Playing Games by JuliaBC

A/N: Tag to 11x18: A Beautiful Disaster

Kate felt like her world had tilted off of its axis when she heard the news. That another loved one, not even a member of the team, had been so stricken, chilled her to the core.

"What's up, mom?" Meg asked in passing, going upstairs to bed.

"Um, it's Savannah," Kate said, throat working.

"What about her?" Meg asked, bounding back down. She'd always liked to hear mention of the doctor, having been reluctantly impressed, even at the time, with how smoothly she'd handled the belly button piercing incident.

"She was shot," Kate said, feeling tears well up.

"What?" Meg wondered, staring at Kate in disbelief. "Oh my god, why?"

"There are..." Kate trailed off, realizing that she didn't even the know the full story because of the intense privacy needed. "The same guys who kidnapped Morgan shot her," she finished.

Meg's voice was raw, remembering the last time she'd seen Savannah, just three weeks ago; the woman had been glowing and pregnant, smiling and chatty as she was always. Friendly to almost a fault. That was Savannah Morgan. "But...the baby." She glanced up at Kate, tears slipping down her cheeks. "What about the baby?"

"They don't know yet," Kate said. "I only got a group text from Hotch; he added me, Blake and Prentiss to the list just so we could know. I don't think...don't think we'll get more updates than that. It'll be classified." She slipped an arm around Meg, letting them both grieve; pray for a moment. Hope that Savannah would be okay.

"Could you...wake me if there's more news?" Meg asked quietly a moment later.

"Yeah," Kate said, pressing a kiss to Meg's forehead, ruffling her daughter's hair a little more. "Of course."

"If I'm sleeping at all," Meg mumbled as she walked up the stairs.

Kate stood up, her legs carrying her straight to one place: Jamie. He was sitting up in his playpen, babbling quietly to himself as he chewed on a picture book. She leaned down and scooped him into her arms; she would have been putting him to bed about ten minutes ago if she hadn't gotten the text now she just didn't want to. She'd never been someone to let the baby sleep in bed with her, but, after checking his diaper and making sure he wasn't hungry, she lay him on the bed by her pillow, brushing her teeth, obsessively checking her phone for an update every five minutes.

She almost...she almost went down there. She almost made that decision, knowing what hospital she'd be at; mentally calculating her route and the time it'd take her to get there.

But then she remembered herself, last year, on any of the cases she'd worked with the team. The last thing they needed was one more frantic person.

But maybe she wouldn't be that.

She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment.

She picked up her phone, at first hesitating, wondering who she should ask.

Do you guys want me to be there?

The reply came just a moment or two later.

I'd never say no to that question, Kate, but not right now. Tomorrow.

How is Savannah doing?

Still not sure yet.

She got into bed and set her alarm.

She didn't really sleep that night.

Her phone was ominously clear of texts that morning and Kate threw all caution to the wind, tossing clothes on, jeans and a sweater, dressing Jamie in rompers and rapping on Meg's door before entering.

Meg was already dressed for school, staring at her phone.

"Come on," Kate said distractedly, shifting Jamie on her hip.

"What?" Meg asked. "Did you hear anything?"

"No," Kate said. "Which is why we're going down there now."

Meg exhaled, as if breathing for the first time in hours. "I'm glad," she said, hurrying to grab her bag.

JJ was outside of the hospital room, looking exhausted, and stood up in shock when Kate came down the corridor, Meg behind her and Jamie in her arms.

"Kate!" She exclaimed, and reached to hug her. "It's so good to see you."

"Did you really think I wouldn't come?" Kate asked, hugging her back, tightly, feeling the tension in JJ's shoulders. "How is she?"

"She's good," JJ said. "It's all...it's all over."

"But you're still here?" Kate wondered, pulling back to examine JJ's face.

"I just couldn't bring myself to leave," JJ admitted, voice soft. "Hotch is here too, somewhere. And I'm not sure because I haven't been down there in a while but the team might still be clearing out the waiting room they put us in."

"So..." Kate said, feeling a bit frantic, and they both knew that JJ had skipped something. "The baby?"

"I'll let that situation speak for itself," JJ said, a smile blooming on her face. "I'll hold Jamie," she said, and Kate handed JJ her son, and she carefully, quietly opened the door to the room behind her.

Kate felt her heart swell. Morgan was next to Savannah's bed, a crib was right there too. Savannah and Morgan both slept, both looking exhausted, hand clasped tightly in the other's.

She crept forward, JJ letting Meg in too, smiling and lifting a finger to her lips, but it was just a perfunctory gesture, as Meg and Kate were both as quiet as the grave.

JJ slipped back, letting the door swing shut.

Kate leaned forward, and there was a precious baby in the crib, small, for sure, but alive. Alive and well. Breathing.

She felt her breath hitch and Meg grabbed her hand, squeezing tight.

Morgan opened his eyes, not startling to see them there. "I thought you'd come," he whispered. "Come here, both of you."

And every time anything improved, something else fell.

Reid sat in the round table room, knowing what was coming, dreading what was coming.

Goodbye.

So long.

I can't do this anymore.

I've got really good reasons. Neither of us can or would ever rebut them. Neither of us could doubt that this is the right choice.

But I don't want to do it.

Reid inhaled, his mind forcing memories on him, of being trapped in an elevator with Morgan. Of Morgan saving his life when they hadn't even known each other that long. Of Morgan being the tough one. Of giving a speech at his wedding. Of Morgan always being willing. Of Morgan always taking that extra step, going that extra mile for anyone that he loved.

Until he couldn't.

Until his love split, between his work family and his home family.

And one was clearly, forever and always, beautifully, more important.

Reid didn't deny that. And he didn't hate it either.

But there was regret.

Much regret. Phrases like, why does it always end like this?

Why does everyone come to this decision?

Why is it always me caught in the crossfire?

Why does it seem like I lose everything I gain?

And then, finally, shattering him.

Why won't it ever be me?

A redheaded woman slipped into mind, her smile at him, her words echoed in his mind.

He wouldn't ever forget, he suddenly vowed, dismissing what Cat had said in January. He could, he decided, forget that. There were treatments. He'd get tested. Again and again, as long as it took. He'd change his diet.

He'd stop drinking coffee, if that was what it took. That was how committed he suddenly was, feeling his mind clear.

He was going to remember. He was going to cherish.

Derek Morgan stepped inside the room and told him the name he'd chosen for his son.

Hank Spencer.

Derek Morgan showed him pictures.

I'm going to spend as much time as possible with my namesake.

He pulled Reid into his arms, hugging him, comforting him.

This won't be the last time.

We'll see each other again. We will.

He watched Derek Morgan leave, silently pushing open the doors, for perhaps one of the last times in his life.

But if we won't...I'll remember.

A/N: I fully admit that the chapters are suddenly getting shorter. Trying to finish s11 before dooms day, and that might necessitate shorter chapters for quicker updates.

Other notes for this chapter...

I really hope Derek gets mentioned every now and again. Though she's not my favorite character, I've always regretted how even Prentiss is only mentioned once, twice a season. Alex got one mention in the season 10 premiere and Kate didn't even score a shoutout in s11. Considering that Morgan was there from the first, longer than any of them, almost twice as long as even Emily, (episode countwise, Shemar had 250 and Paget had 127) the show needs to mention him more to keep the bond there. I'm not saying that the team needs to always be moping that he left, but you just have to mention getting lunch with him; seeing Hank over the weekend, chatting with Savannah.

It was hard enough to let him go, as it was with other characters on CM. But for god's sake, if the show wants to keep that bond, they can't let themselves forget him. And I don't mean one guest star spot every two years and Derek being a ghost in between. The biggest problem I now have with CM is that they give you the picture of this family but they skip something, miss something, dismiss something. Families don't forget. They don't.

Derek, Emily, Alex and Kate deserve better than that.

(Slightly pissed off PSA now over.)