:)
Beneath the Stars
FOUR
Ered Luin was not much different from the Misty Mountains in size, though there were much less orcs and other dangers, and many more dwarves. The settlement Tauriel and her companions were headed to was the one the dwarves of Erebor had found a home in. The place was in the foothills of the Blue Mountains, a neat little village in a valley.
Before Balin led the four of them through the city's gates, Tauriel stopped. She was hesitant to enter the settlement, worried that she would be met with violence. She was an elf, after all, and a deadly enemy to the dwarves.
"Perhaps it is best I wait outside the gate," she said uneasily. "I doubt elves will be welcomed here."
"You are with us," Balin said. "Dís is in the city. Speaking with her was the reason you came, after all."
"I don't want to cause any trouble," Tauriel said.
"We will make sure no one harms you, my lady," Dwalin said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
She sighed. "I'm not afraid of battle," she snapped, "but I'd rather avoid a commotion if possible."
"You'll be fine, Captain," Glóin said, slapping her heartily on the back in a gesture of camaraderie. Tauriel stepped away from him, but flashed him a quick glance of recognition.
"Fine," she conceded. "I will go with you." She took a step forward and the company walked toward the gate.
Tauriel lagged behind her companions, doing her best to look inconspicuous. Among dwarves, though, even covering her hair was useless. She was just too tall.
When they got to the gate, the gatekeeper gawked up at her, completely ignoring his fellow dwarves.
"What's an elf doing in these parts?" he asked gruffly.
"That's my business, good sir, and not yours," she replied cordially.
He drew himself up, puffing his chest up importantly, though he was still laughably small. "As the gatekeeper, I'm afraid it is my business."
"She's with us, Togrod," Balin said tiredly. "May we go in or not?"
The dwarf blinked and turned to Balin. "B-Balin? You're back—in one piece?"
"Yes," the old dwarf answered. "We've come to bring our people back to Erebor."
Togrod ran out from behind his gate and embraced a surprised Balin, openly weeping.
"The dragon is dead?" he asked through his tears. "Our home is regained?"
"Yes, Togrod," Balin said, patting the over-friendly gatekeeper on the back. He rolled his eyes and pursed his lips. Tauriel covered her mouth with a hand to hide her smile.
Togrod drew back, wiping his eyes. "We must tell all the Longbeards! It is time to go home!" He looked around, beaming, then he looked back at Tauriel, a puzzled expression clouding his face. "Balin, Glóin, and Dwalin are all here...but where are the rest who set out for Erebor? Where is Thorin?"
Balin bowed his head and said gravely, "Thorin is dead."
Togrod gasped. "No!"
"Yes," Balin said, his shoulders drooping. "And so are his nephews, Fíli and Kíli."
"Not the boys!" the gatekeeper exclaimed. "They were so young! Their poor mother...she had lost all her family now."
"That is why I am here," Tauriel murmured. "To deliver the tale of their noble fall to their mother."
Togrod glared up at her. "Balin..."
Tauriel gritted her teeth, annoyed that this insolent dwarf wouldn't take her word as good. She looked at Balin, crossing her arms. Let him talk their way out of this one.
"She saw Kíli fall," Balin explained. "She wished to relay the information to poor Dís."
Togrod looked up at her warily, asking, "But aren't elves our enemies?" He was really grasping at straws now, Tauriel thought.
"Not anymore," Glóin interrupted. "Come on, Togrod, let her in."
He shrugged, relenting at last. "All right. But you might want to take the quieter streets, unless you want to explain why she's here to everyone you run across."
"Thanks, Togrod," Dwalin said.
"Yes, thank you," Balin added. He turned to his companions. "Let's go in."
It took a while for Balin to lead them quietly home, but thanks to an angry-looking Dwalin and a glowering Glóin, nobody bothered Tauriel.
"So...how do you know the gatekeeper?" she asked as they walked.
"He was very enthusiastic when it came to planning the quest," Dwalin explained, "but when it came down to the actual danger and excitement...he got cold feet."
Glóin snorted. "Coward."
"Still a nice fellow," Balin said mildly. "He let us in without much commotion."
"Yes," Tauriel agreed.
By now, the empty road they were walking on opened into a wider street. Glóin let out an excited exclamation and burst into a sprint.
"Where's he going?" Tauriel asked, confused.
"That's his house," Balin said, pointing to a dwelling up the street. "He's excited to be home."
The other three approached at a slower pace. As they neared, Tauriel watched as the door to Glóin's house opened. Another dwarf, presumably his wife, let out a shout of joy and embraced him. Tauriel felt a pang in her heart as she realized her loss of Kíli again. She would never embrace him, never kiss him, never—
She broke off that line of thought, her hand instinctively traveling to the rune stone in her pocket. This would be the last time she held it, for today would be the day she relinquished it to Dís, to whom it rightfully belonged.
"I'm glad he's happy and reunited with his family," Tauriel remarked, "but I came here for a reason. Where does Dís live?"
Dwalin nodded and took a deep breath. "Yes." His voice was heavy with unspoken sorrow and regret. "Of course. Follow me, Tauriel."
Balin lagged behind, stopping to talk to Glóin, his wife, and his son. Dwalin led her to the next house over.
"She and the boys lived here," he said. "Thorin—" His voice cracked a little with repressed grief. "Thorin...Thorin lived across the street, in that house." He pointed to the house in question, a dark and lonely home, so empty and never to be filled now that its owner was dead.
"Dwalin...you know Dís," Tauriel said softly. "I've never even met her. How can I comfort her? I mean—"
"I'll comfort her," Dwalin said. "You can just tell her the story of how Kíli died. I'll tell her of Fíli and Th..." He stopped, blinking heavily to keep tears from falling. Tauriel touched his shoulder gently, waiting for him to continue. She understood his grief for Thorin; it was similar to the grief she held for Kíli.
He cleared his throat and nodded. The moment passed, and she put her hand back by her side.
"Anyway," he said gruffly, "well, I doubt she will like you, after all that happened, but...try your best."
Tauriel nodded. "Well. Let's get this over with."
Dwalin lifted his fist to the door and knocked. Tauriel hung back, feeling nervous and uncomfortable now that she was about to meet her fallen love's mother. She would not be surprised if Dís hated her for not saving her son. In her place, Tauriel would hate her, too. Part of her already did.
A few moments later, the door opened. Standing in the doorway was a female dwarf. She had a long beard, braided and elaborately beaded. Her hair was dark like Kíli's, though her eyes were lighter, and her skin darker. She had a large nose, but smaller ears, and she wore a long dress of dark blue-green.
"Dwalin?" she said in surprise, lifting her bushy eyebrows. "You're back?"
"Yes, Dís," he said. "Balin, Glóin, and I have come to bring our people back to the Lonely Mountain."
Dís broke into a smile. Holding her arms out wide, she stepped forward and embraced Dwalin. He stood stiffly, not hugging her in return.
Dís stepped back, looking at Tauriel curiously. "What are you doing here, elf?" Her tone was not accusing, but merely intrigued. Tauriel found herself relaxing a bit.
"Dís..." Dwalin began. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, gathering strength. "We have...news. May we come in?"
Dís glanced up to Tauriel. "First, tell me your name, elf."
Tauriel bowed her head to the lady in a polite greeting. "I am Tauriel of the Woodland Realm, my lady."
"And what is an elf of Mirkwood doing in a dwarf city?" Dís asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Dís...inside, please," Dwalin murmured, laying a hand on her arm.
"Very well," the lady said stiffly. "Come in, Dwalin; and Tauriel, too. Watch your head. This house was not built for elves."
Tauriel walked in behind Dwalin, closing the door behind her. She took off her shoes when he did, staying quiet as Dís led them to her front room.
"Sit," she invited them. They sat down, Tauriel still stooped due to the low ceiling.
"Now, why is she here, Dwalin? Why couldn't you tell me outside?" Dís demanded.
Dwalin looked down. Without meeting her eyes, he burst out, "Dís...Thorin, Fíli, and Kíli are dead."
All the color drained from the lady's face. Her eyes widened. "No," she whispered in denial. "No!"
"Yes, my lady," Tauriel said, her grief renewed. "I'm afraid it's true." Fresh tears leaked from her eyes. She clutched the promise stone in her hand, not wanting to give it up.
"How did it happen?" Dís whispered, staring off into the distance.
"We had trekked all the way to Erebor, and a man of Lake-town killed Smaug after we flushed him out, but then...the dragonsickness overcame Thorin," Dwalin rasped. "It caused him to do...terrible things. There was a war, between dwarves, elves, and men—only then orcs attacked us. Azog was still alive, he went after the line of Durin, and—" He broke off, his voice cracking. "We couldn't save them. Fíli was caught alone, and...Azog slew him. He fought bravely, Dís, and he did everything he could to protect his brother."
Dís said nothing, only staring off into the distance with blank eyes and a pale face. Dwalin glanced at Tauriel, silently urging her to pick up the story from there.
"My lady, I...I saw Kíli fall," she said, her voice wobbling. "You see...the dwarves traveled through Mirkwood on the way to Erebor, and, well...while they were there, we...struck a liking to one another."
"Am I to believe that Thranduil just let them through?" Dís demanded. "After all he has done?"
"Well...no, actually," Tauriel admitted. "I was the Captain of the Guard. We captured them. They later escaped, but..."
"Dwalin, is this true?" Dís asked. "I find it hard to believe Kíli would fall for...an elf."
"It is true," Dwalin confirmed. "You should have seen him." A bittersweet smile crossed the bald dwarf's face. "The fool was in love."
Tauriel had rarely spoken with Dwalin; mostly she talked with Balin or argued with Glóin. And never had she spoken with the dwarves of Kíli. She loved him, that she knew, beyond everything, even the stars, but though he had acted like it, she had not known for sure if he loved her as such. If only she knew the meaning of that dwarvish word he had spoken on the lakeshore...the way he spoke, so lovingly, and pressed the stone into her hand, and the light in his eyes...it sent shivers down her spine. She had thought it was an "I love you" in his own way, but she had not been sure. She wished she had asked—she wished she had gone with him, had been more sure of herself...perhaps things would have been different.
But that chance was gone now, and here she was, facing his mother. She needed to explain how the poor lady had lost her son.
Dís looked at her, her eyes misty and the curve of her lips unreadable. "So, Tauriel. My son loved you."
"And I loved him," she whispered. "He...after Smaug died, he tried to convince me to come with him to Erebor, but...I couldn't. I had already disobeyed Thranduil by coming after him, to save him from the poison."
"Poison? What poison?" Dís interjected.
"I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself," Tauriel said, shaking her head. "In Mirkwood, he was shot by an orc's poisoned arrow. I followed him to heal him, against Thranduil's orders. I saved him in Laketown, while Smaug attacked, and we escaped."
"Then he asked you to come with him," Dís summarized.
"Yes," Tauriel said. "And then..." She pulled the runestone out of her pocket. "He gave me this. As a promise. Like he promised you."
She handed the stone to Dís. The dwarf lady took it tenderly, tracing the runes she herself had engraved.
"Do you know what it says in Khuzdul?" Dís whispered.
"No," Tauriel answered. Her heart ached; she did not want to know.
"Return to me." Dís clenched a fist around the stone. "He promised he would." There was no describing the depth of the pain in the aching voice which spoke those words. Tauriel closed her eyes, grieving along with the lady dwarf. He'd promised to return to Dís; he'd promised to return to her. He'd promised.
"During the battle," Dwalin said, interrupting, "he watched as Fíli died. Azog threw his body down, and...you should have seen Kíli. He was so angry. He loved his brother. Thorin—Thorin told him not to be rash, but he ran after Azog anyway, killing everything in sight."
My mother thinks I'm reckless. Kíli's words echoed in Tauriel's mind.
Are you? she had asked.
Nah.
Tauriel closed her eyes to stop the tears. "I was fighting nearby," she said. "I...Bolg attacked me. Kíli ran to help, but..." She swallowed. "He...he was killed." She put her face in her hands. "My lady..."
"Call me Dís," the dwarf said gently. She scooted over to hold Tauriel as she wept.
"Dís...what does amrâlimê mean?" She looked up, meeting Dís's eyes.
"In the common tongue, it means 'love of mine'," she said. "He...he said that to you?"
"Yes," Tauriel whispered.
Dís grabbed her hand and slid the promise stone back into it. "Keep this," she said.
"But, my lady—" Tauriel protested.
"I have much to remember my son by," Dís said. "You have only this. In the end it was a promise to you, not me. Keep it."
Keep it. As a promise.
Tauriel nodded. "Thank you, Lady Dís," she said, her voice wobbling. "I can never say how sorry I am I could not save him."
"It is not your fault," Dwalin said. "We all share in your grief."
Tauriel nodded, wiping a tear away from her eye. She didn't know what to say. She was supposed to be comforting Dís, not the other way around.
"How did Thorin...die?" Dís asked, turning to Dwalin.
He launched into that story, of which Tauriel could not add to. She ran her fingers over the engravings on the promise stone.
Love of mine. Return to me. The words ran through her mind over and over again. She had lost so much—she had lost her innocence, her happiness, her future. She had lost Kíli. Now she had to live for eternity without him, forever alone.
Tauriel felt a single tear drip down her face. "Kíli," she whispered. The stone in her hand echoed with an empty promise. Return to me. But he never would.