Olivia's POV
I was more than surprised that Snape had not given me detention or punished me in some form for running away. I had fully expected it. McGonagall would shit kittens if she ever found out. I didn't doubt that Snape would lie to her.
I was even more surprised that he had given me his cloak to keep me warm. It was a gesture of niceness I had not expected, especially since he knew I liked him. It had taken a lot of willpower to return the cloak and not keep it. He probably wouldn't have even noticed if I had.
The next morning at breakfast Snape passed out our schedules. He came up behind me and laid the paper in front of me on the table. He lingered a few moments, not speaking, then continued on down the table. When I saw him leave the Great Hall I got up and followed. I caught up with him as he was entering the dungeons.
"What are you doing?" he asked, sliding me a look.
"Coming to ask you a question," I replied defensively.
"Well?"
"Um…hm… When does that Triwizard thing start?"
"The contestants arrive in October."
"Oh. How old do you have to be to enter?"
"You're not entering," he said simply.
"Don't tell me what to do."
"You're not entering," he repeated with an air of finality.
"I shall," I said defiantly, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Do you want to die?"
"I thought you didn't care about me?" I challenged.
He glanced around, making sure we were alone, which of course we were- everyone else was still upstairs eating breakfast.
"Of course I would care if you died," he said quietly, not looking at me, "…I just…don't want what you want."
He meant sex, of course.
"What do you want then?"
"I don't know, okay?" he snapped, suddenly quite angry, "…Just go to class."
"Fine," I said, halting.
He continued on towards his classroom, not looking back at me.
"You're a pain in the butt, you know that?" I called after him.
"The same could be said for you," he retorted, but I could have sworn I saw him smile.
My first class of the day was Charms, though I scarcely paid attention to Flitwick's lecture about how NEWT-level classes were going to be harder and all that blah. I chose instead to think about Snape and wondering what he had meant about not knowing what he wanted.
Surely that meant he liked me? So I just had to wait for him to figure it out. Who knew how long that could take?
My second class of the day was Herbology, where Professor Sprout let us take care of the Venomous Tentacula, which was fun if not a little exhausting. When I went inside for lunch I was dirty, sweaty and tired. I skipped lunch and went down to the dungeons to wash up. Even once I was clean I didn't head upstairs to eat. I wouldn't have anyone to sit with or talk to since Mari had graduated. I hated to admit it…but I needed to make a new friend.
I had Moody's class with the Gryffindors right after lunch. I was admittedly a little concerned- Moody and I hadn't gotten off to a good start… in short, I really didn't like him. I entered the classroom and sat in the very back of the class, behind the Weasley twins. Slowly the room filled and Moody still had not showed up.
The door opened five minutes after the bell rang. Everyone turned to look only to see Alexandria Daae entering the room. The Weasley twins looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Daae was always late.
The only seat left for her was the one beside me. I inched my chair to the end of the table. She sat down with a sigh.
"Is Moody not here yet, then?" she asked me sullenly.
"No," I said, shaking my head.
I'd never really spoken to Daae before. She was generally a quiet, sullen person, who didn't talk to anyone. She wasn't especially skilled at anything, from what I could tell, but she wasn't any worse than the rest of my classmates.
I yawned tiredly and lay my head down on my desk. Almost immediately, the door flew open with a bang and Moody came clunking into the classroom.
"Sleep on your own time, Miss Cain," he said loudly as he made his way to the front of the classroom.
I raised my head and shot him a contemptuous look which I knew he could see through the back of his head. It took a lot of willpower for me not to point out the fact that he was the one who was ten minutes late for his own class.
Still, he could probably read my mind anyway. If Snape could infiltrate minds, this guy definitely could. He'd been an Auror after all. The thought was somewhat alarming- I couldn't risk letting him catch me thinking about Snape.
I immediately forced my thoughts away from Snape and onto something, anything else- my mind chose kittens.
"Would you kindly pay attention, Miss Cain?" Moody said in an annoyed voice, jolting me out of my thoughts.
Yep, I thought to myself, Definitely a Legilimens.
I focused my attention on Moody, who kept his magical eye on me the entire time he spoke.
"Now tat I have everyone's attention, I'll call roll," he growled. He began to go through the list of names, deliberately skipping mine. When he reached the end of the list, he tossed it aside.
"Now-" he began, but I interrupted him, unable to help myself.
"You didn't all my name, Professor," I said with as much sarcasm as I could force into the word. If Draco could do it to Lupin, I can do it to this asshole, I thought to myself.
My classmates seemed awestruck by my boldness and seemed to be holding their breaths as they awaited his retort. Even Alexandria Daae, who wasn't normally fazed by anything, seemed intrigued.
Slowly, Moody turned to face me.
"I am well aware of your presence, Miss Cain," he said, "Now, if I may continue-"
"Sure," I said lightly, unable to help myself.
My classmates tittered quietly.
"Ten points from Slytherin!" he barked, causing several people to jump, "Now, I've discussed this class' progress with Professor Lupin-"
I tried not to show an emotional response at the mention of his name, but I still felt the pain rip through my heart.
"-You seem well-informed on Dark creatures and several somewhat useful spells," continued Moody, "But you are behind in your lessons. There are still spells you have yet to learn, curses you have not yet become acquainted with. …Are there any of you who can even perform a nonverbal spell?"
I wanted desperately to be able to raise my hand, but I had not yet learned nonverbal spells- though of course I immediately committed myself to learning to do so.
"I thought not," he said, somewhat smugly, "What you have learned is enough to get you through your namby-pamby life here at Hogwarts. Outside these walls, life isn't so easy. Out there, there are Dark Wizards, evil forces, waiting for you at every turn."
The class was deadly silent. I let out a sneering snort. Moody focused both his eyes on me.
"Don't believe me, eh? What about this?" he said, pointing to his nose, which was missing a large chunk, "A Death Eater by the name of Evan Rosier. He died rather than let himself be taken. A true supporter of the Dark Lord. My leg- well I won't tell you about that one. You wouldn't be able to sleep for a week."
"So? That was like 20 years ago. The Dark Lord is gone. The Death Eaters are all in Azkaban, dead, or have moved on. There's nothing 'out there'," I said, making quotation marks with my fingers.
Moody appeared enraged.
"You think the Dark Lord is dead, do you? Well you're wrong there, little girl! Don't any of you doubt for a moment that he isn't out there, growing stronger, regrouping…"
I was struck by the fact that Moody had referred to him as the Dark Lord. I'd only ever heard Slytherins or former Slytherins call him that. Perhaps he had only called him that because I had.
"-Moving on… I have only a year to prepare you for what's out there-"
"Why only a year?" I inputted.
"You will raise your hand if you wish to ask a question," Moody barked.
I raised my hand with an obvious eye roll.
"No questions," he snapped, "…And detention, Miss Cain."
"Why?"
"Insolence!" he barked, then turned away from me.
"He answered a question," I whispered to Daae smugly.
Moody whipped around, grabbed my upper arm hard, and forcibly dragged me out of my chair and out of the classroom. He slammed the door shut behind us.
"I don't know what's in your head that made you think it's acceptable to speak to me in that way. I want you out of my classroom until you learn some respect!" he shouted.
"I don't have my bag, sir," I said coolly.
He pulled out his wand- I had mine out in an instant, expecting a curse- but he merely opened the door to the classroom, which immediately fell silent again.
With a jerking motion of Moody's wand, my bag flew out of the room and landed at my feet.
"Out," he repeated. I slung my bag over my shoulder and marched away with my head held high. Moody went back into the classroom and slammed the door behind him.
I headed downstairs to the dungeons, thinking at first that I would return to the Common Room. Then I decided, since I was feeling bold and insolent, I may as well make another bold move. I headed for the Potions classroom.
I knocked lightly on the classroom door and was promptly told to enter. I opened the door a little and poked my head in. Dozens of wide-eyed first years looked back at me. Snape stood at the front of the room. He did not look pleased. I made a little 'come here' gesture with my finger and ducked back out into the hallway.
"I want absolute silence," I heard Snape say to the class in most deadly- and sexy- voice. A moment later he stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him, not slamming it as Moody had.
"Why the hell aren't you in Defense class?" he demanded.
"Moody kicked me out," I replied, pouting slightly.
"What?"
"He said I was an insolent little girl."
"Well," he said slowly, "You aren't a little girl."
I made a face at him and a smile threatened at the corners of his mouth.
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked seriously.
He was silent a moment, thinking.
"…Come help me teach first years," he said finally.
"Wha- seriously?"
"Yes. You're the Potion Master's apprentice. This will be a good experience for you."
"Cool!"
"Rules," he said quickly, "Don't speak unless spoken to. No helping them cheat. No snide remarks. No…"
"Insolence?" I suggested with a sly smile.
"No insolence. And no demeaning my authority."
"Who, me?" I asked innocently.
"I'm serious, Olivia."
"Yes, sir," I said emphatically, though not in the same tone I had used with Moody.
He opened the door without further ado and walked back into the deadly-silent classroom of first-years. I followed, feeling slightly awkward and nervous.
"Class, this is Olivia Cain. She's my apprentice and the only student whom I have ever encountered with the patience and skill enough to be adept at Potions."
I glanced sideways at him- he had just complimented me in front of a room full of students. Snape cleared his throat and continued.
"She's going to assist me today in teaching you. Now, you'll find the directions for today's potion on the board, as well as on page 3 of your books," he said to the class. He looked at me and nodded.
"Ingredients can be found in the store cupboard," I said to the first-years, "You have one hour to attempt to complete your potion. Begin now."
The students frantically began to gather supplies and ingredients. Snape sat down at his desk, looking faintly amused. I sat on top of his desk, towards the edge, legs crossed, smiling as the students got off to a mostly horrible start.
"Walk amongst them and comment," Snape told me. I looked at him and rolled my eyes, careful not to let any of the children see. Then I hopped down off his desk and proceeded to do what he had asked.
Snape's POV
I watched as Olivia made her way along the rows of students, observing them as they prepared ingredients. She peered into their cauldrons as they progressed. She scoffed several times and laughed at their pathetic efforts. There was one student, however, whom she seemed intensely interested in. A girl with brown, curly hair and bright blue eyes. She sat calmly at her desk, cutting ingredients and adding them in a bored sort of way.
"You're doing well," Olivia said to her.
"Thanks," muttered the girl indifferently.
Olivia lingered around, watching the girl work. I looked over the list of student's names and determined that the girl was Faye Leppard. She was in Ravenclaw.
She was also the first one finished with her potion. She sat looking relatively bored. Olivia peered into Leppard's cauldron then looked up at me, her emerald eyes shining in pleasant surprise. I interpreted it as meaning that I should come look. I stood and walked disinterestedly over to where the girl sat. I glanced into the bubbling cauldron- the potion was practically perfect. I said nothing, but continued to walk around the classroom, making snide comments like I usually did.
Soon the hour was up and Leppard was the only one to have successfully completed the potion. The bell rang and the students began to make their way out of the classroom somewhat miserably.
"Your work today was fantastic," Olivia said to Leppard, "You have the potential to be great at Potions."
"What's so great about Potions?" muttered the girl as she left the classroom.
"What an ungrateful bitch!" Olivia scoffed once all of the students were gone, "Talk about insolence! What's her name anyway?"
"Faye Leppard, "I replied, "…Close the door. We need to talk and I only have ten minutes before my next class."
She closed the door somewhat reluctantly.
"This is about Moody, isn't it?" she said heavily.
She sat on top of one of the tables, facing my desk.
"Yes."
"I hate that stupid ass. He was ten minutes late to his own class! How the-"
"Olivia, listen to me. I need you to not be openly hostile towards Moody. The last thing we need is for him to become interested in our business."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"I don't want him to find out you live with me…or anything else he doesn't need to know. He already has reason to hate me…"
I thought she would ask why, but she didn't. Instead she nodded in understanding.
"Because he was an Auror," she said knowingly.
"Wh- Er…"
"I know you were a Death Eater. I've seen the Mark on your wrist."
I flexed my hand involuntarily.
"…I also know you weren't really a Death Eater," she continued, "You were a spy."
"What? How do you know this?" I demanded.
"I can't tell you that. I'm sworn to secrecy."
It had to be Albus. No one else would know. Except maybe Lupin. He would have told her.
"Why would you want to keep his stupid secrets?" I muttered irritably.
"Wait, who are you talking about?" she asked, confused.
"…Lupin."
She looked slightly hurt. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared in the opposite direction. I was somewhat concerned she might get angry with me.
"It wasn't him," she muttered quietly after a moment.
"Oh. Albus then?"
"I'm not going to tell you, Severus."
"…Fine. The important thing is that you need to not draw so much attention to yourself. What did Moody say when he kicked you out? Is it indefinite?"
"If it is, can I stay in here and help teach?" she asked hopefully.
I frowned at her and shook my head.
"It's until I learn some respect or some shit like that," she said with a sigh, "He also might've said something about a detention."
"Olivia," I said with an exasperated sigh, "…It's time for my next class- they're starting to line up outside the door."
"I have a free period on my schedule. Can I stay and help?" she asked eagerly.
I exhaled slowly.
"I should say no. I'm letting you get away with far too much. You will serve your detention with Moody."
"Of course…but you're not saying no, are you?"
"You can stay," I said.
"Yay! Thanks Sev," she said, grinning. A sharp pain shot through my heart. Sev…that's what Lily used to call me.
"Don't call me that," I snapped harshly.
"Why?"
"And don't ask questions," I growled, then relented, "…How would you feel if I called you 'Turtle'?"
"Oh…" she said slowly, "I get it."
"Good," I said, then stood up and went to let the class in.
I waited until the last student went inside before going back into the classroom. When I re-entered the room I found Olivia was sitting at my desk. I frowned at her and she grinned again. I blew out a sigh and turned to face the roomful of fifth-years.
After that class, which was the last of the day, Olivia waved her wand so that the door sat behind the last student to go out of it. She was sitting in my chair again, though she hadn't remained there the entire class period. She had her feet propped up on my desk and was idly flipping through a magazine she had confiscated from a fifth-year Gryffindor girl.
"Why are you still here?" I asked as I began to walk around, grading the potions the class had left behind.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," she replied, not looking up from the magazine.
"What?" I asked her.
"Is Moody a Legilimens?"
I stopped walking and looked curiously at her.
"What do you know about Legilimency?"
She shrugged evasively.
"…I wouldn't put it past him," I said finally, "Why?"
"I don't want him to be able to infiltrate my mind. There are things there I'd rather him not see…and you'd rather not have him see, trust me. I want you to teach me how to protect my mind."
"What makes you think I know about such things?"
"Because…you're Severus Snape. You know everything."
"Hmph," I said, somewhat amused, "Not everything."
"Well you're the most closed-up person I know. It took me ages to break through your shell-"
"You think you've broken through my shell?" I snorted.
"-So you must know how to protect your mind," she continued, ignoring me, "How else would you have made such a good spy-"
"You need to keep your mouth shut about that," I snapped.
"Why? The Dark Lord is long dead."
"…You really think that?"
"Don't you?"
"No. Albus believes he's still alive…and so do I. What about the Death Eaters at the World Cup?"
"That was just Lucius and a bunch of other former Death Eater assholes, messing around."
"…They would not have shot the mark into the sky," I said quietly, touching the mark on my wrist absently, "They would be too frightened."
"Why would they be frightened? They all loved the Dark Lord or whatever, right?" she said, rolling her eyes.
"They would be fearful of his wrath. Many of them lied to stay out of Azkaban. They betrayed him, they betrayed each other. …Many of them said my name to try and save their skins, including Karkaroff. Dumbledore's word kept me safe."
"Karkaroff tried to snitch on you?"
I inclined my head.
"I knew there was a reason I didn't like him," she said bitterly.
"I would prefer if we didn't talk about it," I said, referring to the spy thing, "…It makes me antsy."
"Okay. So will you teach me to protect my mind?"
I sighed.
"The skill you are referring to is called Occlumency. I am only telling you so you have a word for it. I haven't decided whether or not I will teach it to you. …I suggest you read up on it. You don't understand what it is you're asking me to do."
"Okay, I'll do that…but think on it," she said, "…please."
"Very well."
She smiled and got up from my desk.
"Where are you going?" I inquired.
"To the library of course," she said with a grin, "Catch you later."
Then she left, taking the confiscated magazine with her.
Now I was left with a decision to make. I concentrated on finishing my work, first. When all the potions were graded- most of them receiving a D for Dreadful- I sat down at my recently-evacuated desk. I noticed she had been doodling on a scrap of parchment that was on my desk. She had drawn a flower, a smiley face and a heart. Somehow I couldn't bring myself to toss it in the trash bin. I opened a drawer in my desk which was filled with confiscated items- gum, candy, spinning tops and the like- and tossed the scrap piece of paper inside.
I sighed heavily and slammed the drawer shut, feeling a bit irritated with myself. No way was I going to be able to teach Olivia Occlumency. I didn't know which was worse- the thought of her in my head or of me in hers. My thoughts would only lead her on and if I had to confront her feelings for me yet gain… I wasn't so sure I would be abele to control myself so well this time.
Olivia's POV
I spent the rest of the evening in the library reading about Occlumency and Legilimency. When it came time for dinner, I headed downstairs to the Great Hall with a book I had checked out called Protection From Outside Forces. I had just reached the Entrance Hall when I saw Moody hauling Draco towards the dungeons. A small crowd had gathered, which I scanned for a familiar face. I spotted Alexandria Daae, who was actually smiling for once. I made my way to her.
"What did I miss?" I inquired.
"Moody turned the Malfoy boy into a ferret ad bounced him around the Entrance Hall," she replied.
"I can't believed I missed that!"
"It was pretty awesome," she agreed, "But McGonagall put a stop to it."
"Damn. Where is Moody taking him now?"
"To speak with Snape."
"He'll be thrilled," I said sarcastically.
I parted ways with Daae and sat at the end of the Slytherin Table, alone, so that I could read while I ate. Neither Snape or Draco ever came into the hall for supper. Nor did Moody. The headmaster caught my eye a few times as I scanned the staff table. He would just smile at me with his twinkling blue eyes and I would scowl, then refocus my attention on the book.
I returned to the Common Room after dinner and sat in one of the black leather chairs to finish reading. I was also somewhat waiting for Draco to return to that I would know it was safe to go see Snape.
When the door finally did open and Draco walked in he looked embarrassed, disheveled, an miserable- a definite change from the usual act of strutting about like he owned the place.
"Professor Snape wants to see you," Draco muttered to me.
"Moody's not still down there, is he?" I asked. I wouldn't go if Moody was still down there.
"No," Draco replied heavily.
"Oh. Good."
I took my book and left the Common Room, heading down to Snape's office.
He was sitting at his desk when I entered, looking highly annoyed. He did seem to relax a little when I came in a locked the door behind myself.
"You okay?" I asked him.
"Moody's an ass," he said with a sigh, "And I missed dinner because of him."
"Told you so."
"He turned Draco into a ferret! I expect I'll be receiving a letter from Lucius before the night is over. …Although there's really not anything I can do it. It's Mad-Eye Moody. Lucius should understand better than anyone," he muttered.
"Why?" I asked curiously. He glanced up at me quickly.
"This doesn't leave the room," he warned.
"Of course not."
"Moody arrested Lucius back in the day. The charges didn't stick, of course, but Moody doesn't trust anyone. He's convinced he's a Death Eater."
"He's not wrong though. How did Lucius get off?" I asked darkly, vividly recalling the scene at the World Cup, "I've never seen anyone who is so obviously a slime ball."
"Money, of course," Snape replied, "Now he sits comfortable, fearlessly, in the Minister's pocket."
"Like you with Dumbledore… only you're not really a bad guy."
He let out a snort and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"I am not a good person," he said dryly.
"Are too," I argued.
"Oh what do you know?" he snapped, "You don't know half of the things I've done! I-"
He stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. When he exhaled, his face became a mask of calm, but deep in the depths of his black eyes he still looked troubled.
"Let me see the book you got," he said, changing the subject. I sighed and handed him Protection from Outside Forces.
He flipped through the book in a semi-interested sort of way. I was struck by an idea suddenly and stood up. He looked up at me.
"Where are you going? I still need to talk to you."
"I'll be right back," I promised. He didn't say anything else, just watched me leave in a curious sort of way.
I hurried up to the kitchens, got some food from the helpful house-elves, and went back into the dungeons, levitating the lot behind me. I opened the door to Snape's office and he looked up in surprise. He quickly cleared his desk so that I could set the food down.
"…Thank you," he said quietly.
"Well someone's got to look out for you," I said with a smile.
"Oh am I the one that needs looking after?" he asked, a small smile twitching at the corners of his mouth, "How many times have I had to come save your butt?"
"With your inexplicable ability to always know when I am in danger?"
He said nothing to this, but began to eat, still smiling slightly.
"Besides, I hoped food would make you less grumpy," I added.
"Think again," he said after swallowing a mouthful of food, "I'm still going to have a serious talk with you about Moody."
"Did you two talk about me?" I asked, wrinkling my nose.
"Yes. You're suspended from his class until Monday-"
"Can he even do that?" I interrupted.
"He can do whatever he likes. You also have to serve a detention- with him- Saturday evening."
"On a Saturday? That Bastard!"
"Hmph," he said through a mouthful of food, but rather than reprimand me for language, he took another bite.
I sighed and twisted around in my chair so that I could hand my feet over the arm of the chair.
"So you should teach me Occlumency before Saturday," I said casually.
"No way you could learn it that fast," he replied, "…And I still haven't decided if I'm actually going to teach you or not."
"But I don't want Moody all up in my head on Saturday. There's things there I really don't want him to see."
"So you've said."
"Isn't there a simple way to keep him out?" I asked.
"Yeah- don't think about the things you don't want him to see."
"Do you know hard that is? You're automatically going to think of the thing you try not to."
"You've done more difficult things," he replied dismissively.
"Couldn't you just pop up in my head and kick him out?"
"I won't do that. That could hurt you. A lot," he said, unable to keep a faint note of worry out of his voice, "You are unaccustomed to my presence in your mind. I haven't used Legilimency on you since you were thirteen."
"But- wait, you used to infiltrate my mind?"
He seemed to realize what he had said and invoked the silent treatment. He took a bite of his food.
"You're not getting out of this one so easily, Severus," I said.
He took a moment to chew and swallow, deciding how best to answer.
"At least I stopped," he said bracingly.
I just shook my head.
"What if I give you permission to enter my mind? I don't care if it hurts. I don't want Moody's old grizzly-faced ass in my mind."
He was silent for a while, thinking while he finished his meal. When he was done, he cleared it all away with a wave of his wand.
"I suppose," he said finally, "…We can start tomorrow. Perhaps by Saturday you will be unaccustomed to my presence in your head. And who knows- you could be a natural at Occlumency…though I highly doubt it. If you were naturally skilled, you would have been able to sense my presence when you were younger."
"Rub it in, why don't you?" I said, smirking, then added on a more serious note, "…Thank you."
"For what?"
"Agreeing to do this. I know you don't want to."
"It's fine," he said with a shrug, "Your only alternative for an Occlumency-teacher is Dumbledore and I know you don't want him in your head. Hell, I don't want him in your head."
"Yeah, that's definitely for the best."
Snape's POV
I spent all of the next day worrying about my impending Occlumency lesson with Olivia. I had a tentative plan for the lesson, but Occlumency was a difficult thing to teach. There was no way of knowing what could happen. I allowed her to come back and assist me in my classes during her free class periods and during the class period she should have had Defense class, if only because I enjoyed watching her boss around the younger students. She criticized them heavily and made snide remarks. She might have been imitating me, but I couldn't be sure.
When the last class was over, Olivia and I walked up to the Great Hall together for an early dinner. We parted ways when we entered and she went to sit at the Slytherin Table where only a few students sat. I headed up to the staff table where sat only Albus and Sinastra, of the astronomy department.
"Alastor tells me Olivia is having problems in his class," he said casually.
"I'm handling it," I told him.
"He suspended her from his class?"
"Only until Monday. I'm handling it," I repeated, "…I'm going to teach the girl Occlumency."
His eyebrows shot up in surprise.
"Is that the best idea?" he asked, "For you, I mean."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought it was your intention was to distance yourself from the girl?"
"Well that's rather impossible, isn't it?"
"Quite. …How is she spending the class period she should be learning Defense Against the Dark Arts?"
"…I'm allowing her to assist me in teaching my younger classes…as part of her apprenticeship."
"I see," he said with a knowing smile, "You've become quite close to her, haven't you?"
"Well…I mean… I have to take care of her," I said, unable, at this point, to stop myself from looking down at her. She sat alone at the table, as far from the other students as she could be. She wasn't paying any attention to Albus and myself.
"Have you told her the story behind her adoption?" he asked me.
"Of course not."
"What about your past?"
"No…but you did," I said with a snort.
"I told her minimal things that I thought she needed to know," he replied simply, "…I encourage you to open up to her."
"Why?" I muttered.
"It would be good for you. You need someone you can talk to and she needs someone to be close to."
I exhaled sharply, annoyed.
"Sometimes I think you live just to interfere in other people's lives," I said, "Particularly mine."
Albus chuckled quietly.
I stood to leave then. Olivia perked up. She shoved a few more spoonfuls of food into her mouth then hurried and met me at the door to the Entrance Hall. I chanced a glance back at Albus, who was watching us both and smiling. I sighed irritably.
"S'wrong, Severus?" Olivia asked me.
"Nothing," I replied and held the door open for her.
"Dumbledore piss you off?"
"Well…he was more mildly annoying than anything. He always thinks he knows what is best for me. I can take care of myself."
"Sounds familiar," she said with a grin.
We headed down to the Potions classroom together. I allowed Olivia to enter first and while I closed and locked the door, she sat on the edge of my desk. With a flick of my wand, the desks pushed themselves against the walls, out of the way, giving us a bigger area to work with.
"So," Olivia said, "How do we start this?"
"Well first you get off my desk."
"Sorry," she said and hopped down.
"Now, I'm going to penetrate your mind. You must try to block me."
"How?" she asked.
"…Clear yourself of all emotion. Focus yourself on ejecting me from your mind."
"Okay," she said, sounding slightly anxious.
"Don't be nervous," I told her, "It is not my intention to hurt you."
"Right."
"Are you ready?"
She nodded, a look of determination on her face.
I pulled out my wand.
"Legilimens."
I eased myself into her mind. She was focusing on what I had said- clear mind, clear, nothingness.
Push against me, I thought, projecting it into her mind.
She gave a start and a slew of things passed quickly through her mind, most of them memories, most of them concerning me. They were brief images, mostly harmless. One was of the night she had confronted me about her feelings. I emotionally detached myself and focused on this memory, knowing it would cause her to react.
Her mind was flooded with embarrassment, hurt, and annoyance. Get out, she thought furiously, finally fighting against me. I didn't fight back but withdrew from her mind after a minute longer.
"You cannot allow yourself to be emotionally attached," I told her.
"I know, I know," she responded, somewhat annoyed, "It's just…difficult."
"I know. Take a minute, then we'll try again."
She took several deep breaths, then opened her eyes and nodded to me.
By the end of a two-hour time period, she had not progressed at all. I had only planned to work with her for an hour, but she was so determined…
"Are you sure you want to keep doing this?" I asked her, "Some people just can't do it."
"I will," she said, "Can you teach me again tomorrow?"
"I suppose so… in the meantime, keep practicing."
"How?"
"Concentrate on memories that would normally make you angry or sad or…any strong emotion, and try to make yourself feel nothing."
"Okay."
I checked my watch.
"If you hurry, you can make it back to your Common Room before curfew."
"Yeah, okay."
Olivia's POV
The next day after dinner, Snape and I were back in the Potions classroom. I had spent most of my classes dredging up memories and trying not to feel- the memory of Ellen's death, the time Ryan ran over a cat, a variety of memories regarding Lupin and some of Snape. The memories of Lupin were particularly difficult. It hurt to think of how happy I had been.
Of course Snape chose these memories to focus on, since they were the ones that made me feel the most. Yet I also discovered something about having Snape inside my head- I could sense how he felt briefly before he covered it up. This was how I found that whenever he saw Lupin and I together in my head- especially if we were kissing or hugging- he felt an insane amount of jealousy and hurt. Whether he knew I could sense these things or not was unknown to me.
Then I made the mistake of thinking of- or he made the mistake of digging up- the memory of Lupin and I in his office, with me on my knees in front of him while he moaned my name. An intense rage radiated from his presence in my mind. I tried to block him mentally and somehow we both ended up physically falling backwards. I was still sprawled on the floor- I had hit my head rather hard on the stone- as Snape got up, his face expressionless, and brushed himself off. He turned his back to me.
After a minute he exhaled deeply and turned back to me. He offered me a hand up without speaking, which I gratefully accepted.
"Are you okay?" he asked as I touched the back of my head gingerly and winced.
"I think so. …I'm sorry…"
"We will not speak of it," he stated simply, "…You did succeed in projecting me from your mind."
"Can we try again?"
"I think it best we wait until tomorrow."
"But tomorrow is Friday. That's the last day before my detention with Moody."
"We will get some practice in Saturday morning. If you don't feel comfortable protecting your mind, then I shall do it for you," he said, "…Of course, that means you still must be careful what you think of…"
"Of course."
Saturday morning at breakfast I was sitting by myself, eating and drinking coffee. I was practicing my Occlumency- I had successfully projected Snape from my mind on Friday although, as he made a point of saying, he hadn't been trying very hard. My eyes were closed, my mind was on Lupin, trying to make myself feel nothing. Suddenly my ears detected the sound of Moody's leg clunking in my direction.
This will be a good opportunity to try the 'not feeling' thing, I thought to myself. I opened my eyes and looked up at Moody's scared face.
"I expect you in my office tonight at 6 p.m. to complete your detention, Miss Cain," he growled.
"Yes sir," I said calmly, "What will I be doing?"
"Lines," he retorted, "Lucky for you, Dumbledore has joined your little fan club. If it weren't for him, you would be doing work with me in the Forbidden Forest."
I said nothing, to keep myself from snapping that I was perfectly capable of going into the forest. I was careful not to let my face show any emotion.
As Moody clunked away I felt someone slip into my mind. It was a presence I was becoming accustomed to however.
You did good, said Snape's voice. I glanced up at the staff table and smiled at him. A warm feeling entered his mind before he quickly withdrew from my own mind.
I smiled a little wider.
After breakfast, I met up with Snape in the Entrance Hall and followed him down to the Potions classroom for some Occlumency practice. He penetrated my mind several times and with a little effort I pushed him out.
"Your efforts are still weak," he said, though not unkindly.
I didn't allow myself to get angry.
"Then why don't you fight back?" I challenged, "Make it more of a challenge for me."
"I have said before… I have no intention of hurting you."
"How else will I learn?"
"By continued practice. Now, once again-"
And he was in my head again. I pushed against him mentally. He withdrew, then re-entered. We kept this up until I began to feel mentally fatigued. Many memories flashed through my mind, but one in particular caught both our attentions. It wasn't as vivid as some of the others because it wasn't just a memory- it was a memory of a dream. In the dream we were in his office. I was on top of his desk and he was in front of me, kissing me hungrily, sliding his hand up my skirt. In the next instant I was naked on a bed with him over me, his black hair hanging around his face as he looked down at me with lust-filled eyes.
I tried to block him from this memory, feeling mortally embarrassed, but he clung to it almost desperately. In this instant I could sense the desire in his mind. He wanted this- badly. There was also an immense amount of confusion and guilt. I fought in vain against him, but he fought back, causing a sharp pain to fill my mind. All I could think of was I had to make him stop, to shield my mind from him.
In the next instant I was lurched out of the comforts of my own mind into one that was cold and unfamiliar to me and far more advanced and complex than my own mind. A sudden slew of memories that were not my own appeared and began to pass through my mind.
A baby crying in a dark house. He lifted the bloody infant, wrapped his cloak around it, and held it close to his chest. Another memory- standing outside the bookstore in Diagon Alley, peering through a window at Ellen teaching a five-year-old - me- to read from a book about cats. Another memory of an older version of me- about nine- making my way through Diagon Alley. He was following me, a strong protective instinct overriding everything else, including his common sense.
Then came more memories- ones that didn't concern me. A dimly-lit dungeon. Three people in hooded cloaks stood around a man bound with chains.
"Crucio," said a cruel, cold voice which I hardly recognized as Snape's. The chained man writhed and screamed in agony.
There were several more memories like this, all with a similar theme of torture. Then a strong force pushed against me, forcing me out of his mind. I fell to my knees with a grown, clutching my head. It felt like my brain was on fire.
I looked up when I heard a loud crash- Snape had thrown a chair against a wall.
I backed myself against the wall anxiously. When he turned to face me, I couldn't help but be frightened, even though I knew he wouldn't hurt me.
"Well, fuck," he said and he turned and stormed out of the classroom, letting the door slam shut behind him.
I sat there a few minutes, my heart beating wildly in my chest. Of all the things I had seen in his mind, the scene with the baby intrigued me the most. It had been me, of course. Dumbledore had told me he had saved me when I was a baby. Now Snape knew that I knew.
The other memories didn't bother me as much. They had obviously been his Death Eater days, and although I had been frightened, I knew he was not the same person he had been back then. I now understand what he meant when he insisted her was a bad person. I also understood his reluctance to let anyone get close to him.
Feeling overwhelmed, I left a note on his desk, then left the classroom. I needed to talk to somebody… unfortunately, I could only think of one person who knew Snape better than I did. With a resigned sigh, I headed out of the dungeons and up the Grand Staircase to the sixth floor.
When I reached the stone gargoyle which hid the entrance to the headmaster's office, I stopped.
"Has Professor Snape been this way?" I asked the gargoyle. It shook its ugly stone head 'no'. I didn't know the current password, but knew from past experience that it was always something to do with candy. After a few tries, the gargoyle sprang aside at the mention of licorice wands.
I hurried up and knocked on Dumbledore's office door.
"Come in," he said pleasantly. I pushed the door open somewhat reluctantly.
"Olivia. What a pleasant surprise. Have a seat," he said warmly, "What brings you here?"
I sat in the proffered chair.
"I think I made Severus mad at me," I said after a moment.
He didn't seem surprised that I used his first name.
"How mad?" he inquired.
"Mad enough to use the 'f' word in front of me and leave his office."
"Indeed? What happened?"
"Well he's been teaching me Occlumency and today… well something went wrong. I ended up in his head."
He listened intently as I told him what I had seen.
"-Then he left," I finished, "I was hoping you could tell me… I haven't screwed it up, have I? I've spent years, literally years, making friends with him. It hasn't been easy."
"I know it hasn't been easy. Severus has true horrors in his past that no one should have to deal with. He doesn't let anyone get close to him for that reason. The fact that he has let you get this close is truly significant. He cares for you quite a lot. I don't think he will let this affect that."
"…What should I do? Should I just pretend it never happened or try to talk to him about what I saw, or…?"
"I think, in regards to the things you saw about his Death Eater days, you should say nothing. Let him talk, if he will, but don't push the issue."
"Okay. Thanks."
I stood to leave, but hesitated when I reached the door.
"Yes?" he said pleasantly.
"Well…I saw what you told me about- how he rescued me when I was a baby. …Should I not mention that either?"
"That is up to you. I think it will strengthen your relationship with Severus if you can get him to admit it himself- get him to tell you the story himself. You cannot let him know you already know. He will know who told you."
"I won't let him know," I promised, "Thank you."
As I headed back downstairs I noticed that most everyone was heading into the Great Hall for lunch. I headed in as well, although I felt anything but hungry. Snape never showed up for lunch, but midway through my picking at my plate of food, I felt his presence slip into my mind.
Come see me sometime before your detention, said his voice.
Before I had a chance to respond or even be adequately surprised, he withdrew.