Playing Games by JuliaBC
A/N: Tag to 11x17: The Sandman.
"You're going to be a dad."
Reid wondered at the change in Derek as he entered the BAU bullpen, heading for his desk after their long flight was over.
He'd taken it, everything, the case, so hard; so much to heart.
And Reid couldn't fault him for any of it.
He settled in at his desk, sighing. There was a huge stack of files there; they'd gotten behind in the time Derek had been gone. Even Reid, with his amazing capacity for speedreading.
Derek hadn't come back to the BAU buildings; he'd headed straight to a poker game with Rossi, saying he'd get his files done in the morning. In private, when Derek was in the plane's bathroom, Rossi had slipped Reid a $100 and both his and Derek's files.
"Don't tell Hotch," he murmured.
Reid opened his mouth to protest then changed his mind. He'd let Rossi do this. It wasn't like he hadn't done the others' files before now...and never before had he been paid for it.
Now he added his own files, Derek's and Rossi's to the ever-growing pile on his desk, sighing a little. His mind wasn't on work; not this work. It was back on the case, at the crime scene, looking at that damned hourglass.
It was with Derek, counseling him on what a good father he'd make...scratch that, already was.
It was at the cut-short party, before he'd gotten a chance to fully celebrate; to even finish his slice of 'diaper' cake.
Garcia had revived her spirits. She, as if getting some sort of memo, was all in. Though Derek had never guaranteed her the spot of godmother, she was already acting in that capacity, going above and beyond to check on Savannah's progress, to buy toys for little Derek or Savannah jr., scheduling foot massages for Savannah...
And during all that time, Reid had never noticed her pining for Derek. He'd never heard her complain that she missed him while he was off the job. He never saw her falter, when she passed his office (the office she'd decorated) and it was empty.
But it was still obvious, in little ways. In how her smile wasn't as wide anymore. In how it took her just a little longer to laugh these days. She'd taken Emily leaving hard...they all had. She'd swung back with Blake, but perhaps because it wasn't so final with Blake or with Kate, then she'd had a quick recovery time; she was getting used to it.
But nothing could have prepared her, or anyone on the team, for Derek's absence.
They'd all been counting down the days, until he returned. Until he was the phone dialing Garcia. Until they could hear their crazy banter again. Until he was calling Reid Pretty Boy and JJ Pennsylvania Petite...
Until he was back.
And then one day he was.
Reid's heart twinged when he remembered the look on Derek's face earlier that day, as the case ended.
He had a horrible, sinking feeling in his stomach. He didn't want to contemplate it but his genius mind was already trying to prepare him for it; as it already anticipated the hurt that it had felt when Gideon left, and Elle, and Em...
Derek wasn't staying. He physically couldn't. That was far too apparent whenever Reid looked at his friend.
There was something different in him, beyond finding the world harder, as he'd so honestly put it earlier. Beyond him being a father, beyond the fact of how that changed him.
He was done. He'd reached his breaking point. There...there wouldn't be much more. He wouldn't be able to handle it.
Reid straightened in his seat, angry with himself that he'd let himself go to such a place. If it happened, if Derek left, he'd handle it then. He didn't need to torture himself with it before it did.
He grabbed ahold of the stack of files, determining to lose himself in the work. He forced his mind into overdrive, distracting himself; distancing himself.
He blinked and the stack of files was done with.
And there was the Montolo file that Garcia had slipped him before they'd left. He took hold of it, considering. They'd been working so hard, every day. They were getting so close...and yet it always seemed to be another step out of their reach.
He stood up, placed the file back on the desk rather stubbornly, and looked at his watch. He had two choices: leave now. Leave and see what Travis and Poe were up to. (Travis was fitting into his life remarkably well. They were never in each other's way.)
Or go see Garcia. See Garcia and check in with her, and...
He picked up his cell phone, and pounded out a message to Kate.
Any game recommendations? I don't have anything with me but I might be able to scrounge up a deck of cards if you have a suggestion.
He waited a moment, expecting Kate's usual lightning quick reply, but none was forthcoming. He frowned at his phone, considered calling, and then, shoving his hands in his pockets, left the bullpen, going down the corridor to Garcia's office.
When he entered, she was typing furiously. Her headset was on, and she had a look of fierce concentration on her face. "Hey, Penelope, are you busy?" Reid asked, pausing at the entrance.
"No, no, come aboard," she invited, waving him inside without looking behind her. As he shut the door behind her, she sighed, took off her headset and buried her face in her hands. "I'm still not getting anywhere."
He knew instantly what she was talking about. Montolo.
"Neither am I," he admitted. "I was looking at the file you gave me and I just couldn't. Not tonight."
"What do you mean, tonight?" She wondered.
He slowly reached to rest his hand on her shoulder. "I'm just overworked."
"Aren't we all?" She whispered. "But if we can't catch this guy..." Her eyes filled with tears.
"We will," Reid promised. "Eventually. We will catch him. We'll put him behind bars. There will be a point where Derek and Savannah and the baby are all safe and sound, and we don't have to worry anymore."
Garcia sagged. "Could that future ever happen?" She asked, disconnecting her headset and following him to the bullpen.
JJ was at her desk, earplugs in her ears and Reid didn't want to disturb her.
"Come to the window with me," Reid said, leading her over. "I don't have a board but this is something that my mom and I used to do. It's not quite a game but it's nice."
"What?" Garcia asked, looking up at the sky.
"Look at the stars," Reid said, and then raised an eyebrow. "Not that you can see many."
"I can see one tiny little guy over there," Garcia said. "Though I'm not sure; he might be an airplane."
"Make a wish," Reid said. "And then tomorrow, make it come true."
"What were your wishes?" Garcia asked, stealing a sideways glance at him. "Did you make them come true?"
"Sadly, not most of the time," Reid admitted. "But enough."
She spoke words under her breath, furiously mumbling, eyes squeezed shut.
Reid heard footsteps behind him and JJ stood there. "What are you guys doing?" She asked, a tease in her voice, as well as genuine curiosity.
"Wishing on stars," Reid said. "Though not in the usual way. You have to make it come true yourself the next day."
JJ nodded, stepping forward. "Okay. Sounds fair. Don't ask the universe for anything that you aren't willing to get for yourself."
She bit her lip, as Garcia nodded at her. "I've made my wish so it's your turn," she said, urging Reid forward.
"Oh, I've made mine too," Reid said.
He saw Garcia's glance steal to the doors; she just wanted to get back to her desk. Something he understood. His file should be completed tonight as well. He wouldn't let himself leave the office before it was; for Hotch's sake as well as his own.
"JJ?" Reid prompted.
"I don't know what to say," JJ said.
Garcia squeezed her friend's arm before hurrying back to her office. Reid could almost read her thoughts:
One more sequence and maybe I'll crack this thing. There's no way Montolo can keep this up. Just one more try. Come on, Penelope Garcia, for Derek's sake as well as the team's...
He nodded at JJ, looking at her as she concentrated, arms folded as she beheld the single visible star in the Quantico sky.
"I've got mine," JJ said, and spoke the words before he could stop her; say that they should be private. "I want this team to stay strong forever. Past members and present."
She then turned around on one heel; he saw her throat working as if she was suppressing emotion and wondered what had brought it on. A phone call with Emily, a text from Blake, a playdate with Jamie and Michael?
Or just the stress of this whole past case?
It had been hard on more than Derek, it seemed.
A/N: Actress bashing is never allowed on any of the reviews pages for ANY of my stories. I'd really appreciate it if certain people could contain their hate and vitriol. This is not the place. There is never a place for hate. I don't know if you realize this but AJ and JLH are REAL people, and not the characters they portray on CM.