Chapter Four – Defying Instincts
Harry was inexplicably nervous, he couldn't remember a time when he had been nervous around Malfoy, even when he had known nothing of the boy as he offered his hand in friendship Harry had not felt nervous when he turned it down. Malfoy normally encouraged, at worst, feelings of rage and, at best, annoyance. He didn't know how to react around this vulnerable Malfoy, who liked his eyes.
His instincts he realised after talking with Hermione were completely and utterly right. There was no other option for the way his stomach twisted at even the thought of Malfoy and remembering his smell made Harry's head feel light.
So now, here he was in an attempt to follow Hermione's advice. He wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing and so, mustering up all of the courage he could, he knocked.
The sound reverberated through the silent hallway. Hermione had chosen a room that while clean wasn't in the direct route of any of the Order members so Malfoy had some semblance of privacy at least. It was only when the door opened to reveal Malfoy, wearing the scruffiest clothes he had ever be seen in (and yet still much more elegant and expensive than Harry's could ever hope to be) that Harry realised that he had absolutely no idea how to go about making friends with Malfoy.
"Uh…Hey." He started lamely and Malfoy raised an eyebrow scathingly.
"What do you want Potter?" He snapped and Harry frowned getting angry, it wasn't his fault that he had to try to be friends first it was his stupid instincts fault that he was in the mess anyway so why should Malfoy get to act like he was in the wrong?
Harry stopped himself before he said anything stupid, it wouldn't do to insult Malfoy or he would have no chance at getting the blonde to be more than friends with him.
"I wanted to ask how you were." Harry stated. Malfoy's eyebrow climbed higher and he stared at Harry for a long moment which made sweat bead on the back of his neck, he didn't know what he would do if Malfoy rejected him point blank.
"Well." Was the blonde's response, cold as it may be, it wasn't a complete rejection. They stood in silence for a few long moments. "Why are you here?"
"I wanted to know how you were." It wasn't a lie, but he only realised after saying it that he had repeated his earlier question, something Malfoy obviously picked up on from the narrowing of his eyes.
"Well I've told you, so if that's all you came for." He started to close the door but Harry shoved his foot in the way.
"Wait! I mean…umm, I just wanted to know…really well umm."
"Spit it out Potter. I don't have all day." Malfoy sneered and Harry shook his head at the absurdity of that statement; Malfoy obviously had not been out of his room since he had been brought back to it after Moody had violated his mind.
"I want us to be friends." He, as Malfoy had put it, spat out.
"I don't need your pity!" Malfoy snapped.
"I know, that's not what I'm offering." Harry said quickly trying to reassure the blonde. "I think that we've obviously had the wrong impression of each other right from the start and I want to…well be your friend."
"…You're wrong Potter." Malfoy said softly before his eyes hardened as he glared at Harry. "You had exactly the right impression of me the first time we met. I'm a spoilt brat who doesn't know when to shut him mouth, I believe in using dark magic and I'm a Malfoy. Why would you possibly want to be friends with that?"
"Because you've admitted to being that. This means that you don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be your friend." Harry repeated himself pleased with himself as confusion slipped past the Malfoy mask.
"Hmm." Malfoy hummed his eyes shrewdly taking in all that Harry was. "What do you want me to do?"
"Let me in?" Harry asked hopefully, knowing he might be pushing too far. "We can talk; get to know each other like we should have done in first year."
Malfoy watched him for a long time; Harry could practically see the cogs working in his mind. Finally the blonde moved aside opening the door wider, Harry could barely contain the grin that crossed his face as he shuffled past Malfoy into the room, the blonde's smell making him lightheaded as he brushed up against him.
"Sit if you want." Malfoy moved past him to sit at the head of the bed. Harry made a quick decision to take an armchair and drag it closer to the bed, giving Malfoy some space. "What do you want to talk about?"
"We could play twenty questions." Harry suggested, seeing the blank look on Malfoy's face he explained. "You ask me a question, I answer then I ask you a question."
"Why not just say that in the first place?" Malfoy's nose scrunched up cutely.
"Sorry, it's a muggle expression." Harry couldn't help smiling and Malfoy frowned but nodded.
"You go first." He said and Harry nodded back.
"What's your favourite colour?" He asked and Malfoy gave him an incredulous look.
"Blue." He said anyway. "But an icy blue, not bright blue. What's your favourite aria?"
"What's an aria?" Harry asked tilting his head in confusion; Malfoy shook his head and rolled his eyes.
"It's a long piece of music normally accompanied by a solo artist, usually they're sung in operas." Malfoy explained slowly, like one would to a child.
"Oh…well then I have no idea, I've never listened to any sort of classical music in my life." Malfoy tutted and shook his head despairingly.
"Why should I have expected different?" He bemoaned but there was no bite to his voice. "Fine then, I'll ask a simple question, what's your favourite colour? Besides Gryffindor red that is."
"Green." Harry grinned. "And that comes even before my Gryffindor loyalties."
"How very Slytherin of you." Malfoy drawled.
"Okay, my turn." Harry said helpless to the smile which pulled at the corners of his mouth. "What was your favourite toy as a child?"
"I didn't have one." Malfoy said.
"Oh come on Malfoy, you must have had tones of toys as a kid, surely you must have liked one of them?" Harry asked leaning forward in his chair.
"…I had a toy dragon which I named Luce." He said in an almost whisper and Harry's face dropped, there was no doubt whom the toy was named after, he didn't mean to bring up bad thoughts.
"Oh…well mine was a toy soldier, I had a whole tin of them but he was cool because he had the only unbent sword. I called him Sir Tinalot." Harry grinned trying to change the topic, Malfoy almost looked grateful for it.
"After the Arthurian legend Lancelot I presume?" Malfoy asked and Harry nodded.
"I always loved that story; it had everything you could want to have in a story, fights, love and betrayal, magic, good and evil!" Harry exclaimed.
"It's not a story, its history." The blonde stated and Harry shrugged.
"I know that now but to most muggles it's a legend and the romanticised version is always the one I will have in my mind." Harry argued and Malfoy simply rolled his eyes again. "Your turn."
"Who's your favourite professor?"
"That much must be obvious; Remus!" Harry said. "He was by far the best D.A.D.A Professor we've ever had."
"Remus…that's Professor Lupin correct?" Malfoy asked and Harry nodded. "He works with the Order?"
"Yeah." Harry nodded before smirking. "I don't even have to guess you favourite professor, it's obviously Snape!"
"Uncle Sev is the best professor that school has ever known, it's not his fault he gets plebeians in his class who don't know which end is open on a cauldron!" Malfoy sneered but Harry's mind was stuck on one fact.
"You call him Uncle Sev?" He demanded incredulously.
"Of course, he is my godfather after all." Malfoy said as if this were an obvious fact.
"No wonder he always gave you special treatment!" Harry cried. "That's so unfair!"
"It's not like any of the other professors give Slytherins any sort of fair treatment, he merely made up for their hatred of us." The blonde said and Harry stopped joking.
"They don't do that!" He protested.
"Please! When you do a spell right you get fifteen house points but when a Slytherin gets one right they get five! Uncle Sev may be more obvious about taking and giving points but at least he admits to it." Malfoy said and Harry frowned thinking it through and realising it was exactly what Malfoy had said, he suddenly felt ashamed for complaining about Snape's attitude to anyone not in Slytherin.
"Next question?" Harry asked and Malfoy shook his head.
"I'm tired now, you have to go." The blonde stated abruptly and Harry frowned before nodding.
"Fine, but I'm coming back later." He grinned and before Draco could respond he was out of the room. He was smiling all the way back to his rooms where to his surprise Sirius was waiting for him.
"Where've you been? I've been here for hours!" He complained splaying himself across Harry's bed.
"I've only been gone thirty minutes at the most Sirius." Harry laughed at Sirius' antics. "What do you need?"
"Nothing, just wanted to talk." Sirius said sitting still suddenly.
"Okay, what about?" Harry sat down opposite Sirius on the bed.
"Just… do you think Remus is okay? He's been acting really odd around me recently." Sirius said. "I mean, I know we have some history between us but this last week he's been acting standoffish and refuses to be in the same room as me if we're alone!"
"I'm sure he's fine Padfoot." Harry said patting his godfather's arm reassuringly. "Don't worry about it."
"But I am worried about it!" Sirius cried. "What if it's something I've done to piss him off, or worse? What if I've upset him?"
"I'm sure if it were that bad Remus would talk to you about it." Harry said. "Or, if it worries you that much why don't you go talk to him about it?"
"That's the point Harry! I've tried and he keeps making excuses about it!" Sirius yelled and Harry shushed him. "Sorry, I'm just upset."
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Harry asked.
"No, no…no, I want him to tell me." Sirius said and Harry nodded.
"Well, you've only got one option then." Harry grinned. "It's time to get marauding!"
Harry looked around straining his ears to catch any noise, an extendible ear pressed into his own. Hearing nothing bar the general workings of Grimmauld Place he crept along the corridor. He sent a flash of light behind him along the corridor. Sirius rolled around the corner of the corridor and Harry rolled his eyes at the childish behaviour
He walked down the corridor to the last room, they had timed it to the last detail. Remus was in his room, reading presumably, there would be nowhere for him to run to. Especially after Harry had locked the door.
"Go." Harry mouthed and Sirius nodded knocking and entering the room before Remus could reply. As soon as the door closed behind them Harry locked it, he heard Remus ask what was going on and the door handle was tried but failed.
"Sirius, what's going on?" Remus was glancing at the door constantly as if to figure out how to open it.
"That's what I want to know!" Sirius yelled. "You've been avoiding me for days now and I want to know why and this seemed like the only option!"
"I'm not avoiding you Sirius." Remus sighed and Sirius glared at him.
"Don't lie to me! You did the same thing when you found out we knew about you being a werewolf! Now tell me what's wrong!" Sirius demanded and Remus shook his head.
"It's nothing Sirius, I'm sorry if I seemed like I was avoiding you." Remus said but Sirius noticed that he didn't try to deny it again.
"Tell me what's wrong." He repeated.
"Siriu-"
"Tell me now." Sirius snapped folding his arms across his chest. Remus sighed and moved over to his bed, sitting down heavily and placing his head in his hands.
"…It's our bond." Sirius couldn't help the sharp intake of breath; he had thought that Remus had their bond broken. In fact, he couldn't even feel Remus anymore and that hurt more than anything but he had thought that that was what Remus had wanted so he hadn't said anything.
"The bond?" He whispered. "But…you had it broken didn't you?"
"See, this is why I didn't want to bring it up!" Remus cried. "We were practically children when we bonded, we shouldn't have done it. You didn't understand-"
"I understood perfectly what I was getting into Remus." Sirius snapped, hurt that Remus thought he'd do something that important, that binding without thinking it through properly, he loved Remus deeply still loved Remus and he wanted nothing more than the bond to still be there.
"No you didn't Sirius, even I didn't understand at that point." Remus sighed. "A normal bond is binding but can be broken, I'm a werewolf Sirius, what neither of us realised is that werewolves bond for life. The bond can't be broken."
"What?" If that was true why couldn't he feel Remus? He had been able to feel every emotion that went through Remus' mind before he went to Azkaban.
"The bond Sirius, it's still there." Remus said softly, as if he were afraid of the animagus' reaction.
"But…I can't feel anything." Sirius was now terrified; if the bond wasn't broken then something must be wrong with it.
"I've been blocking both sides of it; I have been since you were taken to Azkaban. I know you don't want it, so I've tried to protect you from it as much as possible." Remus explained and Sirius' mouth dropped open.
"You think I don't want it?" He shrieked.
"But…you haven't mentioned anything since you've been free." Remus said incredulously.
"Of course I haven't! I've been thinking that you'd moved on, that you didn't want me anymore." Sirius finished in a whisper.
They sat in silence for a long time.
"So…you do want the bond?" Remus asked.
"Why wouldn't I? I still love you Remus!" Sirius yelled his cheeks flushing red at the confession. Remus didn't speak anymore; instead he stood and pushed Sirius against the wall attacking his mouth. Sirius gasped; not only from the physical onslaught but from the wave of emotions he had thought he would never feel again washed over him. "Merlin Remus, how could you think I wouldn't want this?"
"I love you too Sirius." Remus whispered against his mouth. "I have never stopped loving you."
Then there was no more time for words and Sirius had one last coherent thought, he hoped that Harry wasn't listening in through the door.