AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I am sorry that I didn't update for some time! Do you guys have some advices? What would you like to read?
Hope you guys like it anyway, please leave a comment!

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own ANY of the characters!

ALEX' POV

I lean on Piper as we walk to the couch. "I'm going to go to the toilet and get a bucket for you, okay? I will be right back" I nod as I sit down on the couch. Piper gives me a blanket and kisses my on my hair before she goes off to the bathroom again.

"So it's heroin again, kid?" Nicky speaks, sitting at a chair.
I sigh. "Yes, heroin again."
"And what are you trying to ignore this time?" Nicky looks at me seriously.
"Nothing!" My voice breaks.
"Oh cut the crap, Alex. First it was some kind of depression, then it was your mum and now?"
"Nothing happened, Nichols" I'm starting to feel nauseous again.
"Fuck, Alex, just talk already. What exactly happened two weeks ago, when you came to my house crying and sobbing?!"
As soon as I open my mouth, I feel like I'm going to throw up again. I slam my hand to my mouth and all panicking, I look at Nicky.
"Shit. PIPER, WHERE IS THE FUCKING BUCKET?" she yells. Piper comes running from the bedroom and as soon as she gives me the bucket, I throw up.
My hair sticks to my mouth and I feel my eyes are all wet.

"I can't do this, Pipes. I really can't."
It has been already two hours since I'm on the couch and I am only feeling worse. I mostly threw up and I have already taken two showers, because I'm sweating so much - but I'm still so cold - and sometimes I miss the bucket.
Piper pulls me on her lap and rubs my back. "You can do this, Al. You really can"
I shrug. "What if I don't want to?" the words tumble out of my mouth. I feel like I lost control over my body.
"You don't want to go to a rehab centre, right?" she frowns and I shake my head quietly. My head feels heavy and I put it on Piper's shoulder.
"If you don't throw up on my shoulder, you can stay there. But please say if you are going to vomit" she laughs. I nod, speaking feels impossible.

PIPER'S POV

Alex is laying on my shoulder. She mumbles and I let her as I strike her hair.
Suddenly, she sits up and I see panic in her eyes.
"Why are you doing this. Don't touch me." she starts to scream and she stumbles from my lap before I can grab her. As soon as she stands, she falls again and she starts to throw pillows through the livingroom.
"Alex, Al, look at me" I'm really trying, but she won't look at me. I grab her arm and she starts to scream even louder. "Let me go. LET ME GO." I don't know what to do, so I let go of her and she start to crawl away from the couch.
For a moment I'm in shock, but then I remember Nicky is in the bathroom.
"Please don't do something to yourself" I say to her, but I know she isn't listening. She is only sobbing and crying, while she is trying to stand up again. I run towards the bathroom and knock on the door.

"I'm taking a shit here, Chapman, so I guess you don't want to come in" Nicky laughs.
"Nick, Alex is going crazy or something. She is throwing stuff and I don't know what to do" I try to keep my voice steady.
"Shit. I'm coming"
A moment later I hear the toilet flush and the door opens roughly. "Where is she?" Nicky strikes her hand through her wild, blond hair.
"In the livingroom." I run after Nicky to the livingroom, but Alex isn't there.
"What the fuck, Chapman. Where the hell is she?"
I shrug and tears start to flow from my eyes. "She was here, just a minute ago. I swear. Maybe she is in the kitchen?"
Nicky nods and we walk towards the kitchen, where we hear some noise. When we walk in, Alex is sitting on the ground, all covered in cold sweat and crying.
"It hurts. It really hurts. Call 911. Call 911. Call 911." she mumbles, bending her head.

Nicky frowns. "Fuck man, she is really going down there"
"What do you mean?" I ask, concerned.
"Well, you know. Heroin is some heavy shit you know. You can get really confused and stuff when you stop using" Nicky sits down next to Alex and watch her laying an arm around my girlfriend.
"Alex? It's me, Nicky. What hurts so badly?" her voice is soft and sweet, unlike other times. I didn't know Nicky had this side.
"It just hurts. Call 911. Call 911." Alex slams her hands at her tighs and she closes her eyes.
"Nicky, I think she is having a flashback" I almost whisper, but Nicky hears me.
"I think so too. I don't think she is this confused caused by withdrawal symptons"
I shake my head. We look at each other for a moment but Alex snaps us out of it.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN" she slams her head against the kitchen counter. I can't look at her like this, so I sit next to her.
"Alex, it's not real. You are in the kitchen with Nicky and me. I'm Piper, your girlfriend. We aren't going to hurt you"
Slowly, Alex stops moving her body and after a while, she looks at me.
"What are we doing in the kitchen, Pipes?" her deep voice sounds soft and scared.
"You were having a real bad flashback, Al. But it's okay" I strike a hair out of her face and she blushes as she looks down.
"Well, I guess my part here is done. I'm going to finish my shit" Nicky says while she stands up. I smile at her and then she walks out of the kitchen again.

"What happened, Al?" I cup her head and force her to look at me.
"Nothing, Pipes. I'm fine." She starts to shiver and moving her legs again. "I just can't hold them still" she chuckles.
I know she is trying to avoid the subject, but I won't let her this time.
"Alex, what happened two weeks ago? I can guess and ofcourse I practically know already, but you have to speak to me, please."

FLASHBACK, PIPER'S POV

I went to the bar with Polly, a ladies night out like we do every month. Polly didn't drink because she still had to breastfeed Finn, but I also didn't drank that much tonight, because I wanted to surprise Alex and come home a little early so we could have some sex again. It has been a while - okay, two days. But that really is a while considering we can do it like... 3 times a day? - and for some reason, I felt really horny tonight.
"Pol, I'm going to leave early okay? I feel sorry for Alex, sitting home all alone and stuf.." Polly laughs at me. "Yeah, you feel so sorry, so you have to leave your LOVELY, best friend and go home to fuck your raven haired older girlfriend, right?" I blush. "No, that's not true!" I try, but Polly has been my friend for so long, she knows me. "I'm just kidding, Pipes. It's fine, I feel sorry for Pete too... leaving him with Finn, who is asleep by the way.." Polly stares at the sky for a moment and bursts into laughter then. I slap her arm. "Oh come on, Pol. Let's go" We pay our drinks and go outside. It's pretty cold but I decide to walk home anyway, it's good to get the alcohol out of my head. Polly and I hug each other goodbye, since she has to go the other way. "I had fun, Pipes. See you later!" "See you later, Pol"
I reach in my pocket for my phone and send Alex a text I will be home soon, so she knows I'm on my way. Normally she texts back immediatly, but now I don't get an answer at all. Weird, I think by myself, while walking in the street our apartment is in.

When I'm halfway the street, I hear some foodsteps real close. It's midnight and I wonder who it is, but I try not to give notice to it, or else I will get scared. A few feet further, I hear a sob. I stand still and try to listen where the sobbing is coming from, while looking around me.
"Hello? Is there someone?" I try, hoping I'm just getting all crazy so I can go home quickly.
I hear a sob again, this time more clear. It's from behind the tree. Slowly, without making too much noise, I walk towards the tree.
"Is there someone?" I try again, this time hoping the person behind the tree is going to answer.
He, or she, isn't answering so I step towards the tree a little more.
"Are you okay?" I look at my feet while waiting for an answer.
"Piper?" a soft voice says my name and I immediatly recognise it. I jump behind the tree and see Alex, leaning to the tree. She sits with her breasts all naked and her pants are down to her ankles. I see tears on her cheeks. "Fuck, Alex. What happened? Did you get..." I don't want to say the word, but I really have to, in order to know what I should do. "..raped?"
She just stares at me for a moment and then snaps out of it and grabs her pants. "No, no nothing happened. I just. I'm confused. I don't know what happened. Never mind, this never happened" she rambles, while looking for her bra. I search for it too, but I can't find it.
"Come, Al, we should go home" Alex nods and I give her my jacket, to cover her upper body. We walk to our apartment in silence. The door is still open.
"You didn't lock it" I say, automatically. Alex stands still and looks at me. "Are you fucking kidding me?" her voice sounds sharp.
"I'm sorry, Al. I didn't mean to.. sound rude" I try to lay my hand on her shoulder, but she steps back.
"Don't touch me. Don't you fucking touch me" I pull my hand back quickly and look at her. She is vulnerable but she doesn't want to.
"I'm sorry. Let's go inside, okay? You are going to freeze.." I step inside but when I look behind me to see if Alex is coming too, she is gone.

It's almost five in the morning when I hear the door slam. I climb out bed as I hear some stumbling and tripping.
"Let me help you, Alex" I grab her arm before she trips again. She is wearing a shirt which I remember Nicky wearing and she is drunk.
"Please, let me help you" Alex stops trying to shake me off and nods. I help her to the bedroom and I help her change. I can't help but notice the bruises on her body, but I don't say a word about it.
I can't and I know Alex can't either right now.