for you."
"Why?"
He shrugged again, but added a little bit of a laugh. "Because that's what you do when you love someone."
"So why do you tell me that you need to let me go? You're contradicting yourself here, Tobias."
"Because you've worked so hard on your career. You're going to go places. I just know it. And I refuse to let myself hold you back."
"And that's how I feel. You're going to be a great music producer someday. And I refuse to let myself hold you back."
"So we're over, then," he said softly.
"When I leave for LA, then, yeah, I guess we are."
"Then I guess we better make the most of it, huh?"
Tris reached behind Tobias, dipping her finger in the brownie bowl. She lifted her finger up, then smeared it on his face.
"I suppose we should," Tris said.
She pretended to be drunk on laughter and high on happiness, because that's what one did when they hid their sadness.
"I love it, Tris. Love it. But. Just one but. I need you to not act so sweet when you sing. You can't just get these random smiles when you sing. The little things like this will help you become better on your tour and when you perform live."
Tris gave a sour chuckle. "You said you wanted something totally original and pure and you're telling me to do the exact opposite. The very first day I came here, you told me you wanted me not to morph into society's perfect picture and you told me you wanted my originals and you told me that I wouldn't have to change. I should've realized then that everything you told me was bullshit."
"Tris, we still want that original look of yours…except modified just the slightest bit."
"If you want me to release a single with you, then it's going to be an original, and I don't give a flying fuck what you say. I will leave."
He looked worried. "This is a new Tris. Feisty. This could do so much for publicity," he muttered to himself. "Okay. You can do your original. You know what? I'll even let Tobias produce it. You know, help you out a little. You two seem to be getting along well enough."
Tris smirked. So this was how she could get what she wanted. Be assertive rather than passive.
"Sounds wonderful," she said. "Could you leave the room while him and I work and discuss?"
He nodded. "Of course, Ms. Prior. You two get it done." He walked out, and then Tris and Tobias broke out into sudden laughter.
"Damn, Tris. I find your level of feistiness intriguing."
She shrugged. "I've been too afraid to speak up until the conversation we had yesterday."
Tobias walked toward her, looking like he was about to kiss her.
"Cameras," Tris said as she walked away. Then she winked.
She sauntered into the studio with her head held high and her voice ready to sing a hit original.
"Sing me an original. The one you think should be your single," Tobias said through the microphone to hear into the sound booth.
She nodded. "Okay. Here's 'Balanced.'"
The overall song was breathtaking. It was about a girl and a boy, like every other song. But this—this was stunning and odd. The tune she created on the piano was striking, demanding one's attention. The girl in the song was emotionally unstable on a totally different level of a hormonal teen; she had a medical condition. The boy she loved was her cure, though. The only cure. She was totally balanced when she was with this boy. The twist, though, was that there was a second part to the song. It's separate, and will probably go onto her debut album. She first showed it to him the previous week. It was about how the boy left her, and so she remained unbalanced and unhealthy for the rest of her days. So the second song was called "Unbalanced."
Depressing, but beautiful; something the song and their relationship had in common.
(I did write these, and I've never actually written songs before, but I gave it my best shot -kindontheeyes)
"Spinning
Spinning through the black vortex
My head in a hex
Your ghost never fails to keep me awake
And when I reach for you,
It's then that I realize you're see-through
And behind these eyes there's a lake
A lake just waiting to overflow
And so, and so I go…
Don't let me go
Don't let me feel
Don't let me…
Don't let me love
And when you leave me once again
I find out that in the end
It was all just in my head
It was all just in my head
So when I tell you not to leave
Do you believe that I'm lying?
And when you tell me you love me
How can I know you're saying it honestly?
It could all just be for show
And so, and so I go
Don't let me go
Don't let me feel
Don't let me…
Don't let me love
You are my cure
Always leave me wantin' more
But baby when you're away,
My sanity seems to fade
Don't let me go
Don't let me feel
Don't let me…
Don't let me love
[begin rap]
The black hole is you
Oh, yes, it's you
The black hole is growing
But when you're away from me
Oh, when you're away from me
The black hole shrinks
Suffocating me
I don't want it to shrink
Cause when it shrinks I'm unable to breathe
And when the hole grows
Oh when it grows
It shows
Oh my god, it glows
Even though
It was all an accident
You're the reason I'm so
Balanced.
[end rap]
The vortex is growing
And now, I don't know what I am undergoing
Is it a sickness?
Is it a virus?
So tell me, what can fix me?
Is it a pill?
Am I mentally ill?
Oh no,
I can feel it going downhill
Don't let me go
Don't let me feel
Don't let me…
Don't let me love
Our love was an accident
But I've never been so balanced
Oh, so balanced."
When Tris was done singing, she was grinning.
"That was amazing," he said. "And I'm not just saying that because you happen to be my favorite person in the world. But you're open to suggestion, aren't you?" he asked somewhat anxiously.
She nodded. "Of course."
"Well…okay. First off, I'd love of you could just emphasize a little more. Add dynamics at dramatic parts that need to be, you know, dramatized. Second, I love that grin on your face, unlike my uncultured swine of a boss. It's genuine. It shows that singing is what you truly love. Keep that up for sure. Third, I know you're not emotionless. Show some feelings at certain parts, just like the whole dynamic thing. These three things will take you a lot farther in your singing. Just try it. But on another note, those lyrics were absolutely fantastic. They will definitely speak to people on a whole other level."
She nodded, with a slight blush. "Thank you. But, yeah, I can do that. The things you suggested. Could I try a different song, though? I'll do everything you suggested. But this one, I believe, will be a good single if we so choose to release it. It's called 'You.'"
"Do you know,
Do you know your pain is mine?
Do you know,
Do you know I can feel your hurt when you say that you're fine?
So why do you even bother to lie?
You need to release me of my pain
Just wash it all away
Just wash it away into another day
I tried my best to leave
I tried not to need
You
But then I came
But then I came unglued
You need to release me of my pain
Just wash it all away
Just wash it away into another day
I had everything to lose
But nonetheless,
I still continue
To crawl back to you
Yeah, I keep crawlin' back to you
[piano solo]
So now we're through
So now we're through
Your pain is no longer mine
And now I'm just happy all the time
I'm done crawling back to you
Yes I'm done
Oh I'm done with you!
Yeah I hope your heart is cold
Now that mine is gold
and I hope you die alone
So that the only pain you feel is your own
So thanks,
For releasing me of my pain
For washing it all away
For washing it away
Into a never-to-come day."
So when Tobias observed her as she sang the song, and he was smiling the same way Tris would when she was singing. It was the little changes that made the song sound fantastic.
"That sounded so much better," she said with a surprised chuckle. "You're good at this. Better than that uncultured swine."
He laughed. "Thank you. But later I'm going to try to convince him to keep you natural. For example, your upcoming photoshoot. I want no photoshop whatsoever. Not even filters or too-bright lighting or anything like that."
She agreed with a nod. "That would be awesome."
"Now," he said, "let's record that so that it sounds exactly the same when you perform live on your world tour." He winked at her.
She laughed. "Sounds like a plan."