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~.~

I spent a good deal of time in the shower before finally sighing and giving up. If he was going to leave he probably would be gone by now.

Of course he wasn't.

He was sitting in my rocking chair, staring at me with those butterscotch eyes of his. His legs were crossed, his hands resting lightly on the worn wood. He never took his eyes off of me but watched as I placed my things on the dresser and brushed my hair. I tied my hair up and secured it with a clip before turning to face him.

We stared at one another. It was like I was seeing him for the first time. Framed by the light of the window, he looked more godlike than a Michaelangelo statue. But he was no statue – no, he was a predator, a vampire, and though he looked human, he wasn't anymore. His perfection was excruciating and yet only skin deep. His flaws ran beneath the surface, hidden to most but painfully obvious to me now. He had control issues and I just wasn't sure I could get over that.

Finally, after a moment that seemed to last an eternity, he spoke. "You're not the same person and I've been treating you as if you are. I see that now."

"And I can see beyond what I did before," I felt compelled to add.

He nodded in agreement. "I told you a long time ago what I am, Bella. Have you forgotten?"

I shook my head. "No. I didn't believe you then."

He smiled sadly. "But you do now. You know what I am. Tell me, can you love a monster?"

"I don't know," I said quietly. My heart sped up, and a strange ache settled in my throat. To my utter humiliation, tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I'd never really thought of him as being a monster – only the guy that broke my heart.

He crossed the room and cradled my face in his hands. "We've made a terrible mess of things, haven't we? We're together again, at last, but I've never felt so far away from you. We can't pretend that things are the same because they're not. But I refuse to just let things stand as they are now. You don't deserve misery, not on my account. All I can do, at this time, is be here. I will give you anything I can."

"Can we just be friends right now?" I ask. It's the only thing I can think of. We need time. I need time.

He takes a step back from me, letting his arms fall. I can see the agony in his eyes before he closes them and takes a deep breath. "I will be whatever you need me to be, Bella. I will be your friend."

"Boundaries," I add before I lose my nerve.

He nods with grim determination. "I will abide by your boundaries if you tell me what they are."

I wasn't exactly sure what the boundaries should be – I only knew that we really needed them if there was any chance of a future. "To be determined?"

"Very well," he said quietly, "let me know when you've decided. Do you wish to be alone now?"

I suck in a breath of air. "I think that would be best."

Edward lifted his hand as though to brush my cheek but stopped himself just in time. "Sorry – old habits die hard. I shall see you at school then, Bella, unless you wish to see me sooner. You have my number."

He moved at human pace to the window and with a last sorrowful look at me jumped out into the rain.

I sat down on the bed in a state of shock.

I just dumped Edward Cullen.

Not knowing what else to do I grab my old diary and flip to a clean page.

What is love but a reason to open yourself to someone so they can take up residence in your heart and then when they feel like it, they can vacate their spot and leave a gaping hole? The funny thing about having a hole in your heart is that eventually it begins to heal It has to – in order to function. Of course, it doesn't heal perfectly, but leaves scar tissue behind. Nothing ever will fit in that space perfectly again. It's ruined forever.

How do people move on from such a tragedy?

I broke up with Edward – not that we were officially back together anyway. We'd just resumed our old positions, orbiting around one another. I know that I'm hurting him – but it isn't as though I'm doing what he did. I'm not pushing him out of my life completely.

I'm just taking some time for myself. Is that wrong?

I set my pen down and let the diary close on its own. I decide that my bed looks inviting. I snuggle down under the covers and hug my pillow. I close my eyes.

A shrill ring jostles me from sleep. I feel strange and disoriented, my mouth is fuzzy and dry. I answer the phone groggily.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Are you okay? My dad said you called this morning."

I can't stop the automatic smile. "Jake. It's so good to hear your voice."

A sigh. "Well, it's good to hear yours too. That doesn't answer my question though – are you okay?"

I don't even bother to censor myself. "I don't know anymore. I slept all afternoon."

"You sound depressed, honey. Is Charlie home?"

"No – he's at work. Don't worry, it's not the end of the world."

"What isn't?"

I bite my lip. "Edward and I are just friends."

Jake snorts. "Did you seriously call me because you're having problems with your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," I protest, "not anymore."

"Did that bastard hurt you again? After everything you've gone through because of him! You flew all the way to Europe for his pale ass and he has the nerve to…"

"Whoa! Jake – calm down. He didn't do anything. I just, sort of, broke up with him."

Silence.

"Jake?"

Breathing.

"Jacob?"

"You broke up with him?"

"Yes."

I can hear the smile in his voice. "Good for you, honey. I mean – you know, it's, um probably for the best."

I cringe at his gleeful tone. "I told him we should be friends."

Jake coughs. "Friends? With a leech? Bells you know he isn't good for you. I mean, you broke up with him so obviously you know that."

"I can't just kick him out of my life."

A pause. "Well – at least you've made the first step. We're having dinner tonight over at Emily's. You should come."

I'm stunned. I can't believe Jacob is inviting me. "Of course, I'd love to."

"Okay, we'll meet me at my house and ride over together."

"Are you sure it's okay to invite me?" I ask nervously thinking of Sam and the pack.

"Don't know but it doesn't matter cuz I've already invited you. I'll see you around six?"

I hurry to accept. We hang up.

I feel so relieved. I wonder if this means he's no longer mad at me.