Beckett could see that her question itself had hit Castle like a ton of bricks. His eyes got wide and filled with emotion as he looked at her standing in front of him. She didn't understand what could've caused the pain she saw in them, when she was the one being left behind. How had this happened? Thinking back over the last couple of weeks that they had started to grow apart, she couldn't think of anything that could cause the pain that was now behind those intense blue eyes. It was hard to look at.

Castle's eyes flicked down from his intense gaze and he said, "I just can't," with a small and strained voice. He took the shoe Beckett hadn't even realized she was still holding out to him and turned around.

"Wait," she called as he stumbled over to a seat on the other side of the room and sat down. He didn't even look at her. As he shoved his shoe on, not even bothering to tie it, she slowly made her way over to where he was sitting. She sat down next to him and waited until he looked in her direction to hold out his shirt to him.

Castle barely spared her a glance when he grabbed his shirt from her hands and stood up. He shrugged one sleeve on and reached around his back to get the other. When he seemed to have trouble reaching it and was waving his arm behind his back trying to grab at it, Beckett was amazed he was still standing by the way he was spinning and stumbling around. She'd told him before that when it came to drinking, she could take him, but maybe not.

This night was not what she had expected when she heard her phone ring at four in the morning. Now it was almost six, and Castle's drunk bliss had turned into grief and anger. Beckett stood up and walked over to him yet again. She wouldn't let him walk away from her. She grabbed his shoulder to spin him around to face her, stepping up close to him. Reaching around him she grabbed the free sleeve of his shirt hanging over his back and lifted it up to help him into his shirt. She didn't start speaking again until she started with the buttons on his shirt.

When she had gotten halfway through, Castle stopped her by pushing her hands away from his shirt and trying to finish the buttons himself. When his fingers fumbled over the small buttons and he couldn't get them to go through the fabric, he gave up and stumbled toward the staircase.

Beckett grabbed his hand so that he would turn to look her in the eyes. "Rick please," she pleaded. "Why are you doing this? Don't tell me it's nothing, that there's nothing wrong. I don't know what I did, but I can tell when something's wrong. You can't just pretend like this is all okay –"

Castle cut her off with a serious look. "Why not? Isn't that what you're doing? Pretending?" His voice was rough and emotional, and Beckett suddenly knew where this was going.

She swallowed the big lump in her throat and willed herself to reply. "Castle, I didn't—"

"Didn't what?" he cut her off again. "Why didn't you just tell me you remembered?" he asked her looking into her eyes. His voice had gotten smaller again and now it was clear to her how much he had been hurting. "I just … I love you. If you think that I couldn't handle it, you're wrong. I get it… you don't feel the same way! You didn't –"

Now it was her turn to cut him off. She put her hand up to his mouth and just looked into his eyes. "Rick.."

Her stomach fluttered and heart practically leaped out of her chest. It had been almost an entire year since that day in the cemetery, and she could still see everything as clear as day. She could still smell the grass that had just been cut and taste her own blood. She could still feel Castle laying over her on the ground and hear him speaking those words to her.

When she shut Castle out over the summer, it was because she needed time. She couldn't just get over everything. How could she possibly put herself into a relationship when all she could focus on wasn't over yet? She was so driven by her mother's murder, and the new leads that they had gotten in the past year were big.

Then when the leads disappeared and they put the investigation away, she was able to see what was in front of her more clearly. She was able to work towards putting it all behind her and opening herself up to a new future. Thinking about the future she could have made the past seem so long ago. Now, she was standing in the basement of the Old Haunt with Castle, and he was opening his heart up to her once again.

She was overcome with a feeling of joy, and it spread all the way down to her toes. So that's why he had wanted to leave? He had thought that she didn't feel the same way. Men. For someone who could read people so well, he wasn't doing a very good job on her.

Beckett broke herself from her thoughts and looked back to his face again. She expected to see a reflection of the happiness she was feeling, or hope, or something. Castle still had a pained look on his face and wonder his eyes. "What is it?"

"You're so extraordinary, Kate. I love you," he said with his words still slightly slurred from all the drinking he had done that night, but he still looked hurt. "Why don't you love me?" he asked almost knocking her off her feet with the loaded question.

Beckett stepped closer to him and looked into his face. "For being so smart, you sure are dumb sometimes," she told him, and his face flashed with acceptance as he looked down and started to step back. She touched her hand to his cheek to stop him and lifted his gaze back up to hers. "Let me finish. You sure are dumb sometimes, if you don't think I feel the same way."

Castle's breath hitched and his jaw slightly fell open. Looking at her now he could see the joy on her face. Before he could respond to her, she stepped up and grabbed the collar of his shirt. She pulled on it and dragged him down for a searing kiss.

Okay, so I wasn't going to update today with 'Always' coming up. But I had to get the words down while my idea for this chapter was fresh. I know it was an intense one, but I hope you all liked where I went with his reaction to her secret. I've read some fics where the secrets come out and I didn't feel like they were dealt with the right way. I hope I did it justice. I'll probably be updating "How About A Romance?" again before I write the next chapter here so it could be two or three days, but I will don't worry.