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Chapter 6
Olivia was surprised by her friend's confession, but she tried not to let her face give that surprise away. Eventually, she was glad that Alex was finally opening up, and she didn't want to ruin that by doing anything that would scare her off now. For the past couple of days – weeks, even! – Alex had been denying anything was wrong. Now that she had finally admitted she was not as "fine" as she had been saying, was a huge step forward!
The question was: What now? Olivia mentally scolded herself. She was a trained professional, for god's sake! But as much as she hated to admit it: Most (if not all) her professionalism was out the window now that it was Alex who was … what, actually? Hurting? Definitely. Hurt? Probably.
Just seconds before Olivia could decide what to say, a mumbled apology tore through the silence ."I'm sorry you had to see this, Liv" Fuck. The shame in the blonde's voice tore Olivia apart. Alex was apologizing for breaking down in front of her! Apologizing for letting her guard down for once, apologizing for finally letting her in!
"I'm glad you let me see this, Alex" The detective countered promptly. "And I'm glad you haven't run away or kicked me out this time" She added with a weak and worried smile, unsure whether she had just inspired her friend to do just that. Seconds turned into minutes, and neither of them had said a word.
"Alex?" Olivia started gently. "What do you need me to do?"
She knew she was treading on very thin ice, and she was glad she had phrased the question with "need", not "want": She didn't doubt that Alex wanted her to leave and pretend nothing had happened, but she wasn't so sure whether that was what she needed right now. But could she even trust Alex to give her an honest answer instead of trying to maintain her icy facade of not needing anything from anyone?
Yes, Olivia decided. Alex had let her in already! She had not run or kicked her out when she had felt the first symptoms of her panic attack bubbling up. She had openly admitted she wasn't as okay as she had been saying. She wouldn't just push her away again now, would she? Noticing the blonde was biting her lip, Olivia encouragingly smiled at her.
"Maybe we can get some dessert?" Alex finally suggested. "That is – only if you want to..."
Yet again, Olivia tried not to let her surprise show. Instead, she nodded, and only half an hour later, they were sitting at a corner table in a nice little cafe. Before they had left the building, Alex had excused herself to the bathroom to fix her make-up, and now, Olivia incredulously watched Alex smile widely at the waiter who was bringing their order. No longer hiding my ass! Olivia sighed.
Once again, they ate in silence, sharing a gigantic piece of chocolate cake of which Alex only ate a few spoonfuls. Instead, the blonde seemed to be entirely focused on her coffee, but Olivia sensed that it was only a welcome distraction from the elephant in the room. For a second, Olivia wasn't sure whether Alex hadn't just offered going out for dessert to avoid some deeper conversation she knew they wouldn't be having in a cafe, but she quickly changed her mind when Alex broke the silence:
"Thank you" She mumbled quietly.
"For what?"
"This." Alex gestured awkwardly between them and their table.
"I didn't say I was paying" Olivia joked, and Alex couldn't help but chuckle.
"Come on. You know what I mean!"
The detective grinned. "Do I?" Immediately noticing the blonde's sudden discomfort, Olivia backed off. "I'm just kidding, Alex." She hesitated for a second. This was uncharted territory. What Olivia had hoped for was a brief opportunity to semi-secretly check up on her friend and feed her some lunch. Except for that, she had now witnessed Alex having a breakdown and/or panic attack plus her friend's first attempt in reaching out instead of hiding behind her icy mask. She really didn't want to ruin that now!
"Just for the record: You're welcome. And I really want you to know that I'm here for you, Alex. Not just for Indian takeout and cake, but for whatever it is you're going through right now."
Olivia eyed the blonde carefully, afraid she had – yet again – crossed a line and – yet again – scared Alex off. But instead, Alex just lowered her head and mumbled a barely audible "I know".