"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large - I contain multitudes."
― Walt Whitman
"You suffer from a severe lack of connection in person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity. It usually stems from traumatic experiences that the person experienced in the past. It is known as dissociative identity disorder, or Multiple Personality Disorder, affects around one percent of the population." I nodded at her diagnosis. Oh so that's why I hear voices. I was worried for a while that I was schizophrenic; schizophrenia is a hellish thing to have. I'm glad that this diagnosis explains everything. It made absolute sense!
"It produces a disconnect between a person and their thoughts, memories, feelings, sense of identity, even your actions. It is very similar to borderline personality disorder." She pushed her reading glasses back up on her nose. "Just be glad you don't have that. You would be experiencing even more severe mood swings and impulsive behavior. And if you had borderline personality disorder the 'voices' you hear could become like split personalities."
I tapped my fingers on the velvet couch. "I'm stuck like this aren't I?"
"Yes."
I chuckled at the prospect of constantly hearing people arguing in my head. "Well I guess it's like I'm the corporal personification of the Gemini constellation."
Ewell seemed taken aback, "The heavenly twins?" I nodded. Before deciding that I should end the conversation immediately. Even with all of the time we had spent together she could never seem to understand my logic or me completely. That's real funny ― because you can't seem to understand yourself either.
"Thank you very much Ms. Ewell! I had no idea that you had a degree in psychology." I said as I stood from my seat on the large couch. She let out a small hum.
"You are aware that we will be relocating to Japan tomorrow morning correct?" I nodded in acceptance as she stood. We both walked out of the room and into the corridor. The tiles shine reflected and distorted our images.
"In all honesty it's hard to believe that it's been two years since Karlheinz took Taika and I in," I mumbled to Ewell. Her usually expressionless face contorted into a content smile.
"Indeed ― it has been a while since the two of you arrived." Ewell's yellow heels clicked methodically against the marble floor. Even after two years I had never seen her out of professional clothes or heels. "I must say I am quite proud of how far the two of you have come."
I felt my body burn with embarrassment as I ran my hand over my left shoulder. I had grown to hate receiving compliments. I honestly never knew how to react to them. What was the proper response to one? Were you supposed to compliment them back? Should I just say thank you?
"Oh." Was all I could muster up the urge to say. Ewell chuckled softly. She knew me well enough from our therapy sessions that she understood my struggle with communication and anxiety in general.
"You are easily flustered Ms. Amelia, it's quite endearing. Though I am not certain if that will work out in your favor in future," Ewell mused as the two of us descended down the stairs to the dining room. "People have grown too used to things over the years. It's quite sad really." I nodded in response.
It had been a full two years since Taika and I had taken residency in Karlheinz Sakamaki's mansion. However, he had told us that our time in this mansion would come to an end soon enough. Apparently Karlheinz wanted the two of us to move from his supposed summer home and back to his real home in Japan. I snorted at the mere idea of owning multiple houses all over the globe. Who would want to clean all of that stuff? I hate vampires. They just all have endless amounts of money at their disposal.
"I'm so glad the two of you could join us!"Karlheinz exclaimed from the head of the table. He stood from his spot and pulled out the seat to the right of him and gestured for me sit. "Please, have a seat my dear." I did as he asked and thanked him.
I smiled as I watched Taika bumble around to do the same for Ewell. He had grown fond of her over the years despite her lack of emotion and personality. Perhaps he had grown to consider her his mother figure. After all he had been lacking one for around three years. But I was careful not to mention her whatsoever ― Taika had a large chip on his shoulder when it came to her. He had developed something akin to hatred towards his mother. That was all right though. I would be here for him whenever he needed me. But that type of mentality is not healthy.
Karlheinz clapped his hands, "Shall we see what's for dinner tonight." The kitchen doors opened and various chefs came out, wheeling different food choices around us.
A single, chef stepped forward, "Your highness, tonight we offer Foie Gras and our finest wine." He gestured for the chefs to approach and place our dishes on the table as he hand poured Karlheinz's drink.
Karlheinz swished the wine before drinking. Everyone remained silent as we waited for his verdict.
"Absolutely exquisite as always Piero!" Karlheinz praised before grabbing his silverware. "I am certain that the main course will be just as satisfying." Everyone did the same and began to dig in.
I may not have known exactly what this dish was but I knew with absolute certainty that it was incredibly expensive. Damn rich people. A voice scoffed. Hush.
As I cut the whatever-it-is apart I listened closely to Ewell and Karlheinz's conversation as discreetly as I could.
"Are you certain this is a good idea sir?" She asked softly as she took a sip of her wine. She clicked her long fingernails against the crystal accurately and precisely.
"Yes, I am. We cannot make any progress if we continue to keep them here," Karlheinz rationalized. "They need to meet each other." They?
I pondered who 'they' could be as I took a bite of the food. Oh the meat's really soft. I took a long look at it. The piece of meat almost appeared to be made up completely of fat and coated in some type of caramel sauce. Normally I wasn't particularly fond of anything that was, in my mind, too rich or sweet. It tastes buttery. I thought. Perhaps that's why I like it.
Setting down my fork I noticed that for once I had actually managed to eat the entire dish. Usually I ate rather frugally and had no desire to eat more than needed.
"My, my you ate more than usual my darling," Karlheinz said as he leaned his head against his palm. "Would you like some desert also?" His eyes glimmered under the light of the crystal chandelier.
"That would be nice sir," I responded pushing the empty, delicate china plate away from me. The side of my mouth twitched up into a mocking smile. I had a name, why couldn't he use it?
He sighed as he stared at me. "I do wish you would let up on the formalities."
"I will the moment you start calling me by my real name." He laughed. I had no clue why he had such an aversion to calling me by my real name and not obscure pet names.
"You are rather bold now aren't you? But please, call me Karl," I stopped. In my own surprise I stopped swallowing my own drink and started coughing. "Is the prospect of calling me that so surprising?" Taika leaned over and thumped me lightly on the back as I fought to stabilize my breathing. I looked up at him. I've never heard anyone call him Karl. Not even his wife.
The fond look in his eye was incredibly discomforting and made my insides freeze up. "You are nothing short of fascinating Amelia."
I almost laughed as warmth once again returned to my body. Me interesting? Pfft I was about as interesting as a speck of dust. "How so?"
"It is odd to find anyone with a personality such as yours around here. Vampires are rather drab and lackluster compared to you," Karlheinz said smoothly. "To be able to associate with someone as dynamic as you truly is a gift." If he thinks I'm dynamic then I have no idea who he's affiliated with.
Then it struck me. "Wait, what you just said insinuated that you don't talk to any other inhuman species." I narrowed my eyes skeptically, hand bumping against Taika's.
Karlheinz's gold eyes widened. The Vampire King took another sip of his wine. "If I am to be completely honest I usually only speak to those of the ferum caste." His smile didn't reach his eyes. "I am not fond of those weaker than ferum those that aren't at least somewhat carnivorous, they lack the ability to survive in this world." My hand wrapped around Taika's immediately. You wanna say that again punk? Huh? Huh? Do 'ya?
I could feel my body burn with disgust. My grip on Taika's strengthened and I began to shake lightly. What made us the exception? Ferum were the nocturnal and vicious species of all nonhuman species. Werewolves, vampires, necromancers, demons, dragons, wendigos, etc. were all in this category. Taika and I were neither of these. Even then I was only half nonhuman myself ― I was a crossbreed (though I did technically fall into the category of infernum). Taika obviously was a faun, which included him in the second caste of nonhuman species, infernum. Fight me, man!
"Sir, may we be excused," I asked, short and to the point. Taika looked to the ground, clearly uncomfortable. Karlheinz's slim fingers tightened on the glass slightly; obviously piqued at my passive aggressive demand. He looked at me, head tilted at an angle so only I could see his displeasure. Ewell remained silent.
"You may." Karlheinz said turning his head. "However do not expect any desert."
"Thank you," I hissed through my teeth. Standing as quickly as possible, I left the table with Taika in tow. I was certain I had pissed off the aristocrat but I couldn't find it in myself to care. That motherfu-shush.
Taika's hooves clicked softly against the tile, breaking our mutual silence.
"Miss," Taika whispered.
"Yes?" I asked tilting my head to look down at him. I was still taller than him despite his obvious growth spurt.
"Why doesn't he like me? Why doesn't he like infernum?" He questioned quickly ― words almost unintelligible. I sighed. He had asked something like this around the first time we had met. I didn't have an answer then and I didn't have one now.
"Taika," I said. "There are people like that all over the world. And not just with infernum or even the supernatural species in general." I stopped and tilted my head up to look at the ceiling.
"You can even see it in human history; their hatred towards others has many variables. Ethnicity, gender, physical characteristics, and even sexuality can determine how you are regarded in the world. Hatred, prejudice, and racism ― please don't get those two confused they are different ― are passed down generation through generation." Taika bowed his head.
"Then what's the point Miss?" Taika sighed, dejected. Aw don't feel bad.
I ruffled his hair, "I didn't tell you this to make you feel bad. I told you this so you'd understand that even if the world is trash and polluted with animosity there is always hope." He looked up. "There is always hope as long as there are future generations. Future is change and change can bring about the end of racism."
Taika's eyes were wide and bright, "Oh, I see." You're the future. "So as long as there is someone standing there's hope?"
I could feel pride well up in my chest, "Precisely." That is certainly impressive. Despite his age he was able to comprehend and draw his own conclusion from my words. I thought. Ha! He takes after us! I mentally snorted at the other voices words. That's enough of that for now, we can talk about this more when he gets older. He still has much to learn.
Maybe I should take his mind off things for a while. I smiled at him softly, "Hey do you want to play a game of Fipe?"
He beamed with renewed energy, "You're it!" He turned and took off on the tile at full speed. Chuckling at his childish enthusiasm I took off after him after fifty seconds.
Taika weaved in and out of hallways with reckless abandon, flaming orange hair flying. "Can't catch me!" I giggled, as he danced a good ten feet away from me mockingly. "Can't touch this!"
We did about ten more rounds around the mansion before I managed to lead him outside into the gardens. We would get in trouble if Ewell found out that we were playing Fipe inside the mansion anyway. And Ewell is scary when she's angry. Very, very scary.
My boots tapped against the stone walkway as I tried to find him (I had no idea how he always managed to outrun me. I'm the one with the longest legs!). "Come out little faun! You know you can't hide from me!" I drawled loudly. A giggle came from a large bed of asters. "Found you!" I screamed as I shot over to it.
With an orange flash he was off and running again.
Twenty more steps to the right and there will be a dead end. "Gotcha."
As I rounded around the corner I noticed Taika trying to hide himself in the large hedges. "Here, here little faun." He turned around in shock, legs shuffling in apprehension. I smirked and I pretended to rush him.
He let out a loud squeal, hooves slipping in his mad rush to move. Taking advantage of his incapacitation, I rushed him for real and raised him in the air. He let out an even louder cry as I swung him around in a circle. Dear Goddess he's so adorable!
"Gotcha Tai-Tai!" I hollered as he squirmed. He let out a loud laugh as I began to tickle him mercilessly. "Do you yield?" I specifically made sure to tap him a couple of times on his neck (he has a turtle neck).
"Never!" he declared as his body shook with laughter. He collapsed to the floor and flopped like a fish to get away from me. This went on for a good while before I had to stop torturing him. Though honestly it was because he couldn't breathe anymore through the laughter and tears. He sat up from his spot on the floor and wiped away the tears from his soft green eyes; much different from the ones he had when he was younger. Ugh now you're getting all sappy on us.
"Miss?" I hummed in response. "How does your new arm feel?" I flexed my new left hand. All I know is it feels good to have one. I gave him another tap to the neck and he scrunched his nose in displeasure. What I'm not sure how I should feel is about is Karlheinz giving it to me free of charge.
"Great! I'm really glad that Karlheinz decided to hold off on the metal arm though," I stated as I rotated my 'wrist'. I wasn't sure exactly what it was made out of but I had a suspicion that it was some type of plastic or ceramic because of its weight and texture. "I'm not sure my left side would have liked the weight."
"I'm happy if you're happy!" Taika exclaimed as he popped up from the ground. "There is something I really, really want to show you come on!" He pointed to a field of wildflowers. He prattled on for a good two minutes more before realizing I was not paying attention to him whatsoever. Letting out a loud huff he took off on the thin path of dirt through the flowers.
I let him run ahead of me and watched him for a good while.
"You're such a dork Taika!" I called.
"I am not!"
Why do you think we're going to Japan? I sighed at the voice. I don't know. But I guess we'll find out.
"C'mon Miss!" I laughed as I watched him bounce excitedly. "You're gonna miss it!" I turned my walk into a light jog and made it next to him as quickly as I could. Taika flopped to the ground and I followed in suit.
"What do you think Japan will be like?" Taika questioned as he leaned back into the array flowers. Different and dangerous. I leaned back on my elbows and let the soft petals flutter against my arms. Karlheinz really had a gorgeous estate.
"It'll be an experience I'm sure." He let out a tiny sniffle before sneezing softly. "But we'll be together so don't worry."
Taika's tan ears flopped up and down excitedly. Honestly he's more of a puppy than a faun. "Here it comes!" He grabbed my right hand and shook it. "This is what I was telling you about!"
He wiggled as he pointed at the skyline. My mouth fell open as the sun began to set. The trees almost seemed to frame it as the star began to lower. The mountains, trees and all other things that surrounded it were consumed in a comforting fire. Golds and reds seemed to caress everything. The scenery and the beautiful aroma of the flowers were almost too much. Taika poked me and gestured for me to turn around.
The mansion glimmered and glittered elegantly as it reflected almost every color imaginable. I looked at my hands. The colors reflected from the windows covered my tan skin. It's like I have the Northern Lights on my skin. I looked back at the sky just to witness the sun's final moments.
"Wow," I muttered. Taika bumped his shoulder into mine.
Taika looked to the sky as the stars began to show. "I thought it would be nice if we saw this together before we left for Japan." He raised his hands to the heavens. "This may be the last time we'll see our home!" You're wrong. Home is closer than you think.
I felt my throat clench and my eyes burn.
"Thank you for everything, Miss." I patted his wind tousled curls. He let out another small sneeze.
"No, thank you for everything Taika." I let out a deep breath. You have been my light in the darkness.
He smiled at me innocently; he wasn't quite ready to know that. Though perhaps, I would tell him when the time was right just how much he means to me. That he was family. That he was my new home.
Sooo sappy. Oh shut up already!