I cried myself that night and every night for the first week. Emma was mad at me so she didn't call me back and after half a dozen calls I stopped trying. I still remembered our fight.
We sat at the living room with Seth. Our parents ran out to LaPush to visit the packs and to give me an opportunity to say what I had to say to my twin sister.
"What do you mean you're going to Harvard? No. You're coming to Stanford with us." She said incredulously and looked at Seth. Seth already knew my plans. He didn't approve, in fact, he yelled at me for the first time in my life but he knew why I had to go. In the end, I was right. They were going to be a family someday and I needed to learn to live without them.
"Seth?" She asked him after he didn't respond. I got up from my chair and sat next to her on the sofa. Her attention came back towards me and her eyes were furious.
"Em… I have to go. I wanna learn how to be out on my own. Besides, you'll have Seth and you'll be so busy with school… I'll call every day…" my voice trailed as I saw her eyes fill with furious tears.
"You are the most selfish person I ever met!" She growled at me before she got up.
"You're not alone in this world Ella! You have me, you have our family, so what if you haven't imprinted?!" She shouted.
"That's not fair." I said softly and looked down at my hands.
"You might be deluding yourself into thinking that you're leaving to learn to be alone but that's not what you're doing. You could do all the things you would do in Harvard while you're here with us. You could have your own apartment and your own life here but you're leaving because you are trying to hurt me!" She yelled at me. I felt my fury rise.
"This has nothing to do with you!" I screamed at her. Emma was the drama queen while I was the quiet one but this time she had gone too far.
"This has everything to do with me! I've been in your mind, Ella. I know you're jealous of me and that you resent me for what I have." She hissed at me. I looked at her and Seth and felt the tears sting my eyes.
"That is enough!" Seth told Emma and I. He ran his hand over his face to clear the frustration he clearly felt. Yes. I was jealous of what she had but she was my sister so I was also glad she had him.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Emma, but I am not going to apologize for trying to find my own happiness. You don't know what its like on the other side. You've always have someone." I told her resentfully but I only made her madder.
"And so do you! You have me Ella! I'm your sister!" She shouted again. I shook my head wondering how she could be so bling.
"Do i?" I asked her sarcastically and got up from the couch. I looked at Seth and then I looked out the window to calm myself.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean. Of course you have me. We are a packaged deal!" I heard her say behind me.
"No. You're not." Seth said calmly. We both turned to him. I could see the hurt in Emma's expression.
"You are sisters but you are both individuals. Its not fair to ask her to follow you for the rest of eternity. She has the right to make a life for herself. Her existence belongs to no one but her herself." Seth told her. Emma looked heartbroken.
"How can you say that? She's my sister." Emma asked him. Seth looked pained for a moment. He looked at me and smiled.
"I know she is. But she's not your soulmate, Emma. I am. She might share your heart but I share your soul. Do you really want to rob your sister from her chance of finding her soul?" Seth asked her. Emma stared at him aghast.
"You're both my soul, just like we're yours." She told him. He shook his head.
"No Emma. I love Ella. She will always have a part of my heart but you… You're my soul. Loving you both has been one of the most confusing and challenging experiences of my life. I for a time, I couldn't even understand the difference but I do now. I'm in love with you… not Ella. You and I are going to be partners, have children, build a new life together. If you didn't exist, then my reason to exist would go with you because as much as I love your sister, my sister, our families… It's you that I can't live without." Seth told her. He looked at me and I looked away, closing my eyes. I knew all this already but hearing it from him was even more painful than I ever expected. For some reason, his words made me angry at him even though none of this was his fault. He came over to me and I felt his hand stroke my cheek. I opened my eyes and looked into his.
"I'm sorry but I can't be selfish enough to claim you both. I don't care what you or my sister think. You both have someone out there. If you need to learn to be on your own that's fine but never stop looking for him. You have a soulmate, a perfect match waiting for you. Find him." He told me and kissed my head. I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. It was a beautiful thought but I didn't agree with him. He turned and looked at Emma.
"You have to let her go Em. You have to let her find him." Seth told her. I looked up and stared at my sister's furious gaze.
"No. I don't." She said to him and walked out of the house. She didn't come back until the following morning. She walked into our room and glared at me as I brushed my hair. I stopped and looked towards her.
"If you do this, don't bother keeping in touch." She told me.
"I'm sorry you feel that way." I said angrily.
I couldn't understand why she was being so stubborn. She took one last glance at me and shook her head and left our room. That was last thing she said to me. For the week that followed, she refused to talk to me. I heard her cry herself to sleep. She wasn't answering Seth's calls for the first time in her life and now she was refusing to take mine. I knew this would hurt her but I didn't know how to make her understand that I needed this. She blocked her mind from me but I already knew her arguments. She couldn't understand why I couldn't find myself while still being at her side.
Her mind kept going over all the alternatives like, getting different apartments in San Francisco. Or going to Berkley instead of Stanford which was only a short run away. We could have different friends, different majors, and different activities but still live in the same town. She kept going all the possibilities in her head but I refused them because I needed a break from her and her life. She felt betrayed. She felt as if I blamed her for my misfortune and was trying to punish her. I wasn't but I was tired of being jealous of a life I couldn't have so I packed my bags and left my heart behind.