September 1st, 2015
Dreams. Constant reminders of a life I know nothing about. Persistent feelings that accumulate every night and won't reveal themselves until I go to sleep.
I see him there every now and then, a passing blurr, a shadow in the dark.
I have never seen his face.
Its all I can remember, since I was a child, there have been nothing but recollections of something I cannot place.
All I can ever do is write what I feel and hope that when I re-read it, it will all make sense.
-:-
I close my journal and hold my head in my hands, my elbows resting on the table in the house I grew up in. Sometimes it's as If I can feel it, feel the remnants of a life long ago lived, feel the ache between my legs.
I would be lying if I said that my dreams were anything but innocent. Almost all are sexual in nature, the ones that aren't, are just snippets of places and things.
It didn't start out that way, when I was a child, they were walks in Central Park, visits to the Zoo. Then my 16th birthday came and everything changed.
It started out pure enough, I was in bed, covers pulled to my chin, but then I realized I was naked underneath my covers. I felt his presence, like always, but I could never turn to look at him, always a voyeur, never a participant.
This time was different, I could feel his fingers as they brushed my cheek and pulled the covers down. It was like a ghost, but I could feel him, smell him, something floral, almost sweet.
I knew this dream would be different from all the others. I felt the atmosphere almost crackle with intensity.
The covers were finally thrown off and I laid naked and exposed. I wasnt naïve, I had an inkling on what would happen, I just wanted to see his face.
I was paralyzed, my limbs stuck to the bed. I wasn't scared, how could I be? He was as familiar as any part of me.
I felt the touch of his hands, again seeing nothing, just feeling his presence. He parted my legs, my hairless pussy glistening with my arousal. I closed my eyes, trying to savor the sensations coursing through me. I felt the bed dip and felt his hands move up my thighs, putting pressure, I could feel each finger make a mark on my skin. I cried out as I felt the unmistakable sensation of his tongue licking me hole to nub.
No one had ever touched me before, not even myself, but I knew what an orgasm was and as I shook and cried out, I realized that I had just had my first one.
If just a flick of a tongue was enough to get me going, I was so eager to find out what else was in store.
I heard a faint chuckle and felt more flicks of tongue as he lapped up all of my release. I mewled, so sensitive after a while and not being able to move as to pull myself away.
He finally relented and I felt his fingers, long and elegant run down my pussy lips and rub my clit once more. I felt my wetness seeping into the sheets underneath me and I opened my eyes to try and see if I could finally see him but again, there was only sensation and the phantom presence of him.
I closed my eyes again as I felt one finger enter me. Even with how wet I was, I still felt pain at the stretch. I heard a hissing noise next to my ear and I quickly turned to see but again, nothingness.
I couldn't help and moan as I felt it enter me deeper, the pain turning into pleasure.
I needed to come again, like I needed oxygen to breathe. Gasps left my mouth, "please, faster! I need it..."
The pace quickened and he added a second finger, curling it and hitting a spot inside me that had me almost in tears, the pleasure so intense I saw white.
-:-
I pressed my legs together, I could feel my wetness seeping through my underwear.
With a sigh, I stood up and headed to my room.
I was 20 now and the dreams only got more intense from the first one. Sometimes I felt like I was going insane, I yearned to be with this person who made me feel so safe and good at the same time.
But how could I? He was a dream and me a girl with a wild imagination and a penchant for dirty thoughts.
If I had one wish, I know what it would be.