Different Turn Of Events
Chapter 12

Rose
I woke up and found myself laying on the sofa with a blanket covering me. I looked around the room and saw that I was alone but I heard movement in the kitchen, I know Dimitri wouldn't have left me last night so it must be him. I pulled the blanket off me and went into the kitchen and I saw him standing there. He was wearing his clothes from yesterday and looked like he was making breakfast. I stood in the doorway of the kitchen but he knew I was there. He turned to me instantly and smiled softly. I returned the smile and walked further into the kitchen to see two plates set up with pancakes on and orange juice ready.

"How are you feeling?" Dimitri asked me as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'll be ok" I replied into his chest as I wrapped my arms around his middle.

"That's not what I asked" He stated.

"I'm ok" I answered.

"You're a terrible liar" He said.

We pulled away from the embrace and I took a step back from him. I leaned against the counter and looked down at the floor, I couldn't really look him in the eyes. Dimitri and I had shared something beautiful together and then Jesse came and ruined it. Every time I think of Dimitri and I making love for the first time that memory of what Jesse did is going to come rushing back. Once again Jesse has ruined me and my chances of happiness just as I was building myself back up from the first time.

"Dimitri?" I questioned.

"Yeah"

"Do you think that I'll ever be able to be completely happy again?" I asked him.

"Of course you will" He replied instantly. His hand went under my chin and he brought my head up so I was looking him in the eyes. I tried to look away but he wouldn't allow it "Look at me Rose" He demanded softly and I did as I was told. I looked him in the eyes and I could see he was really worried and concerned about me "You will be able to be completely happy again, I promise you. I will do everything I can to help you become happy again. Whatever you want me to do I'll do it" He told me.

"I know you will but do you think that I will be able to get over this at one point in my life? Do you think that I will be able to rebuild myself and become the person I once was or do you think I'm going to be damaged forever?" I questioned.

"You are a lot stronger then you think Roza and I'm not just talking about in strength but in mind too. You can overcome this. This is just a set back but I promise you that everything will be ok again" He said.

"I don't know if I can go through all of this again, it nearly destroyed me last time" I stated.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" He quoted "Let's go eat" He added.

"I'm not hungry. I just need some time to think" I said.

Dimitri had agreed to give me my space and he left a couple of hours ago. I've been sitting here on the sofa since he left and thinking about everything that happened. I feel bad having him leave but he always wants to think about the positives and sometimes I just need to let everything sink in. I want to forget everything that Jesse ever did to me and just start a fresh but I know I will never be able to do that. I'm always going to be damaged goods and no one is ever going to treat me the same. The first time was bad enough but twice… nothing is ever going to be the same.

I changed my mind the first time about letting Dimitri go because he talked me into it but it really is what is best for us. He does need someone better. He doesn't need all these complications in his life right now and neither do I. All I want is to be alone and get on with my life. I can't let this hold me back once again. It's held me back too much already and it's destroying me. I love Dimitri so much and it's because I love him so much that I have to let him go. It's just the wrong time.

I can't hold this out any longer, I grabbed my cell phone on the table and dialled his number, thankfully It only took seconds for him to answer "Roza?" He questioned.

"Yeah it's me. I need you to come back. I need to talk to you" I said.

"I'll be two minutes" He stated.

The door knocked on the dot. I took a deep breath before answering it and I saw Dimitri on the other side, I let him in and we sat down on the sofa. He put his hand on my knee comfortingly and I let a single tear slip down my cheek "Dimitri I love you so much and I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me but you need to go back and carry on with life. I need time to let all of this sink in and then rebuild myself, when I'm good again I promise I will find you but until then we need to be apart" I explained.

"Not this again" He sighed and removed his hand from my knee "Roza when will you understand that us being together is what is for the best?" He questioned.

"I mean it this time. We need to be apart for a little while… just until I'm better" I said.

"Why do you want to do everything alone? Why can't you just accept that sometimes you need me?" He asked.

"Do you want me to be really honest?" I questioned angrily and stood up from where I sat "Dimitri I need you all the time! I need you to hold me all the time, to promise me things will be ok, the be the hero you know you are and that is not fair to you and that's not who I am" I told him. I took a deep breath to calm myself down "I used to be so strong and independent, now I've become so… needy… I don't like this new me. I want the old me back and I need time away from you to do that" I told him "You have to admit that I'm not the same Rose you fell in love with" I added.

"Ok I admit you are a little different but that's what happens when people grow up. They change and that's ok, change is not always a bad thing"

"It is in this case"

"Stop pushing me away" He pleaded.

"It's just for a little while" I responded.

"Fine. I'll go if that is what you really want" He stood from his seat in obvious frustration. He grabbed his coat from the back of the sofa and started walking towards the door but he stopped before he opened it, Dimitri turned to face me one last time and "I'm ready when you are finished with these games" He stated and he left.

Games? Did he really think that this is what I wanted to happen? All I've ever wanted is to live a happy life with Dimitri, a happy life where we get married and grow old together. I wanted that life with him and he wanted it with him, I would do anything to go back to how things were before Jesse raped me… the first time. Dimitri and I would be happy now and living the life we want.

I don't want this life anymore!
I don't want any life anymore!

Thank you all for reading.

Sorry for the delay in updating. I had a computer issue which lead to me losing a lot of chapters that I had written, I had to re-write them between work and juggling general life.

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