Transatlanticism: Death Cab For Cutie.

A week passed and although I was deemed fit to rejoin society, the same dream haunted me constantly. I couldn't get her terrified face from my mind. She consumed me.

Outside of my mind, nothing much fazed me. Life in Thirteen was wretched. Everything was scheduled. It was dull and gray. I missed the ocean. I missed Four so much, but I adjusted here somewhat.

I went on like everyone else, with normal routines, training, sitting through leader meetings; I put on the normal charade like in the Capitol but with less smiling and seduction. It was nice not having to charm anyone here. There were still girls who looked after me. I grew annoyed with them. Some would follow me everywhere I went. So, I befriended Katniss so they'd become discouraged. But soon enough, I began to appreciate her friendship for more reasons than just avoiding giggling little girls. We became each other's anchor I suppose. She kept me sane when all I could see was Annie. I kept her calm when anyone would talk about Peeta. I didn't break, and I was grateful for that. With training and tying knots, we became somewhat normal again…until Katniss became hysteric one afternoon. It was the afternoon a little after the bombing. They needed her to film another propaganda so the world knew Thirteen was alive still. But she was unraveling from the beginning. Outside near the old Justice Building of Thirteen laid a bouquet of pink and red roses. She shook in fear and then put on a brave face. But once the questions started and the camera focused on her, she stopped. I knew what she was thinking…she was taking the blame.

She was taking the blame, because we didn't save them. She didn't save Peeta and the same goes for my Annie. Katniss was gone. My anchor sank. As she lost her mind, I did too. I couldn't handle my thoughts. I could only see Annie, hanging from the fence surrounding District Thirteen. I only thought about her imminent death. Or maybe she was already dead! I couldn't snap out of it. I became enraged and then frightened. I tried to focus on the situation, but all I saw was her. I fought whoever put their hands on me. A needle slid into my arm, filling my veins with a sedative.

I hated this part of Thirteen the most. The drugs. I was constantly forced into sleep and it destroyed me. Annie! I called out in my dreams. I would search a dark road for her. Sometime in the darkness I found her. I sank to my knees and she mirrored me. We were on sand. An ocean was roaring behind us. But when I saw her, that noise was muted. In my dreams, she was still beautiful, but disturbed. "Finnick, I miss you." Her soft voice would whisper. She drew a thin line in the sand that separated us.

I reached out to hold her but she slipped through my fingers. "Annie! I'm going to come save you! I swear." I told her as the tide rose.

She smiled her radiant smile and shook her head. "Goodbye love." She said, backing away. Her feet touched the tide.

"No, I need you Annie." I pleaded, still trying to reach her, she was only inches away from me, but I could never reach her.

She smiled again, holding her hand out for me, waiting for me to take it. "I'm here love." She said, backing into the swirling water.

I tried again to grab her hand but she was just out of reach. "No you're not!" I screamed as the ground ripped in two.

A trench developed between us. "I am my love." She told me, but the smile was gone and the ocean always separated us.

"No! Come back! Annie come back!" I bellowed, clumsy fingers fumbling in the air, reaching out to nothing. We were farther apart in each moment. My fingers dug into the sand around me, but sand disappeared. The ocean was gone. Annie was gone. I was alone no the same dark road that I started on.

"Finnick!" I new voice enters the dream. A hand grabs me. Everything is hazy. I woke up in a cold sweat. "Finnick!" Katniss stood above my hospital bed.

"Get off me." I muttered annoyed, not worried about sparing her feelings.

Katniss looked disturbed, "Finnick! They're going to get them!" She said, frantically. "They're going to save them!"

I shook my head. I must still be dreaming. Katniss shook me again, "Finnick, they're going to save Peeta and Annie and all the others the Capitol captured." She kept explaining in her misplaced frenzy. "But they won't let us go! They won't let us go with them!" Her voice was rising with panic, I only sat there in confusion, "Say something, damn it!" She demanded.

But I couldn't. After a short pause a small smile finally touched my lips, "This…this is great!"

She shook her head, "No it's not! We're waiting! I can't wait to only hear that Peeta's dead!"

I chuckled hollowly. She was so melodramatic. "Don't you see, Katniss, this will decide things. One way or the other. By the end of the day, they'll either be dead or with us. It's….it's more than we could hope for!" It was almost over, my torment and pain. Annie would be free soon!

The curtain pulled back and Haymitch appeared, "If we can get it in the next few hours, Beetee can air it leading up to the rescue, and maybe keep the Capitol's attention elsewhere." He said.

I nodded, thinking the plan through. "Yes, a distraction. A decoy of sorts," I added. My voice trailed. What would distract Snow?

Haymitch continued on, ignoring our silence. "What we really need is something so riveting that even President Snow won't be able to tear himself away. Got anything like that?" He asked, looking to us for ideas.

I looked to Katniss and we both knew an outburst of action and snappy lines wouldn't give them enough time…no, it would have to be something more. It would have to be the material focused so tightly around the Capitol, that it would shock and appall its viewers.

I knew our plan.

…

They kept me locked up. They chained my arms down. They fed me when I refused to eat. They drugged me when I refused to sleep. They fed me pill after pill to keep me sane. Sometimes they were little capsules that obliterated my memory. On those days, I had more freedom. Sometimes they were sleeping pills. I forgot those days too. Most things I had forgotten. I didn't have Peeta to help me remember. Just his screams and hers. I sat, locked in my cell, trying to dream of the next time I would hold him.

They would keep me awake to remind me he wasn't here. They would play his laugh. They would replay his Games. They would play my interview…sometimes on the worst of days they would show me images of Thomas. I couldn't focus. My mind was rampant. The thoughts would control me and suddenly I would find myself broken, curled up on the floor, and shrieking.

Several times, I tried to take my life. I never even noticed in my fits of confusion. They never touched me…they didn't have to. Whenever things became overwhelming, they revived me and the cycle would start again. They could control me, easily.

It was quiet that morning. He walked into my cell. "Well, how are we feeling today my dear?" He asked coolly, condescendingly. I didn't answer. I knew the old man was smiling at my withered exterior. "Haven't hurt yourself, have you?" He asked, lifting an eyebrow.

I shook my head, clinging to the dirty floor.

"Shall we go for a little walk? I have some questions to ask," He asked politely. I pulled myself up from the floor, sitting up against the cold, stone wall, facing the old man. I felt so far from reality.

"I'd rather not." I whispered.

Snow smiled, "Well, I'm not an unreasonable man, we can sit here." But of course he didn't sit. He stood over me, "Annie, are you still worried about Finnick?" Snow's eyes were cold and cruel. "He's not here my dear. And even if he were…he's not yours. He could never be. He could never stay forever…" He laughed dryly as if he knew a private joke I didn't.

I shook my head weakly, "Stop." I breathed. My voice was broken.

Snow watched me, spite rising as he spoke. "That's Finnick Odair, a beautiful specimen, but can't love." He said, taking pleasure in my cringing pain. "I'm sorry dear. Someone should have warned you."

I looked down at my hands, remembering the little gold band, "You don't know him."

"Oh, but don't I?" The old man chuckled.

Silence filled the cell. He watched me, soaking in my pain, until a woman ran into the celled room, "President Snow…you should see this. Thirteen…they're broadcasting…" She said terror filled her eyes.

He smirked, "Excuse me my pet."

I huddled to the floor. He was waiting for me to die. They didn't have to touch me. They could control me. Just with words.

…

This was it. I was going to expose them for everything. I was going to save her.

Haymitch grimaced, stopping me before I moved in front of the camera, "You don't have to do this," He said with an odd sense of sympathy.

I nodded, "Yes, I do. If it will help her," I said, balling up my rope in my hand. I could almost hear her laugh, when I closed my eyes tight enough. "I'm ready."

I closed my eyes trying to picture her. Was she watching? Could she see me? How should I start this? I thought I wanted to tell them about Annie. To give her some sign, but instead I just spoke. "President Snow used to…sell me…my body, that is." I felt removed. Telling my accounts was tougher than I thought it would be. "I wasn't the only one. If a victor is considered desirable, the president gives them as a reward or allows people to buy them for an exorbitant amount of money.

"If you refuse, he kills someone you love. So you do it. I wasn't the only one, but I was the most popular. And perhaps the most defenseless, because the people I loved were so defenseless." My thoughts went out to Annie and my late family, but mostly Annie. They knew how to manipulate our relationship in every way, and they knew how to take her away from me. I frowned, remembering the days I left her to spend nights by guilty lovers. The nights beside the most wretched, despicable people with the richest luxuries haunted my thoughts, but the idea of Annie having to do the same...those ideas were the most dangerous. Those thoughts destroyed me. She was so pure. She was too good. Maybe in sense, I, a murderer of sorts deserved what happened to me...but Annie, Annie didn't. "To make themselves feel better, my patrons would make presents of money or jewelry, but I found a much more valuable form of payment. Secrets," I sighed.

"And this is where you're going to want to stay tuned, President Snow, because so very many of them were about you. But let's begin with some of the others." So, I went on telling my story. I didn't leave out a single detail. Each account came with its own gripping gore.

"My favorite ones were the ones whispered after drunken nights. Such as Senator Thierry Todd, what with his passionate affair with his own brother, or Deryck Mugler, stabbing his father for a fat inheritance check and a seat closer to President Snow at dinner parties. Madame Hayley Scott, blackmailed her husband, who in turn paid for her time with me. Jeremy Scanlan, an arsonist, but you wouldn't know, since he is social royalty…buildings engulfed in flames for a lovers' bidding…who only made out with the money gained from the insurance battles. The last fire he set was to murder his ex-lover," I told my audience.

"And now, on to our good President Coriolanus Snow. Such a young man when he rose to power. Such a clever one to keep it. How, you must ask yourself, did he do it? One word. That's all you really need to know. Poison." Oh, the details of Snow's reign were rich. Every truth I said, with a harsh coldness. Every truth was a new dagger to use against him. "These are the secrets of your beloved Capitol. These are their lies exposed. And there is nothing you can take from me…not anymore." I finished my speech and waited. The camera crew just stared, each in shock. "Cut," I told them. I had enough cameras for today.

Plutarch approached me, "Finnick that was brilliant." He said, congratulating me. "Come with me son." He said, walking me towards the sparse woods, away from the crowd of people. "If there's anything else you know, tell me, tell me….that way we can use them again." He asked, greedily.

I frowned, pleased with my work today, but not because of the exposure of evil, but the chance that it might have saved Annie. "No sir, I think one big shock was enough." I told him politely.

Plutarch frowned, unsatisfied with my answer, "Was it? Do you think it was enough to save your little Annabelle?" He asked, ignorantly, lifting an eyebrow to intrigue me.

I didn't play his campaign game, I simply nodded, "I do. And her name is Annie," I corrected him.

He shook his head, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Son, I just want to see everyone come out happy after this."

I chuckled. "Well, you and I know that's not realistic." I placed my hands on his shoulders, mimicking him, "Thank-you sir, for your help and for all you've done…but I would just like Annie back. Nothing else," I left Plutarch at the edge of the woods and walked back to the underground District.

And now we wait.

Katniss and I spent most of our time tying knots. We refused dinner. We refused food or sleep. It was normal for me. The waiting was more torture. Once my fingers were raw and bleeding, I decided to stop tying. I hunkered over, resting my arms on my knees. She had to be safe. It had to be soon. She had to be coming home soon. "Did you love Annie right away, Finnick?" Katniss asked, derailing my thoughts.

I shook my head, "No," I said quickly. We were young and both of us were stubborn. With the Games and me leaving, it just couldn't work. I was too focused on other things, even though I knew she was mine years before I had ever admitted it. "…She crept up on me." Katniss smiled slightly, but looked a little worried.

"But God…she's wonderful," I said, trying to reassure her. Not that there was a need to defend Annie, but the act of describing her was an immense joy. Once I started, I couldn't stop. "When you meet her…You'll meet her and you'll love her. She's beautiful," I stammered, concentrating on my memories of her. "It's sad what they turned us into. It's sad. She stays sad for days at a time. She won't talk." Katniss listened to me, intently. "Some days she just prefers the quiet, but she's perfection. She's beautiful. You'll see. When she smiles…you'll see." I told her, letting my imagination run to her.

Katniss smiled, "She sounds wonderful Finnick," She breathed, looking up at the ceiling of the hummingbird room.

It would be soon…we just had to wait.