Background: This kind of goes along in the same AU as "Of Prices and Pranks" and "Make Your Choice". Freya and Morgana have a very close relationship and being between worlds is not easy for her. Nimueh and Edwin are the antagonists rather than Morgana.

As Merlin lay down upon the bed, he reached over and pulled her toward him, his arms wrapping around her. And she smiled. But there was something different. Something he could not place. She was quiet again. Like the time he had first met her, as if there was something on her mind. Still, they had not seen each other since the wedding night, not like husband-and-wife. The only ones that even knew, were Morgana, Guinevere and Gwaine, the latter of which has taken pity on them, and found them this abandoned hut near the guardhouse. They could not visit it often, for Gaius would notice, but one night to simply sleep in the same room, even if it was once a month was enough for them. He could barely believe that he walked past his bride in the halls, barely speaking, barely acknowledging except for behind closed doors. The wedding had been a blissful, quiet affair, with Guinevere and Morgana by Freya's side, while Gwaine was there for Merlin. He really had wished it had been Arthur, but that was not possible at this time. The night following had been wonderful for the both of them, but somehow Merlin had sensed a sort of grief. A sadness that had carried through to this very meeting. She had not said anything, but he knew her too well, and the evil thoughts were creeping in. Did she regret it?

"What's wrong?" He murmured into her neck.

"Nothing," she whispered, turning slightly to give him a kiss.

"You've been different," he said, his thumb lovingly stroking her cheek. He thought he was getting somewhere, but she only smiled again.

"Different how?" She said playfully, "nothing has changed."

This time he returned the smile, "well, one thing has."

"True."

He leaned down gently kissing her lips, as his hand moved from her face to her neck. They parted, and he smiled down at her.

"You're beautiful." He whispered.

"So are you."

He kissed her again, just as gently, as his hand traveled slowly to her collarbone, his lips, following, moving ever so slightly downward.

She closed her eyes and then opened them again guiltily, turning toward him. "Merlin?"

Almost unconsciously his lips met hers, and they kissed until she sadly pushed him away.

"I'm sorry," he said. She turned, and he laid down again, somewhat ashamed.

"No," she said, her voice in danger of breaking, "I'm sorry,"

The tone in her voice sent a pang through his heart, it sounded so rueful . He moved closer to her again, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her close.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said, resting his chin on her shoulder, but she unseated him, turning once again to face his eyes.

"Yes I do," she said, tears in her eyes, "I can never have a child, Merlin."

The sudden confession caught him by surprise, for he had not even contemplated such an event. But a second later he felt his heart drop. "What?"

"On our wedding night, I enchanted a spell to prevent conception," her voice was trembling, as the harsh tears streamed down her face. "I know it was wrong, but I can't—" she buried her face in his shoulder, her own, shaking with sobs, but nevertheless he was still lost. He gently coaxed her away from him, his hands on her shoulders.

"Darling, we were just married a month," he said softly," that is a long while yet, so why the tears?" He tried to remain calm, but something in her deep brown eyes told him that there was more to the story. He had never pressured her or even expressed a desire to have any children at all, and she was fine now. So why was she in so much pain?

Her lips trembled as another sob escaped them. "You don't understand. I am needed as a gateway to the other world for you and Arthur. If something should happen and you should need me to—" she paused, composing herself, "the baby would die instantly. The only reason I survive is because I have a reason, the resistance to go back. Unborn children are fragile things, and there is no way, no possible way, they could be dissuaded from joining the other side."

Merlin grimaced, for what she said made sense, still, if there had been a baby, they could have just waited until the child was born.

"Surely there will be nine months where we do not need you to go there," he said with a smile, but she only laughed bitterly.

"And the dark army will figure out a way to push me there," she said," the last thing they want, is another you, my love, and if I am to serve the kingdom, a child's future would not be a possibility."

Merlin's frown grew more pronounced. She was right. The minute Nimueh or Edwin heard the news of Freya of being with child, the moment they would start plotting. Although it had never crossed his mind before this moment, he suddenly felt the keenest stab of regret within his heart.

"I don't really want one," she said smiling," not now anyway," but her façade crumbled and he pulled her into his arms, staring at the thatched roof as she cried.