AN: Before anyone complains or asks, yes, I am making all episodes after "Blame it on the alcohol" happen in the same week, up to "Born this way". They'll have a busy week, but it's not impossible. Since I'm only using the scenes that pertain to Klaine in some way, and twisting others, it shouldn't be that hard to digest. LOL
Chapter 3: His Hell
It's been three days since our fight, and three days since my date with Rachel. I never meant to go out with her as a long-term thing, I was just happy to feel that somebody was interested in me, and wanted to give back something. Explaining that to her after an admittedly fun night at a West Side Story presentation wasn't so easy… Not that I could say something like that in so many words, but I wanted Rachel to understand that I wasn't – couldn't – be interested in her like that.
And then, today, she came right up and kissed me for the whole of Lima Bean to see. I would have been angry with her, but then, when her lips unglued from mine, I spotted Kurt a little behind Rachel, and my heart sank. We hadn't talked since that fight, and by the way he was looking at us, it seemed he definitely wanted to keep it that way.
My frustration deepened when I noticed she was still looking at me expectantly, and, suddenly, I knew what to say. "Yup, I'm gay! One hundred percent gay! Thank you so much for clearing that up for me, Rachel!" I say, shooting Kurt a glance. The tiniest smile makes way on his face, but it is enough to give me some relief. It is short-lived, though, because next thing I know, he's walking out the door.
Rachel, on the other hand, is still looking at me expectantly.
"What?" I ask, my patience starting to run out. What more does she want me to say?
Her answer surprises me. "You're not going after him?"
One of my eyebrows rises involuntarily, and I can't help but ask, "Who?"
She rolls her eyes and frowns. This time, instead of answering, Rachel only shakes her head. With a somewhat friendly hand on my shoulder, she directs a look at me that screams pity, before she also leaves.
My eyes follow her figure, while all I can think is, "What hell?"
!GLEE!
"We should perform something a little less sweet, and a little more sexy for Regionals!" one of my fellow friends suggests at the Warblers meeting, the following day.
Much to my dismay, Kurt has sat as far away from me as possible, and he is sitting strangely immobile, but quiet as usual. This is the first Warblers rehearsal since the night we – I – got drunk, and nobody has questioned our distance or Kurt's even deeper lack of participation. It doesn't matter that he's been here for months, apparently he has never felt at ease in this group.
I do notice that the suggestion makes him wince, though it is almost unrecognizable. He shifts uncomfortably and tries to seem nonchalant, but fails miserably. The look Kurt sports is quite near decreeing how much he wants to be anywhere, but here. It's weird, to see him look so out of place – ever since I met him, no matter how shy he was, Kurt always seemed to be completely aware of his surroundings, and sure that he belonged wherever he was.
"We are a boys acapella group! Why not?" Someone else asks. I am barely registering the conversations, let alone who is saying what. My focus is entirely directed at my friend (at least, I hope we are still that). "Besides, it's time we change the dynamics a little, don't you think?"
"We have a week to get this decided, practiced and perfected. It's too late to change songs now!" Someone else retorts.
Somewhere in the background, I hear Wes' gavel hit its block, in an attempt to calm the discussion that has risen. Kurt is still not looking at me, and I am getting increasingly frustrated at that. My attention is only reverted back to the others when I hear my name being pronounced, and, tearing my gaze away from Kurt, I try to identify who said it.
Suddenly, all eyes are on me, except a pair of pale grayish blue ones. Unaware, I remain silent, and David directs me a question. "So, do you think can or can't do Animal, Blaine?"
"Animal?" I ask stupidly, not entirely sure which song they are referring to, but suddenly remember it. "Oh, the one by Neon Trees?"
A nod is my answer, and everyone waits expectantly as I mentally play the song. A smile curves at my lips. "I can, but I'd like to request something." When no one says anything, I continue. "I'd like to have Kurt sing it with me."
Hushed whispers and smiles spread across the room, and Kurt's head shoots up to, finally, look at me, his finely shaped eyebrows arched impossibly high.
"Why Kurt, Blaine?" Thad asks, and all eyes in the room now reflect me in them.
Why, indeed? An honest answer would say, "Because I can't get him to speak to me any other way", but, as that's not something I can bring up without reaching back to the roots of the problem, my reply comes out entirely different. "Because I think his high voice will make a nice contrast when I lower mine, and an Animal duet will probably sound even better."
A lot of groans are heard, and I'm not quite sure why people react that way, but I am just happy that I'll get the chance to speak to Kurt again. I am, at this point, absolutely sorry for whatever it is I did to him by accepting to go out with Rachel. It was not worth losing him.
A vote is announced by the council, and, almost unanimously, the idea is passed. Soon enough, we are rehearsing an impromptu rendition of the song, and, as I thought, Kurt's voice molds extremely well in it. It's not until we start choreographing that I notice his movements are somewhat restricted. No one else notices, and I decide to question him later.
Once rehearsals are over, two hours later, as we file out of the Warblers room, I pull him to a shadowy corner, before he gets the chance to run away from me again. In whispers, I try to start the conversation. "What's wrong with you?"
"Excuse me?" he asks.
"Something is wrong with you today. Despite the fact that you obviously don't want to be around me anymore, I still care for you, and I noticed that you were acting weird at practice today. So, what's wrong?" I explain, as calmly as I can, but my heart pounding in my ears is not helping much.
He raises an eyebrow, but says nothing.
"Kurt!" I insist, and almost fall back when he tries to push past me. Luckily I manage to maintain my balance and my hold on his arm, thus stopping his escape. "Kurt, what's going on?"
When his eyes meet mine for a second time, I am taken aback by the intensity of emotion they hold. "I can't do this!" He all but screams, and I'm afraid he might have caught the attention of others walking down the hall.
I am, however, more worried about Kurt, so I immediately press him further for more details. "What do you mean?"
He looks at me with a distressed, defenseless expression, tears pooling at his eyes, but that he refuses to let fall. "I can't do this with you! It's too painful!"
I am startled by this revelation and automatically curse, startling both him and myself. As softly as I can, I ask him the question I've been dreading the answer to. "Did I… hurt you, that night? Are you still hurting? Is that why you seemed so intent in not moving during practice today? You seemed fine during other classes."
Kurt blushes deeply and averts his eyes to the floor. His silence is answer enough for me, and it is all I can do not to scream. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! I don't think…"
"It's not that." He interrupts me, voice soft. "I mean, it kinda does still hurt, but it's not that bad…" he trails off.
I'm scared of hearing anything further, but this whole mess is my fault. I have to know.
"I… I didn't know a thing about sex until that night, and now… I can't help but think about it whenever I sit down… or whenever I go in my room."
A small smile spreads across my face. Did that mean what I think it did? That it wasn't all that painful for him, and that he might have even enjoyed it? Of course he would keep thinking about it, and, of course, he would avoid me.
"You're just enticed, Kurt." I try to reassure him. "It's completely natural. Don't worry, the time will come when you find someone who will make you completely happy in his arms."
He shoots a vicious look when I say this, and I know I have said something to upset him again. Lately, it seems it is all I can do. I rush out an apology as quick as I can. "Sorry, I never meant to hurt you, and I am so sorry for the Rachel thing too. I didn't…"
"You don't get it." He interrupts me once more. "Do you really not remember what I feel for you? You practically forced yourself on me! It might not have meant anything for you, but it meant hell for me!"
My eyebrows scrunch. "Hell?" is all I can ask, afraid to hear one of the many answers my mind effectively produces with that word.
He inspires loudly. "Yes, Blaine. Hell."
Still dreading, but needing to know, I push further. "Why?"
"Really?" he raises his voice again, not loud enough for someone else to hear, but loud enough for my ears. "How would you feel if you liked someone who doesn't return those feelings, and that person forces you to sleep with him, only to say it right to your face that you don't mean a thing… and then have him go out on a date with one of your friends, right in front of your face!"
"Hey, I asked you out, remember?" I retort indignantly. "And I never said I don't…"
"It wouldn't mean a thing if you won't reciprocate my feelings! And now you want me to sing and perform a sexy song with you? Just how much do you want to hurt me?" Kurt is breathing raggedly now, not because of air insufficiency specifically, but due to all the emotions he was leaking. "Please," he pleaded, "don't hurt me anymore."
And as he cries against my shoulder, the sound is muffled by my uniform. Hidden by the shadows, I can only hold him tight as he bails everything out.
TBC
AN: That covered "Sexy", next chapter covers Regionals ("Original Song"). It should be short, because there's not much I want to cover from it, so I might pair it up with Night of Neglect, which is also short.
Please drop a review, whether this is bad or good.
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