Rated M-Mentions of Non con. Consensual touching.

When Alison went to roll over when something pulled her close and muttered.

"Не идти ... так тепло." The fog started to roll away and she sees the metal hand draped over her. Bucky. Her back is pressed against his chest and he's resting his head on top of her head. He's snoring lightly and she can also hear the faint hum of circuits coming from the arm.

It was in the middle of the afternoon when she went to sleep and now she's pretty sure it's early morning from the light coming in the window. He was gone all night. Did he tell anyone he was going to be here? Steve is probably having kittens right now, thought Alison.

"Bucky. Bucky," said Alison and with her slightly free hand she reached back and tried to shake him awake. He simply pulls her closer and mutters something else in Russian. He doesn't want to let go, subconsciously he's trying very hard to hold on to you, thought Alison. She couldn't help but feel that little jolt in system. It had been awhile since she knew someone wanted her this way. Not just sex, but intimacy. She knew he trusted her, but he had completely let his guard down and she could only imagine how hard that was for him.

He shifts enough so Alison can roll over and face him. She watched him sleep when he first came in and his face looked haunted. Waking up from nightmares that he still won't talk about. Now he actually looks like a normal twenty something guy sleeping peacefully. His hair is hanging over his face and he still smells like aftershave

She knows she should wake him up and send him back to Steve. That she needs to shower and get on the road before traffic gets bad, but it's been such a long time since she's woken up next to anyone holding her this way. Just a little bit longer. Alison sighs and places a light kiss on Bucky's neck before settling where she is.

"So this is real huh?" asked the sleep roughened voice. Alison looks up to see Bucky's eyes are still closed, but he's smirking a little and his left hand starts rubbing her back through her sweater.

"I thought I was going to wake up and you wouldn't be here. That this was just another dream," said Bucky. He opens his eyes and Alison can't help but be drawn in by how blue they are and how relaxed he looks. His hand slides under her sweater and he stops when she shudders a little when the metal touches her skin. That relaxed looks goes quickly to guarded and unsure.

"Sorry," said Bucky and he goes to pull his hand away and Alison stops him.

"It's not bad and I didn't mean for you to stop. It's just different is all," said Alison and she takes his hand and puts it on her back under her sweater. He looks uncertain at first, but starts running his hand up and down her back. It's a little odd at first to feel the metal fingers trailing down her back, but it has her so relaxed she wants to doze off again and Bucky looks relaxed again.

"I could really get used to this. You're so warm, "said Bucky and the movement is so quick that it takes Alison a second to realize he's on top of her and sliding both hands up her sides. "I think I'm really going to enjoy getting used to this," said Bucky before leaning in to kiss her. Alison lets her hands settle on his back as he kisses her and moves his body against her. It would be so easy to shut her mind off and just see what would happen, but she can't do it. Not after his reaction last night when she wasn't thinking.

"Bucky. We need to slow down," said Alison ending the kiss.

"Why?" asked Bucky and he simply starts kissing her neck. "I like how this feels. I haven't felt this in so long," he mutters and he suddenly he looks nervous. "You feel it too don't you?"

"I feel a lot of things when it comes to you," said Alison and she tucks his hair behind his ears. "We rushed last night and I hurt you. I don't want to do that again," said Alison and he looks disappointed and pulls away from her.

"If you don't want to just say it already," said Bucky.

"I do want you and that's what makes it difficult. Balancing what I want from you while trying to not push you into something that might hurt you," Alison moves a little closer to him and puts a hand on his back. "If I didn't want this I wouldn't have asked you to stay last night. I wouldn't have kissed you back or touched you," said Alison.

She goes and she kneels in front of him and takes both his hands in hers. It's awhile before his eyes meet hers. He looks a little lost and Alison squeezes both his hands.

"I do love you and it's a little overwhelming for me too," said Alison. She never thought she would be able to tell him that and now that's it's out she can't take it back. Not that she would, but she need him to know that this meant something to her.

"I love you too. It's just...I thought it would be easy since I love you. They even ruined this for me too," said Bucky bitterly.

"It's not ruined. I promise," said Alison and she leans forward and kisses his forehead. "I'll prove it." Alison gets back on the sofa and stretches one leg out and puts the other on the floor. "Come here, lean back on me and put your head on my shoulder."

He gives a confused look before doing as she asks. It takes a little adjusting before he's comfortable and once he's settled Alison drapes her free leg over his legs. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him close.

"I thought this would be too personal for us to do in therapy and I'm tweaking it a little bit. Just relax," said Alison and she kisses him again on the forehead. Her hands run over his chest slowly and Bucky sighs before closing his eyes and looking relaxed again. Alison slowly starts unbuttoning his shirt while she keeps running her hands over his chest and midsection.

"Do you like this?" asked Alison and Bucky buries his head into her shoulder.

"Yes," mutters Bucky clearly in his own haze now. She had seen him shirtless before and she had touched him to help him bathe when his arm was being repaired, but this is whole different thing. The nurse in her can't help but notice the old scars and a few bullet wounds on him. She can only guess at the age and severity considering how quick he heals. Another part of her is a little stunned at how hard his body is. She runs her hands over his abdomen, feeling the muscles and he shudders a bit.

Alison smirks and she kisses Bucky on the mouth. He moans into her kiss as she skims her hands over his body, down to his hips and back up his arms. Alison breaks the kiss and brushes Bucky's hair back.

"They didn't ruin you or this," said Alison putting her hand on his chest and kissing him again. "We just have to figure this out together," said Alison. She's a little breathless and she lets her forehead rest against his. Bucky nods and he leans into kiss her when her cell phone goes off

I believe I can fly

I believe I can touch the sky

Think about it every night and day

"It's Sam. I have to get it or he'll worry," said Alison. She leans over and grabs her cell phone. "Hello."

"Is he still with you?" asked Sam sounding a little more than annoyed. Alison has a feeling a very long talk with Sam was in order.

"Bucky's still here," said Alison and she notices Bucky looks a little sheepish.

"Well that means he still has my car keys and my key to your apartment. I'm on my way with Steve to come collect everything. You decent?" asked Sam. Alison notices her bra is still on the floor and Bucky never bothered putting his undershirt back on. She would do a quick up of the apartment.

"Yes we're decent. I still have breakfast stuff here if you want anything," said Alison.

"We'll see you in twenty minutes," said Sam and he ends the call. Alison looks at Bucky who simply grins.

"Did you take Sam's keys?" asked Alison. She had been so out of it when Bucky first came in it didn't dawn on her to think about how he got in.

"Actually Natasha gave them to me. Is he pissed?" asked Bucky easing away from her to grab his shirt.

"He sounds annoyed and well since you did spend the night here he's already sort of assuming things," said Alison. She puts her bra back on as Bucky tries to make himself somewhat presentable in his wrinkled shirt.

"Are you going to tell him what happened?" asked Bucky.

"Not all of it. Some things between us are still private," said Alison. At least for now, thought Alison.

…...

Bucky knows Alison is probably going to get an earful from Sam, but he wonders what he's going to hear from Steve. He hadn't planned on spending the night, not at first anyway. He could have driven her back to the Tower, but if he's being honest with himself he wanted to be alone with her for just a bit. They were never really alone together. Yes he had sessions with her, but just outside the door was everyone they knew. The same for their living quarters. One nightmare had the whole floor seeing if he was alright. He had been completely alone with her and well it was nice.

I didn't dream last night, thought Bucky. No nightmares or dreams. It was one of the few times he had woken up not been hounded by some vague or vivid memory. He woke up feeling a smaller body press against him, a faint kiss on his neck before he felt Alison settle in next to him. Bucky thought maybe it was a dream until he touched her back. He could sort of feel the warmth of her skin under his fingertips and the press of her body turned him inside out.

Bucky sat at the kitchen table watching Alison fuss around with coffee and sliding a pan into the oven.

"Sarah made me a breakfast casserole. Hopefully by feeding him he'll chill out a bit," said Alison pulling out mugs for coffee.

"Are you alright?" asked Bucky. She's been fussing around ever since Sam called and she can't seem to be still for a second. Alison sighs and sits some plates on counter before turning around to face him.

"I'm not sure. I'm really happy we finally got to be honest with each other and well...the making out was a nice bonus," said Alison turning a bit pink. "I'm worried about what's going to happen to Louna...Loi….whatever her name really is. I know she did horrible things to you, but she saved my life and it's a little hard to put the two together right now. I'm worried about how people are going to see us...I can't treat you anymore. Technically you should be out of my care for a year and even then it's not ideal. I really like you and I don't regret what's happening between us and..." Bucky got up and put his hands on her shoulders. She was talking so fast he could barely understand her and she was starting to work herself up into some sort of state.

"Ally breathe," said Bucky and she takes a few deep ones before looking up at him. "That's better. I don't care that you can't treat me anymore and well I like the fact that we were honest and made out too," said Bucky and Alison lets out a small laugh.

"I made the first move and if we have to keep things private for a while we can. I'm not gonna lie, it's going to be hard to not let everyone know you're my girl. I don't want to get you in trouble though. You've helped me and you're helping Wanda and well who knows who else might need your help in the future. Steve knows how I feel about you and he won't get rid of you...well he does like you as a friend too. We'll just have to figure this out together too," said Bucky.

He won't have anyone think badly of her and what is going on between them. It's been so long since anyone has loved him or respected him and she's done both since day one. She saved his life and he knows that she could really help other people if she's given the chance. I kissed her first, I made the first move and I won't have anyone say she's hurting me or that she's a bad person. I love her and I know she won't hurt me, thought Bucky. Alison takes his hands in her hers.

"See this is why they made you a Sergeant. Cool under pressure. I just don't want the wrong impression getting out. I really had no intention of telling you how I felt since I didn't think you felt that same and well I didn't intend to act on it if you did. I blame your eyes," said Alison and now it was his turn to laugh.

"My eyes?" asked Bucky.

"You have no idea how pretty your eyes are. No wonder every girl in Brooklyn tried to get at you," said Alison and Bucky simply smirks.

"And here I thought it was my wit," said Bucky.

"Well that's not to be overlooked," said Alison. There is a knocking on the door and Alison squeezes his hands. "We'll have to talk more about things, but right now we have to answer to our besties," said Alison. She went to get the door and Bucky takes the casserole out and sits it on the stove. It does smell good and maybe Sam won't hit him if he's eating.

…..

"I still want to hit you and I think you need another stay at Camp Happy," said Sam forking up another bite of eggs and French toast and looking between her and Bucky. Bucky took the lead once they sat down to eat and Alison feels a small hint of pride in him. A few months ago this type of direct conversation might have put him off. Now he's looking Sam right in the eyes and has made his intentions very clear.

"I'm not sorry that I made the move I made. I would have done it sooner if I could have worked up the nerve," said Bucky. "I'll see another shrink if you think it will help me, but I made the move and it shouldn't change how people think Alison has treated me. I'm not all the way me again, but I feel normal again and she's part of the reason," said Bucky.

Alison is regretting her decision to have coffee this morning since she's already a bit wired. Steve hasn't said much and while he's a man of few words those words carry so much weight. Bucky had told her Steve supported this, but seeing it in person might be a different story. Bucky hasn't let go of her hand since they finished breakfast. Sam eyes their joint hands, Bucky's metal fingers interwoven in her fingers. Steve is unreadable to her.

She feels like a teenager again wanting Matt's parents to like her. Winning Nick over had been easy and while she never clicked all the way with Susan they got along for the most part. I know how much Bucky means to you and I don't intend to screw this up or hurt him, thought Alison.

"Why didn't you tell you me you had a thing for him?" asked Sam looking at her.

"Because I thought I would get over it and I didn't think he felt the same way. This is something I planned on not happening and well here we are," said Alison. Sam sighs and looks over at Bucky.

"I don't blame you for falling her. She is my best friend so that makes her awesome by default. I'm glad she's fallen for someone again and well I'm glad it's someone I like too. I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, but what happens if this doesn't go well and someone wants to end it? Are you two going to be alright living side by side and seeing each other all the time?" asked Sam. Bucky starts to say something when Steve looks over at her.

"Let's go for walk," said Steve and Alison looks stunned.

"Um alright," said Alison. Bucky looks over at Steve.

"Really?" asked Bucky and Steve shrugs.

"The apartment better be in one piece when we get back," said Steve. Alison grabbed a coat and followed Steve outside. They walk for about ten minutes when Steve decides to speak.

"So Louna has been turned over to the UN and they're going to decide how to charge her," said Steve.

"Is she going to tell them about Bucky?" asked Alison.

"She's going to tell them she experimented on humans for Hydra and where some old bases are. Ones I think we missed. I'm still working out how and even when to tell the world Bucky is alive," said Steve. He looks down at Alison and sighs. "You feel sorry for her?"

"A bit. I was a big mess when she came into my life and she helped me figure it out. I respected her as a professional. To find out what she allowed to happen to him...it makes me sick. It's hard to put those two together in my head. I want some sort of justice for what they did to him, but would that make it right for him? Everyone knowing everything and well what happens for Bucky? He did pull the trigger on a lot of people. It wasn't his fault, but others might not see it that way. I just want what's best for him," said Alison.

"So you do love him?" asked Steve and it nearly stuns Alison into stopping in her tracks. "I thought when I came back I could try to go back and lead a normal life. The wife, the kids and the picket fence. I can't. That guy went into the water and it took me awhile to realize he wasn't coming back. I can sort of be that guy again with Bucky. I don't know if Bucky can ever be who was, but I've seen him be sort of be who he used to be with you. Actually I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. You're taking a huge risk by being with him and I don't think you would take the risk unless you were really in love with him." said Steve and Alison nodded.

"I tried very hard to not fall in love with him. It wasn't part of the plan. You think I would know by now that nothing goes according to plan," said Alison.

"SNAFU," said Steve and Alison laughed.

"Situation Normal-All fucked up. Sounds about right," said Alison before gathering her thought. "I do want him to happy and if it ever reaches a point when he's not happy with me I'll understand," said Alison.

"And if it ever reaches a point when you're not happy with him I'll understand. He's my best friend, but he can be a pain in the ass," said Steve with a slight grin. "He's just lucky I didn't snag you first," said Steve and Alison could see just a hint of sadness in his eyes. He's lonely. He doesn't think he'll ever find someone to make him happy.

"I know it's not going to be what I used to dream of. I wanted the kids and fence too once. He gets me though and I didn't think anyone would ever get me again," said Alison. Someone is going to get you someday, thought Alison.

…

"You don't think I'm good enough for her," said Bucky once Steve and Alison left and Sam shook his head.

"I like you and you seem gone over her. You don't have to have my permission to date her. Alison isn't stupid and she doesn't take things like this lightly. If she wants to be with you than she wants to be with you. If she had told me I would have tried talking her out of it. Not because you aren't good enough for her, but because I don't want people getting the wrong idea about both of you," said Sam.

"You really think it's going to be bad for her?" asked Bucky.

"I hope not. Everyone sort of dates everybody since we're in such tight quarters. You were her patient though and well technically it's not against the law. No one's going to toss her in jail. Ethically though people might see it differently. It could cost Alison her nursing license if someone wanted to be really shitty and complain about it. That would mean going behind Steve's back though and telling people you aren't dead and no one really wants to piss Captain America off," said Sam.

Bucky toyed with what was left of his breakfast and thought. Sam was sort of the last family she had left and Bucky needed him to know that she mattered to him

"I don't intend to get her in trouble with anyone. She makes me...I feel things again when I'm with her. That maybe life isn't supposed to be so damn horrible and I can still be some sort of normal. I can breathe when I'm with her," said Bucky.

"She's been a bit more like herself since you came into her life," said Sam and Bucky looked at him. "I didn't really see everything that happened to her after Matt died, but what I did see was closed off and she was scared of life. She didn't want to let people in. She cared about people, but she wasn't sure if she wanted people caring about her. She's letting people in again. I haven't heard her play since Matt died and when you came in she started playing again. It's just a lot of little things. However if you hurt my girl I will find a way to take that arm off and beat you with it," said Sam finished the last of his coffee before putting dishes in the dishwasher.

"It might take a blowtorch to get it off," said Bucky dryly.

"I'm a very patience man," said Sam with a smile. "I'm serious though, you clearly mean a lot to her and if you make her happy I'm not going to be a dick about it," said Sam. Bucky nodded and thought about what Sam said.

Bucky had known her to bend over backwards to help him or anyone else, but she always seemed worried about anyone helping her with anything. He knew she had lost a lot of people in her life and that had to take a toll on someone after a time. Maybe it was easier for Alison that way. To not let people care about her that way if something happened to her they might not be so hurt.

"I hope I keep her happy. She deserves that much," said Bucky. I don't know what I ever did to deserve her, but I'm going to try to deserve her. About ten minutes later they heard Steve and Alison come back in.

"Nothing is on fire so that's a good sign," said Alison.

"Well maybe," said Steve. They came back into the kitchen and Alison eyed Sam.

"So is approval given or do I have drag your butt outside? I've learned some really cool moves from Natasha," said Alison.

"Well it is 2015 and you are a grown ass woman so I guess I should respect your decisions and what not," said Sam and he came over and hugged her.

"The next time he steals or ruins any car I own I will go Alpha male on him," said Sam.

…

"You don't like the idea of her going up there alone," said Steve eying Bucky in the passenger seat of the car. They were heading back to Headquarters and it was just them in the car. Sam was driving Natasha and Bruce back in his car. Alison planned to be gone about two days so she could drive up to Niagara and spread some of her grandfather's ashes. Some of the ashes had been placed with her grandmother in a shared plot the other day. Bucky had heard someone say Alison's father was a few plots over. I wonder where her mother is, thought Bucky.

"You didn't want anyone with you when they buried your mom," said Bucky recalling how Steve had slipped away after the small service for Sarah.

"It was just too hard at the time," admitted Steve. "I guess Niagara is a family thing for her. Sam told me they took some of her dad's ashes up there when she was kid and I guess Robert did the same for her grandmother," said Steve.

"Alison said he took her up there a lot when she was a kid. She really hasn't shared all the details yet," said Bucky.

"So you'll have to ask her when she gets back. I guess you two will have a lot to talk about," said Steve with a small grin and Bucky rolled his eyes.

"Nothing really happened last night," said Bucky and well it wasn't a complete lie. "We sort of talked about us being an 'us', but she was kind of overwhelmed with finding out someone she trusted was in charge of my mind fryings for a good twenty years and she was exhausted with all the funeral stuff. She asked if I would stay until she passed out and I ended up falling asleep too," said Bucky.

"I didn't say anything," said Steve lightly.

"I know that smirk," said Bucky and Steve nodded.

"I didn't think you would be back last night and when you didn't...well I assumed that...you know," said Steve and Bucky eyed him.

"Is it sex that makes you nervous or the thought of me having sex that has your ears turning pink?" asked Bucky.

"I had the joy of living with you for a few years before you shipped off and Becca had some colorful jokes about some of the girls you brought home after we called it a night. Becca said if you broke your bed you didn't deserve a new one and she wasn't giving our room up for anyone," said Steve and Bucky had to grin.

"She would be the mouthy one," said Bucky and he looked ahead. This was Steve and he didn't think Alison would be too upset if he told Steve some of what happened. "Alison doesn't want to rush things in that area. I guess she hasn't been with anyone since her fiancé died and well...it's a lot to think about," said Bucky lamely.

"Well some things shouldn't be rushed and she does really care about you. You two seem really good for each other. I'm really happy for you Bucky," said Steve and Bucky looked over at him.

"Well since I'm sort settled do you plan on asking Maria out now?" asked Bucky and Steve actually looked at him with his mouth opened. "You two seemed really...comfortable with each other during your birthday. I mean I know why I haven't dated in years and I know you've been busy the last few years, but has there been anyone for you?" asked Bucky.

"I did go on a few dates with Sharon before I realized Peggy was her aunt and we agreed it was a little too weird for words," said Steve.

"Sam's Sharon?" asked Bucky. He knew her last name was Carter, but he really hadn't put two and two together.

"It wasn't anything serious. A few dinners after SHIELD fell to talk about what happened. Like you said I've been busy and I just haven't really found anyone to really related to the way you have," said Steve.

"I really haven't got to know Maria, but she seems nice. Can't hurt to try you know," said Bucky.

"Do you really want to drag me out for double dates again?" asked Steve and Bucky scoffed.

"Well at least you can't bail on me to enlist again," said Bucky and Steve shrugged.

"It sort of worked out in a way," said Steve.

"In a way it did," said Bucky and he thought about how things had really been between him and Alison last night and if he should tell Steve the whole story. Would it make things easier for him if someone else knew what had happened to him? It's not going to be easy between us and I need to get this off my chest. Alison had never pressed for details of those attacks and maybe he could talk to her about this too when she got back. She wasn't his nurse anymore and maybe it would make it easier to tell her.

"I freaked out last night," said Bucky before he could think anymore. It's Steve and I'm tired of hiding things, thought Bucky.

"After you left?" asked Steve a bit puzzled.

"I thought it would be easy because I like her and I knew she wasn't going to hurt me like they did. She didn't want to rush anything and I pushed the issue and when things started going that way I freaked out. I didn't hurt her, but she was worried about hurting me. It's not just her not being with anyone that put a stop to things. I didn't have a say in who I was with," said Bucky. He could see Steve putting the pieces together and his face went white. Steve pulled over and Bucky could see he was shaking.

"You didn't like anyone touching you...I thought it was just the experiments and beatings. It wasn't in the records we found and…" Steve had to take his hands off the wheel before he ripped it off. The thought that they had inflicted another cruel form of torture on Bucky had Steve in almost a blind rage

"I know you aren't mad at me and Alison promised she wouldn't tell anyone after I told her. I was scared about telling you. I was scared to even tell her, but she sort of guessed it. It was punishment for somethings or if the handlers were bored they liked having me. It was fun for them and well I was so numb it didn't matter at the time. It started coming back to the surface when I got out and now I've been dealing with it. I still have nightmares about it and I had a flashback when I got to close with Alison. I would have told you sooner, but I was ashamed to tell you," said Bucky. Steve was still shaking and he kept his eyes down.

"I wouldn't have thought any less of you. You're my friend and my family. I'm sorry you felt ashamed and that they did that to you. I'm so sorry Bucky," said Steve and he seemed so hurt that Bucky put a hand on his shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault either. The train and everything wasn't your fault either. If it wasn't for you I would still be a mindless murderer for Hydra and well based on Project Insight a lot of people including my girl wouldn't be here. You both saved my life. In different ways, but I'm here because of you. Don't forget that alright. I want you to be happy too...well I'm sure this is happy. I haven't felt it in seventy some years," said Bucky and Steve looked at him with slightly red eyes.

"God she brought back that jerk I remember," said Steve and Bucky shrugged.

"You're still a punk," said Bucky. Steve eased the car back on the road and looked at Bucky.

"I'm not sure how soundproof the rooms are so if and when you decided to be with Alison could you keep it down. Couldn't look Lacey Harmon in the eye after she left the apartment that day," said Steve.

"She was blonde?" asked Bucky as the old memory clicked.

"With legs that went on for days," said Steve deadpan and Bucky shook his head. At least my liking for nice legs hasn't changed, thought Bucky

….…..….

Alison made sure no one was looking when she dumped Robert's ashes off the side of the Maid of the Mist. It was a bit of a gray area if she could dump his ashes here. She didn't see anything that said she couldn't do it, but she really didn't want to deal with being fined if it was illegal. They had taken her father's ashes out this way when she had been a kid. Afterwards the old man took her out for a milkshake and he told how he and her grandmother had come up for their honeymoon and had taken her father here for summer vacations. Traditions. Traditions are everything, said Robert and well she liked to believe that some traditions should be carried on.

Alison watched a giddy couple kiss and she rubbed the dog tags. It felt a bit odd to her to have them again. Well at least one felt familiar to her, she would know her father's tag anywhere. Bucky's tag on the other hand would take some getting used to. It did put a small smile on her face to have one of his tags. Tradition stated you only gave your tags to someone who meant something to you. When she had given him her father's tags it was a means to keep him still at first, but he looked so sad when she went to take them back it hurt a little. Just let him keep them for a bit. He doesn't have anything of his own, thought Alison. After a time though she knew her father would have approved of her letting him wear the tags. It helped Bucky to have something sort of familiar. She always gave them back to him after her visits to Robert as a show that he could keep using them.

Alison watched as the giddy couple took selfies and her thoughts shifted to Matt. She was sure he would be happy for her if he was watching in some sort of afterlife. About freaking time you moved on. At least he has some good taste in music. She was pretty sure he would say that with the hint of annoyance he had for her when she was being stubborn.She was sure that would be his judgement on the situation. She loved Matt and a part of her always would, but she would want him to be happy with someone new if things were different.

The spray from the falls had people laughing and shrieking and all it does is make Alison feel homesick. The last time she had been up here was the summer before Matt died. She had somehow got a week off and it had been just her and Robert since Matt had summer concerts. For a whole week she and old man slept till noon, ate horrible food and watched old football games on cable. She quickly wiped her eyes and looked at falls. God you are just all over the place, thought Alison

She hadn't really been herself the last few days and she tried to blame it on all the funeral stuff, but even the apartment where she had grown up felt off to her. Home was Headquarters now and she misses being home. She loved her grandfather and would miss him always. He had given the best he could and had made her who she was. She had gone on to find a new sort of family the last few months and she misses them. They might all be a bit crazy, but they were her family now. She misses Natasha's sass when they train, she wants to talk to Sharon in nothing but movie quotes. She wants to have dinner again with the rest of the medical staff. She wants to curl up next to Bucky and go to sleep. She thought coming up here alone would clear her head and give her some peace, but it's just made her miss home even more. You have a long drive once we get off this boat.

…..

It's almost two am when Bucky hears a noise coming from Alison's room and he frowns. He was just about ready to doze off when he hears a door open and shut on her side of the room. She told him she was going to be gone at least a day or two so no one should be in her room this late. He's halfway across the room when there is a light tapping on his door.

"Bucky?" asked Alison in a whisper and he's pretty sure he's dreaming when the knock happens again along with the same whisper. He opens the door and there in the dark is a very exhausted looking Alison.

"Hi," said Alison before she wraps her arms around him and hugs him tightly. "I wanted to come home," said Alison. Bucky lets out a small sigh and hugs her back just as hard.

"I didn't wake you up did I?" asked Alison when he lets her go.

"No. I couldn't sleep. Too quiet without you next door," teases Bucky. He takes her hand and they head into his room. It's still sort of plain, but he's been sleeping in his bed and the book case does have a few books on it now. Alison had gotten him all the Harry Potter books and Bruce had gotten him some books and engineering and history. Steve also got him a record player and a few records from when they were coming up. It's little things, but really he prefers being in her room since it feels better. However she came to him so when Alison takes a seat on his bed, he sits down next to her and she puts her head on her right shoulder.

"You missed my snoring that much," said Alison softly. She kicks off her shoes and tucks her legs under her.

" I just missed you," said Bucky. He moves so he's laying on the bed and pulls her along with him. Alison sighs and settles in next to him, head on his chest and she takes his left hand in hers. "Are you alright?" asked Bucky.

"I just miss him is all," said Alison and it go silent for a few moments until she speaks up again. "I missed home more though. How was your evening?" asked Alison pulling herself a bit closer to him and kissing him on the cheek. Bucky knows he should tell her to go to sleep. She's been running herself ragged for days now, not to mention her six hour trip to the Falls and back to base, but they did need to talk and it seemed right to tell her now.

"I told Steve what happened last night and why I freaked out," said Bucky. Alison looked up at him and he went on. " I didn't go into details and stuff, but he knows what they did to me now," said Bucky.

"I'm glad you felt like you could tell him. I know that couldn't have been easy for you," said Alison.

"It wasn't easy and I hated seeing how hurt he was, but it wasn't his fault and I just needed it off my chest," said Bucky and Alison nodded. He let go of her hand since he wasn't sure he wouldn't hurt it when he started talking. He shifted so they were laying face to face, but his eyes were closed.

"The first time it happened, I really didn't know what he was doing until he started. I begged him stop and he wouldn't. He laughed at me and I could feel him and I felt so damn powerless. After the first time he left me alone for a few days and then he had me again and then he let others have a go. They kept laughing while they hurt me, used me like that. It gets hazy after that. I'm sure it kept happening until I was frozen," said Bucky and he felt Alison's hand on his face.

"I forgot what it was like to have someone touch me that way and it didn't hurt. I really wanted you to touch me. I thought about what it would be like to have you touch me a lot really. Then I remembered the last time someone touched me and I couldn't stop him. I was numb at that time, but it still...some part of me hated it. The last time was in DC after I fought with Steve the first time and I sort of started remembered him. He was my handler and said he wished my friend could see me. I was on my knees, he was in me and mocking me with Steve. He wanted Steve to see what they could do me and I couldn't fight back. That was what I remembered when you touched me," said Bucky.

He opened his eyes to see Alison had closed her eyes and was trying to not cry. He wished she wouldn't cry over him, but he could sense it was rage coming off her, not sadness.

"I am so sorry they did that to you. I'm not a vengeful person, but I swear to god if I could get my hands on the people who hurt you they would suffer," said Alison. She opened her eyes and looked at Bucky. God he loved her eyes too, the pure green just seemed to turn him inside out. They meet his eyes with nothing but love and understanding. She knew everything and yet she still looked at him like he was the only person in the world.

"I won't do anything you don't want me to do I promise you. I do love you and we can take all the time you need," said Alison.

"I want to forget what they did to me. I know I can't have my mind wiped again, but I can make new memories right?" asked Bucky. Alison nodded and he went on. "I don't want to go all the way, not yet. I would like you touch me again, like you did...well yesterday morning, "said Bucky considering what time it was now it had been yesterday. Alison's eyes go wide and she swallows hard.

"Is it ready what you want?" asked Alison and he can almost feel her heartbeat pick up.

"I really did think about you," said Bucky pulling her closer so they're hip to hip and chest to chest. "You're the first person to touch me and not hurt me in so long. At first I kept waiting for you to hurt me. Everyone else did so why should it be any different now? Then I started wanting you to touch me. I think it started the night I woke everyone up on the floor by screaming. You and Steve calmed me and you made me go take a shower. When I came out you brushed my hair, dried it and you told me I could stay with you. I hugged you and you let me. I had almost forgotten what it was like to hug someone. You helped me remember," said Bucky and he kisses her.

Alison doesn't hesitate this time and she weaves her fingers through his hair so she can pull him closer to her. It's slow at first, but when she pulls back slightly to lick his lips they both seem to lose a bit of control and soon it's all tongue and teeth. He keep biting her bottom lip and she's moaning into his mouth. He stops the kiss when he realizes her lip is bleeding and she looks confused about why he's stopped.

"Sorry," he mutters and Alison shakes her head.

"I haven't been kissed like this in a really long time. I'll be fine," said Alison and her fingers skim the hem of his shirt. "Can I?" Her fingers are already brushing his stomach, but he knows she won't go any further without his permission. Bucky nods and Alison pulls the shirt off him and she runs a hand from his chest to his stomach and he can't help but shudder under her touch.

"Do you want to stay like this or do you want me to sit up?" asked Alison. They're hip to hip and he can feel his erection pressed against her. She keeps rubbing his chest and watching him with those dark green eyes.

"I don't care," muttered Bucky and Alison sits up and leans against the wall.

"Come here," said Alison and Bucky settles with his back to her and Alison pulls him close and she starts skimming her fingers over his chest and he can't help but moan when she starts rubbing his nipples and kissing his neck. Alison talks softly while her hands trace his upper body. She tells him how good he feels and that this is how it would be for him with her. That she would make it feel good for him. That she would try to give him what he wanted when he was ready. I want her hands all over me, thought Bucky. Alison wouldn't go past his waist and his erection was starting to become painful. Tell her...tell her what you want, pleaded his thoughts. Bucky grabs one of Alison's hands and presses it to his groin.

"Please. Please. Please," mutters Bucky with his eyes closed and he arches into her hand to drive home what he wants.

"Look at me," said Alison and when he does she slides his sweats and boxers down. Her eyes are so dark and he can tell she wants this as much as he does. Bucky kicks them off and Alison kisses him again quickly "Stay here with me," said Alison and her fingers work over his hips. One hand settles on his hip and her other hand settles on his member and she gives him a light squeeze. Bucky bites back a moan and his body moves without thought .

Alison grips his member a little harder before starting to stroke him slowly and Bucky is biting his lip so he doesn't moan to loud and give them away. His body is trying to thrust into her hand and she encourages it by using his pre cum to slick him up, tightening her grip and picking up her speed.

"I want this," hisses Bucky and Alison kisses him so he can moan into her mouth as she works him. Bucky can feel that nudge in the pit of stomach and he breaks the kiss to look at Alison. Is it..it's supposed to be this way, wonders Bucky.

"Alison?" he asks and she kisses his forehead.

"I know...just stay with me. I like how this feels and you feel so damn good," said Alison and the strokes become faster and she's kissing him again. The climax hits Bucky hard and he almost screams into her mouth as she strokes him through his orgasm. They're both shaking and her eyes meet his slowly.

"I...I need to clean up. Do you want a towel?" asked Alison. Bucky lets out a nervous laugh.

"I wouldn't mind one," said Bucky and Alison lets out her own nervous laugh before heading to his bathroom. He hears her wash her hands and she comes back to him with a small damp rag and a dry hand towel. "Thanks." He cleans up, pulls his sweats back on and notices that Alison is hovering by his bed and seems a little dazed.

"Are you alright?" asked Bucky.

"It was just really intense is all. I liked touching you and I liked that you trusted me to touch you," said Alison and he kisses her forehead.

"I liked it too and if you didn't look so tired I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you. You haven't been sleeping," said Bucky and Alison nodded.

"Honestly the first really good sleep I've had since I got that phone call was when we passed out on the sofa," said Alison. Bucky pulls her into bed and she settles into the crook of his right arm and his left hand rubs her back. "I missed being held when I slept," muttered Alison and it's barely three minutes before she's asleep. I like holding you while you sleep, thought Bucky as sleep settled on him. It was dreamless for both of them.

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