Chapter 6- Aftermath
Ziva p.o.v
After Gibbs had left Tony had just stood there a tear rolling down his cheek, I know he and Kate were close just down to the fact he very rarely talks about her. We do not speak of that day and everyone still thinks that Gibbs killed Ari, but from what Tony has said about her she wasn't just one of his regular chicks he talks about, he respects her and I think she was like a big sister to him.
When I first arrived at NCIS and Ari had killed Kate, nobody would speak about her in front of me, actually I never heard anyone speak about her at all, but I felt so guilty and somehow responsible for Ari's actions that I had to find out. I took me a while to be accepted but eventually I asked Abby to tell me about her I knew it was hard for her as she and Kate were close too and she is not trained for loss like the rest of us but she was the first one to accept me and in a way I think she knew I felt guilty and needed answers. She said they used to argue and wind each other up, just like we do now, but there was no sexual tension between them. I wish I could have met her maybe we could have been friends however somehow I think not with my half-brother being her stalker and killer after all.
I decide to ask Tony if he is okay even though I already know the answer "Are you okay Tony?" his reply is clipped however I do not say anything because I know that he is hurting "Just fine David, first I think she is dead and that's bad enough, but now she could still be alive and I've spent the last five years not knowing about it, I cannot see how you care anyways if she is alive then your brother gets off the hook". Wow that hurt like a knife straight to the gut, he know I never condoned what Ari did and he knows that I have spent the last 5 years making it up to them and ever proving that I am nothing like him, but I know he is hurting so I stay calm and try to make him see that I am here for him "I do care because when you hurt I hurt and as for my brother I wouldn't have killed him if I wanted him to get off the hook".
Oh crap the last part was not meant to come out I just wanted to make him see that I cared. I decide to play dumb and pretend I never said it but Tony being Tony of course he picked up "Zi what did you say ... you killed Ari". He looks down at me, we are stood close so I look down so he cannot read my face, if he could see it right now he would be able to pick apart every detail of my thoughts.
I try to think fast of how best to backtrack when Tony places a hand under my chin so that I am looking up at him "Is that what I said I meant Gibbs killed him you know he did it was in the report" I know he is onto me. Should I tell him the truth? Or stick with the code of silence that I and Gibbs agreed on all those years ago.
While I am thinking of a way to get out of this hole that is quickly crumbling underneath me Tony speaks up "That's why he accepted you so quick, quicker than he accepted anyone before, me, Kate, McGee even Abby, because you proved yourself in a way that none of us could, you killed Ari to prove your place..." I have no idea what to say I don't know if he's disappointed or ashamed, but I am glad that it's out knowing I killed my brother has been eating away at me since the night it happened and not being able to tell the person I trust the most, Tony, has been hell.
Now I am learning that she may be still alive I need to tell him the truth "It was the only way to get redemption for her death. We knew that he wouldn't believe that Gibbs would take me as backup and that he would take that as an opportunity to kill Gibbs, but yes you are right it also allowed me to prove myself, to prove that I was nothing like him, and now I have to pray the price, seeing my dead brothers face every time I close my eyes".
Hey guys, so this is my first fic, i hope you are enjoying it, plese review with any way i could make this better or anything you think should be included. I have a few more chapters already wrote, so i will keep posting them while i write more. Thanks for reading!