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Derek´s POV

So this was it. This was my house and this was my family. My family that has abandoned me, that didn't want me anymore.

Renee was so right with all these. It was a shock for me that after about a year they were suddenly interested in me again. Especially because they were it that had given me up back then. But everything I knew was what Renee told me. She was so good to me. She nursed me and she told me stories about my old life. She has always been there for me since the accident and she did all this though I couldn't even remember her. She was just so strange.

Since the devastating accident about a year ago, my memories have been erased and that wore me out. I couldn't trust anybody and not at all could I believe anything what some people tell me. Renee was the only person I could trust. She has proven this more than once in the last year. She was the one who has paid millions of dollars that they have moved me to a special clinic in Washington though they had already pulled the plug. She was the one who had paid for my stay and for the elaborate therapies. She was the one who has indulged my every whims and who stayed by my side though I couldn't even remember her. She did all this for me. She has proven me so often how much she loved me and that´s why I have married her a few weeks ago. And though all this everything just felt so wrong. I felt nothing for her, just absolutely nothing but I have still married her because I have the hope that one day I will get my memories and with this also my feelings for her back. She was such a great woman and she deserved to be loved.

But then when this fair-haired woman with the baby came, that was someway different. I knew that I knew her from somewhere and then there was also this strange feeling in my chest. My whole body tingled, but I just couldn't say what that was and where it came from. I have never felt something like this before or at least I couldn't remember that I have felt something like this before. I wasn't able to recognize this feeling. I was sure that it wasn't a negative feeling but rather a consistently positive one, but nevertheless I wasn't able to say if it was joy, love, affection or amazement.

This woman looked just so familiar to me. It seemed to me like I would have known her my entire life, but I couldn't recognize her and that was what made me furious, angry and sad at the same time.

But that wasn't everything because there was another woman, who looked a little bit like me, but she wasn't familiar to me. My memories were just so messed up and I didn't know what I could do against it.

"So, what´s going on here?" said the brown-haired woman and pulled me out of my daydream. I have totally forgotten that we were currently in the house, my house, to talk about the planned selling or we wanted to talk about it, because other than the brown-haired woman just this minute, no one else has said a word. Despite of this, the silence didn't want to end, Renee, Paul, the estimator for the house and I just looked at each other.

I didn't know what I should say, I don't even knew myself, much more what was happening here. That was why I was so relieved when Renee initiated, "You are living in my husband´s house without paying any rents. That is what´s going on here." with this a conversation started, also it was a pretty inquisitive conversation.

"I live at your husband's house?" asked the fair-haired woman with the baby in her arm immediately. The baby was really cute. She had beautiful blue eyes and when I looked closer, I could perceive line of its dark hair. I didn't knew where the thought came from, but I simply knew, that I wanted to have children, a house full of children.

"Yes. I am Dr. Renee Collier-Shepherd and this is my husband Dr. Derek Shepherd." Renee continued with the conversation.

"Your husband?" the woman with the baby gasped. She sounded sad, surprised and really disappointed at the same time. I couldn't help but feel really sorry for her, I didn't know where all this came from and I felt so helpless and uncomfortable.

These feelings were reinforced by the brown-haired woman, "You are not her husband. You are Meredith's husband." Now at the least, I didn't know anymore what I should think. I would have remembered if I would have been married before the accident. I was totally desperate. The woman, who has talked just before, looked now directly to me, but I couldn't look into her eyes. I was too confused. I stared at the floor. And again, it became deadly silent.

Finally it was Steve, the estimator, who broke the silent and said "I think that I should go. I will send you my opinion per post in the few next weeks." He stood up, said goodbye and went away.

I heard the front door being closed. Next to this room, I could hear children playing. I could hear them laughing. It looked like they were really happy and I started to ask myself, if once I have also been so happy and if I have had siblings. At the same time, I asked myself, how could they have just let me go after that? How this woman who was supposedly my wife, could have just given the permission to pull the plug without looking after any methods of treatment. I knew that I was declared as brain dead, but I also knew, that I have worked the last few months before my accident, when I was in D.C., on a method of treatment for brain dead people. Renee's research about a treatment for autistics brought us the breakthrough in the brain-dead-research. Through her research we found a way to retrieve brain dead people back into life.

"Renee has already told me that there would be some problems with my subletters." added Paul, now with his normal tone and pulled me one more time out of my daydream. "My name is Paul Walker and I am the lawyer of the Collier family. Dr. Collier has forewarned me that you would do and say everything that you will to be able to still live in the house." he continued saying. He was a nice man, but his fancy chitchat annoyed me sometimes. I looked around. The fair-haired woman looked on her baby and the brown-haired woman also looked around.

"It´s me, your sister, Amelia." she said, now directly to me. This woman is supposed to be my sister? My sister who has given up on me, who has never tried to save me?

Renee has told me about my family and said what they have done, which is why I agreed not to tell them that I was still alive. I needed time. I was still recovering from my accident and first of all I wanted to handle my life again before I was ready to face my family. But as it is, destiny had other plans with me.

"I don´t know you. Stop telling any lies." was what I decided myself to say.

I saw the pain in her eyes and I didn't want to hurt her more with the conditions of my amnesia. That was the reason why I decided to deny her. I knew that it was unfair to her, but I just couldn't tell her anything different. I didn't know what I should feel or think. Everything what I thought I knew turned topsy-turvy with this conversation. Different feelings affected me and made me crazy. I couldn't last any longer in this room. Everything was suddenly so confined and though I didn't have claustrophobia, I couldn't breathe anymore. I panicked.

"Sorry, I cannot do this." was everything what I have said before I ran out of the house to get fresh air. Behind me, I heard that Renee wanted to follow me, but Paul told her to give me a few minutes. And then everything went black around me. Everything was too much for me.

The next thing I remember was waking up in an ambulance gurney, with a worried Renee sitting next to me.