It felt like a punishment.
While she was sure Charles's motives were as simple as he'd said, and they did make an alarming amount of sense, it did feel like a punishment. The woman I love's in peril? Well, it's time to put your family in peril too.
As if she hadn't done that enough already.
"Ve are being vatched," muttered Kurt.
"Keep it in Latverian," she murmured back, "And I know that. We're all being watched."
It had been one of the first things she'd noticed. Crew members, some armed, some unarmed, were looking over them disdainfully. God, she hated them so much. With any luck she'd be able to punch a few of them on her way out.
"Now keep your wits about you and let me do the talking," she warned.
Kurt ducked his head, and she swore in her head as they moved forward in line. He was so sensitive, but it seemed like every time he bounced back, happier than ever, in only a few minutes. In that way he reminded her of Peter.
What had she and Erik done to deserve children like them? Granted, she'd never seen his daughter, her or her mother, the women Erik had nearly torn apart the world for. But, in her mind's eye, the little girl was just as eager to meet and make friends as her older brother.
It killed her that Kurt was like that too, but she wasn't going to fool herself. She knew she was setting herself up for disappointment if she pretended forgiveness was a possibility. But, at times, he reminded her of his father, although Azazel had been much more guarded. Only his friends and those close to him had ever really seen the side of him that had manifested so grandly in Kurt. He'd had such a mischievous side to him too.
She remembered one night, in an abandoned ski lodge where they were wintering, he had stolen all the marshmallows out of her hot chocolate. He'd put them all in his cup until it looked like his hot chocolate was one solid mass.
Tears pricked her eyes, and she remembered why she didn't look back. There was too much pain, and so much of that had surrounded Kurt, the child born of a love that, even at the time, she'd known would end badly. But she'd allowed herself to dream, and Kurt had been born.
How stupid had she been?
"Passage fee."
She looked up at the crew member in front of her, swallowing slightly. It wasn't nerves, but she'd learned how to play the mouse over the years. The crew members were used to seeing people on the end of their tether. Anyone with too much spirit would likely attract attention.
So she ducked her head and passed him a ludicrous amount of money. It was chump change to Charles. Sometimes she forgot just how damn rich he really was. How many times had she taken things for granted growing up, things he must have known normal people didn't have, couldn't have?
The crew member snorted and waved them on. Mystique ducked her head and moved close to Kurt as they headed up the ramp.
"Stay close to me," Mystique muttered.
Kurt nodded as they embarked, keeping his head down. She allowed herself to grip his arm. To him, it would look like she was trying to make sure he kept his word. To the other passengers, it would look like two more passengers trying to stay together.
To her, it was a brief indulgence in sentimentality. For the moment at least, she could keep him safe. It was just like when she'd held him in her arms as a baby, and given him to the people who would raise him far away from the bullets and the pain.
At least, until they had given him over to the gladitorial fights. But even then, she'd found him. She'd kept him safe. Mystique liked to think that, if she failed at every other aspect of being a mother, at least she'd got that right.
Kurt found himself chewing on his tongue. He couldn't help but be nervous. While he'd been in combat since fighting Nur, this was his first time trying to go undercover, to blend in and work alongside Mystique.
He couldn't help but want to impress her. Kurt knew she hated to be looked up to like he'd looked up to her when they first met, but he couldn't help that little bit of awe. Her actions against Nur to rescue her brother and save the world had only served to underline this.
In the past few weeks, she'd been very difficult to deal with. He admitted this freely because, while he liked to think of himself as an optimist, he wasn't an idiot either. And it had made him nervous accordingly.
He could see the resentment building up in Scott, the humiliation in his friend's face after she called him out in moving to protect Jean. He was occasionally on the bad end of her temper too, most recently in her reluctance to take him on this mission. He'd hoped it would pass or he'd earn her approbation, earn the right to have her say good job.
In that respect, the mission might be good. Did she think he wouldn't be good at this though? He'd spent most of his life keeping his head down, listening as much as he could to what was going on around him. He was observant, and a born performer, an actor when the occasion called for it. Everyone said so.
He admitted he'd seen more good things than bad in his life. The circus had taken him in at a young age and, for most of his life, protected him. They'd gotten a new owner recently though, and Kurt had felt the tone change at The Munich Circus.
He'd heard whispers of a freak show, and he'd been very quietly packing his things when he was drugged over dinner. He'd gone to sleep in his own trailer, and woken up locked in a trunk. The next thing he'd heard was the roar of the crowds, and the next thing he'd seen was the blinding lights in the cage.
But she'd saved him, and he didn't believe it was just a coincidence she'd been there. Whether she believed it or not, he was sure God had sent her that night, an agent to save mutants no matter her own personal desire to shrink from the limelight. And now, reluctant or not, she was still helping them.
His personal respect for her growing up was great for him to give up hope just because she was uncertain. He could even sympathize with that. Hadn't he been uncertain of his own purpose all his life? It was only when he'd met the X-men that he'd realized this was his calling, saving and helping others, not performing for them.
And now, his first true mission as an X-man came in the form of rescuing Kevin's mother. Moira had seemed to be a kind woman, one who was trying to help others however she could. While they'd only had suspicions of whether or not she was with the Professor at the time she'd been taken, it had been confirmed in his desperate search for her. It was love that echoed in his eyes, that caused him such pain.
Then there was Kevin. His father was not, as far as Kurt knew, in the picture. Dead or gone, Kurt did not know. Perhaps it was not important. It did mean that he would grow up without his parents if Moira were lost though.
Having grown up with no parents, Kurt knew just how much that hurt. He knew that aching, cloying feeling deep within him. Had they given him up because of his looks? Had they been in danger themselves?
He'd never known, and had constructed his own hopeful fantasies accordingly. While he was too old to believe most of them, some did still have a resonance deep inside him, one in particular. However, he still knew it was foolish thinking.
It didn't mean he would stop trying to do his job right. He'd listened as carefully as possible to everything Mystique had told him before getting ready to go. He'd absorbed the Professor's instructions too, even a few tips from Peter about how to distract people. As Mystique's accomplice on this mission, he got the feeling he'd be doing a lot of distracting in the next few days.
They entered the ship and Kurt wrinkled his nose. While not unpleasant, the ship did smell somewhat unwashed. There were already many people in the cargo hold, and a few had hung blankets from curtain rods for some privacy.
Mystique pressed close to him, her hand moving from his arm to his shoulder. He moved a little closer to her as well. Their cover was that she was his aunt, and her eyes were a kind of red, although she looked like she had when she had first rescued him otherwise. Just an aunt who saved up enough money to take herself and her mutant nephew to somewhere that was supposed to be kinder to mutants.
It was why she would be protective of him, why he would stick close to her. It wasn't difficult to keep this particular charade up though. There were so many people, and Kurt had to keep himself from getting too nervous. So many people, so many children, all cashing in hard-earned savings in exchange for a hellish journey and, hopefully, a better life.
Mystique looked down at a number they'd been given by one of the crew. She glanced over at a small space with two thin pallets and two blankets. Kurt saw her jaw tighten, and he could understand why: it was a poor excuse for sleeping accommodations. While they were there undercover, everyone else was there for other reasons. Their money had meant nothing, but it had certainly meant something to the others.
Kurt sat down on one of them and Mystique sat down next to him. She adjusted her hood, shading her eyes and her face. Kurt drew a little closer, his eyes flickering around. So far, no one seemed to be too close to hear.
"Any zoughts?" he asked.
"Several," she whispered, "But only a couple relevant ones. I need to see if I can get the radio frequency from one of the ship members, see how they talk to each other."
"I can get zat," murmured Kurt, "Hank vas showing us how to program ze radios. I can go up very quietly und-"
"No," Mystique said sharply, "Stay here. I'll be back in a few minutes, and don't get into any trouble while I'm gone. And stick to Latverian."
Before Kurt could protest she got up and started to walk away, slouching in on herself, like someone trying to stay out of everyone's way. Kurt sighed and looked down at the pallet beneath his feet. He gave a small shiver from the chilly air.
It had probably been wishful thinking, but he'd hoped she would've let him handle the radio. It was a simple enough task, one she must know he would be able to handle. She'd been there when Hank had showed him.
A flicker of disappointment welled up inside him, but he tried to dampen it. Perhaps it had nothing to do with how she saw his abilities. Perhaps she just wanted to get a better look at the ship's layout?
He sighed. Yes. And perhaps she was going to give him a hug and tell him he was coming along wonderfully when she came back.