Like I said before: this chapter is ALL Jazmyn! Jazz's VERY FIRST chapter! Yea! Thanks for the reviews, guys! I'm really glad you like the names! I like them, too!
~SashaFierce12.0
Chapter 22
Jazmyn's P.o.V.
I yawned and stretched out my muscles; right arm and left arm, right leg and left leg. I turned and looked at my cell phone clock.
11: 13 a.m.
Whoa. It's a new record! I've never slept in this late before! I rolled over to see if Leah was still in bed. She wasn't. Her bed was neatly made up. Oh, Leah...All about the neatness! Humming to myself, I got out of bed and put on my purple monster feet house shoes. Still rubbing sleep from my eyes, I made my way towards the bathroom for a shower and to brush my teeth.
"Seems like everybody's got a price, I wonder how they sleep at night; when the sale comes first and the truth comes second, just stop for a minute and, ha!, smile!" I sang loudly as I washed the soap from my body. I absolutely loved to sing. And the way the shower was built made awesome acoustics! Still humming, I dried myself off and went to brush my teeth and wash my face. I looked in the mirror and smiled at my reflection. I thought back to that time in my life last year.
Allie and her gang made my life a living hell. I was always singing...Something I actually did better than everyone else in my grade (not that I'm bragging or anything!). It had all started when I had beat them in our middle school's annual talent show. Allie, her twin sister, Mikayla, and their snotty group of friends had all got together and performed a terrible rendition of Single Ladies. I'd liked that song...Until they sang it! Anyway, after all of their fake little followers had cheered them off the stage, it was my turn. I hadn't really sang in front of a crowd before, and I was really nervous. Allie did everything in her power to keep me that way...
"It's okay, Jazzy," Allie said in a nasally voice. I knew she was just doing that to annoy me. But I wouldn't show her that it did. "There's only, like, two hundred people out there waiting to hear you sing! No biggy!" Allie turned around and looked at Mikayla and the rest of her friends, who all looked like they were trying not to laugh.
"Yeah, Jazzy," Mikayla added. "Don't mess up!" I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself with deep breaths and mental pep talks.
I could do this. I could do this.
"Now, give it up for...Jazmyn Young!" the emcee announced. My heart started to beat faster as the audience cheered wildly. They were probably just being nice...I was the quiet one at school...The nerdy girl who always played by the rules. None of those people knew me...I slowly walked onto the stage and looked at the audience. I quickly spotted my mom and dad sitting in the front row. They waved at me with grinning faces. I waved back and took another deep breath.
"Th-this is Listen. I-I hope you guys like i-it," I stuttered. I mentally slapped myself.
Nice going, Jazz.
I was snapped out of my thought when the DJ signaled me that he was starting the track. I took a deep breath and began to sing.
Listen...to the song here in my heart;
A melody I start, but can't complete
Listen...to the sound from deep within;
It's only beginning to find release.
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard,
They will not be pushed aside and turned.
Into your own all 'cause you won't
Listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroads.
I'm not at home in my own home.
And I've tried and tried, to say what's on mind
You should have known
Oh! Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling.
I'm more than what you made of me,
I followed the voice you gave to me.
But now I've gotta find my own...
The crowd started to cheer and clap as I continued. I smiled a little. This was going...Not...Bad! I took another breath and continued the song.
You should have listened; there is someone here inside.
Someone I thought had died so long ago.
Oh, I'm screaming out and my dreams'll be heard
They will not be pushed aside on words
Into your own all 'cause you won't
Listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind
You should have known
Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't
Listen! ...
I almost jumped back as the crowd cheered more. But I continued, anyway. Not wanting to ruin my mood.
...to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but I will complete
Oh! Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own...! My own!
I finished with my eyes closed and my head held high. I couldn't help the tears forming in my eyes as I listened to the swell of applause and cheers from around me.
"What's her name?" I heard someone in the front row say.
"Jazmyn! Her name is Jazmyn!" Mom answered. "She's my daughter!" I opened my eyes just as Mom waved to me. I waved back smiling wide.
"Woohoo! Go, Jazzy!" Daddy yelled. I blushed at the babyish nickname that he used.
"Jazmyn! Jazmyn! Jazmyn!" my friends chanted. Soon, the whole crowd was chanting my name.
"Jazmyn! Jazmyn! Jazmyn!" I grinned again, waved, and walked off the stage. I paused when I saw Allie and her cronies, but continued past them with my head held high.
"Humph, I could go up there and whine," Mikayla said to me. I kept on walking.
"Ooh, look at Jazzy; thinkin' she's all big and bad. Just 'cause she can carry a tune!" Alana teased. I kept on walking. I didn't care about what they had to say. I rocked that stage, and I knew it!
I ended up winning that night, and nothing that Allie and her friends said got to me. At least...Not then. They wouldn't stop. Bothering me in the halls, following me home, even having the audacity to call me out in class. And everything they said just had to be in front of other people. And those people didn't care that I could sing, or I was really smart and got good grades. They would laugh, and tease me, too. My friends would stick by me, but I became more distant from them. I didn't want them to be hurt like I was.
Allie would always call me names. When I was in the lunchroom eating, she would purposely walk by with her friends and whisper loudly in their ears. Fat. Fat. Fat. Then they would laugh loudly and hurry on by. I would always look in the mirror and try to be positive. I wasn't fat...Was I? Was 98.3 pounds normal? Or was it overweight? Soon, every time I looked in the mirror, I would see someone else staring back at me. This girl wasn't the Jazmyn that I knew. This girl was fat and ugly. Practically busting out of her clothes. I stopped eating. I only drank water. But my parents...They forced me to after my regular check up that winter. I was happy that I'd dropped eleven pounds, but I wanted to lose more. My parents were shocked. And my mom was bawling. I couldn't understand. Why wouldn't they want their only daughter to be happy? Did they actually want me to live my life as a fat, geeky outcast? They forced me to eat. Not wanting to see my mother cry again, I did. But that didn't mean I kept it down. I always threw it up afterwards. And Mom and Dad never found out.
Allie and her gang were still teasing me. And it became physical. They'd have their boyfriends push me into lockers at school. And she and her friends would corner me in the deserted hallways between lunch and afternoon classes. At first it was just to insult me with words...But one day, Mikayla went as far as punching me. It became a tradition after that. I'd try to avoid them, but they would somehow find me. Each of them would take a hit after that. Allie, then Mikayla, Alana, Megan, Celeste, and finally Jaycee. I would take them, and I'd never cry...At least...Not where they could see me. I started wearing makeup to cover up my bruises so my parents wouldn't see them.
It was hard during those months. I remember at Christmastime where I actually had to force myself to be happy and smile. I didn't have any siblings-I still don't-so I had no one to talk to. I had been out of contact with my friends for four months by then. I had started cutting myself. It made my pain numb, but it never truly got rid of it. But Allie found out, and my teasing reached a whole new level. Half the school was doing it, now that they'd found out about my cutting. No one would leave me alone.
One day, at dinner, I was slowly picking at my food. I was barely listening as my parents talked animatedly about the second honeymoon they were planning on taking. Then, all of a sudden, Mom turned to me.
"How's school been, honey? And what about those friends of yours...? Shay, Yukari, and Jadan? I haven't heard from them in a while," Mom took another bite of her spaghetti. I didn't answer. I was staring hard at my food, biting my lip, and trying to keep from crying. "Jazmyn? Honey? Are you okay?" I shook my head. And looked up. By now, I could taste blood coming from my lips. I was biting them too hard.
"Mom...Dad...? School hasn't been working out for me lately," I whispered quietly. I wiped my eyes free of tears, and when I looked up Mom gasped. Crap! I'd forgotten about my shiner. "I-I..."
I had started to cry. Right there in front of my parents. I spilled the story of the past month's happenings. My parents listened intently. When I was done, I sat back in my chair and waited for them to jump in. They didn't. I was glad they didn't. I didn't want them to immediately jump in. By now, I was sniffling and going through a fit of after-cry-hiccups. Daddy and Mom had gotten up and gave me a huge hug. It was exactly what I'd needed.
Before long, we were packing up our huge house. I remember sitting out on top of a box on the front porch, watching as the strong movers came and lugged precious valuables from my house. I remember looking up at the big house that I'd grown up in. (I wasn't born in Texas, I was actually born here, in La Push. But Houston was all I knew.) I remember standing under the brick archway at the front of my house-basking in the way it made me feel like a princess entering her castle. I remember sitting between my parents on the plane ride to North Dakota...How cold I was when we had landed. I remember staring at the new house that we had bought. It was brand new, and looked almost exactly like my old house...Only now covered in snow. My parents had let me choose any room I wanted, and I'd chosen the one with the most windows. They were huge windows, too. Reaching from the up from the ceiling all the way to the ground. They'd let me decorate it any way I wanted. I remember...I remember finally, after all those months, being happy again. Mom and Dad sent me to a new prep school...It took me a while to get used to it. It was big. Much bigger than my old school. (This place had a freaking Starbucks in the cafeteria!) But, sooner than I imagined, I made a whole bunch of friends. And I became...Popular. Because I could sing. And everyone was nice, and I knew everyone and was friends with everyone. It really was a new start. A great start.
Then I came here to visit Aunty Em and Sam for Thanksgiving. And the trip changed my life.
Seth...
I looked back at the mirror and realized that I was crying. I wiped away my tears and continued getting ready. Brushing my hair, I used the hairbrush as a microphone.
"No one, no one, no one! Can get in the way of what I feel for you...You...You...Can get in the of what I feel for you!" I giggled and put on the clothes that I'd brought in with me; a hot pink off the shoulder top, my distressed skinnies, and my favorite blue and green toe socks. Giving myself a look over, I nodded, and grabbed my pajamas and house shoes. I slipped my house shoes back on, and threw my pajamas in the dirty clothes hamper. Then I made up my bed. "I know, some people search the world. To find, somethin' like what we had! I know, some people try, try to divide, something so real. Until the end of time I'm tellin' you there ain't no one!" By now I was done, and doing a little mini performance in my mirror with my hairdryer as a microphone. I put on some eyeliner and mascara, still humming to myself. "Oh ooh wah oh, oh! Oh ooh wah oh, oh! Oh ooh wah oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" I spun around and lifted my arms over my head for the 'big finish.' I looked back in the mirror and giggled again. Then I stopped short when I saw my scars peaking out of the sleeves of my shirt.
"Jazz?" Emily asked from my door. I jumped and pulled down my sleeves. She jumped a little, too. "Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!"
"H-how long have you been standing there?" I asked. I looked back in the mirror, tugging at my sleeves.
"Umm...Enough to see you end that song...!" she replied, and laughed. "You have a beautiful voice, Jazmyn," she started to walk back down the stairs. "Oh, I just wanted to tell you that lunch was ready. We're having pasta salad! Your favorite!" I waited until her footsteps had faded to downstairs, then I let out a big sigh. She almost saw them. Only Seth knew about it, and I had warned him not to tell anyone. I adjusted my sleeves so that they covered up the scars on my arms. I flipped my hair over my shoulder, and then went downstairs. I put on a smile when I saw everyone gathered in the living room.
"Hey, guys!" I said cheerfully. Everyone waved to me.
"Jazzy! I like your shoes!" Claire said, jumping on me for a hug. I hugged her back.
"I like them, too, CeCe!" I tweaked her nose and put her back down. She ran back to Quil.
"We heard you singing, Jazmyn," Sam said. He grinned when I blushed.
"Oh, that? Sorry...I hadn't realized I was being too loud," I looked down at my arms, double checking they were covered.
"You weren't being too loud, honey," Sue said from her place in the kitchen. "Your voice is beautiful." I smiled. Sue didn't creep me out as much as she had before. I saw her as a second mom...Seeing as she probably would be one day. "You know...Seth sings, too." I looked at Seth, who had his arms wrapped around me and his head on my shoulder.
"He does?" I asked. I didn't know that.
"You bet he does!" Leah answered. She was sitting on the couch with Jacob. I hadn't even realized that Jacob was back.
"Jakey!" I exclaimed. He laughed.
"In the flesh!" he replied. He had one of his legs propped up on an ataman. But he didn't seem to be in the least bit of pain. That's something that I admired in him. He was really strong, all of my big, wolfy boys were!
"Anyway, Seth has an awesome voice!" Leah said. I looked at Seth again, who was shooting death glares at Sue and Leah.
"Why don't you sing for us, bro?" Paul asked. He was at the dining room table with Rachael on his lap.
"Yeah! C'mon!" I coaxed him. He rolled his eyes.
"You don't want to hear me sing," he retorted quietly.
"Aww..." I said. Then I got an idea. I moved his arms from around me and stalked to the living room. "I'm sitting over here, and not going back to you. Unless, of course, you sing." I flipped my hair back over my shoulder. End of sentence. I sat down between Embry and Collin, and crossed my legs stubbornly.
"Don't do this to me, Jazz!" Seth pleaded. I shook my head. He groaned. "You know what? I'll do it! I'll do it!" I giggled. I always did get what I wanted! Everyone got quiet as he looked at Leah and then Sue. Sue nodded, and he nodded back. Then he opened his mouth, and mine dropped.
"Ohhhh, yeah. It's been a long, troubled road. But I'm afraid to die. I don't know...Yeah...What's out there beyond the sky, oh, yeah! Mama said, 'It won't be easy!' But I'm still...Gonna' fly..." I got lost in his singing. It was like...I couldn't even come to describe it. It was...Just...So beautiful. And the song held so much meaning. I noticed that I had started to cry. "Ooh..." he finished, going into a light falsetto. Everyone was silent. He knitted his eyebrows together, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uhh...Was I really that bad?" That seemed to break everyone out of their trances.
"What? No!" Rebecca exclaimed. "Oh, my goodness, Seth! You've never...I've never...Ugh! I can't even get my words straight!" I had my hand over my mouth, and I was still crying.
"In all my nineteen years of living...I have never heard something like that before," Emily whispered in awe. Seth frowned.
"Why? Was it bad? Mom, I knew that I shouldn't have-"
"No!" Everyone exclaimed at the same time. Including me.
"It was gorgeous, Seth!" Rachael said. "How come you've never done that before?" Seth shrugged.
"I've never heard that song before. Did you write it?" Jacob asked. Seth turned as red as Emily's sweater, and he looked down and nodded. "Nice!"
"It's all I have right now," he answered. He had gone back to his quiet-just-above-a-whisper-voice. It was hard to believe that someone as quiet as Seth was could have such a powerful voice. "I never did get the chance to finish it. I was basically just thinking of the words as I went along. But I'm glad you guys liked it." Leah rubbed her belly.
"Jayah won't stop kicking! I think that she likes it, too!" she exclaimed. I rubbed my eyes and looked up at him, just as he looked at me. Thank goodness for water proof makeup, because I think that I'd be embarrassed if he saw me with my mascara and eyeliner all runny.
"Is Jazz...Actually crying?" Brady asked with an amused smirk. Seth and I rolled our eyes together and then smiled.
"Yes. And I'm not afraid to say it," I held my head high and sniffed.
"Whoa," Embry simply said.
"I'm not surprised. Used to bring his dad to tears, too," Sue said, coming into the room. Seth did something that was a cross between a smile and a grimace. Leah looked down. Then Seth looked up at me.
"Your turn, Jazz," he plopped down on the floor and looked at me. I looked back with a confused look on my face. Seth waved his hand in a gesture for me to stand up. "Sing." I smiled and stood up, already prepared.
"Someone choose a song," I looked around the room.
"Just keep on singing that song we heard you singing upstairs," Brady said, adjusting himself comfortably on the couch. "What was it called?"
"No one?" I giggled. He nodded and I closed my eyes to get back into a serious mood. This is what I did when I sang. Whatever mood the song had-happy, sad, serious, playful...-I tried to put myself into that mood. "Okay. Here I go. I'm just going to start from the second verse." Taking a deep breath, I started. "When the rain is pourin' down! And my heart, is hurtin'! You will always be around...This I know, for certain! You and me together, through the days and nights. I don't worry 'cause, everything's gonna' be alright! People keep talkin', but they can say what they like. I don't worry 'cause, everything's gonna' be alright! No one, no one, no one! Can get in the way of what I feel for you. No one, no one, no one! Can get in the way of what I feel for you. You...You...Can get in the way of what I feel..." The whole time I sang the song, I was looking at Seth. I pictured it as if it was just me and him in the room.
Just me and him...
I finished the song with a smile on my face, and I bit my lip, still looking at Seth. I barely heard it when everyone had started cheering.
"Yea, Jazzy!" Claire clapped from her place at the kitchen table. She had stopped her coloring to give me a standing ovation on her chair.
"Thank you! Thank you!" I laughed, bowing. "I'll be here all week!" I giggled some more.
That statement was so true!
Everyone resumed talking, and I went to go take a seat next to Seth. "I've got big plans for us, Kid. Big plans!" I told him, using a fast New Jersey accent. "I can see it now; our name in lights!" I laughed, and he laughed right along with me. I punched his shoulder playfully. "But you did good. I never knew you could sing like that. You've been holding out on me! Does Lee sing?"
He shook his head. "Can't even carry a tune!" Leah reached down and whacked him with her pillow.
"I heard that! And, for you information, I can carry a tune! Just...Not as good as yours or Jazz's..." She added quickly. Seth and I laughed again. I held my stomach and fell back onto the floor.
"Jazmyn's got the giggles!" Embry exclaimed. I opened my eyes, still laughing. Seth grinned evilly, and reached for me.
"No! Seth! Don't...!" I broke into a fit of giggles again when Seth began to tickle me. He tickled me all over my sides and my stomach. "Stop! Seth! Please-" But I was laughing too hard to finish my sentence.
"Nope!" Seth stood up and threw me over his shoulder.
"Put me down!" I screeched. But I was still giggling. He twirled me around, and I laughed harder.
"Hey, hey, hey! Take that outside!" Sam yelled over our noise.
"Gladly," Seth responded. He opened the door, and I expected to be hit with cold, but I wasn't. That must have been Seth's body heat kicking in.
"Now will you set me down?" I asked. He did. "Thanks..." I turned around and picked up a fist full of snow, I was planning on taking Seth by surprise. I turned around with a snowball in my hands, but he had probably thought the same thing, because he was poised for battle; a snowball in his left hand.
"Jazz...You don't want to do that..."
"And you don't want to do that."
"On three, we'll drop them, okay?" I thought about and nodded. But under the snowball, I was crossing my fingers. "One..."
"Two..." I continued.
"Three!" We finished together. He dropped his snowball, at the same time I threw mine at his face.
"Hey! You said we'd drop them!" he wiped snow out of his eyes, while I doubled over laughing.
"Crossies!" I said happily, waving my hand at his face. "Doesn't count!" The next thing I knew, I was being lifted off the ground again. "Haven't we gone through this before? Put me down, Seth!" I screamed, still giggling hysterically. He waved his hand in front of my face.
"Crossies! Doesn't count!" he mimicked me. I laughed again, as he sat me down again. He held out his hand. "Truce?"
"Truce," I replied. And gave his hand a firm shake. Hand in hand, we walked back inside. I hadn't realized how cold I actually was until I was greeted with the warmth of Aunty Em's house. I stomped off my monster feet, then took them off. They would have to dry from all the snow they had over them. I was thankful that my favorite socks were still dry and warm. "Can we eat now?" I asked. "I'm starving!" I patted my stomach.
"Jazz, you're always hungry!" Collin said, laughing. "Em!"
"Shhh! She's on the phone!" Sam whispered sharply. I looked at Emily.
"Yeah, El, she's right here," Emily said happily. She held out the phone for me, smiling widely.
"Hello?" I said into the phone.
"Hey, Jazz," Dad said.
"Daddy!" I exclaimed. "How are you? I miss you! And Mom!"
"I'm fine, Jazz. How about you? How's that Seth boy I've heard so much about?" he asked. I turned and grinned at Seth, waving at him.
"He's great, Daddy. Just fine," I answered. Dad sighed.
"Good...Good..."
"Where's Mom? Is she in?"
It was silent.
"Jazmyn..." Dad started. My eyes widened. Daddy had never used my full name in...In a couple of years. The last time he used it, it was to tell me that my pet hamster, Toodles, had died. I turned, lowering my voice.
"Daddy? What's going on? You're scaring me," I said, my voice quivering.
"Jazmyn...Your mom and I went to the hospital yesterday," he continued. I gripped the phone tighter. "The cancer is back." The news hit me like a loaded bus.
"W-what?" For the third time today, fresh tears started to flow down my cheeks.
"Her cancer..." his voice broke. "I-it's back. They don't have any more hope for her. They say..." he sucked in a breath. "A couple of months." By then, I was gripping the phone so hard, I was surprised that it hadn't crushed by then.
"A couple...Months?" I cried. Then I was mad. "Why would they think that? They can't just go and...And...Assume that my mother..." I squeaked. Then I started crying again.
"That's what they said, Jazmyn," Daddy simply said. I wiped my eyes.
"Let me talk to her," I demanded. I heard a sound on the other end, and then muffled voices.
"Jazzy?" Mom's beautiful voice asked.
"Mom!" I exclaimed. I did my best to sound happy, but it was hard. I glanced behind me, and noticed that everyone else was trying to do something else other than listening to my conversation.
Good.
"Hi, honey," she said. Her voice sounded different. Weaker.
"Hey, Mom. How are you?" I mentally slapped myself.
Nice going, Jazz.
Mom sighed. "I've been better. They immediately started my chemo this morning. I always hated that..." I laughed half heartedly.
"I-I...I feel so bad, Mum," I started to cry again.
"Oh, honey, please don't," Mom pleaded.
"But I do! If I hadn't left, it wouldn't have come back! It's all my fault. The first time it was my fault...I did that. If I would have been thinking about my family instead of myself, you wouldn't have been in that situation. And when it was gone...I took it for granted. I up and left! Left you both! You and Dad!" I was crying really hard, and gasping for air. "Now look what happened! It's my fault..." I added in quietly. My voice was squeaky and raspy. The other end was silent, except for some sniffling. "And now...Now those stupid excuses for doctors are giving you only a couple of months! A couple of months...! I did this! Mom I-"
"Be quiet! Shut it up, Jazmyn! You and I know damn well that it's not your fault. If this is what's meant to happen to me, then that's what's going to happen. And I'm not going to do a damn thing about it! I'm just going to let nature take its course. And if nature wants me dead...Then I'm not stopping it." I squeezed my eyes shut, but my stubborn tears still managed to get out. I opened them again and noticed Emily had started to make some plates. "Jazmyn?" Mom asked. Her voice sounded muffled, like she was covering her mouth with her hand or something. I took in a shaky breath.
"I'm coming back," I said.
"No. I want you to stay in La Push and be happy with all your relatives and your boyfriend and-"
"I'm coming back," I told her again. More firmly this time. Mom was silent. "At least for a month."
"No. One week," Mom instantly said back. One week?
"Three weeks," I negotiated.
"Two. Take it or leave it." I thought about it. Two weeks? I guess...Ugh...It still wasn't enough for me! But still..."Jazz? You still there, Honey?"
I sniffed. "Yeah. I'm still here."
"So? Do we have a deal?"
"Deal."
"Two weeks. Nothing more, nothing less."
"I'll leave on the 8:05 bus tonight."
"Okay. I'll see you when you get here, okay?"
"Okay, Mom."
"I love you," she said after a couple of seconds of silence.
"Forever and always?" I asked. Fresh tears started to form at the corners of my eyes.
"Forever and always," she answered solemnly. Then the line went dead. I still held the phone at my ear, listening to the high pitched beeping sound on the other end. I squeezed my eyes shut again and put the phone back on its hook. I looked at the kitchen clock.
1:23. I'd have to get packing. It shouldn't take that long. It was only a two week trip, right? And my old room still had some of my clothes in it, I'd use those.
Two weeks...It still didn't seem like enough.
I wiped my eyes again, and turned around. The Pack and imprints were eating, and talking softly. Emily came over and handed me a tissue.
"You okay, Jazz?" she asked. I started to nod my head, but then I shook it.
"No..." I fell into her arms and cried. "Her cancer is back," I whispered. It was only for her to hear, but I'm sure that the guys heard it, too. Emily rubbed my back. I pulled away and looked up at her. "I'm leaving tonight. The 8:05 bus. Two weeks." She looked sad, but nodded anyway.
"If it's what you want, Sweetie," she said, brushing my hair out of my face. "I'll help you pack." I nodded and we walked up the stairs.
I stuffed my suitcase with pictures of me and Seth, my lucky pajamas (I'd need it), and a small amount of clothes. I walked to the bathroom and grabbed my makeup case. I threw it in my suitcase, too. After that, I went back downstairs and grabbed my monster feet house shoes. They were still a little damp, but I didn't care. My cell phone, iPod, identification cards, and other small things were all going in my purse. Zipping up my suitcase, I dragged it downstairs and set it by the door. I looked at the clock again.
2:04. I still had a lot of time left. I sat down at the kitchen table and sat back in my chair. At stared at my hands. Someone set a plate of pasta salad down in front of me. I didn't have to look up to know that it was Emily. I picked up the fork, but didn't have the strength to eat. I didn't feel like it...For once. I squeezed the fork so hard, that my knuckles turned white. I finally dropped it back onto the table.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Seth asked quietly from next to me. I shook my head. "Are you going to talk to me?" I didn't respond to that. I didn't know how to. Most of me wanted to talk to him so badly, but the other little part just didn't feel like it. I shrugged my shoulders numbly. Seth reached up and brushed his hand down the side of my face. I leaned into his warm hand with my eyes closed, and felt a single tear slide down my cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the couch. He sat down, then I laid down on his lap. We stayed like that for a while; me on his lap, him playing with my hair. Everyone went back to their playful banter, and Quil and Claire went outside to build a snowman. Sue came inside the living room. I looked at her, and noticed her eyes looked different. They weren't as golden as they were when I last looked at them. They looked almost...Empty.
"I'm going to hunt," she simply said. "I'll be back tomorrow."
"Okay, bye, Mom," Leah waved to her. Sue bent down and rubbed her stomach. After that, I returned to stare blankly out the window. My view was blocked when Sue crouched down in front of me.
"Goodbye, Jazmyn," she smiled. "I'll miss you. I'll see you in a couple of weeks, okay?" I nodded stiffly. She traced a cold finger down my cheek then stood up again. "Bye, Seth."
"See you later," Seth responded quietly. Sue sprinted out the back door. I kept my eyes trained to the window. Claire and Quil came back in, Claire stomping snow off her little boots.
"Hot cocoa! I cold!" Claire exclaimed, throwing off her coat. She ran into the kitchen. Quil followed her.
"I'll teach you how to make the good hot cocoa, Claire-Bear!" Quil told Claire. She giggled, and then I heard the sound of pots and pans clanging against each other. After that, the next few hours were a blur. I just stayed on Seth's lap, watching people come in the door, watching people go out.
"Dinner's ready! Nice and hot!" Emily said excitedly. Most everyone stood up to make their own plates.
"Need help, Jake?" Leah asked Jacob. He shook his head and stood up. Then he kind of hopped awkwardly to the kitchen. I almost laughed.
Almost.
I looked at Seth. His face was blurry in my vision, so I blinked to get him into focus. It hurt; it felt like my eyes were being stung by a thousand bees. "You can go get food if you want, Seth. You don't have to sit here with me." Seth shook his head.
"No. I want to."
"Go eat, Seth," I said firmly.
"Only if you do," Seth retorted. Dang. He was as stubborn as I was! I rolled my eyes and slid off him.
"Fine." He smiled and we walked to the kitchen together.
"I made fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and corn," Emily explained, making plates.
"Mac'roni! Mac'roni! Mac'roni!" Claire screeched from her place on her high chair.
"Golly, Claire! I heard 'ya the first time!" I shouted, irritated. Then I realized how mean I sounded. Claire looked hurt. She scrunched up her nose. "Oh, crap. CeCe, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to..." I didn't know what else to say. The girl was only two, and I'd hurt her feelings. I put my head in my hands, then walked outside. The nail-biting cold hit me like a sack of bricks, but I didn't care. I folded my arms across my chest to try and keep warm. I sat down on the bottom step, and looked down. Why was I acting like this? Oh, yeah. Because I'm the cause of my mother's sickness.
Again.
The first time that she'd been diagnosed with leukemia, I had blamed it on myself. It was the time when Ally and her gang had been picking on me, and I hadn't taken the time to think about my dad or my mom. I was just thinking about myself. Me, me, me! That's all I ever did nowadays. And what happened? She was diagnosed with freaking leukemia, that's what happened! I remembered the day that she had come downstairs, saying that she'd found random bruises on her body. And then we went to the hospital...And then...
I squeezed my eyes shut, but my stubborn tears still managed to get through. Why was it her? Why couldn't it have been me? Why?
"Why? Why? WHY?" I screamed to no one in particular. I stood up and walked out into the snow covered lawn. I picked up snow and threw it in my face. Maybe this was a dream. Yeah. It had to. I was asleep. In my bed up in Aunty Emily's guest room. The bed next to Leah's. Daddy never called me. I threw more snow into my face. "Wake up!" I pinched my arm. No use. I fell face first back into the snow bank. It wasn't a dream. It was real. I'm not asleep in the bed next to Leah's. Daddy did call.
And Mom's cancer came back.
I cried into the snow. My face had become numb, and the only thing to warm my face were my tears. But even they felt cold against my cheeks. I would probably catch a cold...
Well, whoop-da-fricken'-doo.
I sat up, and plopped back down on my butt. I hadn't realized how dark it was, until I looked up. The full moon was blurry in my eyes. I stood back up and wrapped my arms around myself. I started to shiver violently. My head snapped up as the door opened.
"Jazmyn!" Seth yelled. He jumped down the stairs and ran to me. He started to wrap his hands around me, but I yanked away. He looked confused. He wrapped his arms around my body, even though I was punching him with my fists.
"Let me go, Seth! Don't touch me!" I kept hitting him. He wouldn't let go. "Let go!" my voice was raspy, and started to get squeaky. My punches became lighter and weaker. "Just..." I fell into his arms and started to cry. He leaned his head on top of mine, and held me tight. Then he picked me up bridal style and carried me into the warmness of the house. I shivered some more.
"She's really cold," he was saying. All of a sudden, I was on the living room couch and a blanket was being thrown over me. Seth stayed by my side the whole time, rubbing my freezing hands in his hot ones. Then Claire appeared in front of me with a steaming mug in her little hands.
"This'll warm 'ya up, Jazzy!" she said happily. I smiled weakly, and Seth took the mug from her. "It's hot cocoa! Me an' Qwil made it!"
"Thanks, Claire-Bear. You're awesome," I squeaked. Claire giggled and ran off somewhere. I kept staring at the blank TV screen. I looked back at Seth. "Can I go change? These clothes are kind of wet." He looked hesitant, but nodded, anyway. I stood up, and walked up to my room to change into some better clothes. I threw my wet ones into the dirty clothes hamper, then changed into a long-sleeved Hollister shirt and some baggy jeans. I changed out of my wet socks, and put on some thicker, warmer ones. I walked back downstairs. Sam was standing at the door with his keys in his hand.
"It's 7:15. Do you still want to go?" He asked. I bit my lip and nodded. I told Mom I was leaving tonight, then I was leaving tonight. I continued down the stairs to say my goodbyes. I walked up to Embry, Quil, Brady, and Collin first. I gave them all a small smile before they scooped me up and gave me a bone crushing hug. All four of them. Together. Talk about lack of air.
"Can't...Breath...Guys!" They instantly dropped me, and Embry chuckled and ruffled my hair.
"We'll miss you, Jazzy. It's going to be different without you here," Brady told me.
"Yeah. Quieter," Quil added. I giggled, and gave them all tight hugs again.
"I'm going to miss you, too, guys. You're like the big bros I never had!" I told them, pulling away. "But you can take two weeks, right?" They looked at each other, then nodded. I moved onto Claire. I crouched down to her level.
"I'll see you soon, CeCe," I said, kissing her cheek. "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."
"Who's gonna' sing ta' me when I can't sweep?" she asked, her bottom lip trembling. I looked up in deep thought.
"I'll call you every night, I promise," I answered. She held out her little pinky.
"Pinky pwomise?" she asked. I hooked my pinky with hers.
"Pinky promise." Then I hugged her. "I'll see you soon, Clary-Berry."
"Bye, Jazzy-Wazzy!" I smiled at her little nickname for me. I stood up and continued on to Paul and Rachael. I looked at Rachael, and lowered my voice.
"You keep him in check, 'kay?" I winked at her. She pulled me into a hug.
"See you soon, okay?" I nodded onto her shoulder and pulled away. I glanced at Paul. He smiled and picked me up.
"You're not gettin' away that easy, Squirt," he laughed. I laughed, too. "Come back safe, got that?"
"Yeah. I got you," I answered. He set me down. I almost cried again when I got to Kim and Emily. We pulled together in a group hug.
"It's going to be so boring at school!" Kim whined. "You're like my little sister! Two weeks is like a lifetime!" I rolled my eyes. Kim was always so dramatic.
"Tell El I said 'hey...' And Anna-Maria, too," she hugged me one last time.
"Don't worry. I will," I promised. I looked up at Jared. He grinned, and I stood up on my tippy toes to hug him.
"You. Me. Arm wrestling match. The moment I get back," I warned him. He boomed with laughter.
"You're on, Squirt!" he ruffled my hair, and I continued to Leah and Jacob. I stood on my tippy toes again and whispered into Jake's ear:
"Don't forget to work on that house! We'll unveil it as soon as I get back!" I smiled at him, went to Leah. I instantly bent down to rub her belly. "Now, don't give Mommy any trouble while I'm gone, okay?" I got a couple of kicks in response. Leah laughed. I stood back up to hug her. "Call me every day! I need to stay in the loop with the latest baby news!"
"Yeah, I'll call you every night," she answered. I gave her shoulders a squeeze, then let go. I walked up to Seth. I stared ahead at his bare chest, as he looked down. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped on him, and hugged him like my life depended on it. He hugged me back. My tears started up again, and I leaned my forehead on his and looked into his eyes. Then I crashed my lips onto his.
"Don't stop singing, Seth, okay?" I breathed, pulling away. I leaned in to kiss him again, but then leaned back. I couldn't. I would never leave if I did. I bit my lip and backed away. He finally looked up. "I'll see you soon. And I'll call you as soon as I get there...And every night until I get back." I backed away and pulled up the handle to my suitcase, and put my purse on my shoulder. I kept Seth in my vision the whole time, and watched as Seth sprinted out the back door. I kept my gaze on the door swinging helplessly from its hinges. Then, I tore my eyes away and looked up at Sam. "I'm ready." He nodded and walked out the house. I grabbed my coat off the hook and followed him. I hopped into his truck and pulled the seatbelt around my body. Only then did I look back at the house.
It was going to be a long two weeks.
But that's not what got me crying again. No. It was that sad, lonely howl that I heard from the forest.
Aww...Poor Jazzy...Poor Sethy! Sorry it took me so long to update! I lost my internet for a while, and it took a long time to fix it...Remember to review!
~SashaFierce12.0