Draped in Wires
by. Poisoned Scarlett

Theme 070: Sex Life

"Heeeey, Full Metal!" Heymans shouted suddenly, grinning when said man replied with an arched brow. "How's the home life going?"

"Yeah, I heard Winry went back to Resembool a week ago! I've been meaning to ask you about that," Havoc added, sounding curious.

"Everything's going great. Winry's working again so she has something to do now aside from taking care of Nick," Ed answered shortly and signed his name on a stack of documents. He stacked those up neatly and pushed them aside, starting to work on another stack. Today hadn't been particularly busy but he still had his work cut out for him. He was still better off than the brigadier, though, he procastinated so much that he wouldn't be able to catch up on his work even if he worked furiously on it for the next month.

"Aw, c'mon, details!" Havoc prodded, throwing him a pen.

"Details on what?" He asked, catching the pen.

Heymans smirked. Havoc, reading his mind, smirked even wider. "Y'know, I heard that once you settle down and have a kid, the sex goes down, too. That true, buddy?"

"Yeah, I heard that, too!"

Edward choked on his saliva and Heymans chortled. Havoc laughed and dodged a pen when Ed came back from his shock-induced choking, ignoring his horrible glare in favour of laughing his ass off again at the thought. "For your information, it's great, thank you!" Ed spat and Heymans rose a leering brow.

"Is it, huh?"

"I wanna' hear this!" Havoc grinned perversely.

"What do you even want to know about?" Ed dared to ask.

"Is it true?" Havoc began, lighting a cigarette. He waggled his brow at him and smirked. "Heard that Winry's got all the power in bed!"

"N-not all the time – shut up you two!" Ed aggressively shouted when they both broke into laughter. His face flushed two shades of crimson and he sputtered, "What would you two know about that, anyway? I can't see how any woman would want you two idiots!"

"Don't be that way, we know it's gotta' be hard to let the woman have all the power in the relationship," Heymans soothed and Havoc stifled laughter in his hand. Ed's glare gradually became fiercer and fiercer. "But just remember that no matter what, you're still our friend and we can teach you the tricks of the art."

"Dammit, you guys are a bunch of perverts! I don't need any tips from two bumbling idiots!" Ed blew up, ignoring their snickering and cackling. "Shut up and get back to work!"

"Now that's a first," another voice interjected smoothly.

"Hawkeye!" Havoc wheezed, snuffing out his cigarette on his pants quickly before she noticed. "Uh, how's it going, good lookin'?"

Riza gave him an unimpressed look he laughed sheepishly to and decided to ignore the plume of cigarette smoke she could clearly see encase him. She turned back to Ed and nodded to the door. "Roy says he needs to speak to you immediately."

"What does he want now?" He grumbled.

"Go see him and find out," Riza smartly replied but smiled good-naturedly when he gave her a dry look. He hauled himself off his chair and made his way to Roy's office, waving at the two men who told him not to get burned out too bad if Roy was going to scold him for something or the other. "Now, you two, back to work!"

"Aw, c'mon, Riza! Break time!" Heymans whined. "I'm hungry…"

"You're always hungry!" Havoc told him. "I need a smoke," he bemoaned.

"You always need a smoke," Heymans retorted smugly and Havoc made a noise in the back of his throat.

"Would you both shut up?" Riza interrupted their banter and pressed her lips together when they huffed but obeyed. "If I come back and you two don't have anything done, I'll make sure your sex lives are nonexistent by the end of today."

Both men gave her wide-eyed looks of panic and Riza smiled to herself, glad that even in this situation, the woman still had the upper-hand.