She was unsure of how far she had gone, or how fast she had been running, but she did know that it would be impossible for Carlos to catch up to her. Being the freak show she was, possessing super human speed and agility, she was still aching and gasping for breath, finally collapsing upon the warm sand, far off from any distinguishable land marks.
She pulled her head upward to look off into the distance, where the sun was setting. A tear rolled down her cheek, creating a path in the dust that had accumulated there. Another followed close behind it, and then another. She knew it was stupid, a bad decision. Crying would only cause her to lose water, a precious resource in the desert. She couldn't afford to be dehydrated. At the end of the world, no one could afford to be at anything but perfect physical condition.
Still, she could not stop the tears, nor the gasps for breath and the whimpers and she curled into a ball in the sand and wept.
She loved him. There, she admitted it to herself. She loved him and she couldn't be near him because she loved him. She would get him killed, him and his newfound family. Well, they weren't really newfound. Once she thought about it, she realized that he had been with the convoy nearly four times as long as the sum of the time he had spent with her.
She let out a strangled cry of pain. She knew that anything in the area was probably making its way toward her, attracted by the sound. But she just couldn't bring herself to care. She wanted to die. She wanted this pain to end. And maybe one day, hopefully far in the future, Carlos would die too, and maybe, just maybe, their souls could be together.
Alice's eyes snapped open. She didn't want Carlos to die. Certainly not now, but not in the distant future either. Mentally she knew that he would have to go sometime, everyone did. But at the rate the convoy was losing members, it could be soon. Far sooner than she wanted. She pulled herself into a sitting position, her breathing returning to normal and her tears drying in the dessert heat.
Maybe she couldn't be with Carlos for his safety, but perhaps the convoy couldn't be without her for the same reason. She could keep her distance, make sure that no one ever knew that the convoy had a silent guardian.
Maybe they needed her as much as she needed them.
The thought that maybe someone, anyone, needed her sent a newfound strength coursing through her veins. Alice stood and started walking in the direction she had just come when she stopped short. Surely they wouldn't move out tonight, and she needed to regain her strength before she ran miles across the dessert again. She changed course and headed for one of the nearby rock structures that stuck out of the sand. She easily scaled its height and looked out over the dessert. She didn't see any undead, but that didn't mean they weren't out there. She settled down on top of her rock, hoping that she would have a peaceful night before she headed back toward camp the following morning, back to the man she loved, and the family she couldn't have.
Carlos chased after her as long as his legs held out, but he knew long before his collapse that he wasn't going to catch up with her. If Alice wanted to get away, nothing was going to stop her. She had been out of his sight for nearly half an hour before he finally collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath. He heard the hum of the four-wheeler in the distance. Someone was coming to get him.
"Alice." He croaked out before he rolled over onto his back panting, waiting for his ride to pick him up.
He held it together all the way back to camp, through the meeting in which they decided that heading out tonight was the best idea, since Carlos had made quite a ruckus chasing after Alice, calling out to her long after she was out of earshot. He remained calm as they discussed and decided upon heading to Vegas, the only place they were guaranteed to find gas and supplies. He managed to hold himself together while they gathered everyone into the trucks and he took his place in the passenger seat next to LJ. He did all of this without so much as a sniffle.
"Man I wish we had some tunes." LJ lamented.
And then he lost control. He and LJ were the second vehicle in the line, heading toward possibly the most dangerous place they had ever been, and all LJ had done was mentioned the lack of radio, something they all did from time to time while on the road, and Carlos Olivera broke down and began to cry.
"Wow! Man you need to warn a brother before you start with them water works. I don't think I ever seen a grown man cry, let alone a tough ass like you. You gonna give a brother a heart attack or somethin'." Carlos couldn't even manage a response to his now oldest friend as he sat silently shaking with tears running down his face.
"I'm sure she didn't mean nothing by it man. You know it's gotta be hurtin' her too." Carlos barely managed a nod. But he knew it was true. Alice had to love him as much as he loved her. She never said it, but then again neither did he. It was just something that was understood between them.
That's how he knew why she left. She thought she was protecting him, and maybe she was. But he didn't want to be protected if that meant living without her. The world had already gone to shit, there wasn't much else for him to lose. And now he had lost her.
Deep down, he also knew that she had left to protect his friends, the convoy that had become his family for the last several years. But he would have gone with her. Protecting the convoy was a noble act, he should know, he had been doing it for years. But he would rather be a deserter with the woman he loved than a miserable hero with thirty people who all respected him. He knew it was selfish, which is why he was currently drying his tears and reassembling his brave face. But he loved her, and there was no way fix his breaking heart.
"You gonna be aight brother?"
"Yeah LJ. I'm going to be just fine." Carlos turned his gaze to the baked dessert and the setting sun.