I can hardly sleep.

It's freezing in my bedroom and yet my body is drenched in sweat. Bitter memories pass through my head, keeping me tossing and turning throughout the night. For the past week I've been suffering from horrible insomnia, and the White Rat Whisky coursing its way through my bloodstream isn't helping.

"I told you that day, I told you how much I loved you. I told you how I couldn't live without you and you still left."

Rose's words continue to haunt me. She's all I can seem to think about, even after the whisky has taken over my senses. Still, the one memory that never leaves my head is the one I want so badly to forget… the one I'd give anything to change.

Summer was finally upon us. The heat had taken everyone by surprise, forcing us to strip away our sweaters and tuck away our scarves after months of bundling up. It was something I had always enjoyed, feeling the sun melt away the icy earth. Something about it made me feel cleansed.

One of my favorite pastimes was going down to the Black Lake to sit under a birch tree, a tree that was so big that its leaves gave enough shade to cover four or five people. It sat right at the edge of the lake, and it was close enough to where you could lean against the trunk while dipping your feet into the water.

After an excruciatingly long day of N.E.W.T. preparation, I made my way to the lake so I could have some time to relax. When I finally got to the tree, I was so preoccupied with trying to loosen my tie that I didn't realize somebody was already sitting underneath it.

All it took was a flash of red for me to know who it was.

"Fancy seeing you here," I said loudly.

Rose sat looking out at the water, her knees tucked under her arms as if she was deep in thought. I saw her jaw clench as I walked up to her, but she didn't turn to face me.

"I don't want to talk to you."

My eyes rolled at this. For days she had been making a point to avoid me, but I had no idea why. It wasn't the first time she had done it, either. Every so often she would get mad at me for something completely asinine, but instead of talking about it, she would simply ignore me.

"If you didn't want to talk to me, then why are you here?" I asked her. "You know I like to sit by the lake."

She didn't respond. Sighing impatiently, I leaned my shoulder against the trunk of the birch tree and peered down at her. Her auburn hair practically glistened in the sunlight.

"Is it true?" she said softly. "About you and Annie?"

"What in God's name are you on about?"

In an instant, Rose shot up into the air and placed herself directly in front of me. She looked incredibly angry, so much so that I took a step backward in surprise.

"Just tell me if it's true!" she shouted.

I definitely wasn't expecting that.

"If what's true?" I asked, totally bewildered.

"If you and her are together now!"

"Me and who?"

"Annie Fincher!" yelled Rose, throwing her arms out in an apparent fit of frustration. "She's the only Annie in school, Scorpius!"

For a moment I stood silent, trying to figure out what on earth she was talking about. Yes, I knew Annie Fincher; she was in our year and was also a Slytherin, but I hardly ever talked to her. She sometimes helped me with my Charms homework if we both happened to be in the library at the same time, but other than that, we didn't really interact.

Well hold on, I did see her last week, I thought. But that was four or five days ago… no, she's not suggesting… is she?

With a sickening jolt, the realization hit me.

"I don't believe this," I muttered. "Are your cousins telling you lies again?"

Rose put a hand on her hip and scoffed at the accusation.

"How do I know you're not the one who's lying?" she said. "This is the third time they've told me that you were snogging her in the library!"

I couldn't help but laugh. The thought of snogging Annie Fincher was comical, seeing as she was twice my size and could have easily beaten me to a pulp if she wanted. It seemed ridiculous that Rose felt threatened by her in the first place.

"Tell me, who saw me this time, hm?" I asked petulantly. "Was it Lucy? Lily, maybe? I wouldn't put it past either of them."

"Leave my family out of this."

"Oh, happily! I would love to leave your family out of our relationship." The sarcasm in my voice was almost palpable. "After all, you've done such a bang-up job of it."

"What is that supposed to mean?" sneered Rose.

"You know exactly what it means," I said, feeling myself become serious again. "We've been together for almost a year and they're still trying to drive us apart."

"You're one to talk!" she yelled. "It's always 'my grandfather' this and 'my grandfather' that. You worship the man who called me a blood traitor to my face."

I groaned in irritation and put my hand on the back of my neck, massaging a muscle that felt like it was getting tighter and tighter with each passing minute. Why does she always have to bring him up?

"I've told you a million times: he won't budge," I explained. "But he's still my grandfather, regardless of what he thinks of you."

"Well, the same goes for me. My cousins are still my cousins."

For a moment, neither of us said anything. Above us, the branches of the birch tree swayed against the summer breeze. The water of the lake shimmered under the scorching sun, casting reflections of light on its surroundings. It was gorgeous out, the finest day we had had all year; and yet the two of us stood glaring at one another.

All of it just seemed… pointless.

"Look, Annie is a friend," I said slowly. "I barely even know her. She… she helps me with my Charms homework when I ask her to. That's all, I swear."

Rose looked up at me. Her expression was still stony.

"And why do you ask her when you can ask anyone else?"

"Because she's the best at Charms!" I snapped.

"Oh, I'm sure she is."

I placed my hands on my face, attempting to calm myself before saying something I would regret later. Rose had always been difficult in arguments, but never quite like this. After months of fighting, I felt as though I had no comforting words left, no reasoning that could make her come to her senses.

"What happened to us?" I said, returning my hands to my sides. "When did we become… this?"

Rose, who was now looking back at the lake, didn't seem alarmed by the question.

"How do you define 'this'?" she asked.

"Don't pretend that you're blind to what's been going on. Can you even remember the last time we had a conversation that didn't end in a fight?"

No answer.

"I'm just –" I continued, "I'm tired. I'm so tired of fighting with you."

"What do you expect me to do?" she said sharply. "Every time I turn the corner I hear about you with another girl." Her voice then lowered to a whisper. "I don't know what to believe."

Without thinking, I walked forward and took her by the shoulders. Rose gasped in surprise, but she didn't struggle. I looked deep into her eyes and gently cupped her jaw in my hand, brushing my thumb against her cheek as I spoke.

"Believe me."

She took my palm and pressed it softly against her lips, making me shiver. Then her eyes met mine a second time, and at once I could see the sadness within them.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice breaking as she stepped back. "I need time to think about this."

She didn't walk away. Instead, she turned toward the lake again, almost as if she expected me to walk away.

I couldn't believe what was happening. In a matter of seconds, the calmness I had previously achieved vanished into thin air and was replaced with a seething rage.

"Time to think about what, exactly?" I spat. "You know, I could understand you wanting to break up with me if you didn't love me. Hell, I could even understand it if you never loved me." I moved closer, trying to get her to look at me. "But this? This is poison. You're letting your family dictate how you feel about me."

Rose shook her head.

"No one can do that," she said faintly. "I know how I feel."

"Alright, how do you feel?"

"I told you; I need time to think."

"Stop saying that!" I shouted at her. I was so bloody fed up with her avoiding everything. "Just stop! If you're going to break up with me, then do it already!"

She rounded on me, and for the first time I saw tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm not breaking up with you!" she cried. "Damn it, Scorpius, I love you!"

She attempted to wipe the tears from her face, but they were falling so rapidly that she eventually gave up. Her body was racked with such violent sobs that she could barely speak.

"I c-can't live without you," she bawled, "and that terrifies me. I'm terrified of disappointing you and disappointing my family and… I don't know w-what to do!"

Rose fell to the ground in a heap, clutching her head in her hands as the pain took her over. I rushed to her and let her fall into my arms, and for a few minutes we sat motionless under the tree, her face buried in my chest while the sun dipped lower on the horizon. I stroked her long hair, hoping the familiar movement would soothe her nerves.

"I hate seeing you cry," I said. "Every time you're around me, that's all you do. You're always crying."

She moved so quickly that I jumped, hitting my head against the tree. Her knees remained on the ground, but now she was straightening up, wiping away the remaining tears on her cheeks.

"I'll stop," she said seriously. "I'll stop crying. See?" She brushed the hair out of her face and smiled at me. "Good as new."

I didn't smile back. Rose sighed and scooted toward me, a sign that she was attempting to fix the damage between us. She never quite knew what to say after an argument, so she would try to make up for it by showing physical affection instead.

"We can work through this, okay?" she assured me, taking my hand in hers. "We just need to figure something out."

I couldn't even look at her. The same thought kept nagging at my brain, a terrible thought that I wanted with all of my being to ignore.

"I'm tired of having to figure things out," I said. "I can't… I can't do this anymore."

"No," she pleaded. "No, don't say that."

Her grip on my hand tightened, but I hastily pulled it away. When I finally had the courage to face her, I damn near broke down at the sight of her. Take it back, I thought. Tell her that you can work things out. Tell her that everything will be okay.

Why couldn't I do it? It would have been so easy, just going back to the way things were. That's all I really wanted, to be with Rose and live happily ever after... but for some reason I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her what I wanted because my happiness didn't matter anymore. She wasn't happy, and I didn't know if I would ever be able to give her what she deserved.

"I love you, Rose. I love you so much," I said, the words catching in my throat. "But it's not enough."

"You can't mean that," she choked. "Scorpius, please, I'm sorry. I was just angry, that's all."

I let out a small laugh.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. You're perfect. You've always been perfect."

The corners of her mouth twitched, and I was afraid that she was about to break down again. However, she remained still, with not so much as a sniffle to express what she was feeling.

"I'm the one who's ruining you," I said quietly. "I've turned you into something you're not."

Rose's eyes were fixed on the ground. I could tell that she was trying hard not to cry. I suppose I was trying too, but by that point my body was so incredibly numb that I wondered if I could even produce tears.

I began to stand, and as I did I was overwhelmed by how weak I felt, both physically and mentally. I feared that I would fall apart right there, or that she would suddenly kiss me and make me throw all logic out the window. No, I couldn't have that. I had to get away, and fast.

My feet seemed to move on their own, but after a few steps I was stopped by the sound of her voice.

"I'll always love you," she said. "I'll wait for you."

Perhaps I could produce tears after all.