Draped in Wires
by. Poisoned Scarlet

Theme 046: Surprise, Surprise...

Mustang spit out his coffee, spraying it all over his desk. He blankly stared at the stain on his documents and withheld an exasperated sigh when Edward snickered on the other end of the line; the heavy joke involving one Riza Hawkeye obviously not settling well with the Brigadier General.

"Alright, Full Metal, what's the big deal?" He demanded. "So you knocked her up. Congratulations. I already told you that the last time you phoned me!"

"Yeah, but I thought you didn't hear me. You sounded busy."

Mustang pinched the bridge of his nose. "Edward, please tell me you will not become another Hugh's and call me unnecessarily for things such as your kid kicking in the womb?"

"...When do they start doing that?"

Roy tried to ignore the wondrous tone of his voice as he grit: "Full Metal, I'm serious! You cannot use the military line for mundane talk! It is to be used strictly for emergencies or work purposes only!"

"Hey, Roy, I read in a book that usually male genes dominate over the female recessive or dominate genes. Do you think that's true? There's very little study in the field of genetic engineering – you should fund it more, for the sole reason of uncovering the truth behind the X, Y chromosomes and autosomal—"

"Yes, Edward," Roy stressed. "He'll look like you. Now can we please hang up? I have important business to attend to!"

"Fine! Geez, no need to have a cow! I was only calling to invite you to the wedding as my best man, you ungrateful prick!"

Mustang blinked. "Wedding? Best man?"

"Yeah, generally people who decide to have children together get married, you numbskull. Don't take the best man title too seriously: I had to choose between you and squinty-eyes. I think the choice is clear... I'd prefer my wedding to go smoothly and WITHOUT an assassination attempt at Ling."

Rubbing his temple to not completely lose his cool with the impossible soon-to-be father, Roy muttered: "When is it?"

"Next month, on the twenty fourth down in Resembool. You have to come on the twenty third for rehearsal or some bullshit like that. You still know where I live, right? After all, you took your sweet time coming down here to recruit me when I was eleven!"

"Yes, I am aware of your current housing, Edward," Roy sighed, slumping into his chair. "Time?"

"Apparently, getting married means we have to have some phony priest bless us or something. It's about two hours of my life I'll never get back in a church. You can skip that if you want, I'd do it if I were in your position, but the reception will be at midday at the Rockbell household and after that we'll probably round up the guys and hit the bar for a little bit while Winry talks with a few of her friends. For rehearsal, it's in the evening; around four."

"Ah, so I assume there will be no honey moon?" Roy asked, amused.

"Are you kidding me? She's pregnant, not broken!"

"But just think about it," Mustang smirked, devilishly. "What if you thrust too hard and you hurt the baby?"

"...Stupid! That can't happen! The cervical entrance is blocked to prevent such intrusion!"

"That's what the books say..." Roy trailed off, leaving the boy with the doubt as payback for disturbing him at work. "Regardless, congratulations, Full Metal! I sincerely hope you and Winry live your lives in peace. You certainly deserve it. I'll be there on the twenty third."

"Yeah, you'd think that since I'm off work I wouldn't be seeing you!" He grumbled.

"Likewise. Until then, goodbye," Roy smiled, hanging up just as Edward did.

"Sir?" Riza asked, having heard the entire conversation. In her arms were a handful of documents. "I believe these are the documents Edward must look over. Shall I mail them to him?"

"Yes, please do." Roy nodded. Before she left, however, Roy called: "Hey, Hawkeye!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Would you like to accompany me to Ed and Winry's wedding next month?" He asked, innocently enough although she caught the gleam of mischief in his coal eyes. "As my date?"

She scoffed softly. "Unprofessional relationships within the ranks are strictly forbidden and shall have law enforced upon them even if they are first offenders."

"Fine then," Mustang frowned, miffed. "As your superior officer, I order you to attend the wedding with me as my personal adviser."

Riza could not bite back the smile that had crawled on her face. "Personal adviser?"

"Why, yes, I'll need someone there to control the amount of alcohol I consume as well as the amount of cenzs I plan to leave as a gift. We wouldn't want to spoil Edward too much, would we?"

"Of course, sir, I'll clear your schedule for the twenty third and fourth."

"Excellent. Thank you, Hawkeye!"

"You're welcomed, sir." She chuckled, walking through the door as her superior officer stretched; the day going better than he had expected.