Author's Note: Ohh you guys are gonna love this chapter! I would have had it earlier, but someone has pointed out to me that I have a lot of errors, so I took the time to go back over it a third time. Enjoy!

~LilReporterGirl

Snape's POV

I awoke much earlier than I intended to on Christmas morning. I spent over an hour lying there, tossing and turning, trying to will myself back to sleep. I didn't want to get up and open presents. I didn't want to go down to breakfast and have Albus thrust his holiday cheer on me. And I especially didn't want to go to the Yule Ball and see Olivia dancing with various boys.

I didn't have much choice about the Ball, but it was almost lunchtime when I finally dragged myself out of bed and went into my office to open my two presents.

Yet there was only one present sitting on my desk. It was a silver inkstand, from Albus. There was nothing from Olivia.

Feeling depressed, I went down to lunch, which consisted of dozens of extravagantly cooked turkeys. Not that the food mattered to me. I was picking at whatever was on my plate and watching morosely at Olivia chatting spiritedly with her friends, Alexandria Daae and the French exchange student. She didn't even glance my way throughout the entire lunch period.

After lunch I went for a walk around the snow-covered grounds. The cold didn't bother me. There were kids out having snowball fights and building snowmen. It was hardly any less crowded around the castle as it was before the holidays.

To escape the noise, I went for a walk in the Forbidden Forest. It was silent, save for the twittering of a few birds. The snow covered the ground and trees and made everything look beautiful. Yet still my heart felt heavy with a feeling I could not shake- loneliness. The same way I had felt last Christmas when I had gone home and found a Muggle whore… I wouldn't be making that mistake again.

It was nearing seven o'clock when I returned to the castle. Boys were just now trudging their way into the castle to prepare for the Ball. No doubt the girls had gone in hours ago to start getting ready.

I headed down into the dungeons to my quarters. I changed clothes and grabbed my best black cloak. I brushed my teeth and hair, then gazed at my reflection in the mirror. I scowled at myself- why was I bothering anyway?

I tried to smile at my reflection, but the expression just didn't seem right on my face. So I settled for an expression which betrayed no emotion, sighed, and turned away from the mirror.

As eight o'clock approached I made my way out of the dungeons. The Entrance Hall was filled with students wearing dress robes. I was only mildly interested to see who had paired up with whom. Potter was Parvati Patil. Weasley was with Padma Patil. Malfoy was with Pansy Parkinson - that one I had expected.

Karkaroff entered the Entrance Hall then with his slew of Durmstrang boys behind him, all of whom had found dates among Hogwarts or Beauxbaton students.

A short while later Minerva, in robes of red tartan, opened the doors to the Great Hall and the students began to enter the hall. I milled around, pretending to oversee the students, not wanting to admit even to myself what I was actually doing. Finally I saw her. She came up out of the dungeons wearing an emerald-colored satin dress. Her red hair was more wavy than usual and flowed freely down her back. As she got closer I could tell she was wearing a little bit of mascara, some light pink lip gloss, and had sparkles dusted lightly on her face.

I was somewhat relieved to see she was on the arm of her friend Alexandria (who wore black silk dress robes) instead of some boy.

Olivia smiled when she saw me, but her smile slowly faded and she just looked at me silently. I wanted desperately to look away from her but somehow couldn't force myself to do so.

Only after all the students, including Olivia, had entered the Great Hall did I slip inside. The walls had all been coated in sparkling silver, with garlands of mistletoe and ivy draping across the black starry ceiling. The House tables had been replaced by some hundred lantern-lit tables, sitting about a dozen people each. Albus and Flitwick had done an excellent job of making the hall extravagantly beautiful, though nothing compared to how beautiful she looked…

I went and sat at the top table with the rest of the staff. Soon the champions started the opening dance. I couldn't help but notice Karkaroff shooting loathing looks at Krum's dance partner, a somewhat pretty girl in periwinkle robes. Her face looked slightly familiar to me and after a moment I realized it was Hermione Granger. I shook my head in wonder, then refocused my attention on Olivia, who was sitting with her friends.

After the dance was over, the champions sat down. The glittering plates were all empty but there were menus laying on all of the tables. Albus opened his own menu, then said "pork chops" to his plate, and pork chops appeared. Everyone seemed to get the idea and began to place orders. I didn't even bother to pick up my menu.

Karkaroff attempted to engage me in conversation but I was minimally responsive, choosing instead to let my eyes wander around the hall. Olivia's friend Brandi, who wore robes of pale blue, sat at the table with her. One of the Weasley twins sat with her. I supposed this must be her date.

After everyone had finished eating, Albus stood and with a wave of his wand, cleared away all the tables so that there was enough room for everyone to dance once the band came out. Olivia and the Daae girl were dancing and seemed to be having a good time. I was glad she was dancing with her friend…if I saw her dancing with a boy I would probably die.

I remained seated at the staff table, along with the others. By the third song even Minerva was dancing (with Ludo Bagman) and I found myself alone at the table. Albus noticed and came and sat down beside me.

"What's wrong, Severus?" he asked as the next song began. I muttered some excuse about not feeling well. I watched the twirling couples and the heavy feeling in my heart increased. I sighed. I didn't even see Olivia and Alexandria dancing anymore.

Towards the end of the song, I felt a small, warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Olivia standing behind me. She looked somewhat anxious.

"Severus…will you dance with me…please?" she asked quietly. I glanced at Albus, who smiled and nodded his encouragement.

"Go on Severus," he said.

I really should say no, I thought to myself, but stood up anyway.

I led Olivia into the shadows, where we were less likely to be seen, though I was uncomfortably aware of Albus' eyes on us.

When the next song started it was a slow song. I lost my nerve and started to go sit down but Olivia grabbed my hands. She placed one of my hands on her waist and held my other hand tightly in hers. God help me, I thought as we began to revolve slowly. As the song went on she leaned close to me. The intoxicating scent of raspberries filled my nose. I wondered if she could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest?

The song was over too soon. Olivia clung to me a moment longer. A voice from the stage announced they would now play a compilation of Muggle songs for the Muggleborn students. I started to tear myself away from Olivia's warm embrace when the song started, slow and soft. I froze. It was the song "Desperado" by the Eagles…my parents' song.

Without even thinking about it, I began to dance with Olivia again, my feet moving on their own. I closed my eyes and listened to the words of the song, thinking that they were oddly fitting.

I remembered back to a conversation my mother and I had when I was maybe eight years old. Tobias was at work and she had been using her wand to do the housework and singing the song. I was sitting in the corner, watching her as she used her wand to conduct the dishes as they washed themselves. She had a black eye from the night before, when he had gotten drunk and beat her again. She saw me looking at her eye and she stopped singing.

"Love is a very powerful thing, Severus," she said to me, "When you love someone, you will do anything for them. Take anything from them… And still love them."

"He doesn't love you," I said bitterly, "That isn't love."

Her black eyes flashed at me.

"Tobias loves me," she said defensively, "…If he didn't, he wouldn't still be here, now would he? …You're just a kid. You don't know anything about love. …You'll understand someday."

"If that's love, I never want to be in love," I had said, crossing my arms.

"Love is a powerful, wonderful thing. If you don't let yourself love or feel love, well, then you're worse off than he is."

I opened my eyes as the song ended. Olivia looked up into my eyes, hugged me and stepped away. She looked up at me, her emerald eyes sparkling.

"Thank you," she said quietly. She was neither smiling nor frowning and her voice sounded so sad, I could practically feel my heart breaking.

I attempted to scowl at her, but it was useless. I turned my face away so my eyes would not betray me. Then I sighed and returned to the staff table, leaving her there in the shadows.

Albus was dancing once again but when the song ended he returned to me.

"Are you alright Severus?" he asked me.

"…I think I need some air. I feel ill," I muttered. I stood and left the hall.

The doors to the Entrance Hall stood open. Outside the grounds had been decorated with rose bushes, which twinkled with fairy lights. There were statues and fountains and benches along the path.

I began to walk the path, but was soon ambushed by Karkaroff, who seemed intent on talking about the Mark. It had been growing clearer for months. I had been trying my best to ignore it and him. I especially didn't want to think about it now.

I let him talk, though I was frowning the whole time. I occupied myself by blasting apart rosebushes that half-concealed fumbling young couples. I took house points indiscriminately as they ran away, either giggling or embarrassed. It did my heart good to be able to blast apart roses, the symbol for love, and to ruin everyone else's good time.

"I really don't see what there is to fuss about, Igor," I said finally, hoping to ditch Karkaroff.

"Severus, you cannot pretend this isn't happening!" he said anxiously, "It's been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can't deny it-"

"Then flee," I said curtly, "Flee- I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts."

I blasted apart another rosebush, then paused when I saw Potter and Weasley coming down the path.

"What are you two doing?" I demanded as Karkaroff twitched anxiously beside me.

"Walking. Not against the law now, is it?" Weasley said shortly.

"Keep walking then," I snarled and brushed past them.

Eventually I was able to free myself of Karkaroff by telling him I was due to meet Olivia somewhere.

"Ah," he said with a twisted grin, "You sly old dog, you."

I resisted the urge to curse him- it almost took a physical effort not to do so- and slipped away down a side path.

I found a statue of a reindeer which was thickly surrounded by rose bushes. After making sure the bushes were void of students, I sat down on a bench near the statue. I found myself looking up at the twinkling stars, the lonely feeling still heavy in my heart.

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted me and I tightened my grip on my wand, prepared to blast the bushes aside. Suddenly Olivia stepped out of the bushes. I lowered my wand and pretended not to be watching her as she picked leaves off her dress. I looked back up at the stars.

"What's wrong Severus?" she asked me.

"…Nothing," I replied roughly. She walked over and sat beside me on the bench- not too close, but a respectful distance away.

"Something," she said gently, "…Your eyes are sad."

I said nothing. I didn't trust myself to speak. I was afraid if I opened my mouth, I'd start spilling my guts to her. She sighed softly, like a breath of wind, and took my hand in hers. For once I did not pull away, but glanced down at our clasped hands. Her hands were small and warm compared to my own. Her fingernails were painted the same emerald color as her dress. Her nails were short and even, her skin soft and pale. I imagined my hands felt rough and calloused to her. My hands were ugly, but hers…hers were beautiful. Strange how I'd never noticed how beautiful her hands were before.

Finally I tore my eyes away and gazed back up at the stars. Still I did not release her hand. I closed my eyes. The lonely feeling had dissipated, but my heart still felt heavy in my chest. After a moment I realized she was shaking. I looked down at her. She was shivering from the cold- no wonder, as her dress was short and her shoulders were bare. Without really thinking, I closed the distance between us and draped my arm across her shoulders along with part of my cloak.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

I didn't speak for a minute.

"…You didn't get me a Christmas present," I said quietly. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Is that why you are sulking?" she inquired.

"Am I sulking?"

"Yes."

"…No, that's not why I'm sulking."

We were silent for a while and eventually she slipped her arm around me and leaned against me for warmth. I could hear the music from the Hall drifting eerily across the silent grounds. I knew what I wanted now, but was still reluctant.

"What's wrong, Severus?" she asked again, her face pressed against my chest.

I hesitated a moment.

"Well…I should very much like to kiss you," I said slowly. She inclined her head upwards to look at me. I wanted to avoid her gaze but I couldn't make myself look away from those beautiful emerald eyes. She smiled slowly.

"I would like that a lot," she said softly.

I leaned down and when our lips met it was like an electric current passed between us. Warmth spread through my entire body and the heavy feeling that had been in my heart all night- for years, really- was lifted.