To say that things were difficult was an understatement. I was teetering in the edge of excitement and despair. Every day I went out and had some new experience. I went to the coffee shop on my own with a book and watched the day go by. I went to the bookstore to buy my new books and made myself talk to new people while I waited in line. I went to the local bars to drink and dance with some of the new people I met. The problem everything new I did was shadowed by my loneliness. Even when I was surrounded my dozen new friends, the shadow was still there.
I wanted to break those old habits. I wanted to stop looking around for him everywhere I went. I wanted to stop daydreaming of how the next man that came around the corner would be the one. I wanted to stop myself from looking expectantly into men's eyes only to be shattered when nothing happened. I was pathetic! It was like living without ever being able to see the sun, the light. I lived in a constant shadow that overcast everything and anything I did to try to be happy. Why did I need an imprint so badly? Why couldn't I just be like all those other college kids who danced and drank happily all night long without a care in the world?
"Because you've been surrounded by imprinting your entire life!" Aunt Leah told me in one of our weekly phone conversations.
"Its like humans that grow up reading romance novels and watching chick flics. You expect it. You think that this is a normal part of life but its not. It's a rare occurrence Ella. Get that through your damn head. If an imprint comes along then great but if it doesn't… Life has to go on. Real life, not the sick fantasy you grew up in." She ranted. I rolled my eyes at her. She's told me this a thousand times. Every time I went to her crying because something new happened between Emma and Seth.
"I get it but I can't help myself ok?!" I snapped. She sighed.
"I know. Just give yourself some time and keep experiencing new things. I promise you that there will be a day when you realize you haven't given imprinting a minor thought." She told me.
"Ok." I said not really wanting to fight.
"Have you at least stopped thinking about him?" She asked me. I contemplated that and was surprised by the answer.
"Actually, I have. Its strange but I rarely ever think about Seth. I miss Emma a lot so she's the one I think about the most. I think about her all the time. Maybe that's why I haven't thought about Seth." I confessed.
"Yeah. That girl can be stubborn. She takes after your dad." She said with a groan. I smiled.
I thought about my sister all the time. I wished she was there, everywhere I went. I wished I could talk to her and it made me angry. Every time I went out or something happened, I would imagine what she would say or do. I was so consumed between missing my sister and daydreaming about my future imprint that I rarely gave Seth a thought other than to blame him for the fact that my sister wasn't talking to me. I was mad at the situation we were all in but I was also really mad at him. I felt relieved and a little guilty at this realization. For a long time I worried that I was in love with Seth but again, it was just me wishing I had what Emma had. A part of me missed Seth's friendship but it was Emma who consumed my thoughts and made me cry myself to sleep.
My first semester of college went well. Christmas, was a whole other story. I had skipped thanksgiving but I went back home for Christmas. Seth and Emma were already home. She was smiling at him while he looked at her adoringly as usual. As soon as she noticed me, her expression went dark.
"Merry Christmas." I said to no one in particular.
Emma's eyes welled with tears and got up from her chair to leave. Seth grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him.
"No. You need to talk to your sister. This has gone long enough and I am not going to let you two ruin Christmas over this ridiculous fight." He told her angrily. I saw him stare at her and I recognized the stare instantly. It was the same stare dad used as alpha. Seth was acting Alpha until Emma was ready to take over so he could technically command my sister to make up with me if she wanted to. This was the first time in our lives that I had ever seen him be dominant over her.
"Let me go." She said angrily to him but he only held her tighter. I have never seen him use his strength on her, but it was his domineering stare that formed a growl in my throat.
"No." Seth said in a growl. I saw my sister tremble under his dominant stare as he began to tower over her. He was dominating her! I was a wolf but I never phased so his alpha powers didn't work on me and I was instantly at my sister's side, knocking Seth down on the floor.
"I don't care that you're her mate. If you ever do that to her again I will break both your arms!" I hissed at him in a feral voice I couldn't recognize. Seth looked at me for a moment. He got up without looking at my sister and walked away. I turned to my sister who was trembling.
"Are you ok?" I asked her. Her lower lip trembled.
"Em?" I asked and she started sobbing in my arms. I could feel her pain and confusion swirling inside her. I felt the relief wash over me as I held her. It felt so good to be at her side again. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. Not ever!
"What the hell just happened?" She asked me. I shook my head.
"I don't know." I said honestly. We heard someone puking outside and we both turned to the door.
"Seth…" She whispered concerned but also angry. I felt a flicker of jealousy at her concern for the jerk that just tried to make her submit to him. She rushed outside and we both saw him leaning against a tree, vomiting. He coughed out a few more times and spit before he turned to us. There were tears in his yes but his face was calm. I just wanted to punch him in calm disgusting face for hurting my sister. I could not remember ever hating someone as much as I did Seth at that moment.
"Well? Did it work?" He asked. I looked him confused but then I saw grandpa come out from the tree line.
"I think it did." Grandpa Edward told him staring at us, staring at me. Emma gasped and I hissed.
"You did that on purpose?!" I growled at them at the same time my sister whispered, "How?" with a heartbroken voice. She was wondering how Seth could hurt her like that. Frankly so was I. Seth walked up to us. He stroked her face.
"I reminded myself how much you need her so that I could survive it long enough to remind you both how much you love each other." He told her. He looked at me then and smiled at me.
"Thank you for having her back. I'm proud of you." He told me and in that moment, I realized I was never in love with Seth. Not even a little bit. I was so furious at him for hurting her even if it was for my sake.
"I'm sorry." He told us both. He looked at me but I just glared at him.
"You had no right to do that to her. You will never do that to her again!" I told him angrily. I felt angry tears sting my eyes.
"Don't be mad at him. It was my idea." Grandpa told me. I looked at him angrily. He took a step towards me to take me into his arms but I stepped back. I was just so furious with him.
"Sweetheart." Grandpa started but I shook my head.
"No. You don't get to hurt us and then call us sweetheart." I snapped at him.
"Its ok Ella. They were right. I needed to see how I needed you. It was wrong of me to push you away just because you wanted to have a life of your own. You've always had my back and the one time I needed to sacrifice something I couldn't. I guess I couldn't because it was you I had to sacrifice." Emma told me. She took my hand and I felt calmer but I also felt full of regret when I saw the pain in her eyes. I had hurt her too.
"I'm sorry." I told her. She shook her head.
"Don't apologize." She started but I covered her mouth.
"You never had to share me. I already knew how to live without you. I had to because of Seth but you didn't know how to live without me and I just ripped myself away. I hurt you and I'm sorry… I wasn't jealous of you for having Seth in your life. How could I be when he brought you so much happiness? I thought I was jealous of your happiness but I realize that I was jealous of having to share you with him and angry because imprinting took something from us away. I wasn't just trying to learn how to live without you. I was trying to force you to live without me." I told her ashamed.
"You weren't trying to hurt me. Not on purpose." She amended. I nodded.
"I would never hurt you on purpose." I told her in agreement. I hugged her and I saw Seth smiling at me behind her.
"I guess this time apart helped you see what was really in your heart." Grandpa told us as he gave us both a hug. I glared at him but eventually I smiled and he smirked at me.
"See. You can't stay mad at your grandpa. Its sacrilegious." Grandpa told me.
I had a long talk with Leah that Christmas. I told her my revelation and it made her wonder about her own sentiments. Our situations were different of course. She had been in love with Sam and the imprint took that from her but it made her wonder if the reason she was so angry at love was because imprinting didn't just take one love, but two. She loved Emily and she still did.