Author's Note:
Just one more chapter after this. That's all I'll say because I don't want to spoil anything for you. Thanks again to everyone who leaves me reviews!
John moved to sit in the chair in the corner of the room, far away from Sherlock. He could feel the tension in Sherlock from where he was and it upset him. "See, look there," he whispered, looking down at Amy. "Just fine. Daddy's here. No need to be scared, is there? Of course not." He bent and placed a soft kiss on Amy's forehead, moving to rest her against his chest as he relaxed. "Sleep," he whispered as he held her against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. He took his own advice and let his head rest against the wall. Before long they were both asleep, Amy using her Dad's chest as her bed and John snoring softly.
Another sigh escape Sherlock. It was because of times like these, he seriously doubted his ability to be a good parent. Pouting over what? Because he hadn't had case in awhile? God, he really was a child sometimes. The room settled into silence. He continued to lay there, despite his realization about his childish ways. It didn't take much longer for the drugs to kick, his body relaxing as sleep found him.
John woke slowly, Amy staring at him curiously. "Oh, good morning," He whispered, turning his head slightly and discovering a still warm bottle on the counter across the room. "Hungry?" He asked softly as he stood, glancing once at Sherlock as he grabbed the bottle and held it to Amy's mouth. She latched on instantly, sucking loudly and lifting on little hand to rest on her Dad's as he held the bottle. The moment was making him smile but when Mycroft entered the room he tensed. No good ever came from that man.
"I know you've got three days left," Mycroft muttered softly, glancing at his sleeping younger brother. "But... we need you. Things have gotten worse a few miles outside of Bastion. They need you."
John's blood ran cold but he managed to hold on to Amy as she continued drink her formula as loud as she possibly could. Leave? He couldn't leave Amy or Sherlock. He still had a few days left with his little family. "Are you sure?" Mycroft only nodded and John felt his knees going out, managing to fall softly into his chair without disturbing his daughter.
The sound of voices made Sherlock stir from his sleep. One was John's of course and the other was his brother's? That brought him to full consciousness and he rolled over quickly to see what was going on. Body language said it all and he shot a glare at Mycroft. He then looked over to his fiancé and little Sandi. He slid off the bed, thankful the pain medication was still working and helped to dull the pain of the pressure on his feet. He walked over to John, pulling the rolling stool with him and sat in front of the army doctor. He wanted to hug the other man tightly, but that would result in crushing the small bundle in John's arms. He opted for placing a hand on one of his fiancé's arms.
John looked up at Sherlock and took a deep breath. Leaving. Turning around three days before he was supposed to and leaving his fiancé and daughter to throw himself back into a war zone. It wasn't fair. It was never fair. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Little Amy seemed oblivious to the sudden tension in the room, continuing to drink out of the bottle with a manner akin to John's after a week without a real meal. "Sherlock, I'm so sorry."
Don't start a fight right before John leaves. Sherlock wanted to blame his fiancé for everything. If the army doctor hadn't insisted on going back into the military or slept with Sarah they wouldn't even be here at all. Instead he simply said, "It's fine. Don't get trapped in any tunnels this time around, okay? I can't come save you this time. I'll be taking care of our daughter while you are away." It was an attempt at humor, the faintest of smirks touching the corner of his lips.
John tried to return the smitk but only managed to slam his eyes shut. "How long do I have?" He asked softly, opening his eyes to stare at Amy.
"A few hours. We have your things here." Mycroft motioned to his Army bag leaning on the wall beside the door, his uniform and boots in front of it. "I will be in the waiting room."
The moment they were alone John looked at his fiancé. "Sleep with me," he whispered. "Please. Amy will be asleep and we can find a room."
Besides the initial glare give to his older brother, Sherlock had refused to acknowledge Mycroft's presence in the room. When he left, he raised his eyebrows at John. Usually, he would agree readily to such a request. However, he really wasn't in the mood. Maybe it was a side effect of the medication or maybe he was trying to stay committed to the agreement of no sex. He really wasn't sure. "Are you sure?" The question was stupid because he already knew what the answer would be even though he had been hesitant to begin with. He supposed John was a selfish lover at times because of it, but if the answer was 'yes' like he thought it would be then he would do it anyway. Sometimes, he was more submissive than he would like to admit.
The question from Sherlock made John look back down at Amy. Of course he wasn't sure. He wanted to get everything out of system, wanted to take it out on Sherlock, which is something they had done so many times. It wasn't healthy at all, he knew that, but Christ he needed to do something. He dropped his head without an answer, pulling the empty bottle from Amy's mouth and moving to burp her. "I don't know," he mumbled finally. "I'm frustrated. Upset. That's... just usually what we do."
The answer genuinely surprised Sherlock. "If you really want to, then we'll go find that supply closet." When the consulting detective was upset he usually pouted until things went his way, so he really wasn't sure how other people dealt with things. "Well, before us...what did you usually do to relieve stress? Or did you always use sex as a fall back?"
There was no mistaking the flush that quickly spread across John's cheeks. He was not telling that to Sherlock. "Um..." He cleared his throat and glanced up at his fiancé. "I just watched some... y'know, and used my hand. On a lucky day I would go to Tesco and maybe get a nice woman there." He looked back down at Amy, ashamed that he'd said that with his newborn daughter in his arms. "I've always used some sort of sexual act as an outlet. Or, well, one time when I was seventeen I punched the wall in my bedroom. Mum nearly killed me."
Sherlock smirked a bit. "John, you forget I have used your laptop on multiple occasions. I am well aware of your proclivity toward porn." It really didn't surprise him that his fiancé had used sex like that many times before. "You need to get a hobby." The smirk got slightly bigger. Moving in at angle due to little Sandi in John's arms, he gave his fiancé a quick kiss on the lips.
John smiled after the kiss and laughed softly. "I've got one. I invade countries, remember?" The joke was lighthearted and poking fun at their situation the best he could. There wasn't much more that he could do. He expertly avoided the mention of porn and looked down after Amy burped softly. "There we go," he whispered, holding her out with a proud smile. "All set then! Sleepy time, yes?" Amy reached a hand out toward his face, grabbing at his nose.
For someone who didn't think he would make a good father, Sherlock thought John was doing a pretty good job so far. He almost mentioned it, but his fiancé would probably disagree and mention something about having to leave for war. So, he kept his thoughts to himself. When the army doctor did leave, little Sandi would be all he had left of John. Just a piece, but it would have to do until his fiancé came home for good. And maybe, just maybe he might be good at this parenting thing after all. Though, he still had some doubts about himself.
John glanced over at Sherlock as he tucked Amy safely into his arms, holding her close to his chest in an attempt to get her to sleep. "Remember that you have got people to help you," he stated calmly. He needed to tell Sherlock everything he could now before he forgot or ran out of time. "Your brother, Mrs. Hudson." He paused and chuckled softly. "Your Mum, even. She seemed excited about Amy." His voice dropped as he noticed Amy's chest slowing down. The moment he was asleep he placed her in the small bed provided, moving toward his stuff and slowly pulling off his civilian clothes. He stood clad in only in underwear and dog tags, staring at his uniform as his hands clinched several times at his side.
Using the wall, Sherlock pushed himself on the stool over to John. "What about your sister? Does she even know?" He wasn't sure if his fiancé would want Harry around little Sandi since she was an alcoholic. He wrapped his arms around John's waist from behind in a tight hug, resting his head on the army doctor's back. "I'll miss you. I have little Sandi to keep me company this time. I certainly won't be bored." Maybe still lonely, but only John could fill that void. Just six more months. The tour was half over. Then, John would be home all the time. Then maybe, just maybe they would be able to live a peaceful life.
"She doesn't know," John whispered, turning his head slightly even though he wouldn't be able to see Sherlock. "Harry always wanted me to have kids. Last time I talked to her she had stopped drinking for a few months." He paused and moved his hands to rest on Sherlock's, glancing down with a weary smile. "Maybe call her? The number's written down in the notebook under my chair." He smirked and turned around so Sherlock's head was resting against the tense muscles of his stomach. "I will miss you so much. We will still Skype and text." A hand rested protectively on the back of Sherlock's skull. "Six months and we will be together again."
"I'll let her know." Sherlock continued to hold John in a hug. He didn't want to let go. Not yet. He wanted to make the moment last as long as he could. Trying to find the humor in something just to ease things along, he glanced down at the stool he was sitting on. "I'm going to have to get one of these. I'll just roll around in the flat. Give little Sandi a ride maybe. Twirl around a bit. Kids like that, don't they?"
"Depends on the kid," John replied with a small laugh. "You would have to be careful, wouldn't want to run over her fingers once she started crawling." He glanced over at their sleeping daughter. "She'll probably start doing that before I get back. You will have to make sure you don't leave anything out." His free hand moved to rub the back of Sherlock's neck, trying to keep him as calm as possible. Everything would be fine. He had made it through six months without a problem. He could do it again. It would be easy. "I have to get dressed, you know," he whispered. "I'm standing here in my underwear. It looks just a bit weird."
"I know. I have read every conceivable book out there on babies. I'm sure Mycroft will tell me if I do something wrong. He always does." Sherlock gave a slight shrug and then tilted his head up to with a smirk to look at John. "I like you without your clothes on."
"I'm aware," John stated with a smirk of his own. "And as much as I enjoy making you happy I really need to get dressed." He shifted and moved to his knees, situating himself between Sherlock's legs and eagerly meeting his lips. "Besides, you still have clothes on. That's hardly fair." With a final nip at Sherlock's bottom lip he stood, grabbing the pants to his uniform and slowly pulling them on.
Sherlock returned the brief kiss, smirking a bit. He watched John get dressed in silence. He wasn't really sure what to say at this point. Anything that came to mind seemed to be trite or would just end up making his fiancé feel bad about having to leave. So, he kept his thoughts to himself. It seemed every time it was time for the army doctor to leave, it was harder than the last. At least, after this he wouldn't have to worry about John leaving him anymore. Or at least, he hoped not.
"I talked to Mycroft while we were planning my trip out here." John yanked his belt through the loops and clasped it. "I got you a present." He lifted his gaze from his pants and turned toward his bag. It had been a spur of the moment. The words were out of his mouth and before he had time to think it over Mycroft had agreed. "So I had these made for you." He turned around and placed the chain around Sherlock's neck, dog tags clanking together at the end. "They have got my name on them. Exactly what I'm wearing now." He shrugged as he pulled a tan shirt over his head. "I figured you might like it.
Sherlock raised his eyebrows at John mentioning getting him a present. He picked up the tags around his neck to look at them. He squeezed them tightly in his hand for a moment and then glanced up to his fiancé with a smile. "I do. Thank you." Another thing for him to hold onto while the army doctor was away. A piece of John, even though they were merely replicas. He removed the chain that held the ring, and slid it off. Then he turned the chain with dog tags around to undo it briefly and then slide the ring on so it would fall in between the two tags before clasping it back together. He shoved the now empty chain into his pants pocket.
John watched with a smile as he tugged his outer shirt over his shoulders. "I'm glad." He nodded surely. It wasn't as wonderful as wedding rings or recording a violin song for their first dance but he knew Sherlock had liked wearing his dog tags. "I love you." He grinned at his fiancé. "And you'll do fine with Amy. I promise."
"Love you too," Sherlock replied. "I suppose so. I didn't think I would be nervous, but I guess I am now that she is here. I'm not cut out to be a father John…but I'll try." He had been too. He had done everything to change his life and accommodate little Sandi into it. His life seemed to be constantly changing of late. There were still adjustments that needed made, mainly by him personally, to fully accept everything that had happened since he and John had been together.
"You're a genius," John muttered as he finished buttoning his shirt. "And you've got a wonderful support system around you. I'm not worried." He moved to stand between Sherlock's legs, pulling the other man against him the best he could. "Six months and then you'll have me all to yourself. And I'll buy some new whipped cream."
Sherlock smirked a bit, arms wrapping around John to return the hug. He rested his head on his fiancé's shoulder for awhile before tilting his head up to look at the army doctor, the smirk getting slightly bigger. "Just so you know, my mum really is expecting us to stay the night before we go on our honeymoon so be ready to make some noise after six months of nothing."
John blushed and buried his face in Sherlock's chest. "Why?" He asked with a soft laugh. His main guess was that his future mother-in-law was taking care of Amy while they were gone. "Hate to do this but I have got to get my boots on." He pulled away from his fiancé slowly and grabbed his boots, moving to sit on the floor. It took a while for him to get both boots on and once he was done he looked up at Sherlock with a weak smile.
"Well, one I told her we already had agreed to do so. And two, I'm sure she plans on spoiling her granddaughter to death. According to her, it is what grandma's are for." Sherlock gave a slight shrug and smiled down at John. He offered a hand to help his fiancé back to his feet. Just six more months, he reminded himself. He could do this. The first six months hadn't been as terrible as he thought it would be, despite all the things that had happened.
John didn't hesitate and grabbed Sherlock's hand, embracing the other man as soon as he was standing. "She is in for quite the shock," he said with a smile. "She is going to hate me." Except that was an understatement. She already didn't mind him but given what she might hear... John pulled away and slowly took on his military posture. Shoulders back. Spine straight. Head high. "Stay safe."
Sherlock smirked a bit, returning the hug immediately. "She won't hate you. She will probably be more amused than anything." He smirked again momentarily, but it fell when the last two words were spoken. Being safe wasn't something he was worried about for himself, but for his fiancé. "I will. You too." He wanted to say that John needed to come back, come back safe to him and to Amy. But the army doctor already knew the score; he didn't need it thrown in his face.
There was still at least an hour left for him to spend with Sherlock and Amy. While the idea did sound amazing he knew that the longer he stayed the harder it would be to leave. "I love you. I'll see you soon." He placed a soft kiss on Sherlock lips and the moment he did so he decided he didn't want to stop. His arms wrapped tightly around Sherlock's neck and he stood on his toes to get better access to his fiancé's mouth.
Sherlock returned the kiss readily, arms enveloping around John as well to hug his fiancé closer. "Love you too," he murmured behind the kiss. He brought one hand up to the back of the army doctor's head, fingers running through the short hair. It was one of the things he would miss the most; he had always enjoyed stroking John's head and feeling the soft bristles on his finger tips.
After a small moan John pulled away from the kiss, taking a deep breath and keeping his gaze locked on his fiancé. "I'll text you when I land," he whispered as he pulled away from Sherlock's arms and moved toward his sleeping daughter. He picked her up gently and just stared at her in awe, studying her face before holding her against his chest. A soft kiss was placed on the top of her head before John set her back down and moved across the room to put his backpack on. "See you soon." He flashed a weak smile and gave Sherlock a quick peck before leaving.
After John left, Sherlock just sat on the stool. It had never been easy for him, when his fiancé left. He glanced down at the tags around his neck, one hand lifting them to scrutinize them easier. His grip tightened around them as he whispered to himself, "Come back to me John Watson. Your daughter needs you. I need you." He really was lost without his blogger. He gave a small growl of frustration, relinquishing the dog tags. He rolled over to little Sandi and took a picture of her sleeping and then sent it to John. The army doctor should have a picture of his daughter. He couldn't think of a caption so he left it blank. "Your Dad is the bravest and wisest man I have ever met." He spoke softly to the infant, who was oblivious to the world. He envied Amy's innocence and bliss.
John took the slowest route he could in the cab, taking in London before he arrived at the airport. Mycroft walked with him and couldn't help but smile when John stopped walking at the picture of his daughter on his phone. He quickly saved the attachment. Refusing to speak to Mycroft, he simply boarded his aircraft. With a small smirk John flipped Mycroft off as he took off.