"It's a little funny," said Natasha with a smirk.
"Tell me you got pictures," said Sam and Steve looked annoyed.
"No I did not take pictures of my shield covered in shiny magnets," said Steve and Natasha sighed in disappointment.
"Tony and his poor gift giving skills. There was a year he tried doing the Twelve Days of Christmas for Pepper. I think she might have snapped when the six maids a milking were French models that brought real cows into the Tower," said Rhodey and Steve shook his head.
"The three French Hens didn't set her off?" asked Steve.
"He didn't get me shiny magnets. I'm a little jealous now," said Bucky. Steve had found Tony's gift this afternoon when he went to get his shield for a combat demo. His shield had been covered in red, white and blue magnets. To say Steve was not amused was an understatement at best.
"What?" asked Steve.
"I just plastic letters and numbers for my arm. Clearly he likes you more," said Bucky.
"Wait he did what?" asked Rhodey stunned and Bucky explained how Tony also got him magnets for his arm.
"Oh Tony," said Natasha and she went back to her dinner.
"His dad was better at gift giving," said Bucky and they all sort of looked at him stunned. He was normally very quiet during meals. Having him speak up was a surprise to everyone.
"What did he get you guys?" asked Sam.
"The best booze one could get on the European Front. Even after the Black Swan burnt down we had booze. It made dealing with Dugan easier sometimes. He got us cigars and...I used to smoke didn't I?" asked Bucky looking at Steve.
"Well everyone did back then to calm their nerves. I never got to though. The serum heals cells so fast though so any calming effect from the nicotine was wasted on me," said Steve. Bucky could recall after he got out the camp he would have to smoke three or four cigarettes in a row to feel anything. That explains things, thought Bucky.
"Same goes for drinking. We can't get drunk," said Steve and Bucky rolled his eyes. That explains why I was able to hold my liquor better afterwards, thought Bucky.
"It wasn't enough to brainwash me into a trained monkey they had to ruin drinking for me too. Bastards," said Bucky. Natasha seemed to be the only one who really appreciated the joke.
"Oh if and when Thor comes back he'll bring you something to knock you into tipsy," said Natasha.
"That poor old man who woke up the next morning with a hangover the size of Texas and the Tower trashed. He was pissed that he missed the 'good party'," said Rhodey. Alison came up to Sam looking slightly flustered.
"I need to see for a moment," said Alison.
"Oh honey if you want to make those rumors true you could take me out dinner first," said Sam with a wink. Alison gave his chair a quick kick and rolled her eyes.
"Why don't I just throw you the table and really give people a show? This is serious and I need you to see something," hissed Alison.
"Alright. Keep your purple polka dotted panties on," said Sam. They left the mess hall and Natasha smirked.
"Well that wasn't at all suspicious or weird," said Natasha.
"Maybe Tony left more magnets somewhere," said Rhodey. They finished dinner when Steve's phone buzzed. It was a text from Sam telling Steve he needed to meet them in the music room now.
"Oh let's see what else the younger Stark has done," said Steve sounding a little amused. It wasn't Tony's doing this time, it was Pepper's. She had sent Tony's drum set to Alison. Alison looked torn between sheer joy and all out panic.
"I can't accept this! This is easily a five thousand dollar drum set. These take months to make. That's not counting replacement costs it something breaks. Tony is going to fire me once he finds out I have his drum set," protested Alison. She handed Steve the note Pepper had sent her and Steve read it out loud.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman who has been worried out of her mind for two weeks. Fury comes in the form of having access to all the worldly possessions the worry causer has. Besides he never plays them. They just sit around collecting dust and its one less thing for the cleaning staff to deal with. It will be nice to know someone is going to use them as intended. Consider this a signing on bonus. Have fun-Pepper," said Steve looked very amused.
"Well I think these are now your drums and I won't let Tony fire you," said Steve.
"Besides we pay really well here. You can afford the replacements costs," said Sam elbowing her. Bucky didn't know anything about drums, but this was a really pretty set to look at it. The casing was shiny blue that went into black. It looked brand new and Alison seemed in awe of it.
"I know drummers who would sell their first, second and third born for this set. It's a Masterwork set. They have to be custom ordered," said Alison touching one of the drums.
"You played these before though," said Bucky recalling the night he threatened her when they were at the Tower. It was the first time he tried to apologize to her. She told me I could keep the tags as long as I wanted too, thought Bucky.
"Yeah. Tony and Pepper asked me to and even then it felt a little unreal to be playing them," said Alison. Sam raised an eyebrow at this statement. He hadn't seen Alison pick up her drumsticks since Matt's death. He was happy that she was expressing an interest to play the drums again.
"So how rusty are you?" teased Sam and Alison gave him a look before picking up the drumsticks that came with the set.
"Does this sound rusty to you?" asked Alison and she went into Maria by Blondie without missing a beat.
"I take it back," said Sam holding up in his hands in mock surrender
"The old man did not have me playing for an hour before school, two hours after school, and four hours on the weekends. We won't even get into the camps and countless live summer shows I did for me to ever be rusty," said Alison. Her hands did hurt a little though. She would get used to that again though.
"He took it pretty seriously than?" asked Steve and Alison laughed.
"That is an understatement. He actually got me a fake I.D at fourteen so I could work in bars during the summer. Summer vacations in Niagara Falls were always a fun-I worked five to six nights a week with a bunch of guys my grandpa knew from his time overseas. I was the only kid making two hundred bucks a week tax free during the summer," said Alison with a small hint of pride.
"What did you with the money?" asked Bucky.
It was mostly Spain, but I got to see a little bit of France. I did work during the school year on weekends so that covered my clothes and going out cash. Wow I don't think I ever asked him for non-school related stuff until I wanted to get married," said Alison a little stunned as it hit her.
"Lucky girl never had a flip a burger. Makes me sick," said Sam and Alison gave him a playful kick.
"We offered you chance to get in on the action. You did play a mean tambourine," said Alison.
"So how does this work?" asked Bucky. Alison got up and started explaining parts of the drum set to Bucky and Steve could see his friend was absorbed in this and he should just leave him be. Sam knew Alison could ramble on for hours about drums caught Steve's eye and both men left the room unnoticed by their respective best friends.
"So he really drilled on you this? Your grandfather?" asked Bucky and Alison nodded.
"I started when I was six. Before and after school and god hours during the weekend and school breaks. He taught music and clearly I was his master project," said Alison.
"You didn't become a musician though," said Bucky a little confused.
"I love music, but it wasn't what I wanted to do forever," said Alison.
"Did your parents play music?" asked Bucky and Alison shook her head quickly.
"My parents didn't have the hands or lungs for it. They liked music, but they were more of listening variety," said Alison. She sounded a little sad talking about her parents so he let the subject drop. Still he was curious about where she came from. Other than her friendship with Sam, her love of music, and her life after her fiancé died she was still sort of a mystery to him. She knows my whole life, including how I like my eggs and still I don't know much about her. He decided he was going to have to fix that. Ask her something about herself for a change, thought Bucky
"So what's an exchange student?" asked Bucky and she turned a little pink. She forgot that you've missed out on the last couple of decades, thought Bucky. He found he didn't mind all that much. It was nice to be thought of as normal for a second.
"Oh um….I signed up to go with some other kids from my school and we went to a high school in Spain for a semester, about four months I think," said Alison and Bucky just sort of blinked.
"How old were you?" asked Bucky.
"I turned seventeen when I was over there," said Alison and he just stared. "What?" asked Alison.
"I couldn't imagine letting Becca go to another state, let alone another country when she was seventeen. How did you sweet talk your grandfather into letting you go?" asked Bucky.
"I had really good grades and stayed out of trouble so he figured I would behave myself on a school trip," said Alison.
"Did you?" asked Bucky leaning in and Alison grinned.
"I might have snuck out to beach party one night, drank some really bad French wine and made out with a guy name Ian," whispered Alison and Bucky mocked looking shocked.
"You hussy. Wait do people still say hussy?" asked Bucky and Alison laughed.
"I think it's making a comeback," said Alison. It got quiet between them and neither one of them seemed to know what to say next. Alison sighed and it seemed to bring her back.
"I know today was kind of intense, but you seem to be dealing really well," said Alison and Bucky nodded.
"Good days and bad days right," said Bucky and Alison nodded. She touched the drum set and sighed.
"I'll have to play with you later. Mom has homework," said Alison thinking of the e-books about hypnosis Bruce had sent her.
"Sucks doesn't it?" asked Bucky. She mocked glared at him and they went upstairs. She went right to reading and Bucky sort of skimmed over the printouts she gave him of the exercises she wanted to try with him next week and they sounded sort of stupid to him. Magic pen...really? He put them in his drawer and thought about the hypnosis thing. Alison said Hydra had used it on him. It was in the files. I have a file...what is in that file? He got up and went into her room. She was sitting up in bed and reading on one of those tablet things while making notes in a notebook.
"Can I see my file? The Hydra file?" asked Bucky and Alison's face sort of paled and she seemed to struggle for an answer.
"Well I don't see why not. I mean it is about you and you already sort of remember what happened to you. Can I ask why you want to see it now?" asked Alison.
"I mean I do remember it, but I want to see in black and white I guess. To really know what happened," said Bucky. Alison blew out breath in a small huff.
"I'm not going to lie to you that file is very detailed in some areas and it was a really upsetting read," said Alison.
"It was upsetting to live through," said Bucky.
"I just...I don't want you to think I was hiding things from you. I planned on telling you what was in it when the time was right, but if you want to see the file I'll have to ask Steve to get me another copy. The tablet it was on was broken in the med center back the Tower. You might have to let him know you want to read it and he might fight you on it," said Alison.
"I just need to know somethings before we try to hypnosis stuff," said Bucky and Alison nodded. Bucky went to head back to his room when he stopped and looked at her. Alison seemed to have lost her focus and she simply stared at her notebook.
"I know you don't want follow in their footsteps and that you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I trust you. I don't trust myself though and I need to know what they did if we're going to do this," said Bucky. Before Alison could say anything he left the room.
…..
Steve didn't fight him on it, but he looked ill at ease when she and Bucky approached him the next morning about the files.
"I don't see why you shouldn't have access to them. It is about you and you have the right to know. It's just….I don't want it to set you back," said Steve.
"Not that a setback is a bad thing. They happen from time and since we're facing this together and head on, it might not be so bad," said Alison seeing Bucky look annoyed. He really wants this. I'm not sure why, but he made a choice and we should respect that, thought Alison. She felt Bucky's right hand in hers and we was squeezing it hard. Steve nodded and pulled a file folder out that was very thick.
"Tony had them translated into English and scanned into the system, but I had him give me a paper copy. I could stay here while you read it," said Steve handing the file to Bucky.
"If you want too," said Bucky and he seemed very nervous to be having this in his hands.
"If you have any questions feel free to ask," said Alison. Bucky nodded and he opened the file. It had a picture of him frozen in the cryo chamber and he frowned looking at and with it was a smaller photo of him in his Army uniform. His face looked a little rounder and his eyes didn't have that look of anger in them that she saw from time to time.
Name-Barnes, Buchanan James
Sex-Male
Race-Caucasian
Nationality-American
Age & DOB-28. March 1917
Military Rank-Sergeant. United States Army
Blood type-O+
November 1945-Dr. Arnim Zola
Subject was found on patrol and was still alive, but unresponsive due to his exposure to the elements. Temperatures are below freezing in this area nearly year round, This helped preserve the subject along with the prior injections from the earlier tests. Subject is missing most of his left arm, unsure how it was lost. No sign of it near his body-any hope for reattachment of the original limb is a lost cause. However attaching a new prosthetic limb might be a viable option. Subject is in isolation and being monitored. Heart beat is a normal resting rate, but his brain waves are of a comatose patient-The fall and elements most likely contributing factors. Everyone-myself included are very excited about this find. Now that we have a suitable candidate we can continue our good work
March 1946-Dr. Arnim Zola
Subject was in surgery today. It was decided to remove more of the left arm so a full prosthetic could be attached. Subject woke up briefly during produce and was quickly subdued so we could finish the amputation. Subject was also sterilized while under in case it is decided that he become a Red Room Male Operative. (Highly unlikely considering his age) and to test a new method that has been introduced in the States. Subject woke up after procedure and was very upset and disoriented about where he was and how much time had passed. Subject needs time to recover from his operations and from his comatose state. Will start program in April
April-1946
In order to create a new breed of soldier who is loyal to the cause he first must be broken down and rebuilt in our image. The Russians have a rather brilliant program for taking in young girls and creating what they want-spies and soldiers without fear and years of training. Unfortunately our subject is a grown man and a rather stubborn one at that. I first encountered him during my time in Italy I was very impressed with his tenacity to keep going despite being seriously ill and suffering a beating from one of our officers. I had hoped to test another round of Erskine's serum with the Vita Rays however the destruction of the lab and factory in Italy by Captain America detoured further testing. Unfortunately I do not have access to Erskine's early notes-also destroyed in the fire and without any serum the use of Vita Rays is a moot point. It is imperative to break the subject down. We had luck in earlier subjects with the use of the shock treatments and will those will commence for an hour every day to start with and will increase in time and voltage level the longer the subject is tested.
Bucky went on reading for hours and his face just got harder and harder. He didn't say anything until he reached the notes from 1949
"I remember another man with Zola. What happened to him? This Dr. Fennhoff" asked Bucky. Alison looked over at the notes.
December 1949-Dr. Arnim Zola
Dr. Fennhoff has proven most helpful in introducing new methods to help the subject focus on his training and obeying our commands. His methods of hypnosis while simple are very effective. While drug treatment do work somewhat on the subject this is an easier avenue to pursue and more long term for our goals.
"According to the files he died in a prison fire in 1948. Clearly that was ruse of some sort," said Steve.
"Hopefully when he really died it really hurt," said Bucky. "Did you study him too?" asked Bucky looking at Alison.
"He never came up in any classes I took. Based on the notes he was doctor of psychiatry, but nothing came up when I did a search. He either never contributed to anything or if he did his name was removed," said Alison. Bucky sat the file down and his hands were fists.
"Can I read more of this later? I need some air," said Bucky.
"Yeah," said Steve and he put the file back in this drawer.
"Do you want be alone for a while?" asked Alison.
"Yeah," he said and he left the room. Steve shut the door and looked at Alison.
"Was that really good for him?" asked Steve.
"He wanted to know. That was his choice," said Alison. He made the decision to ask for the files and she was sort of proud in a way. He chose what he wanted. Big step for a guy who sometimes gets overwhelmed with free time, thought Alison. She was worried though about his reaction or lack thereof to reading he had been sterilized. He just powered through and hadn't spoken up. I should have told him sooner, but really how do you tell someone they were fixed like dog? thought Alison.
"He seems to be doing really well though," said Steve and Alison nodded.
"He's having a stretch of good days and he seems a little less confused about his life before the war. I just want you know he's gonna bad days too and that's when he's really gonna need you," said Alison.
"We actually had a real talk on Sunday about somethings and it felt like he was himself for bit. It was really nice to talk to him again. Thank you," said Steve. Alison stood up to leave.
"It's all him. He's doing all the work, I'm just giving the assignments," said Alison. She left and shut the door behind her. No, you helped show him that people can be trusted again. It's not easy for people like us to trust anyone. We've been used too many times. Trusting anyone is a battle and he trusts you, thought Steve.
…
She was waiting for him when he did come up to the office about an hour later. Bucky sat down on the sofa next to her and fiddled with the dog tags.
"Do you wanna talk about what you read?" asked Alison and he looked at the wall.
"You know it was shitty enough they used me like a lab rat and turned me into a trained killing monkey. It's the side effects that are really making me angry right now. I can't get drunk, I can't sleep without dreams or nightmares of the past, I killed people for no reason, I missed seventy some years of life and now I find out they sterilized me. Is that what you and Steve didn't want to tell me?" asked Bucky staring at the wall.
"We were going to tell you in time," said Alison and he looked at her, she looked a little ashamed and worried.
"I'm mad, but not at you or Steve. I get it. You guys are trying to help me and it's just not something you tell a guy who can punch a hole through a wall," said Bucky. "I wanted kids though...after the war," said Bucky. I wanted a little girl like Cecilia or Becca. I knew how to handle girls after trying to bring up Becca, thought Bucky.
"I'm really sorry," said Alison.
"Probably for the best anyway. Who would want to have kids with a former Hydra assassin anyway?" asked Bucky.
"I am sort of proud of you right now," said Alison and he looked at her stunned.
"Why?" asked Bucky.
"Two reasons, one- you asked for the file and the fact you asked for it is a big deal. Two-you admitted to being angry and why you were angry...well actually it's now three reasons if you factor in you understanding why Steve and I were holding some things back. I imagine empathy wasn't something Hydra is known for," said Alison.
They sat there for a while and he spoke up again. He had gone for a walk around the track and thought about the hypnosis stuff. He trusted Steve and Alison and he wanted Hydra out of his head. They took everything from me and I want something back, thought Bucky.
"I do want to try the hypnosis stuff," said Bucky and she looked surprised. "You aren't them and you wouldn't use it the way they did," said Bucky.
"We'll start trying on Thursday and I'll let Bruce know he has a class to teach. So we left off when you were in the camp and…" Bucky cut her off.
"I don't want to talk about my life anymore today...can I ask about yours?" asked Bucky and Alison shrugged.
"What do you want to know?" asked Alison.
"What were your parents like?" asked Bucky. She looked conflicted and she was clearly weighing her thoughts.
"I'm not sure that it is a topic we can discuss," said Alison and he looked at her.
"You know my whole life and I trust you with everything. I still don't know you at all," said Bucky. Alison sighed and he could see she was still weighing her thoughts before looking at him.
"I sort of remember my mom and she was always really sick and we spent a lot time in hospitals. I found out when I was older she had kidney issues and she was there for her dialysis treatments. Her kidneys stopped working when I was five and they couldn't find a match donor in time for a transplant. My dad was away in first Gulf war when she died and my grandfather came and brought me to New York. After he was discharged my dad and I stayed with my grandfather, but he just wasn't there. I mean understand now he was depressed about my mom and whatever happened over there, but he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't cope well and he just left one day," said Alison.
"I thought being nineteen and not having a parent sucked. You were still a kid," said Bucky and she shrugged.
"I had the old man and he did the best he could...pretty sure he wasn't ready to have another kid in his life at sixty something. Still there were times I was really jealous of Sam and Renee, I had go to their moms for all my girl questions. Trying to ask your grandfather to take you bra shopping is a special sort of nightmare," said Alison.
"After my mom died I learned a lot about ladies and their troubles. That is something I really wish I could forget again," said Bucky and Alison shook her head.
"I'm pretty sure you didn't call your sister's training bras a Chinese slingshot with your poker buddies," said Alison and he couldn't help but laugh.
"I think Steve turned seven shades of red the first time Becca did all the laundry and she was scrubbing his boxers in the sink with her slips. I couldn't stop laughing," said Bucky and Alison sort of smiled. "Do you have any pictures of your parents?" asked Bucky.
"A few. I'm guessing you want to see those," said Alison.
"Can I? asked Bucky.
"I have them upstairs," said Alison. They went back to her room and she pulled a photo album off her bookshelf and handed it to him. The first picture was clearly of them-he could see Alison in both of them. She clearly favored her mother though. The woman in the photo had the same oval shaped face and they both had the same smile-the right side went higher than the left. Both women could be about the same height, but her mother was a little too skinny in his opinion She had her father's green eyes and his dark hair though.
"Your mom was pretty. I see where you get it from now," said Bucky and Alison rolled her eyes.
"You are a shameless flirt," said Alison. He turned the page and the next was of a very young Alison in a pale blue dress with the woman. The woman looked tired, but happy in the photo. Her skin also looked a bit off color and she looked to have lost more weight.
"How old were you here?" asked Bucky.
"About three I think. Easter based on that dress, said Alison. Another photo showed all three of together. Her father in his Air Force uniform, her mother dressed up in a green dress with a black sash around her waist and Alison in front of them in a red velvet dress. "That was Christmas before the war," said Alison and she sounded funny. "Sorry...I haven't looked at these in a while."
"You still miss them," said Bucky closing the album.
"I'll always miss them. It doesn't matter how long they're gone I'll miss them. It just took me a long time to stop blaming myself about them," said Alison and he looked at her confused.
"Why did you blame yourself?" asked Bucky.
"Stupid stuff really and it just got stuck in my head and wouldn't knock it off. When I was old enough to understand what my mom died of I sort of blamed myself. I found a journal she kept and her doctors told her she wasn't supposed to have kids with her condition and she did it anyway. If she hadn't had me she might have found a donor sooner or her condition might not have been as bad. I thought my dad didn't like me because she died and it was my fault and that was why he left," explained Alison. He just looked at her wide eyed. "That was how my brain worked...well still works from time to time. I thought myself a little a crazy about that," said Alison.
Bucky looked at her and he sort of understood know why she hadn't talked about her parents or had their pictures out. Sometimes you didn't want to think about what wasn't there anymore. She had just been a kid when they died and she must have blaming herself for years for something she hadn't done or had any control over. She still told me though and it wasn't easy for her, thought Bucky.
"It's between us," said Bucky and Alison nodded.
"Thanks. I haven't told anyone that outside of my friends at Camp Happy. It's not that I don't trust you or didn't want you to know. It's just you have enough in your head and you don't need my crazy in there," said Alison.
"You aren't crazy...well not anymore. Beside you sit and listen to my crazy all day. It only seems to fair to listen to yours for a few minutes," said Bucky and Alison let out a small laugh.
"Just think someday you'll have the joy of calling yourself not crazy too," said Alison.
"Well that will be the day," said Bucky.
"You know what I think we both need break today. It's been really intense that last couple of days. We'll play hooky," said Alison. "Do you want to watch a movie?"
"Are we cutting class? You are a hussy and like it," said Bucky with a slight grin.
"There you go being oh so charming," said Alison with her own grin. She put in something called Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark. He noticed she was half paying attention to the movie and her mind was elsewhere. She still blames herself for her parents...sometimes the blame never goes away no matter what anyone tells you, thought Bucky. He carefully moved a little closer to her and wrapped his right arm around her shoulder. She looked puzzled for a second before letting his arm stay where it was. I'm sort happy your mom didn't listen...she had you and you saved my life. It's a little selfish to think that, but if I could I would thank her, thought Bucky.
…...
"So you worked out a pass phrase and gesture?" asked Bruce and Alison nodded.
"We kept it simple," said Alison has Bucky settled onto the sofa. She was a little nervous about doing this, but the pros outweighed the cons. She was talked with Bruce on Tuesday night about how Bucky wanted to try the hypnosis and he told them it would be best if they agreed on a pass phrase and gesture before starting. They agreed to test it out with Alison first before having Steve learn it. She was still new in Bucky's life and the soldier might not even consider her a threat. Well he did try to strangle her, but didn't finish the job once Steve entered the room. He took Tony out first before making any move on her. She's a non-threat to him, thought Bruce.
"How are you feeling this morning?" asked Bruce and Bucky shrugged.
"I know I've been under in the past, but I'm not sure it's going to work now. I really want it to work though," said Bucky.
"I'm going to show her how to do it and we'll just do a simple question and answer to see where you are. I'll watch her do the next one where she'll introduce your Lullaby," explained Bruce sitting down.
"I finished reading my file and I know what you could do, but I know she won't do that to me. You won't either will you?" asked Bucky. Bruce sighed and nodded.
"I know I'm new here and that I've done some rather stupid things in the past when I had the chance to do the right thing. Trust me Sergeant when I say I really wanna do the right thing here. Besides Steve would have my head if I did anything to you without your say. Plus Alison is going to be here the whole time. She won't let anything go off book," said Bruce and Bucky nodded. Alison was dimming the lights and closing the curtains getting the room ready.
"I forgot my notebook upstairs. I'll be right back," said Alison. Bucky watched her go and turned back to Bruce.
"I'm just used to it being only her when I have a session," said Bucky.
"You two are close," said Bruce. He hadn't been here very long, but he could tell they spent a lot of time together. He had went to Alison's room to give her another book the other night and saw them sitting on the balcony together and they looked so comfortable with each other you would think they had known each other for years
"She helped save my life and she understands how much life can screw you over without reason. I haven't had a friend in a long time and it's a little weird and nice all at the same time," said Bucky.
"You see her as a friend?" asked Bruce.
"Yes. I mean I know she's supposed to be my head doctor...well head nurse, but I like talking to her and she gets things you know. I know I can trust her with anything," said Bucky.
"Does she trust you back?" asked Bruce.
"I think so," said Bucky. Alison came back in with her notebook and a pen.
"I put the 'do not disturb' sign out," said Alison taking a seat near Bucky.
"Alright. Let's get this started. Are you comfortable?" asked Bruce and Bucky nodded. "Okay just relax completely. Take a deep breath. In and out. Slowly," said Bruce. "You are safe here so you can relax completely. Just relax completely. Focus on your breathing. In and out. You are safe here so you can relax completely," said Bruce in a very slow and calming tone. Alison could see it was a little difficult at first for Bucky to relax, but the longer Bruce went on the more relaxed she could see Bucky becoming. Hopeful this is a good sign, thought Alison.
"I want you to look at that spot on the wall and just focus on that for right now. That's good. Now I want you to relax your feet and legs. Like it's a warm bath. That's it. Good. Relax your arms," said Bruce and Alison was stunned at how quickly this was going. Well if he's been hypnotized before it would be easy for him to go under quickly, thought Alison taking notes. She had debated filming it and decided against it since it might make it harder for him to relax.
"Every word I say is going to help you relax more and you putting you under. The further you go under the more you can relax and the more you relax the further you go under," said Bruce and he repeated the phrase a few more times and he nodded to Alison.
"He's completely under. That was fast," said Bruce. "Bucky do you know where you are right now?" asked Bruce.
"I'm safe," said Bucky softly.
"That's right. I'm here with Alison. Can we talk to you?" asked Bruce.
"Yes," said Bucky and Alison went over to where Bruce was sitting so she could face Bucky. His eyes were closed and his face was completely relaxed. It's like someone talking in their sleep, thought Alison/
"We're just going to ask some simple questions for now. Can you tell me what day it is?" asked Alison
"It's May 28th 2015," said Bucky.
"Can you tell us your name and rank in the Army?" asked Bruce.
"Sergeant James Barnes. 32557038," said Bucky.
"Do you enlist or were you drafted? asked Alison.
"I enlisted. It was the right thing to do," said Bucky. Bruce looked at Alison and nodded that she was to start taking the lead. They needed to speak to the Winter Soldier to see if he would listen to her.
"Bucky you know that it's safe here right?" asked Alison.
"Yes. You and Steve...you two won't let anything bad happen to me," said Bucky.
"That's right we won't. Bucky, I need you to let me talk to the Winter Soldier," said Alison sounding a lot more calm than she felt. She could see the change in his face the second she said that name. His face tensed up and his breathing picked up.
"Why?" asked Bucky sounding a little worried and a little annoyed.
"I like to ask him some questions," said Alison and Bucky sighed.
"I don't want him to hurt you. I like you," said Bucky. Something about how he said that he liked her triggered a bell in Bruce's mind . Oh dear this could be trouble, thought Bruce.
"I'm safe here too and I wouldn't ask for him unless it was really important. I know this hard, but I need to speak to the Winter Soldier," said Alison and Bucky sighed sadly.
"I'll try…" his breathing picked up and his whole body went stiff. He opened his eyes but they clearly weren't seeing anything.
"Do you have orders?" he asked and Bruce looked a little stunned at the change in how he spoke. That Russian accent throws me too, thought Alison.
"A debriefing first," said Alison recalling a small write up she found about how they ended his missions. They all ended with his account of how the mission went before his wipes and placement back in the cryochamber.
"I failed my mission. Targets Rogers and Romanoff are alive. Proceed with current mission to eliminate targets?" he asked.
"Rogers and Romanoff are no longer targets. They're allies now," said Alison and she could tell he seemed confused by this.
"Allies?" he asked.
"Yes Allies. Can you tell me if they were any other mission objectives?" asked Alison.
"Project Insight must be launched. Eliminate any targets that interfere with the launch. Military or Civilian targets must be eliminated on site if necessary," said the Soldier.
"That mission is no longer necessary," said Alison and he seemed even more confused.
"The mission was a failure. Project Insight was eliminated. I...I failed," said the Soldier. "I've disobeyed orders…," said the Soldier and his hands clenched into fists.
"You don't have orders anymore," said Alison and she could see his body tensing up. "Not right now Solider. I'm your new handler for now and I don't have any missions for you," said Alison and she could see his fist tense and she forced herself to stay calm.
"Soldier do you know where you are?" asked Alison.
"I don't know...I should have reported into command. He wouldn't let me. He won't face his punishment. He's weak," spat the Soldier.
"If I want to give you an order will you obey it?" asked Alison. She hated phrasing it that way, but it was the language the Soldier knew.
"You're my handler now?" asked the Soldier.
"For now," said Alison and she could see him trying to think.
"Permission to speak?" asked the Soldier.
"Granted," said Alison.
"You aren't like the others...you...you...I don't understand why I haven't been disciplined for my failures?" asked the Soldier and it was a cross between Bucky and the Soldier in his voice that threw both her and Bruce for an answer.
"Rogers and Romanoff are now our allies so there is no need for punishment. I need to know if you'll follow my orders?" asked Alison. She wanted this over with and she wanted Bruce to bring him out. God even the Soldier breaks your heart a little, thought Alison.
"I'll follow your orders," said the Soldier.
"I need you to bring Bucky back now," said Alison and she could see the Soldier was annoyed, but soon enough it was Bucky speaking.
"I'm here," said Bucky.
"Good. I'm going to count backwards from ten and when I get to one you'll wake up, you'll remember all of this and you'll feel refreshed and relaxed," said Bruce and he counted down to one and Bucky came back a few seconds later.
"So everybody played nice?" asked Bucky and Alison shook her head.
"Everybody got along just fine," said Alison. Let's hope it stays that way, thought Alison.
…
The next morning Alison found she couldn't eat. She was nervous about doing the hypnosis solo. Bruce would be there to watch her, but it was all her now. You think it was your first exam in nursing school all over again. She took a plate of food down to Franklin and some tea though. She hadn't seen him in two days and he had seemed a little on edge when she saw him earlier this week. She knocked on his lab door before coming in. He was asleep at his desk and she could tell he hadn't showered in the last two days. Geez old man, thought Alison. She shook him awake and he jolted awake and he had been drooling on his papers.
"I got you some chai tea," said Alison sitting the tea down along with his toast and turkey sausage. He looked up and rubbed his eyes.
"Oh you are a sweet girl. Thank you," said Franklin and he sipped the tea and grinned. "You added the right amount of cream and sugar too," said Franklin. Alison looked around the lab and tried to not judge. It was messy and he had been eating down here and the dishes were all over.
"You know we have a cleaning service here," said Alison and Franklin scoffed.
"They'll move things and I won't find them again," said Franklin. He got up and started eating the breakfast.
"What if I can come down this evening and clean up. You can tell me where you want everything," said Alison. Franklin sighed and gave her a smile.
"You would bother yourself with such a thing. I always did like you...I tried keeping up that show we used to watch. The Rose House?" asked Franklin.
"Casa Rosa," said Alison rolling the R's and grinning. "Maybe we can watch some tonight when I'm off the clock," said Alison.
"Maybe," said Franklin and Alison was biting her lip. She had a suspicion, but she didn't have enough proof and didn't want to start in on him. She would just have to watch him and see. They had stayed in touch somewhat after she had been released. Franklin had been admitted around the same time she had, but had to stay an additional three months after she had been discharged. She tried to visit once a week until he got out since he had no family. After he was released he moved to Boston for a teaching job so she wrote him letters since he hated emails and sometimes he would write back weeks later. He was a sweet guy, just a little absent minded so she didn't mind the lag in return letters In the last letter he wrote to her that he was going to London. She had just dropped a letter in the mail with the P.O Box for here. I wonder if it's been forwarded yet, thought Alison.
"I think you might be working a little too hard," said Alison carefully picking up some old disposable cups and putting them in the trash.
"Says the girl who spends almost twenty four hours a day with one patient," said Franklin turning to a large white board with all sorts of math on it that Alison couldn't make heads or tails of. She stacked some dishes up and tossed out some junk food wrappers while his back was turned.
"We take breaks and I really don't see him at all on Sunday and…" she realized Franklin was muttering and writing other numbers on another white board. She sighed and realized she was going to have to a serious talk with him. He's off his meds, thought Alison. It was one of the reasons he had been kept longer than she had. He refused to stick to his meds and that was one of conditions of being released was agreeing to stick to your meds. He always seemed to get the fuzzy head side effect and complained about it. She understood how much the fuzzy head side effect sucked. She felt it from time to time when she was doing paperwork or trying to study something new. If she let her mind drift even a little she was useless and would have to start all over. She would talk to him tonight though and she gathered up his dishes to take upstairs. The kitchen worker gave her a look as she handed off a stack of dirty plates, bowls and silverware.
"I'll bring the cups up later...damn scientist," said Alison trying to get a smile from the slightly older woman. No such luck and the woman tossed the dishes into the sink. Well you can't make them all happy, thought Alison. She went up to her office and found Bruce and Bucky waiting.
"You weren't at breakfast," said Bucky and Alison started closing the drapes.
"Had to check in on one of the mad scientists," said Alison. Bucky nodded and settled into his spot on the sofa. Bruce took a spot behind Bucky and Alison pulled up a chair to sit in front of him.
"Are you ready?" asked Alison.
"As ready as you are," said Bucky with a small grin. Alison took a deep breath to clear her own head before repeating what Bruce had done yesterday with Bucky and he seemed to go under even quicker than before.
"I don't think I've seen anyone go under so quickly," said Bruce a little stunned.
"Do you know where you are right now Bucky?" asked Alison.
"I'm safe," said Bucky.
"Yes you are. Bucky I need to talk to the Soldier again," said Alison and even though they had discussed what was going to happen a great length he seemed annoyed and worried that she was asking for him.
"We don't like each other," said Bucky. "He'll listen to you, but he doesn't like it," said Bucky. Alison looked to Bruce and he shook his head and mouthed the word 'later'. She watched as Bucky shifted a few seconds later the Soldier was looking at her and not seeing her at all though.
"Yes," said the Soldier and it took Alison a second to regroup.
"I have a new command that I'll want you to follow and obey in the future," said Alison and he looked annoyed.
"The other one doesn't like orders. He never follows them and it causes trouble," said the Soldier. It was so unreal how he viewed himself through two very different sets of eyes.
"He'll follow this one I'm sure. When I say 'Sergeant. Winter is over' and I do this," she took his right hand and tapped at his pulse point twice and she had him tap her pulse point on her right wrist twice. "You'll bring me Bucky and be at ease," said Alison. Bruce noticed that the Soldier's right hand seemed to linger on her for a second longer before pulling away.
"Do you understand?" asked Alison.
"I do," said the Soldier and Alison nodded.
"Sergeant. Winter is over," said Alison and she tapped Bucky's wrist and the Soldier did the same thing a second later. His whole body seemed to relax and his eyes closed again.
"Bucky?" asked Alison.
"Yes," he said and Alison let out of breath she wasn't aware she had been holding in.
"Good. We're going to try it a few more times before I bring you out. Can I speak to Soldier again?" asked Alison. The shift happened and she explained to the Soldier it was a test to see if orders could be followed. They did it two more times without issue and when they went to do it a third time the Soldier grabbed her wrist and wouldn't let go,
"You don't hurt me like the others. Why?" asked the Soldier.
"I don't have a reason too," said Alison and his grip tighten.
"It's different...I feel different. I'm not supposed to feel. Why do I feel different?" asked the Soldier.
"I need you to bring me Bucky," said Alison and the grip was near bone crushing now.
"Snap him out of it," hissed Bruce. What if I snap him out it and it's the Soldier in control, not Bucky? thought Alison
"Everyone wants him! Why?" snapped the Soldier. Alison put her left hand over the Soldier's right.
"Listen to me. You feel different and I'm giving you permission to feel that. You have permission to feel again. You are wanted, but it's different how you're wanted now. Right now though I need you to bring Bucky," said Alison. The grip eased up and it was Bucky again.
"I'm going to count backwards from ten and when I do you'll wake up and feel refreshed and relaxed," said Alison. She counted backwards and he woke up. He quickly let go of her wrist and she rubbed it a little.
"Sorry," said Bucky.
"It's alright. I had to get you back before waking you up. Do you mind if Bruce and I have a few minutes?" asked Alison and Bucky nodded.
"I'll be outside," said Bucky and he shut the door behind him.
"That was a little intense," said Alison and Bruce nodded.
"So it seems to work a little which is good. You'll have to work on fine tuning a little bit so there isn't any question on if he'll listen to you are not. When we first started trying to get the Lullaby down, I could feel the 'Other guy' fighting against it a little. He didn't want to be controlled in that way. I imagine the Soldier is a little like that...well he's used to being controlled, but not how we're doing it. Allowing him to be Bucky when he's gotten in trouble for being that person in the past. It can't be easy. When I'm..well it's nothing but uncontrolled rage and ego. With him it's just a blank slate that was controlled and directed at a target or mission," said Bruce
"With no mission or target he really doesn't know what to do. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even realize it's a mix of rage, confusion and who knows what else. He's hasn't gone into Solider mode for a few weeks now, Bucky seems to be in control most of the time. Something I'm sure pisses the Soldier off," said Alison.
"I never had the temperament to do the sort of work you're doing, but I wouldn't mind trying to talk to him on a personal level. I know what's like try to hold something back from hurting others and it might help him. How's your wrist?" asked Bruce looking at the red mark on it.
"It's fine. Not the first patient to ever manhandle me and this isn't so bad considering how it could have gone. I think we're just going to have a normal session now and we'll revisit the hypnosis next week," said Alison standing up.
"I have a lot free time so whatever works for you two is fine with me," said Bruce. He showed himself out and took a second to look back as Bucky went into the room. Bucky went over to Alison and took her right hand in his to study the marks. His fingers seemed to linger over the marks before Alison gently took his hand and held it.
"It's fine and it really doesn't hurt," said Alison and Bruce shut the door. I really should keep an eye on them. While this is an unusual case she should have some boundaries with him, That way no one gets hurt, thought Bruce.
….
Writer notes-I would like to thank everyone for the adds, favorites and reviews. I took a long break from writing and to have people like this really means a lot to me.