if that last chapter seemed suspiciously not angsty, fear not, the angst has returned.

Beneath the Stars
NINE

Tauriel spent the next few days avoiding Legolas—and Losseth, as well, when she was not on duty. She could tell this upset her friend, but she had no idea how to tell her how she knew Glóin or how to answer the inevitable questions about how she had come to Rivendell in the first place. She felt very guilty ignoring her kind, well-meaning friend, but it was too much for her.

Seeing Legolas again was also too much. Here was a painful reminder of another friendship that had been ruined. She hadn't spoken to him after the battle so long ago. He had left for the Dúnedain, and she was too busy mourning Kíli to feel bad about that, too.

It was in times like this when she missed Kíli most. She missed what he could have been to her: a confidant, a shoulder to cry on, a best friend. If they'd had their chance, their time...

She broke off that line of thought. She really ought to just tell Losseth everything. It would be better than hiding and being vague and secretive. And if Losseth truly was her friend, she would still love her after learning Tauriel had fallen in love with a dwarf, betrayed her king and people, and hidden her past from her closest friend.

Well, putting it that way, maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

Eventually, the day after Council of Elrond, Tauriel mustered all her courage and went to find Losseth. They had been on duty together in the morning, a cold and uncomfortable silence between them. Now, at last, that would come to an end.

Losseth was in her rooms, quietly writing, when Tauriel came across her.

"Um...Losseth?" she said. "Can I come in?"

Losseth looked up at her and pursed her lips. "I suppose."

Tauriel looked down guiltily as she walked inside. Losseth was angry, and for good reason.

"Have you come to explain why you've been avoiding and ignoring me for the past several days?" Losseth demanded as Tauriel sat across from her.

"Yes," Tauriel said quietly. "Losseth—I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen—I just—"

"Just tell me why," Losseth said, crossing her arms and glaring at her.

Tauriel took a deep breath. "I knew you'd ask me how I met Glóin, why I was traveling with him so long ago. I didn't want to have to explain, so I just...avoided you. But that was wrong. I'm sorry."

"I don't understand," Losseth said. She didn't seem quite so angry now, but hurt and confused. "Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"I know how you feel about dwarves," Tauriel said. "You're just like the others, you hate them because they're different from you."

"I don't hate them," Losseth protested. "But, I mean...they're dwarves. They're ugly, and rude, and stupid. We're enemies, anyway."

"If we're enemies, how come we welcomed Glóin and Gimli to the Council?" Tauriel asked. "Besides—you can't just assume things about an entire race like that!"

Losseth scowled, her pretty features marred by her anger. "Just get to the point, Tauriel."

"I met Glóin after I left the Greenwood," Tauriel said, looking down at her hands. "I... Thranduil had banished me from his kingdom."

"Banished?" Losseth exclaimed. "Is that why you left? —What did you do?"

"I disobeyed his orders. I was the Captain of the Guard, a loyal warrior, for all I disagreed with his politics sometimes. Then...one day, a group of dwarves trespassed into our forest." Tauriel bit her lip, unsure of how to phrase this next part. "I took a liking to one of them. Then they escaped—"

"You didn't help them escape?" Losseth said, her eyes wide in horror.

"No!" Tauriel exclaimed. She was a traitor, technically, but she wasn't that much of a traitor. All she had done had been because she had thought it was right. "But I did disobey Thranduil's orders not to follow them. They were trying to reclaim Erebor, and—"

"You were involved with that?" Losseth said incredulously.

"I had to go," she said. "Kíli was injured, I needed to save him...not that it didn't stop him from dying in the Battle of the Five Armies."

"You didn't fall in love with a dwarf?" Losseth exclaimed. Tauriel looked up. To her dismay, Losseth seemed disgusted. She was pulling a face and her eyebrows were furrowed.

"He was so smart, and kind, and funny," Tauriel whispered, desperately trying to explain. "And he liked me, too. We...Losseth, please."

Losseth looked at her like she was crazy. "And you met that Glóin character through your dwarf lover?"

"After Kíli died, Glóin and some other dwarves invited me to come along with them to deliver the news to Kíli's mother." Tauriel was just saying these things now. Losseth was beyond reach now—there was no way she could ever understand. "I didn't tell you because I wanted a fresh start, to put my past behind me and recover from Kíli's death. But with Glóin coming back...all my old wounds are reopening."

Losseth looked at her like she was mad. "You're insane. I can't believe...you hid this from me for sixty years, Tauriel! How could you?"

"I was afraid you wouldn't like me if you knew," Tauriel said desperately. "Please, Losseth—"

"No." Losseth's angry voice cut into her like a knife. Tauriel's eyes began to fill with tears. "I can't do this anymore. You lied to me—then ignored me—all over filthy dwarves? You're a traitor to your own kind, Tauriel."

"Losseth..." Tauriel hung her head, tears dripping down her cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"Be sorry." Losseth stood up. "I'm requesting a transfer to the back gate. Please go away."

Tauriel nodded, a lump in her throat. She stood up and walked out of the room. As she reached Losseth's doorway, she stopped and turned back.

"You won't tell this to anyone else, will you?" Tauriel asked, her voice hoarse.

Losseth glared at her. "No. But only because no one would believe me if I did. An elf and a dwarf..."

Tauriel left. She wandered around the quiet paths of Rivendell, dazed and shocked by what had just happened. Losseth was just...gone. Out of her life. Her closest, only friend...hated her. It hurt like a knife.

She found a bench to sit on and put her head in her hands, crying her heart out. She had no one now...nothing.

How could she have known this would happen? Losseth had always been so kind to her, so welcoming. Only because she hadn't known the truth. Tauriel wished that she had never met Kíli, that she was still Captain of the Guard. She would not have lost Kíli, or Losseth, or...Legolas.

Legolas was here. She wished he had not seen her. She couldn't deal with grief from him as well as from Losseth. She ought to leave Rivendell, escape her past once and for all...but how? Where would she go? Not even this haven was her home anymore.

She wiped her tears from her face. At least she had not lost Losseth to death like she had Kíli. She still lived and would recover and thrive, though without her. Besides, she had not even been a good friend if she would leave her over such a thing as this. Good riddance. Kíli, had he lived would never have been like this. He would have accepted elven things for her sake, and she dwarven things for his.

But he was gone. She did not have that chance. All of the chances for happiness she grasped at seemed to fail. What was she to do?

She took a deep breath as her tears subsided. She could do nothing like this. She ought to rest for a while. Everything would be better after a sleep.

Suddenly, Tauriel felt a gentle, familiar hand on her shoulder. She sat up quickly, her hands scrambling for her belt knives.

"Tauriel, it's me!" a familiar voice said.

She froze. Slowly, she returned her knives to their sheaths and looked up at him.

"Legolas," she said, looking at him for the first time in sixty years. Her heart pounded. She was not sure if she was happy to see him. They had been close friends, but the terms of their parting had not been good, and there were too many words left unsaid. She wished he had stayed after the battle, at least long enough to say goodbye, or that she had managed to think about something other than Kíli's death in the aftermath of the bloodshed.

He smiled. He seemed different, somehow. Happier. Freer. She wondered how that had happened, especially now that she felt so much heavier and sadder than she had been last they met.

"Tauriel," he greeted her. "I'm sorry to interrupt your privacy, but I had to see you." He sat beside her on the bench. "I had no idea you would be here!"

"I came here after your father banished me," she said, carefully guarding her true feelings. She did not know what his intentions were. Did he come to apologize? To rekindle their friendship? Was he in love with her as Thranduil had seemed to think? What did he want?

At her words, he glanced down awkwardly. Perhaps he felt some guilt on his father's behalf. But soon enough he looked back up, a smile on his face. "It is good to see you again. I have traveled far since we last met. My father sent me here with news. At the Council yesterday, it was decided that I and eight others will—well, it is supposed to be a secret for now. I am sure Lord Elrond will tell his people soon enough."

Tauriel nodded. "Yes. I have found a home here. Although..." It did not feel so much like a home anymore, now that Losseth had betrayed her trust. She forced that thought out of her mind and smiled bitterly up at Legolas.

"Are you alright?" he asked in concern. "You were crying when I came over here."

She sighed and glanced away. "I just...told a friend something she did not like. We are not friends anymore."

Legolas patted her on the shoulder. "Tauriel, I am sorry."

"And now you come over here and I do not know what to say." Tauriel brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face. "You left without saying goodbye. The last I saw you was in the middle of battle. I have lost so much...and by your demeanor you seem to be in good spirits. Why have you come to speak with me?"

She looked back over and found his eyes full of concern. "I have come to reunite with a dear friend. I have not seen you in a long time, Tauriel. I have missed you."

"Did you love me?" she blurted out. "I mean, romantically? Your father seemed to think so, and after everything that happened with Kíli—"

"No," Legolas said, his cheeks reddening. "I did not, nor do I now. Tauriel, I—" He hesitated. "My father often, especially back then, misinterpreted things. We have spoken...it is better now. I do love you, as a friend. I am very sad to have you gone from my life for so long, living so far away. If you ever wish to return to the Greenwood, I could speak with my father. Time has passed, and though your actions were not what he had wanted, things have worked out for the better."

"For him, at least." Tauriel relaxed. She felt much better knowing that he did not harbor any feelings for her that she could not return. She had missed his friendship. "I...I do not know. I'm not sure if I really belong here in Rivendell anymore." Not if I am to be alone, she thought. "But returning..."

She had never really intended to dwell in Rivendell forever, and now there was little keeping her here. But...returning to the Greenwood? She didn't know. She missed her homeland, and her old friends, and if the others were like Legolas they would have forgiven her by now. But Thranduil...his last words to her had expressed regret and apology, but he had not rescinded her banishment. Would he welcome her? And was she ready to return and face her past?

"I must go with the Company soon, in any case," Legolas said. "Once this mysterious business is dealt with, I can appeal to my father, if you wish me to."

"I will consider it," Tauriel said at last. "Thank you, Legolas." She sighed. Today had been too much for her. She was tired. "I ought to go now. Thank you...and goodbye."

a/n: Soo...I feel a bit bad about everything that happened with Losseth, but it was really necessary for the continuous narrative, and probably more realistic. Not everyone has experience with interspecies relationships like Elrond did, after all. this isn't the last we'll see of Losseth, though...

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