"So you've never seen a baseball game?" asked Bucky and Alison took a bite of her hot dog and he had to wait a moment for her to finish chewing. Natasha had given her a pass on training and the diet this weekend so she was clearly in heaven enjoying her junk food. Alison took a sip of her root beer and shook her head.
"Grandpa was a football fan so it was football or nothing in that apartment. Well he caved once in a while and I could watch ice skating during the Olympics," said Alison. "So today you're the expert," said Alison taking another bite of her hot dog. Bucky hadn't seen a game in years, but it looked pretty much the same. Well we watched it in the stands and not in a big room with a bar, buffet and TV, thought Bucky.
For Steve's pre birthday and company party, Tony had rented something called a 'Party Room' at Yankee Stadium for anyone who wanted to come and watch the game. They were in a room above the stands so they had a view of the whole field and a huge TV was in the background playing the game in case you really needed to see a replay. The chairs were like recliners with a small table attached and in rows like at the movies. There was a buffet set up with some of the food Bucky remembered having when he, Steve and Becca had gone to games like hot dogs, popcorn and sodas. There was also stuff that Alison had explained had been added over the years-Nachos, large soft pretzels, chicken wings, pita and hummus. For the vegan crowd, was what Alison told him when they got up for food There was also a full bar that several staff members were making use off. Alison had gotten him a beer and watched with a slight amusement has he drank it. It just didn't taste right and he went up and got himself a scotch. It burned a little going down, but it was worth it. The bar in London had an open tab for us. I'm pretty sure we could have drank them out of business if it wasn't for the bombs, thought Bucky.
They were sitting behind Steve who had Tony on one side and Sam on other side. Sam had offered to move so Bucky could have his seat, but he declined and now he had Bruce on his other side and Alison had Franklin on her other side. Bucky knew the older man was leaving tomorrow and that Alison was a little sad and worried about him, but he seemed better now.
"Well you hit the ball with the bat and try to get around the bases before someone tags you with the ball," said Bucky and was rewarded with her mock glaring at him. Bucky shrugged and Alison moved on to her nachos
"Lucky I'm off the clock and have food to distract me," said Alison and Tony turned to looked at her
"Are you really off the clock? I have not seen you off the clock since the day we hired you," said Tony.
"I told her she was off the clock," said Steve turning around and looking at them. "I also told her to enjoy her day off tomorrow with her grandfather," said Steve.
"You are aware you work for Captain America and your grandfather could see him in person instead of at the museum," said Tony. Bucky saw her eyes flash annoyance for a second before coming back to normal.
"But then he wouldn't get all the other fun stuff and I have taken him almost every year to see the kids at his old school perform Star Spangled Man. Traditions. Some traditions must be upheld no matter how tedious they seem," said Alison taking a pull from her root beer. Natasha took a seat next to Franklin and passed Alison a glass with some green liquid in it
"What's this?" asked Alison.
"Appletini, you look like you enjoy girly drinks," said Natasha.
"I like drinks in general," said Alison sipping it. Wanda and Vision had taken seats behind them and Bucky was a little surprised to see them out. Wanda and Vision preferred to have their meals in the private kitchen and they spent their free time in their rooms. Bucky had seen Steve or Natasha try a few times to coax them into joining them for dinner or to watch a movie to no success. Steve explained to Bucky that Wanda had signed up for Hydra experiments which is where she got her powers from. She had fought against them at first with Ultron, but when she realized what she had done she turned to help them. She had lost her brother in the fight though and it weighed on her. She trained well and she trained hard, but opening up to the team was hard for her. Especially now with Bruce back, she had hurt him the most. Clearly Wanda was nervous, but she tapped Alison on the shoulder.
"Your football. It's not like football back home. You throw the ball right?" asked Wanda and Alison nodded. Even on her days off she's explaining stuff to people who got screwed up by Hydra, thought Bucky.
"We call your football soccer here. I think we saw Sokovia play once didn't we?" asked Alison looking at Franklin and he nodded.
"We weren't too gone on our meds yet. Sokovia vs Brazil I believe was the match up. The commentary was all in Spanish so she had to explain it to me. I think you started making it up towards the end," said Franklin.
"You really thought the game was called due to a case of floppy haircuts after three hours?" asked Alison.
"Well it was tied two to two and clearly the ref wanted to leave too. Honestly that man looked like he was watching paint dry," said Franklin.
"You two watched a game for three hours and didn't understand what was going on?" asked Vision confused and Franklin shrugged.
"They wouldn't give us the remote," said Franklin.
"Beside when they have you enough mood altering drugs in your system everything is sort of whatever," said Alison,
"We had fun though," said Franklin and Alison took a sip of appletini and laughed.
"The medical professional realizes I was sort of a pain in the ass the first couple of weeks I was there, but the mental patient in me had a little bit of good time," said Alison.
"What did you do?" asked Bucky and Alison turned pink.
"I'm not going to give you any ideas," said Alison sipping more of her drink.
"Oh come on now. We weren't that bad or mean to people. It was little harmless pranks. Like making up stories in group," said Franklin and Alison gave him a look.
"You are really making me regret talking to you that first day," said Alison and Franklin simply shrugged.
"You made up stories?" asked Bucky leaning back in his chair amused and Alison sighed.
"Our normal group doctor was gone on vacation and the doctor who replaced him for that week clearly hadn't read any notes or the files on us. Plus he kept calling me 'Amy' and he called Franklin 'Frankie' one time too many so we started pulling famous movie deaths and using them for our backstory," said Alison. Natasha leaned over with a smirk on her face.
"And what was yours?" asked Natasha and Alison smirked a little.
"My cousin was trampled by wildebeest during an African Safari. It was just horrible," sniffled Alison and she wiped her eyes.
"My uncle was a great boxer who tried to take on one last fight with a Soviet boxer and well he just didn't make it," said Franklin sadly and they both started laughing.
"We got in trouble with our private doctors after that. I think they were going to put us in different groups, but they were shorted staff," said Alison.
"Good times," said Franklin and he gave Alison a pat on the head and she made a little face at him before turning back to look out at over to field as the game got started. Yankees against the Cubs. There was teasing and naming calling between people about their team choices. Steve said he was still miffed about the Brooklyn Dodgers being sold to LA. Tony explained that he had tried to buy the Dodgers as a birthday gift with no luck. Franklin got Alison another drink and they mocked toasted each other. Vision was explaining innings to Wanda, while Sam and Sharon shared a thing of popcorn. Bruce was chatting with Jane and Natasha had gotten up to get more drinks with Rhodey and Maria.
This felt right somewhere in back of Bucky's mind. I liked baseball. We would play catch in the alley behind the apartment. Steve had a decent arm and sometimes Becca would come down and Ma would make us play with her. Becca joked about joining the girl baseball teams and she didn't have a bad arm herself. I took Becca to see the games; she seemed to be the only dame I knew who liked baseball, thought Bucky.
He looked over and Alison seemed to be really into the game, her food sat untouched as the first three innings went by. She was mouthy and her insults about the Cubs had David asking if she kissed her granddaddy with the mouth.
"Where do you think I learned it from?" asked Alison.
"You would make my granddaddy blush," said David. Bucky looked at him.
"Your grandpa was disappointed we didn't have time for prostitutes in France," said Bucky and Alison nearly choked on her drink and Steve whipped his head around as everyone started laughing.
"Bucky!" said Steve and Bucky simply shrugged.
"I'm not supposed to censor my happy memories and Dugan asking Dernier where to find prostitutes was rather amusing. At least I found it funny," said Bucky.
"Did you find them?" asked Tony ignoring an elbow Pepper jabbed into his side.
"We didn't have time to find them. Places to go and stuff to blow up," said Bucky.
"Well that is a mental image I will now have to drink out my head," said David and he went back to the bar.
"I think you broke his brain," said Alison with a grin. Bucky shrugged and without much thought he put his right arm around her shoulders. He had done this all the time when Steve had been smaller. Just thrown an arm him and pulled him in for a half bear hug before they walked home together. She was a little taller than Steve had been before the serum so it was almost a perfect fit for him. He felt her stiffen up for a moment before settling where she was. The movies, girls would lean in to rest their heads on my shoulder when I did this, thought Bucky. He found himself wishing she would lean in.
…
Alison felt that quick little jolt in her stomach has he put his arm around her. From what Steve had told her Bucky had been one of those physical friendly people; someone who would hug you just because he could. She wasn't annoyed that Bucky had so casually draped an arm around her, he was just being himself and well it's what she had been brought in to do. It was the little jolt in her stomach that annoyed her. It was attraction, a pesky feeling she hadn't felt since Matt's death.
At first she could chalk up not feeling that way towards anyone due to depression and grief. After getting out the hospital she could pin it on trying to get her life back in order. A serious relationship with sex would only make things messy for her. Sophia had suggested not so subtly it might do her some good to just hook up with someone to just make sure she still functioned. Maybe Alison was old fashioned, but the thought of just casual-one night stand sex just made her feel weird. She was tired of feeling weird and it just stressed her out so she simply put that out of her mind. Now though if she were to be honest with herself the feeling for something more had slowly started creeping back in and she wasn't sure what to do about it.
She had attractive patients in the past and it was always a bit of a joke among the nurses she used to work with to find ways to flirt with a cute patient, to joke about sponge baths and what could be done to extend the patient's stay. You never crossed the line though; you didn't seek out a current patient for a relationship. Hell even after the treatment was done and you started a relationship with a patient it was done on the sly for at least the first six months to a year to avoid any accusations of abuse or manipulation.
She would be lying to herself if she denied that she was a little physical attracted to Bucky. He was easily the best looking guy she had laid eyes on in months and well it was his eyes that did her in. Those dark blue eyes just pushed a button in her head that she believed was under lock and key. It was sort of the same with Matt; he had the prettiest eyes I had ever seen, thought Alison. However it was starting to become a little more than physical attraction and that was what made that pesky feeling so much worse.
Alison was starting to like Bucky on an emotional level that she knew she shouldn't. He was one of the bravest people she had ever met. After everything he had gone through he could have given up anywhere along the way and the fact that he kept trying just spoke to something in her. She might be helping him pick up the pieces, but he wanted to pick them up no matter how painful they might be. She knew how hard rebuilding yourself could be and while the pieces might not fit the same, parts of which Bucky Barnes used to be were coming through with more clarity. He was a good man underneath everything and someone who wanted to understand her.
It was getting a little harder to ignore or brush off questions Bucky would ask about her past. Even Matt had never really pried about her parents. They were dead and the book the closed on that topic between them. It wasn't that he didn't care; he just didn't know how to talk about it since he really had never lost anyone. She hadn't even told Sam about how guilty she felt about her parents and she told Sam everything. Well almost everything. For some reason she couldn't put her finger on it just felt so easy to tell Bucky. Matt had loved her for who she was in the moment and where she was going. Where she had been never really came up much between them. With Bucky he wanted to know everything and it was the first time anyone wanted that from her and it was the first time she felt alright to tell someone everything. She couldn't though and it was just something she would have to deal with. God you haven't had a relationship since you were seventeen and now you don't know how to handle your own stupid feelings and emotions, thought Alison.
"Are you going to get that?" asked Franklin snapping Alison out of her thoughts. Her phone was chiming that she had text messages. Alison pulled the phone out of her pocket and saw she had missed texts from Sophia.
So have you made up your mind yet? He's really cute. Was what the first text had read and it had a little winky face next to it. Alison fought back a sigh. Earlier this week Renee and Sophia had hinted they wanted to set her up for another blind date. They knew a guy who taught at Renee's school and was now currently single. He and his wife were in the middle of a divorce and well single people couldn't be single. She told them she needed to think about it and well she really hadn't thought about it. Was I like this when I was with Matt to my single friends? Trying to couple everyone up? thought Alison
Come on! I promise this one is not a douche. He's a dad with a four year old so he might even be a little too respective of you. Alison liked kids, but really she wasn't sure about dating a newly almost single dad. He might have more baggage than I do, thought Alison. The final text had a warning bell going off in Alison's head.
Fine maybe Sam can talk sense into you. All the little Emoji's were winking faces and Alison debated finding the person who made those stupid little faces and punching him. She started to text Sophia back when Sam turned around and eyed her.
"So did you really think about it or did you tell them you would think about it so they would go away for five minutes?" asked Sam.
"I didn't say when I would think about it," said Alison. She sent Sophia a text with a bunch of annoyed faces and Sam rolled his eyes.
"Think about what?" asked Bucky and Alison could feel her face turning red.
"My friends are trying to play matchmaker again and they really suck at it," said Alison.
"It was one bad date," said Sam.
"I've had two bad dates," admitted Alison and Sam got wide eyed
"When did this happen?" asked Sam.
"Three weeks ago and it was bad. That is all you need to know. Now can all the attention go back to the game and not on my non-existing dating pool?" asked Alison. Natasha leaned over and eyed Alison.
"I thought you were just meeting someone to rent the apartment to. Simple cover story. I applaud that. You get too many details and it ruins everything," said Natasha. "So new guy or someone you knew from before...your friends did the setting up so I'm going to guess new to you," said Natasha.
"It was a guy from college that I took Spanish with and he was looking for a cheap place to crash while he settles into a new job. Sophia is friends with him on Facebook so she gave him my info and it turned out to be horrible. Now I'm going to get a drink and you can tell Sophia that I've bought the cat lady starter set so no to all blind date requests," said Alison. She got up and went over to the bar and ordered a rum and coke. Alison felt Bucky's hand on her lower back and that damn twitchy jolt was back.
"Is there really a museum in this place?" asked Bucky.
"Downstairs," said Alison.
"They plan on grilling you about what went wrong on this date so I'm offering you a game delay. I know you're supposed to be off the clock, but I really shouldn't be going off on my own. I might get into trouble," said Bucky with a slight grin. What the hell I'm not on the clock, thought Alison. She downed her drink and together they slipped out of the party.
…...
A part of Bucky was annoyed for some reason she hadn't told him she had gone out for a date it's her personal life and it's none of your business and another part was sort of happy that it went badly for her. Yet there was another part of him that wondered why any guy wouldn't be decent towards her. She was smart, funny, and nice. Not to mention pretty...shut up, thought Bucky. She took his hand as they went through the crowd and they went downstairs and into the museum and Bucky shook his head.
"We used to come here just for the games," he said. There was a wall filled with baseballs that had been signed by former players and Bucky's right hand went back to her lower back has they looked around. His left arm was hidden by a long sleeved shirt and his left hand was in his pocket. Tony's cloaking device worked as long as no one touched the arm. With a crowd this big it was just easier to find other ways to hide it.
"I think I might have seen a few of guys play," said Bucky looking at some of the photos on the wall.
"Thanks for the game delay. I shouldn't have said anything about a second date. Stupid really," said Alison. She looked down at one of the touch displays and started scrolling through to see where the players from his time were on the baseball wall. He swallowed and wondered if she would get annoyed the way she had with Sam, but he wanted to know.
"Can I ask what made it so terrible?" asked Bucky and Alison sighed. She didn't look annoyed with him though and she only seemed to debate the question for few seconds before she started to talk.
"Well it really wasn't supposed to be a date. He really just wanted to look at the apartment and we agreed to meet for lunch. We had taken Spanish together in college and he had studied music. He told me he was trying to get a music program started at the school he was working at. I told him that while he was looking at the apartment I could go down into the basement and dig up some of the sheet music that my grandfather had stashed from his teaching days. It was just nice you know to not have someone not be weird around me...I mean from my past," said Alison and they went down to view another display.
"So I let him into the apartment and told him to look around while I tried to find the sheet music. It took me like ten minutes and I go back upstairs and he's just lying on the sofa minus all his clothes," said Alison and Bucky just looked at her.
"You are making this up," said Bucky and Alison shook her head.
"I wish I was. Apparently it's a thing now. He tried blaming a T.V show and he said a few girls actually went for it. I guess my standards are a little high," said Alison and she went back to the display.
Bucky was starting to wonder what the hell happened to guys over the last couple of decades. A little respect doesn't hurt anyone, thought Bucky. Granted looking back he could sort of see he had gone through one girl too many, but he never went out of his way to hurt them on purpose. If he had hurt anyone he was sorry that he had. Nothing ever seemed to click all the way for him. It's clicking right now, thought Bucky and he shoved the thought away.
"It was disrespectful to do that. I mean he knows what happened to you right?" asked Bucky.
"About Matt. Yeah. He figured since it's been awhile he would take a shot and I nearly threw a three ring binder at him for thinking that was a decent shot. He did make the best offer on the apartment though," said Alison. She sounded so disappointed and annoyed he felt for her. She deserved so much better than she had told him. If things were different….If I wasn't this...I'm a murderer. She knows that and she still looks us the eye and treats like we're still a person.
"So dating has become a really aggressive activity," said Bucky lightly trying to ignoring the nagging in his head.
"I haven't dated since I was seventeen so I really had no idea how aggressive it's gotten," said Alison.
"What was it like...when you were dating and seventeen? The first date?" asked Bucky. Alison got a little smile on her face.
"He asked me out for coffee and we went to this little coffee house that sadly sold out to Starbucks a few years ago. I got a hot chocolate with peppermint and a blueberry muffin. He got an Italian soda with a slice of chocolate cake. We sat there and we just talked. Talked for hours. He had come from a school in Queens and they had canceled the music program there so he transferred to my school. He really wanted a scholarship to NYU and music was his best chance to get it. He teased me a bit about wanting to go into nursing. I mocked him for his future as a starving artist. We agreed that the Spice Girls was the most shameful thing you could admit to liking musically and that their movie only made sense while on cough syrup. He walked me home, told me he had a nice time and asked if I could stay after school because there was a piece he wanted to work on and he wanted me to hear it. He shook my hand and left."
"He shook your hand?" asked Bucky teasing.
"Well my grandfather was waiting at the door; it wasn't like he was going to kiss me with an audience. He finally worked up the nerve to kiss me on our fifth date right before Thanksgiving break," said Alison. I think I might have gotten to a second date with you before I laid one on you, thought Bucky.
"I think he and Steve would have gotten along great," said Bucky.
"Two starving artists with us to make sure they took care themselves? That almost sounds like a comedy," said Alison.
"Well we weren't always starving. Maybe on the verge of hungry a lot," said Bucky and she laughed a little.
"Becca told me she always tried to sneak you guys out some raisin bread. Your sister has one hell of a memory and a mouth on her. So you really got Steve a date with a thirty year old woman?" teased Alison and Bucky had to think about it and when it finally came to him it made him laugh so loud the few other patrons stared at them.
"She told you that," said Bucky and Alison grinned.
"Oh yeah. Poor Steve got the old lady and you ended up with some bubble headed blonde. Her words about the blonde, not mine," said Alison.
"I miss her you know...do you really think she would want to see me again?" asked Bucky.
"Yes. She's your family and she loves you and always will no matter what. When she talks about you and Steve there is this spark and I can tell how much she really loved you," said Alison.
"I do want to see her. I'm just scared you know. I'm really not the Bucky she remembers. Not all of me," said Bucky.
Right now he sort of felt a little bit like the guy Steve and his memories told him he had been. He had always been so sure of himself and as Alison had pointed out more than once, he was charming. There had once been a time when being alone with a girl wouldn't have made him so nervous. He was alone with her all the time, but something about this felt different and he didn't know why. Maybe because he was out in public for the first times in months. Maybe it was how casual they were being with each. Maybe it's just those legs you want wrapped around your waist, whispered a voice and he very nearly told it to shut up out loud. Alison stood in front of him and looked up at him. She had missed that brief flash of annoyance he had with his thoughts about her.
"A part of you is still that guy though. I'm not the same person I was at seventeen. I'm not same person I was at twenty six and I'm not the same person I was about a year ago. People change for a lot of reasons. Not always for the best reasons. You take whatever best you can find and run with it. You're still finding your best," said Alison. Bucky looked at her and she smiled at him.
"I know you don't think it, but you're making a lot of really good progress. You don't zone out as much as you used too and when you do you snap yourself out it quickly. You're remembering more things from before the war and you aren't freaking out when you do remember. I know that talking about what happened to you during the war isn't easy on you, but you're talking about it and understanding what happened to you from before. You've gotten a lot better at telling people what you want and trying to start new friendships. You still have a lot to recover from, but you are so far from where you were over a year ago when you escaped and were on the run," said Alison.
"You mean trying to kill my best friend and working for Hydra," said Bucky. Alison reached up and tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. For a nano second he expected a slap or to have his hair pulled. He tensed and then relaxed when he realized what she was doing.
"Two months ago I probably would have been peeling myself off the wall for doing that. It's a bunch of little steps," said Alison. He took a step towards her and took her hand in his. She looked down for a second before looking back up at him. No one was paying attention to them and something about how she looked up at him just did something to him. She had such kind eyes and he swallowed hard.
"I…" started Bucky when he heard Tony call out.
"It's rude to leave a party without telling anyone. Very, very, very rude," said Tony. Bucky suddenly wanted to put his fist through a wall. You really couldn't have waited another minute? Really all he wanted was one minute. Just one minute to see what kissing her would feel like.
…
After the game was over a lot of people headed for the airport to catch planes home. Steve and Tony agreed to let pretty much everyone have a week off. Almost everyone took off as soon as the game was done to go home and see family. Most of the scientists actually went back to Headquarters so they could work and some of the medical staff went back with them to make sure if something blew up that everyone would be alright. Ian and Darcy had left earlier in the week. Jane and Erik decided to leave this evening. Franklin had decided to catch a red eye so Alison had decided to take Franklin out for one last real American meal before he left for the next seven months.
"I can't remember the last time I had fried chicken this good," said Franklin as he finished the first drumstick and moved onto the breast. They were currently sitting at Blue Mama the only place, well in her mind, that did chicken and waffles right. Pepper had said dinner would be served at The Tower for those who were staying the night. However Alison really wanted a one on one goodbye with her former fellow crazy.
"I've never had any luck trying to make my own fried chicken. Nearly burnt down the apartment the first time I tried," said Alison.
"You have other talents," said Franklin holding up his glass and they clinked glasses. They fell into a comfortable silence while they ate. Franklin looked around the restaurant and smiled.
"I promise to be good while I'm away. I don't want you worrying about me," said Franklin.
"I sort of worry all the time anyway. The meds even it out, but I still worry. So I will worry about you because I like you and want you to take care of yourself," said Alison. She dipped her waffle into the maple syrup and sighed. "Natasha is gonna run my ass ragged when she finds out what I'm shoveling in. It's so worth it though," said Alison taking a bite of the waffle.
"Well if I can't make you promise to not worry about me. Can you promise me something else?" asked Franklin.
"I will not go back the hospital and kick Nurse Dune for you. The woman is brick house and could kick my ass even with Natasha schooling me," said Alison.
"Ah I've gotten over that. Really though it was the season finale and she could have let us have another five minutes. We weren't hurting anyone. I want you to try. I mean really try and go out on date," said Franklin. Alison sat her fork down and eyed him.
"Oh not you too," said Alison.
"Just hear me out young lady. I know how much Matt meant to you and I know you two would have been very happy together, but he wouldn't want you to be alone," said Franklin.
"I was really lonely after he died…that's why it was so hard. Not the being alone, but being lonely. I had Robert and some of my friends, but it just wasn't the same. In the last few months though, I haven't felt lonely anymore. I have a job I can be proud of, I get to go back to school and I'm making some really good friends. I just...I'm scared," admitted Alison. "I know I shouldn't be scared about trying to feel that way about someone again, but I am. What happens if I feel away and they don't? What happens if we both feel it and something goes wrong? What if I can't feel that again and I never do? Really it's annoying," Alison tried to joke, but she felt a lump in throat and took a long drink of her water to get rid of it. She thought all those things and then some. There had been something about the way Bucky had looked at her right before Tony came down that had sent off a faint warning bell in her head. What if Bucky wasn't a patient...could I let myself feel that way for him? thought Alison. She quickly shoved the thought away hard and looked at Franklin who smiled and patted her hand.
"Nothing will ever replace my boy, but I've come to think of you a little like a daughter and if I did have one I would want her to be like you. Nothing will replace Matt in your heart, but you still have room in your heart for someone like that. And whoever they are will be very lucky to have you in their lives," said Franklin.
"I'll try," said Alison. Franklin smiled and he went back to his food. "However if I see him without his pants on before I give the okay we're going to have problems," said Alison stabbing her waffle.
…
The last time Bucky had been here he had only seen the medical area, the small kitchen and the roof. Steve was giving him the full tour of the Tower and Bucky who thought Headquarters was impressive was stunned by how everything here seemed to outdo what they had.
"I used to think having a private bathroom would be the best thing in the world," said Bucky as Steve showed him the bedroom he would be staying in. It had two queen sized beds, a room for the TV with a mini bar and a huge bathroom. Alison's overnight bag was tossed on one the beds and his own was on the other.
"Maybe I'll actually try to sleep in the bed tonight," said Bucky trying to joke. He sat down on the bed and it sank under him. It was too soft, but he would at least try. Steve sat down on Alison's bed and looked at him.
"I know...it's like a marshmallow," said Steve. Bucky sort of shrugged and Steve tried another track. "I noticed you haven't lost your ability to sneak out a crowd with a girl. You two missed the best play of the game," teased Steve. Bucky looked at Steve before looking away a bit nervous.
"I wanted to see the museum downstairs. I sort of remembered seeing some of the players. I didn't think going by myself would be a good idea...just in case. Her day off and she still doesn't get a break from me," scoffed Bucky and Steve looked at him. Bucky had seemed annoyed when he and Alison had come back to the party room. Alison had taken Franklin out for dinner and Bucky seemed very lost in thought as they headed back to the tower
"You still had fun though? I know it was a lot to take in. It threw me too the first time I went for a game there after I came back," said Steve.
"I had fun," said Bucky and he got up and went over to the window. Steve followed and noticed his friend seemed very out of sorts.
"What's going on up there?" asked Steve.
"I think I wanna go and see Becca, but I'm scared. I know Alison said she wouldn't hate me, but what if she does? What if I tell her what happened in D.C. and she hates me?" asked Bucky. Steve carefully put a hand on his shoulder and Bucky looked up at him.
"I don't hate you and if I don't hate you there is no way your sister is going to hate you. She's probably going to be shocked and upset about what happened to you, but she's not going to hate you. When I got to see her again we talked about you for hours. She wanted to know if half of what you wrote was true. It wasn't by the way. I like to think I wasn't that stupid," said Steve.
"From what I do remember you were really stupid," said Bucky with a hint of a smile and Steve smiled at him.
"Maybe just a little stupid," said Steve. Bucky looked back out the window.
"Do you think we could go this weekend. On Sunday before we head back?" asked Bucky and Steve nodded. He really was making good progress. Asking was becoming easier for him. He used to fumble and really struggle with every word.
"Of course we can. Alison will be there so she can help break it to Becca about what happened to you," said Steve. Bucky kept looking out the window and started twisting the dog tags. If he couldn't be hundred percent honest with Steve who could he be honest with?
"I snuck out to be alone with Alison," said Bucky.
"I figured as much," said Steve. Bucky kept twisting the tags and tried to figure out his words.
"I just want...if things were different," Bucky suddenly let out a bitter laugh. "Hell if things were different I would probably still be her patient only I would be in wheelchair. I wouldn't have given her a second look before the war. She's not easy and I would have moved on to someone that was," said Bucky. Steve knew he didn't mean easy in a strictly sexual way. Alison might have been slightly charmed by the James Barnes before the war, but she would have seen through him and demanded a little more effort from him. If it wasn't effortless Bucky moved on.
"Do you want me to talk to her for you?" asked Steve and Bucky looked up Steve quickly.
"No. I mean...I want to tell her and then I freeze up because I'm not...I'm not...I'm really messed up. She had this wonderful relationship and she deserves to have that level of wonderful again...I can't give her that. Hell I still have days picking out a shirt seems like the most impossible thing. She had to help me pack a bag Steve because I honestly didn't know what to bring. Do you really think I could handle a relationship? I don't even know if it's...I haven't been with anyone in a long time. Sometimes I just look at her and...you know?" asked Bucky hoping he wouldn't have to spell that out for Steve.
"She is sort of pretty," said Steve and he lapsed into silence to gather his thoughts. "I know she really loved that guy and that moving on hasn't been easy on her either. If things were different Buck you wouldn't be here asking yourself if you deserved her, you could still try to make each other happy. You two seem very at ease with each other. I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her," said Steve. Bucky looked at him and shook his head.
"I could hurt her Steve. I've done it before and it was easy. I didn't even remember doing it. I know I have better control than I did before, but if I were lose control, even for a second...I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her and couldn't take it back," said Bucky. He looked so troubled by the thought Steve wondered if he was going to get physically sick.
"You don't have to tell her now. Or tomorrow, but you should someday or you'll regret it if you don't," said Steve.
"I just need to get myself together a little better before I try. I want to be able to trust myself before I try anything," said Bucky. Bucky wondered if he ever could trust himself that way again. Damn them. Damn them for keeping me alive and making me questioning everything I am, thought Bucky.
"We trust you. I hope you consider that when you're making up your mind about where you want to be with her," said Steve.
"I'll try," said Bucky. Steve gave him a small smile.
"Let's head up to dinner alright," said Steve. Bucky followed him and saw there wasn't very many people on hand. All the Avengers had stayed which wasn't a big surprise to Bucky. They had become the closest thing Steve really had to family. Maria Hill had stayed and was talking to David and someone else from the medical staff. Dinner was Thai food, something that Steve really fallen in love with, but sometimes was a bit too spicy for Bucky's liking. They were settling in to watch a movie when Alison came back. Her eyes looked a little pink and she made a joke to Sam about how dusty the airport had been.
"Really it's gross," said Alison sitting down next to Bucky. The movie was some comedy about people who hunted ghosts and Alison, Sam, Emily and Natasha kept muttering lines at each other until Tony and Steve threaten them all with firing.
"I won't let them fire you," whispered Bucky and he put his arm around her shoulders. She stiffened for a second before letting her head rest on his arm.
"Thanks," whispered Alison.
Notes-Happy Christmas. I had debated making this chapter longer, but since I haven't posted in a awhile I thought I would put this bit up and go from there.
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